When I'm talking to girls I hesitate on showing intent, kino and sexualizing the interaction. It's like I am too fucking scared to do it and I do not know how to solve this situation.
Last time I forced myself to do it, It was possible; just had to get drunk first. But then I had a problem when trying to kiss her, I did not dare to initialize it. Even though I knew she wanted me to kiss her.
I'm scared someone will watch us, I'm scared she will reject me, I'm scared she might have a BF, I'm scared.... and so it goes.
What the hell can I do? Any tip is greatly appreciated. I'm so sick and tired of this BS.
I would like to note that it has gotten better, before I would not even talk to girls. Now I can at least look them right in their eyes and talk semi sexualized (non platonic at least). But it seems I have hit a plateau.
Virtual_Hall8986 4y ago
You need experience. Just continue forcing yourself, it will be easier next time.
arakouzo 4y ago
"Scared to escalate" really just means "scared of rejection". There are two main reasons guys are afraid to be rejected.
1- Scarcity - Opportunities for women come along very infrequently for you, so you're afraid to screw one of them up because this might be your only shot for awhile. The opportunity is valuable to you, so you get fixated on the idea of doing it perfect.
The fix: Hit on women everywhere, all the time. Even women you don't like and don't care if you ever see again. Just flirt. You're going to find that there are a lot more opportunities than you originally thought. In fact, you walking up and hitting on a girl may be the biggest thing that happens to her today. Even if she rejects you and posts on social media about how this creep hit on her, it's still the most significant thing to happen to her today. Otherwise, her day was going to be work, eat, fuck around on the internet, sleep. Even if she rejects you, you did her a favor by making her day more interesting.
2- Shame - You imagine that everybody is watching you, like your entire life is on TV, and if you get rejected, the whole room will erupt in laughter and everyone will point at you and call you a creepy rapist.
The fix: Same as 1 above. Hit on women, everywhere, all the time. Take note of all the times nothing happens. Notice when you go out all of the guys and girls you spot and how you never notice or care, or even when you do see a guy chatting up a girl you barely give it a second thought. That's what you look like to everybody else. Nobody cares. If anything, you hitting on some girl in public wins you points with onlookers because most guys are timid fucks.
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Musicgoon425 4y ago
You acknowledge that there is fear and you continue on anyways.
That's it.
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
You need skill and experience. You get this by DOING.
Learn to physically escalate: touch, stop, touch, stop, she'll start to join in. As she does, you escalate to more intimate zones, maintaining stop/start to give her space.
Kissing: look at her left eye, then right eye, then lips, then eyes, then lips ("Triangular gazing"). When she starts to do the same and kinda "zone out" into the moment, slowly lean forward until your lips are touching and then pull her close.
You do all this super slow, but do make sure you do it.
At this stage all your fears are less important than the need to get some practice at doing this. Also: noone else cares, ignore them.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
Frame, it's all Frame, let me show you.
(I'm scared someone will watch us), so what, maybe they will learn something.
(I'm scared she will reject me) That's her loss, you are the prize.
( I'm scared she might have a BF), so she has a boyfriend, so what. Doesn't stop many girls
( I'm scared.... and so it goes) Let me ask you, what's the worse thing that could happen? She laughs? say's no, walks away or something? Seriously, so what? There's like 2 billion other women out there.
Think less, Do more.