Tl;dr: girl wants validation without giving me pussy, what do i do?
I have a friend (she's probably an 8.5, but she's very anxious and insecure) who sends a lot of mixed signals. Sometimes she flirts, talks about us getting drunk together and whatever, but I know she probably just wants validation, and by now I'm most likely very deep in the friendzone. I've made lots of mistakes like giving her free validation and not escalating when it was still early. I think she sees me as a best friend, even though I tried hard not to be like that. Lately I've flirted a lot with her, but I think I'm at the point where she probably just thinks it's a joke cuz we're such good friends. We were casual friends before (she was in a 5 year relationship, so I never really thought about it) but then she became single and we started talking all the time.
Obviously she met a random dude in secret while I was still being a pussy and not trying to escalate (afraid of rejection), and 1 week ago I found out about it: she kept using me for validation, like asking me if certain girls were hot, fishing for compliments by comparing herself with other girls, etc... Basically the other dude was following and liking their photos and she was feeling insecure (she didn't know I knew that). Then she asked me about my opinion about an hypothetical girl (obviously her) who's seeing a dude who's very toxic and likes every girls photos (she never said she was talking about herself and she denied it when I confronted her, but I knew it was her). Eventually she admitted it and I got angry at her for lying, but in fact I'm angrier with the fact that she's already with another dude (basically I'm angry at a woman for being a woman who does what every woman does: sending mixed signals just because. I know I shouldn't be because all women are like that, but I can't control it). She literally told me more than once that she doesn't have anyone (which made me act more bluepillish than usual) and kept bringing up comments like "Maybe if I take cuter pics somebody will want me" while her DM folder is full of thirsty guys who would fuck her in a heartbeat.
Anyway, during all that she would always talk about us hanging out and travelling together, she mentioned more than once that we should get drunk together, lots of mixed signals that I might've misinterpreted. I know she blocked the other dude and she probably thinks she's a 3/10 right now, but she's probably on Tinder right now trying to get free validation to feel less insecure. I obviously don't want to keep trying, even though now is the easiest time to do so. She still feels the need to talk to me everyday, because I used to make her laugh all the time and I am an overall interesting person to talk to, however I have been giving her literally zero attention because I don't want to be her gay best friend who comforts her when Mr Alpha McChad 2.0 doesn't reply to her texts. She keeps messaging me every day, sending me random memes, trying to make conversation, and she knows I am angry (she probably thinks it's only because she lied, I have no clue if she even suspects that I like her, even though I flirted with her lately).
I've been ignoring most of her messages and I keep acting passive-aggressively. We would literally never talk again if she didn't message me, because I refuse to message her. I feel like it's very immature of me, but I just won't admit that I'm her incel friend who got friendzoned and is angry about it. Normally I would either block her and move on or just admit everything and still move on, but we have a lot of mutual friends and us crossing paths IRL is inevitable, we hang out a lot at the same places.
So here's what's gonna happen: I know that sooner or later, we're gonna go back to talking regularly. I don't mind being friends with her, since soon we're gonna work together in a college project that's gonna last months and I'm not supposed to shit where I eat. However, I don't want to be her free validation bot whenever she feels insecure. I want her to see me as a man, not her girl friend. I want her to know that if I'm looking at her tits, it's because I want to bang her, not because I think her bra is so cute ^-^ (I'm just assuming that that's how she sees me, since she friendzoned me)
What do you do when a woman compares herself to other women and asks you for your opinion? What do you say when she asks you if a certain person is hot? What do you do when she's clingy and keeps messaging you stuff that normally you would only get in a relationship, like "good night, sleep well", or "why are you not answering me?? :((" ?
I'd like to mention that I tried to apply most of the Red Pill notions I've learned on her, like keeping the 2:3 ratio, never saying sorry, being confident and showing her that I have a nice life and that I don't need her, not being the one to initiate most conversations, and trying not to give her validation (there was a time where she sent me a random thot with huge boobs and she was like "how come she has so many followers and I don't? Is it because of her boobs?". I literally ignored it and changed subject, and she managed to bring it up 3 more times in the following 10 minutes, which was hilarious).
Even though I don't have an abundance mentality, right now there are 2 girls with whom I sexted lately, however I find them boring and I just lack the energy to actually talk to them and set up dates. I just keep thinking about the main girl, cuz she's smart, makes me laugh and is hot af. I know I know, I should ignore her beauty, but I think I lost my red pill privileges the moment I wrote this giant post about her instead of manning up. I wouldn't say it's oneitis, I don't even see a possible future with her, but right now my ego is hurt from not being seen as a suitable candidate.
P.S: I dated her best friend for half a year, she knows I have a big penis and that I am good in bed, but she probably also knows about all the bad things (like how toxic we were towards the end).
PaleOrc 2y ago
By rights, this should get no response.
Almost 1,200 words RE: "How do I convince this woman who is not going to sleep with me to sleep with me?!" = Undignified, puerile hamstering.
But I'm feeling generous.
"...she's probably an 8.5, but she's very anxious and insecure ...who sends a lot of mixed signals. Sometimes she flirts, talks about us getting drunk together and whatever, but I know she probably just wants validation, and by now I'm most likely very deep in the friendzone."
What an intuitive observation Yes, and yes. Not much else to say here. Stop wasting your time giving these kinds of women attention.
But yet:
"I've made lots of mistakes like giving her free validation and not escalating when it was still early."
Here you are, still giving her attention, after you've told us you know she's just looking for attention.
"Even though I don't have an abundance mentality, right now..."
No, you certainly don't.
"there are 2 girls with whom I sexted lately, however I find them boring and I just lack the energy to actually talk to them and set up dates."
Talk to other women. Why are you messing with them if you're not interested?
"I just keep thinking about the main girl, cuz she's smart, makes me laugh and is hot af. I know I know, I should ignore her beauty,"
Clearly that's a foregone conclusion.
"I think I lost my red pill privileges the moment I wrote this giant post about her instead of manning up."
Your words, not mine!
"I wouldn't say it's oneitis..."
That's a shame, because literally everyone else here would. It's almost like you're trying to rationalize your feelings.
"I don't even see a possible future with her, but right now my ego is hurt from not being seen as a suitable candidate."
Get over it. Stop giving her attention. Stop writing essays about women you haven't even slept with.
You're wasting your energy.
Bang a couple of those "boring" women you have waiting on you, and again - since apparently you need to be told more than once - stop giving her attention.
Stop fixating on her. She knows you're patiently waiting in the wings, with all the other orbiters.
I may sound flippant, but clearly you're smart enough to know what she's up to, but you're ignoring your very valid intuitions about her. Stop making shitty decisions.
lifeisweirdasfuck 2y ago
Wall of text == beta mindset. Read the red pill handbook, rational male, the book of pook.
RPU_mike Admin 2y ago
Somebody get this man some ointment for his oneitis.
[deleted] 2y ago
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PaleOrc 2y ago
"Make the ho say no."
Cruder than I'd like it to be, but it's the only way to be sure. No quicker way to get lost in aimless limbo than respecting her "comfort' and not pressing the matter.
It's amazing how much you learn about where you stand with a woman when you put that pressure on her and force her to a 'YES' or 'NO' decision.
Tim_Heidegger 2y ago
Yeah, why are you not just asking her out? You’re overthinking it. Doesn’t matter if you have a college project together. It’s college- a place where you’re constantly eating and shitting in the same place