Have a rotation girl that I dated for close to a year and she finally brought up the talk and I agreed. Close to a month in, only issue is that I’m usually the first one to initiate contact first. She has mentioned that she is afraid to come off as clingy or annoy me, how do I break this behavior?
Prior to being exclusive I would always have to initiate but it didn’t bother me because I was spinning plates and she was always receptive. You would think after her asking to exclusive she wouldn’t be like this anymore.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
You're SUPPOSED to initiate. Next thing you know you'll be wanting her to pick the restaurant, your clothes, etc. If you had done an exclusive relationship with non-exclusive sex I bet she'd initiate.
TheWiz 4y ago
Lol sounds like you like to chase & over-pursue. A relationship should definitely have some effort on both sides.
YourOwnDisaster 4y ago
Don't ever expect a girl to change ANYTHING for the better just because you wifed her up or put a ring on her.
Read it again and seriously internalize it. People get complacent and you've given her the comfort she needs.
Read about Dread and soft dread....oh and social contracts as they pertain to the redpill
IamnotWhitePhillip 4y ago
Women are naturally submissive and they want a man who's the opposite. So she doesn't initiate and said she doesn't want to come across as clingy? Don't leave it up to her to decide what to do and how to do it.
Tell her 'she's coming across as distant and it's putting you off from her. You want her to text/call you as you shouldn't go more than 5 days without her contacting you. Even if she only has some bit of small talk for the conversation that's good enough.'
The point isn't what I put as the form of communication or the amount of time you shouldn't go without hearing from her. The point is that you don't leave her guessing what you want from her. And if she starts contacting you more than you're happy with? Tell her in the same way.
Don't hesitate to tell her when you're not satisfied with the relationship. Don't leave it to her to decide the solution either. You're the director of the relationship. If things are going off-script it's your fault.
YourOwnDisaster 4y ago
....so you're advocating that he shares his feelings with a woman?
IamnotWhitePhillip 4y ago
I'm giving LTR advice, not plate advice. Yes if you're not satisfied you need to say that. Why would you be in a relationship you're not happy with? 'You're too distant and I don't like that, here's what I expect and here's how I expect it' is a lot different than 'I feel sad and like you don't love me because you don't talk to me, why won't you talk to me more?'. One is sharing his feelings the other not so much.
YourOwnDisaster 4y ago
So, let's get the obvious out of the way that he should have never wifed up someone that exhibited the traits he knew he didn't like. Especially not with the expectation that she'd change.
Regardless, now he's here and certainly not in a LTR. He's a month in and he's getting exactly what he allows.
I asked you whether or not you advocated him sharing his feelings. That wasn't a mistake. I wanted to know where you were going with your response because I felt it wasn't fully fledged. The statement "You're coming off as distant" makes me feel like I have something stuck in my teeth. Sounds just like something a girl would say. In this instance, I'm sure she'd get confused. This is how she's always been with him and he even rewarded it by promoting her to girlfriend. Why would she change.
While I agree that you should be direct with what you want and don't want, the problem lies in leaving it at verbal discourse. That's how women interact and get off psychologically. You have the right idea of the outcome, but I suggest a different course.
So how do we resolve this? Yes, let's be direct. "Hey babe, I want to address something. I enjoy dating girls that do xxx". This gives her the opportunity to fall into your frame and gives her the chance to make you happy. A good woman will take that opportunity. A shitty one, well....
Where do we go from here? Your actions of course. Reinforce good behavior and deter bad behavior. Swap the role of initiator and observe. When he feels a lack on her part, withdraw time, attention and validation. When she comes correct, supply time, attention and validation. A simple "I enjoyed hearing from you babe" can do wonders.
TheWiz 4y ago
Is it bad to say what you expect out of a relationship?
YourOwnDisaster 4y ago
You should've done that before you started dating her bro, not hope that she falls in line with what you want.
Let me ask, have you already voiced your concerns?
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
"you would think after her asking to be exclusive, she wouldn't be like this anymore"
why? she got what she wanted. who cares about you? AWALT
that's a contract you are expecting. Don't. In fact, expect a lot less from her now. Don't initiate sex, see how long it will take for her to notice. I'm serious.
that is how much she cares. Even if she doesn't want sex or physical connection, if she cared, she'd notice you are not initiating and be concerned with "why"? right?
TheWiz 4y ago
Seems like a a lot of game playing, why can’t I just say that I’m out if the relationship continues to be one sided.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
oh for sure you can end it.
If a girl doesn't show me she's into me, doesn't find me hot. I'm out.
I have a high libido, she has to meet that or I move on. I don't say that, it's implied and expected. She understands I will move on
It's not a negotiation.