Posted about a break up from my LTR of 1.5 years last week and you guys have no idea how much I’ve gone back to, and appreciated that wisdom.
So thank you.
With that said, I’m going to take a break from women for a time and focus on my health (physique), purpose (life path), and practices (hobbies/interests/habits) before even considering another plate or LTR.
With that said, for the RP brothers in LTRs or considering them, how do you properly vet for shared values as you develop the relationship?
My ex was fantastic in many ways, but saw the world very differently in certain ways towards the end.
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french_vintage 4y ago
I'd like to give some hints but you didn't tell us what your values actually are. This will define where you have to look for the right partner. Also if in doubt: Discuss these things early with them and don't date if it doesn't seem to work.
Tousen71 4y ago
Will edit. And facts.
french_vintage 4y ago
Looking at your edits and the fact that you are a black rather conservative person, I think church would be a good place to try? If you believe in God to some degree. Of course I know there's a ton of churches in the US and other countries but I think you might find someone in that context?
Tousen71 4y ago
That’s the ironic part. I’m not that religious. I grew up in the church but have lapsed into an agnostic. I don’t think I’d feel at home in that crowd, although I respect religion.
T00kTheRedPill 4y ago
Just live your normal, every day life and do stuff you like to do. Talk to everyone and at some point, by living your “regular” life, you’ll probably run across a cool chick and if that happens while you’re doing what you love (half-marathons, mud runs, rock climbing, etc..), you’ll have at least that one thing in common. Also, if they’re physical activities, you’ll be more likely to come across fit women as opposed to the typical western fattie.
From there, vet as normal and take your time.
Intrepid_Place5390 4y ago
If you want a LTR, that's your goal. Then when you date, ask questions, deep questions/relationship questions, lifestyle questions. they have games like this on OLD, where you can get to know someone's (type) pretty quickly. In fact some of the sites like eharmony,etc do some of this for you. But of course the women could be lying or delusional. You have to figure that out and responses are just the tip of the iceberg, watch what they do is more important than what they say.
Like how does she react to conflict. Does she escalate and yell, never takes ownership of fault? Does she say one thing but actually do another?
Tousen71 4y ago
I’m good on OLD for a bit bro. That’s how I met the last one. Funny enough I’m a right leaning independent and she told me she was trying to screen out conservatives haha. Should’ve taken that as a sign.
Intrepid_Place5390 4y ago
oh man. she was telling you she's a feminist. (never met a progressive woman who also didn't admit she was a feminist).
Yup, any that say they are progressive or feminist, swipe left.
Tousen71 4y ago
Self-described “leftist and feminist”
She was generally pretty measured but on certain issues, completely inflexible.
Intrepid_Place5390 4y ago
On OLD, I usually focused on the women who say they want a Captain or a leader, a real man. They are giving you a big hint on what they want.
But, I doubt the younger girls would say anything like that, it's heresy. If their friends saw them posting that, they'd be outcast, shamed,etc. Opposite of you go girl
Tousen71 4y ago
I’m just going to focus on building an awesome life regardless of whether I’ve got a girl in it or not. I live in LA (for the time) and let’s just say pickings for good quality women are wanting.
I’ll vet better before starting another LTR.
throwRA3141565 4y ago
Don't look for this. It is understandable to want these things but stupid to seek it. Let it come to you if it does. Be okay if it doesn't. Your laundry list is way too ambitious. Who doesn't want to win the lottery? Planning your life to win the lottery is dumb. Experience more women for what they are - just quick, fun distractions at best. Looking for something deeper than what they are will not end well. It takes time and experience with enough women to really understand this. If you are busy enough trying to make money and have experienced enough women, it will not matter to you so much to try to find your unicorn of a woman who has a laundry list of values.
Tousen71 4y ago
Somebody asked for my values. That’s the only reason I added them. And I don’t want a woman who thinks exactly the way I do. That’d be boring. Just one who’s moderate who doesn’t think I’m evil for believing what I believe and flexible in mind to challenge her own beliefs.
throwRA3141565 4y ago
This is possible in the short-term - game women, have them chase you, make your SMV appear higher than it is -> these are all tenets of trp. If she's into you, she'll be flexible and lie all day about having similar values to you. Once she inevitably grows bored of you and your turn expires, her true "values" will show, and they will not be compatible with yours.
In the long term, it's not advisable to even seek someone whose values have deep compatibility with yours. Not only is it unlikely, it probably won't satisfy you the way you think. It really is like winning the lottery; you might think logically that it'll be awesome. But tons of people who win the lottery get messed up forever psychologically because it was not what they expected. The ones that have the best chance of success have great lives without the lottery. That's the advice for you bro - have a great life without the vagine. The vagine is just icing on your cake. Don't look to build the foundation of the cake with icing.
Tousen71 4y ago
That’s solid advice