I messed up a situation by not holding frame and entering a argument with my LTR:
She had a friend at her place and wanted me to come to her. Problem was, on the phone she commanded me to come instead of asking nicely.
I told her that I did not like that attitude, especially in front of others and that I changed my mind and won't come. She argued that it was just a joke, that I overreacted.
So instead of solving this situation elegantly I engaged in a full fletched fight and now we won't talk to one another.
Should I just sit it out until she breaks or suddenly act as if everythings fine?
BlackjointnerD 4y ago
Go to the gym and focus on your hobbies and purpose.
Wait a couple days and re engage. Everything is cool now.
If she brings up the situation just say dont talk to me like that and leave it be. You both are completely aware of the issue. More talking wont solve anything.
lolomotif12 4y ago
All you had to say was "Nah, I'm busy" and just soft nexted her for a day or two while focusing on your mission.
Now, just do that and then act like nothing happened when you re initiate.
coqqq 4y ago
This is better because it communicates your disapproval subconsciously rather than trying to have her consciously decide to give you more respect.
urbanfoh 4y ago
Yes in hindsight that is true
ZaidOBaba 4y ago
They don’t leave it at that. They’ll blow up your phone and keep asking what happened and what’s wrong. What to do then? Even after the soft next they will create drama about you disappearing.
lolomotif12 4y ago
It's upto you to create boundaries while you are vetting them in the plate period. They need to know that they need to respect you and your time. You are the Oak, your word needs to have substance and be taken seriously.
If an LTR/plate disrespects or annoys me she will know without me even having to say anything and give me the space that I want.
MattyAnon Admin 4y ago
Three days no contact then carry on like nothing happened.
If she mentions it, just say "If you talk to me like that I will not be helpful" / "But I was joking" / "Right.... and if you joke like that again I will not be helpful" / "But it was a JOKE" / "Right, and that's fine, but if you joke like that I will not be helpful".
Intrepid_Place5390 4y ago
The full on fight was a no go.
I disagree with ignore it, don't talk about it. she's a LTR, not a plate.
Not sure what was discussed in the fight, how it ended. That's important.
I'd calmly state that it was not appropriate of her. If meant as a joke, it's not correct with others involved. Then ask if she understands, give her an opportunity to say ok, then, alright then, that's done.
If she starts complaining and bitching , I don't think she's your LTR anymore. Situations like this are vetting opportunities. Is she on board, or not.
With this approach, you are acting like the Captain, even though you broke frame with the fight, if she's not having it, then she's not a first mate anymore.
urbanfoh 4y ago
Of course.
That sounds indeed reasonable, to give her that opportunity to agree while staying calm. I'll probably do something like that.
Thanks for the elaborate reply.
Intrepid_Place5390 4y ago
ur welcome. Good luck and remember. YOU are the prize
VasiliyZaitzev 4y ago
I see where you went wrong.
Never EVER blow your cool.
This is what women say when they don't want to be held accountable. It's an easy out. You then say "that's my good girl," and proceed.
Yep. You doubled down on stupid.
You need to work on your frame, but you did blow it here. Your move is to call her and say, "You're right. I over reacted. Now come over and let's enjoy some make-up sex."
And before anyone say, "But Uncle Vaz! You should never apologize! You would be entering her frame!", first, he already blew it (a) arguing and (b) over-reacting. Second, in LTRs you have to give some comfort sometimes, and apologizing when you're wrong is one way to do it. The OP's Frame has some problems because he played the "command" wrong. His move there was to say, "Oooh, look at my little kitten, showing her claws!" or some other goofy shit.
Anyway, that's my thoughts on it. OP, you can always play hardball and wait a week and then act like nothing happened and MAYBE that will work, but if it doesn't you're stuck. If you do what I advise, then you get out of it AND you are back to fucking right away.
Finally, the obligatory: "If You Were Maintaining Sexual Relationships With Multiple Women, None Of This Would Be A Problem."
Herdsengineers 4y ago
I agree with this one. If you fuck up, you need to own up to it. That goes for all areas of life, not just LTR's too. The "you're right, i over reacted, i'm sorry" line is simple and brief and all that needs to be said. Don't take it to some simping sniveling apologies.
I'd see how she reacts before proceeding further. If she takes it in stride, and the make up engagement is on, great. If she tries to twist the knife or use it pile on, then you say "i've said my peace, hope you feel better soon, but i'm gonna go now. talk later." and you disengage. Even when you fuck up, it's still on you to keep people from piling on when you own up. Owning up doesn't mean people get a further free pass to keep ripping you.
urbanfoh 4y ago
You are probably right, I do need to work on my frame and on keeping calm in general. I admit I am not very quick-witted in these kind of situations.
Okay I will do that. Thank you for the harsh but clear words and the elaborate analysis.
VasiliyZaitzev 4y ago
Remember, you can always pause a second or two before replying.
In that time, remember to (a) maintain clam and (b) treat her like a bratty kid sister.
glowing_dolphins 4y ago
I love when they do silent treatment. It’s so peaceful. I get lots done.
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[deleted] 4y ago
Go radio silent for a week and half then re-engage like nothing happened. If she's still bitchy then, ghost.
Fluffy_Risk9955 4y ago
Go have some fun with friends and post it on Instagram. It gives a clear signal you don’t need her to have a good time.
TrpKid2 4y ago
No frame whatsoever. Work on your frame and you won't ever need to "win" and argument again. Arguing with an LTR is like arguing with a child, you can do it but if you take it seriously you also become a child.
comcain 4y ago
Go out to a bar. Go see a movie by yourself. Leave her to steam and fume and ...
... wonder what you're doing.
She's acting like a brat.
"Where did you go?"
"Out."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing."
Let her wonder!!!
CoyoteMiyamoto 4y ago
Next time this happens you hang up on her or leave the room, depending on whether you're in the same room. Don't engage in any meaningless conversations. Now that you've fucked up, you can't let her know how you feel about it.
Leave her alone with her feelings and don't explain yourself. When she approaches you and starts the dialog, you tell her she was childish and that you won't tolerate any foolish behavior from her since you want a mature woman.