LTR of 1.5 years. Yes, she has kids and I'm aware of the risks. So I don't need a lecture on why I should avoid single moms. Other than this, she has no red flags and things have been going great.
Tonight her daughter (11 y/o) sent me a text (just the "?" emoji) from my LTR's phone. 2 minutes later she sent me a text saying sorry that her daughter stole her phone. I recall in the past telling me that her daughter sometimes borrows her phone when they're out to play games on it, but assured me she doesn't go through her phone.
Which brings me to my concern. We have shared nudes via text before, so if her daughter was able to text me, then she was able to scroll up to past messages with the nudes (both nudes of myself and her). There's the possibility that she didn't see anything, and just sent me that text, but who knows.
The question is, how should I confront my LTR about this? For now I left her on read and ignored the text. I feel kind of awkward knowing that her daughter possibly saw our nude pics. Her daughter has her own phone, so I'm not sure why she even needs to borrow her phone.
I was thinking about telling her that I'm not comfortable with her daughter going through our private conversations, and she needs to be limited to using her own phone. What do you guys think? Any other advice appreciated.
MrSmiley8585 4y ago
Edit: It was the smiling poop emoji that she had sent me, not the question mark. I guess this forum is unable to do emojis.
BPasFuck 4y ago
This ain't your kid to raise.
Have this conversation, and I promise, the best possible outcome is your girl will say, "OK," and then privately think to herself "This fucking guy, tryna tell me how to raise MY kid?"
No. My advice is to ignore it. If you can't stand the idea of this little girl seeing your dick, stop dirty texting with her mother.
MrSmiley8585 4y ago
I see your point, and will probably take your advice and ignore it. I just don't get how she can be so reckless and let her daughter use her phone, knowing there are nude pics of us that can be seen via text messages. It kind of pisses me off, and her daughter has her own damn phone so I don't get it. And what kid goes snooping around in their mom's text messages?
So I realize I shouldn't tell her how to parent her kid, but would it be acceptable to let her know that it bothers me, and then leave it alone and have her decide what to do--or should I just ignore the situation altogether? I have a feeling she will bring it up again in person, apologizing for her daughter's behavior.
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
Because female.
Zweihander7 4y ago
Dude its not that big a deal. Why do you care?
Also ur perspective on this is COMPLETELY WRONG. If you are dating a single mom, you want as little involvement with her kid as possible, not more.
MrSmiley8585 4y ago
You're right, which is why I haven't even asked to meet her kids and haven't done so. She mentioned in the past that "one day" I can meet her kids, but have been trying to hold off on that as long as possible. I'll take the advice of others and just ignore this situation. Thanks.
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
The risks have already happened, it's just a rough deal for a man.
Hang on, you said you were aware of the risks.
She'll trust and side with her daughter. And she's in denial.
Ask her to delete all the nudes "to protect your daughter", and only share stuff like this in a non-daughter-available form.
Don't "discuss this with her", she's obviously blind to the risks/problems and believes the magical fairies when they say "my daughter wouldn't do that". So protect yourself by protecting the daughter, and approach this from a "protecting your kids" point of view.
Yes, seems fishy.
The problem is that she obviously already disagrees with this, and won't listen to you.
"Keep your phone away from your daughter" won't work because that's not how she thinks.
MrSmiley8585 4y ago
Solid points. You're probably right and she will just end up siding with her daughter and blindly trusting her, and wouldn't listen to me. That said, I won't discuss it with her and instead just stop sending nudes via text. Thanks man.
pfeilmacher 4y ago
Women send nudes for validation, because they have low self-esteem and are women.
Guys send nudes for validation. They shouldn't.
MrSmiley8585 4y ago
That isn't the case here. To clarify, we would go to a nude beach sometimes and I would take nudes of her, because I enjoy it and like having the pics. To get her comfortable with this, I also had her take nudes of myself. Or we would take a picture of both of us in it, nude. I would use my phone and then send her the pics via text. So it's not about validation.
pfeilmacher 4y ago
My bad.
The picture in my head was that of sending a Tinder match a nude, like they always send me.
Thanks for clarifying.