My whole life I’ve never been successful with women, never got them, never practised with them, nothing....
So now, I’m doing the things I need to do, lift, eat well, focusing on growing my own self but.....
The second I finally get a match on tinder or some shit, its like I totally revert back to being a bitch.
I get so wrapped up in the “here is my chance to get that thing I can’t get, to finally get that thing I’ve always been missing in my life”
So I become so wrapped up in it, because I want it and could never have it.
And then on top of that, just being aware of game and shit tests and all that, it just makes me invest even more.... because now I’m like fully analyzing all conversations and shit trying to predict why she would say this or that or what could it mean.... basically I don’t know how to not give a fuck because I do give a fuck. I want to get the shit I miss out on..... and then the internet is so sexualized too it further intensifies fear of missing out on sex.
Its making me needy, and its putting me on an emotional rollercoaster that I don’t like. I don’t know how to get out of this. I feel ups when I sense interest and downs when I feel its not going right.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Because of scarcity.
This is natural. And it will fuck with your head the first time. And the second. By the tenth time, especially with a few successes, you'll calm down a lot.
Don't forget that you are talking to someone who runs on instinct, who is not invested, someone who is super cautious about men, fairly lazy, very attracted to men, very scared of men, has endless opportunities and is conflict-avoidant. And that person spends 4 seconds answering you and then doesn't give it a second thought.
You really have to learn to not take them seriously or emotionally invest in them until you've had sex with them on two separate occasions.
This emotional reactivity is due to inexperience and scarcity.
Always get more options. Chase down each opportunity for sure, but realise that each one is a 1% chance of something happening.
And realise that Tinder is the worst place for this. The WORST. You have dishonest people, timewasters, scammers, attention seekers, and a horrendous male:female ratio that means only the top few % of men get anything at all.
Meet girls in real life. Their responses are still tricky to understand, but at least most of them are real girls.
orbilius 2y ago
Are you not able to step outside of yourself and evaluation your behavior rationally and control it?
Let me ask you this: what if this wasn't an issue with women. What if you were a firefighter? You say, "I know that I have the skills and training to go into this burning building, but when I'm actually standing in front of the fire, I turn into a bitch!" Or what if you were a soldier? Or what if your issue was with heights and your job required you to climb a ladder?
Can you not step outside yourself - like visualize what it would be like to be hovering above yourself, looking down on yourself - and observe your behavior rationally, and will yourself to do the right thing? Because that's a useful skill for a man to have.
Moonraven 2y ago
Its not the same.
I have the skills regarding gym, career, motivation, work hard, determination. But I have no skills with the girls.
Your analogy of having the skills to deal with the fire but then shitting yourself with the fire, its not the same.... I don’t have the skills with the girls. I don’t have the skills with the fire.