So I (early 30s) have been with my current girl (mid 20s) for 5 years. She was a plate in the rotation and got upgraded after 18 months of good behaviour. She's snow leopard status for sure, young, very attractive, submissive, family orientated, good relationship with parents, low n count, has been completely devoted to me the entire time. I can say this from experience, it took 10 years and 100 shots on goal to be able to recognise and hold down a girl of this quality.
I sat her down at the 18 month stage and told her that I do care for her deeply and do see a future together but that I cannot promise sexual monogomy because of who I am as a man. She was upset but took it like a champ and has for the last few years, never pressures me, never complains or manipulates, but she clearly suffers from the knowledge that I'm sleeping with other women, even if it is casually and anonymously, and there has been a decent amount of them. Its a don't ask don't tell kind of arrangement, and it works because I haven't moved in with her yet. By her choice, she has remained monogomous with me throughout, which I believe is true to the best of my knowledge.
My question is for those that have had experience in these OLTR type situations, and that can comment on the success of them in the long term, or on the case for keeping them open vs closing them.
Despite her trying so hard to live with this because she loves me, as the years march on she's really starting to suffer now. It's affecting her self esteem and her happiness, and she lives in constant anxiety with the knowledge I am sleeping with other girls. It was never my goal to have an LTR or kids just based on the state of the sexual market today, but I've been in this game long enough to know that I've got a good thing going and that starting a family with this girl in the coming years is something I will probably do and look forward to. How though do I manage the open nature of this relationship moving forward. I am seriously considering 'closing' the relationship, at least almost entirely except for the occasional hallpass when I'm out of town or whatever. I'm not doing this reactively or from a place of scarcity because I've held frame for 5 years, but now I just feel like I'm doing psychological damage to a truly good girl who's committed her life to me and will possibly be the mother of my children just so I can smash a club hoe every so often.
I believe the biggest risk I run is losing frame after I close the relationship because I will have limited my sexual freedom and the scarcity and beta mindset might creep in. Hard to know because I haven't been monogamous for a decade. The other option is 'my way or the highway' but again, despite what the red pill coolaid we've been drinking may suggest, I'm not convinced that you really can keep a mentally healthy high SMV woman in a situation like this in the long term so that might just be cutting off the nose to spite the face. Is a mature compromise simply part of growing up and our journey as men?
Bit of a left field question that's not your typical 'how do I smash more slutez' but I appreciate anyone who's been around the block who cares to share their thoughts or experience