Recently I've noticed that a lot of people in one of my social circles are being either straight up rude, blatantly disrespectful towards me or just flat out ghosting me.
I've stopped kissing ass completely and now people are calling me a cunt and saying that I have a huge ego
We had a group project in uni and we were supposed to submit it at the end of the month last month. Coincidentally most people in that social circle are in the same classes as I am so some of us get put together.
I used to run behind each person to get things done from them but after finding trp I ask them a maximum of 3 times and wait for them to do the job and if they dont I just find someone else to do it.
Doing this has pissed some people off which has led to me making this post and wanting to understand wtf is going on.
TJMS 4y ago
You've probably heard the saying, "People treat you as well as you require them to." (And conversely, people treat you as poorly as you let them.) My experience has shown that, relatedly, if people are used to treating you poorly and you stand up for yourself, they won't like it and will try to act as though you're "out of line." Well, you are "out of line," inasmuch as you stepped out of line from your old role and are now forging a new role that requires people to treat you differently than before. Sometimes that means enforcing boundaries in a way they won't like. If you want to continue to have a relationship with these people you might try the carrot-and-stick approach. The aforementioned "stick" is the consequences that occur when you enforce your boundaries. The "carrot" is the value you provide, whether that be the skills you bring to the project, an engaging personality, personal connections, etc. If you can't, or they don't recognize your value, it may be time to back away from this group.
Rashed_69 4y ago
I tried the carrot and the stick approach and it worked for a while but those same people caught on after some time so it stopped working lol.
Welp I guess it's time to back away from this group then. Thanks for your input!
TJMS 4y ago
Sure, glad to help! I'm a little curious, what do you mean by these people "caught on" to you using the carrot-and-stick?
Rashed_69 4y ago
I was just orbiting my friends for a while after finding trp tbh.
Like I brought a lot of fun (I.e girls, parties, etc etc) and career-wise value and thats why they sorta kept me around pre-trp. But then I realized that they were gonna fuck me over at some point (and I feel its gonna happen soon) so I started distancing myself after I read somewhere on the sub that no one really gives a fuck about you.
And it changed my view completely bc as soon as I distanced myself I realized that all of my friends in that group were leeches. So I guess after a couple of months of mixing distancing and bringing value on and off, my need for validation from everyone went to zero. The guys mostly gave me shit for not bringing new girls or hosting parties which I just laughed off but whenever I distanced myself they wouldnt really care much and I saw how little they contributed.
They started to "catch on" after a few months of the switcheroo every once in a while and that's when the ghosting started.
Sorry for the rant :$
TJMS 4y ago
Did you withdraw from them or otherwise give them consequences in response to bad behavior? It's not clear to me from the above whether you were doing this, or just withdrawing for no apparent (to them) reason.
In any case, my offhand impression is that it's probably time to move on from these people.
Doubleaxe90 4y ago
Everything in life is a negotiation, learn how to be good at it from the start. You had a deal, "you are the giver and they are the takers" , now all of a sudden you want to change the deal, that's how people react when you do that, but it's ok.
Hold frame and find real friends.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
You asked them 3 times to do what they were supposed to and then found someone else to do it, and they got mad?
What is going on? These people are lazy/losers and you went around them, which brings to light that they are lazy losers. Butt hurt.
Not your problem, don't get pissed, smile with them, be nice, if they insult you. Calmly ask why are you upset? Because I got someone else to do what you were supposed to do? Explain it clearly , unemotionally, logically. If they are still butt hurt, then hey, most people are ignorant asses. You don't really want to associate with these people anyway. You have to work with them, keep it on the professional side, try to find better friends, which I know is hard, there's not many good people out there.
Rashed_69 4y ago
Professionalism comes first so I'm always calm but it's kinda shocking when they just start cussing you out of the blue.
It's wild how your own friends switch to this darker side when you don't act the way they want you to act.
I now understand what women go through when they reject guys lmao
TJMS 4y ago
They're cussing you out because they're used to you being weak/passive so they think they can get away with it. I.e., they don't respect you. Give them a reason to respect you (call them out in a way that embarrasses them, give them consequences, etc.) or cut them off. (Sometimes changing someone's opinion of you isn't worth the effort.)
Rashed_69 4y ago
I don't like drama so I prefer cutting people off unless I feel like they really have something to offer
drake 4y ago
Cut them all our of your life.
Start from scratch. It might suck at first but i don't see the point of keeping fake friends.
Rashed_69 4y ago
Feels weird that I'm having to do more of this lately especially with old friends.
Is this normal?
TJMS 4y ago
If you radically change your identity/personality, or personal requirements and how you interact with people, it can definitely have major impacts on your relationships. Including the ending of old friendships. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.