Lately I read a BlackDragon post at indicates that Oneitis is mainly an action, not a thought. Then I thought to myself...I've been taken for granted by other people in life coz of my own actions. I've been closely guarding my own thoughts, thinking Oneitis stems from the mind. It does for sure, but the action that follows is the one that fucks up everything.
Take for example, you meet a girl and you hit it off immediately. She makes a great plate and everything goes pretty rosy. Then after a while you start to feel some resentment from your plate...she isn't as forthcoming as before, she isn't as excited about you as she was in the beginning. At the very least, it's feels like you're putting in more than she is. Then it hits you...she is taking you for granted coz you've been too available. You thought you were watching yourself closely, but your actions indicated otherwise.
My question: how do you at least reverse, if not eliminate, the effects of being taken for granted by the people around you, especially the women in your life?
SrslyNoMayo 7y ago
You're really close. The answer is stop being so available. Stop putting in so much effort. Many will say - and though I hate to say i agree but i do - that the one cares the least will have the most power. Focus your energy on other women, other people in general, other tasks or hobbies. Its as much about training yourself as it as about training the other person. You train yourself to care less, and they will pick up on that you care less. Most of the time that drives them to work harder for you.
(there are exceptions... i have one right now that reacts the opposite to normal. if i pull away/dread, she goes distant as well. we get into a positive feedback loop of barely talking for days at a time. not sure how to deal with this one right now)
I've done it time and time again, subconsciously at first and then after TRP... intentionally. I usually have to retrain my brain with each new oneitis I get but I'm getting better, and each time it gets easier to let go. In short, DGAF. If you still GAF, do anything you can distract yourself until you DGAF.
Don_Draper27 7y ago
Learn to play the game.
There's no secret advice or "trick" to solve your problem.
Read books about power, manipulation, charisma, etc.