Hey brothers,
i am a 24 year old guy and realtively new in dating and also TRP (so please don't be to harsh with me). I learned about TRP in the beginning of the year (cant really remember how). I met a woman (she is also 24) who seemed to be interessted over text.
To make it short: I fucked it up. We texted for weeks (because i had a full schedule, so she had). Then we finally met and i was nervous as fuck and did really weird things which screamed "I am fucking insecure". After that I asked her to stay friends (dumbest thing i ever did). Why did I ask? I never met a woman this ambitious before (studying full time, working a full time job, working out regularry etc. Don't know why, it just attracted me somehow). So you see i catched some good oneitis.
I was dumb enough to keep contact after that. 3 months later we met again. It was way better, relaxed, had fun etc.
She invited me over in the evening. I had her in my arm etc. I thought about kissing her and wasn't sure. She realized something is going in my mind and asked whats going through my mind. I said I am thinking about kissing you. She replied in a slightly embarrassed that we talked about this topic and she sees us only as friends. Whatever. I said i don't think that this is an option for me. I stood up, we went to the door. I hugged her one last time and left. She said when you arrive safely, text me. I said "I wish you all the best" and didn't contact her again.
Well, she contacted me twice after that, in the evening she asked did you arrive safely? I only replied with a thumb.
A week later she texted me "so that's it?". I replied that I don't believe in platonic friendship with woman and I think that she is a great woman, but I accept her decision and will pull away.
2 days later she texted me again. I didn't reply. Whatever:
I learned from some of my mistakes. The question which I have now is the following:
I catched some good oneitis because she is so driven (and more likely rational) im comparison to other women. I guess i wouldn't have fucked it up if i would have been more emotionally independent and would have acted more confident in the beginning.
I learned some key lessons (for example don't become her girlfriend and text for weeks etc), but I think the most important question is an other one: How do i become emotionally independent from woman? Especially the ones I like?
master-of-losers 4y ago
Having multiple girls at a time is your single best fix.
saitama07 4y ago
Yes I internalized it. Short term goal is to become jacked and have chances on tinder etc to start spinning plates
placer 4y ago
I think there is value in having a platonic friendship with a woman. However, in this case, it’s best to break off all contact. I would give her a final “I need some space from you because I can’t be around you unless you want a relationship with me” text and then not respond to anything she sends you after that short of her saying “OK, let’s fuck” (which, trust me, she won’t do; friend zones end up being permanent).
Blocking her may also be necessary if she keeps teasing you but doesn’t make it crystal clear she wants a sexual relationship from you.
Women want validation and attention from men. Men want sex from women. It needs to be crystal clear to her that you are not going to give her one bit of validation and attention unless she is willing to have sex with you. If she keeps seeking validation from you without sex, keep ignoring her. She doesn’t deserve the validation.
As an aside, I had a girl like this in my life at one point. I gave her a lot of space, but kept in nominal contact with her. She never had a kid and is now too old to have kids; by refusing to put out for me, she became a miserable crazy cat lady. I would had loved to have sex with her and start a family, but she didn’t want that from me -- and ultimately, didn’t get that from anyone. I, on the other hand, ended up eventually finding a woman significantly more attractive than her to open up her legs and make babies for me.
I think you will, by giving up oneitis and working on self-improvement, physical fitness, and outcome independence, be able to attract far more beautiful women than this girl you have your sights on right now.
saitama07 4y ago
Thank you very much for sharing.
Now it's like a week ago when she texted so I guess I won't text her back and neither will she I guess. Surely she liked my attention but still understood that I don't see friendship as an option for me, so she won't contact me again.
You know, it wasn't really the beauty which attracted me, it was her ambitious personality. I think that's harder to find. There are plenty beautiful women without a clue.
But yes, I will work on myself to have more options but I still have a hard time forgetting her.
Do you have any tip for me to work on outcome independence and emotional independence in general?
An other stupid question:
I am working out 6 times a week now. When I make progress and have more options and drastically change, would it be an option like in a year to contact her again?
placer 4y ago
Your oneitis isn’t special. Trust me. If you ever got her in bed, you would know this for a fact, but, based on the experience of other men, you can just read what they say and save yourself the bother and anxiety.
I would read the AskTRP sidebar for advice on letting go of oneitis (A3 is for phones and A4 is for computers). Basically, just date a bunch of other girls. Once you’re balls deep in another girl, you will find yourself very quickly forgetting this girl you have oneitis for.
In my case, the woman I ended up marrying is a good deal hotter than all of those ugly girls I had oneitis over.
saitama07 4y ago
Ok thank you. I appreciate it.
YourOwnDisaster 4y ago
Ok, good. You learned from your attempt at keeping her around that you should never fall into the "friends" trap after a girl turns you down.
The correct response to getting that is your second one; "I have plenty of friends, but would love to see you again. Hit me up when you change your mind". And leave it at that. She hits you up, plan a date. Nothing else.
The only thing. And I mean only thing that's going to change your mindframe is abundance....much pussy to play with.
saitama07 4y ago
No, never will be friends with a woman again.
Yeah there is plenty of pussy, but i don't know why, women who are dumb and naive (femine) disgust me. I don't get along with many of them.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
She made her choice to pursue a career over family. She would make a horrible wife and mother. Your blue pill programming is telling you that you should be attracted to masculine personality traits such as achievement, social dominance orientation, power, and individualism. Go spend some time with a truly feminine woman. Those agreeable, nurturing, sensitive, sweet, supportive, cooperative, kind, devoted, modest, ones. Basically the opposite of modern women.
saitama07 4y ago
Yeah i am still new to TRP but honestly I don't have any interest in having children or starting a family too. So it would had been a match I guess.
I don't know why, but many "feminine" women who are dumb as fuck and are irrational disgust me. I can't stand them, really, even if they are smoking hot.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
I dunno, once you get through more RP material you'll understand the difference between fake feminine and real feminine. Maybe watch Leave it to Beaver and see how June Cleaver is.