Reddit bot linked me here.
A few days ago, I approached a woman who was stocking shelves at the market I go to. It’s a small place that’s usually somewhat crowded but the seas parted between her and I and I felt like I had to make a move. It was like the universe was willing me to her position. I had a basic idea of what I wanted to say as I had been waiting for a chance to speak to her. She was facing the opposite direction from me. I grabbed something from the wall she was filling, some baby spinach, and I said “hey.” I waited for her to turn around, it was a few seconds, and she responded with “hey.” I said “I always see you when I come here and I felt like it’d be nice if I said something. My name is .” She responded with, “my name’s .” I then said, “Nice to meet you. I’ll see you around again hopefully” or something like that. She said something in response but I was so nerve racked and tense that I blocked it out of my head, did a 180, dumped the baby spinach container and my leftover spaghetti into the cart, and headed for the register. The situation was robotic, both her in a customer service tone of voice and me reciting lines.
That was the first time I’ve ever done anything like that in my life. I need some words of encouragement and some idea of what to say next. I don't care so much about hindsight right now. I’m going to go back within the next couple days and she'll likely be there; she always is. My overall plan was to go there because I actually do shop there but also say hi a few individual times, and then go for her number after she's warmed up to me - probably late next week. That's was my plan because she works there and has to respond to me so it's kind of cheap and maybe even rude. Should I keep it up or go for the number now?
huevonen 2y ago
Dont be a tard with oneitis. Approach more girls. Search beginner daygame Tom torero on youtube. Watch it. Do it. Dont be a pussy.
orbilius 2y ago
First point: be very careful with girls in customer service jobs. Remember that young people these days are delicate snowflakes too timid to stick up for themselves (by telling you to fuck off if they don't want to talk to you) but they're also addicted to social media validation ...which they can get from claiming that you're harassing them.
If you're not getting very clear IOIs from girls all the time, then you probably can't even tell a genuine IOI from a customer service girl being polite.
Second point: this
is caused by this:
and it's only fixed by talking to more people. A huge mistake that men make in life is staying in their comfort zone. You like being comfortable, not talking to people, but then when you face a situation like dating where you must leave that zone, you're not prepared.
It's no different from how you like sitting on the couch playing video games (and I'm not singling you out here - everyone does) - but doing that doesn't build muscle. It takes discipline and determination to go to the gym. It's not comfortable.
Talk to more people, and not just women. Look for opportunities to interact with people and do it. Actually, a good first step, since you're understandably nervous, is to simply make a deliberate effort to look for those opportunities. In other words, go out, walk around, live your life, and make a mental note whenever you think you might have had an opportunity to talk to someone.
Here's a tip: it's usually whenever you make eye contact. Another important factor is availability - there has to be enough time for an interaction to take place. If you pass someone on the street, you may get the eye contact, but you wouldnt' have had time to say "hi."
So you go out, walk around, make eye contact and smile at people, then later you review the interactions and try to imagine if they would have actually been fruitful. For example, if you're walking up to an ATM and there's already someone using it plus someone waiting, the person waiting might look at you. Later on, go over it in your head and ask, "would that have been an appropriate place to say something - if so, what would have I said?"
When you get good at that, the next step is actually striking up the conversations, once you've learned to identify the situations.
The last step is talking to women specifically. When you're comfortable doing this, which you can become only through practice, you'll have a lot more opportunities and you wont have oneitis for grocery girls.
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NewReligionOfSociology 2y ago
it's all your muscles and your jawline; train those. edit: only bother asking for her number if she smiles at you and seems pleased to see you