I am not really saying I do not know how to talk with people. In fact, many people tell me that I've amazing social skills but after figuring out TRP and reading a lot, my rules keep on changing and I don't really understand what's the best rules that I must follow so that my social skills would be the best in the world.
Here are some rules that I made for my social skills after reading a lot of content.
1, Be kind to people or don't be arrogant(Don't talk about yourself)
2, Keep eye contact until they break it or avoid fidgeting with eyes
3, Listen more than you talk or don't talk more than necessary with a slow deep voice with their keywords
Now quite lately I felt like these rules aren't really working and I came up with another set of rules.
1, Be down to earth intentionally or don't brag about yourself
2, Learn from the other person by being curious or do not try to impose our knowledge
3, Don't be afraid to compliment others if you like something in someone or do not keep the compliments a secret
Before this I had another set of rules
1, Smirk 2, Slow movements 3, Listen with a strong eye contact 4, Use a Low pitched voice that's modulating 5, Use their name
I read a lot and I got all these from books but it's a bit complex to care all of these live. Now at one time I thought that all of these are crap and started acting the way I usually do without giving a fuck to any one of these rules but what I felt is my GF starting fighting more and I felt other girls generally sort of lost attraction to me.
My question is what are the rules you guys follow? Perhaps, if there are some easy but the most important rule or something when it comes to socialization, I'd be able to that effortlessly rather than doing work.
TheStumblingWolf 5y ago
You sound autistic. And I mean that as an observation, because I am myself. One of the greatest tools I've gained is to be very observant on body language because being able to read it means you can see how people react to what you do. https://www.scienceofpeople.com was a great help for me.
BDATA 5y ago
I agree that reading body language is very important.
CAPTAINSKINNYPENIS 5y ago
Here's how I view small talk as a man who was incredibly shy as a teenager and terrible at it throughout my 20s but who practiced and practiced and is now quite good at it in my 30s.
Approach every conversation with the mindset that the other person has something interesting about them. Your job in small talk is to find that thing, and then focus on it and explore it. Ask them questions until you find something about them that genuinely interests you, then focus on talking about that by asking further questions about it. You'll appear genuinely interested because you actually are, and this helps an immense deal in conversations because it becomes much easier to carry because it becomes natural. To me, this is the art of small talk, finding that thing about the other person that genuinely interests you. People will respond well to you if you do this. It takes practice and it is an art, not a science, and it won't always work with everyone but hey, that's life!
Once you've got that down the next step to work on is finding a good balance between asking questions and talking about what was just said, as well as offering your own relevant life experiences as commentary on the topic. You don't want it to just be you asking questions non stop like you're interviewing them.
It takes practice but that's half the fun! I find chatting to workers in cafes, stores, etc. to be very good flash opportunities to practice. As they serve you just ask them how their day is going and see what happens! Some will just brush you off but others will engage you fully.
mattyanon Admin 5y ago
First list:
Second list:
Yes. Focus on one at a time until you get the hang of it. Takes a week or two for each one.
Ok, my rules:
BDATA 5y ago
Thank you for your time. Focus on one at a time until you get the hang of it - THIS is what I'm gonna do.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 5y ago
I like the list.
It's good to try to switch conversation to stuff you like. It's also a good test , some people have to control the conversation. Its good to look for this, these people I avoid like the plague.