When i am with other people (specifically friends), i walk confidently, talk to people confidently, own situations etc. But when i am alone i become a complete social retard.
Most of my week is spent alone. I briefly interact with work colleagues, flat mates, service staff. Then every other weekend i'll see a friend and i'll be a lot more confident simply in the world. How confident i am depends on how strong of a friend the person is.
But when i am alone i walk strange in the street, seem to get anxiety from random people and cause people to be scared of me because of my strange behaviour. People pretty much always cross the street.
I've had this before and managed to get past it but it seems to have returned. As far as i can guess it is a lack of mindfulness, or perhaps even a lack of something to think about so i focus on walking and start to overthink about outward expressions.
Sounds stupid, would appreciate any advice.

[deleted] 7y ago
You're confidence should be based on your own achievements. How far you've gone from what you were to what you have become.
For example, I've gone to raves alone and it wasn't bad at all. You get to meet new people, while if you were with your friends on the other hand, you probably wouldn't have talked to them. I truly enjoy meeting new people and learning about their experiences in life. I was talking with some girls there and they thought it was pretty cool that I could just go to a rave by myself to enjoy the music and ngaf. Girls love confident guys.
Usually people will be bunched up together at these kinds of events and you can tell just by reading the crowd that a lot of guys there wouldn't be acting so confident and showy if they were alone.
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
I used to go out alone once I got over this. Once I have a drink I’m generally fine. It’s just sober day to day stuff.
[deleted] 7y ago
You're using alcohol as a crutch. Stop it. By the way, I was sober when I went to those raves.
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
Ok. Well I hardly drink/go out. So what should I do? Going to a bar/rave is different to day to day stuff and it’s a different question entirely.
[deleted] 7y ago
It was merely an example.
Work on yourself. Don't you have something to be proud of in yourself? Personal accomplishments?
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
Yeah but not really. That pride only goes so far. There’s always somebody better. Most people are good at something and don’t even rely on that for their pride.
[deleted] 7y ago
With that kind of mentality, why should anyone be proud of themselves then? This is about you, not other people.
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
I don’t know. I’ve struggled to understand this my whole life.
I don’t know what that means.
[deleted] 7y ago
Well it sounds like you don't look at yourself very highly. That's why you have to rely on others for confidence.
You need to be more of a man. You're probably young, but let me try to break this down to you:
A man is a person who confidently leads his own ship if you will. He calls the shots, he does what he wants, takes responsibility for his actions, etc.
For example, a good artist leads his own ship (career). He does whatever he thinks is right, despite if it's popular or not. A good artist is also proud of his milestones which led him up to the current state where he is (this is where you need to work on). His time spent focusing on art, living by his own virtues, and seeing the fruits of his hard work is the reason why he's confident in himself. That's why he's able to stand tall among other people as well.
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
Thanks for your reply. But I still don’t know what to do from here.
I live my life how I choose. I vehemently don’t put up with shit from anyone (very important to me).
I have a few things I have a reasonable pride in but I don’t really care about those accomplishments anymore. I don’t really care about anything or look forward to anything. I appreciate small blessings when they happen and appreciate where I’ve gotten to from a couple years ago.
I have a sort of small mission but it’s going nowhere like it always has as I need to find the right people to help me and have just been consistently let down for nearly 10 years.
Most people tend not to like me so I navigate accordingly. The people (guys) who do like me I treat very well but then they start to abuse the relationship.
That’s probably most of the information I can extract. I’m 30 btw. Would appreciate any advice or links you can think of.
[deleted] 7y ago
stick with friends
dumbass
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
Not always possible unfortunately and doesn't solve the deeper issue.
[deleted] 7y ago
then lift and do some fucking kickboxing bro. jesus is it not obvious
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
I lift and do yoga nearly everyday. It doesn't seem obvious to me hence the post.
[deleted] 7y ago
oh yoga. yeah that's just like kickboxing
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
Haha. Could you elaborate? Are you just saying to spike my aggression. I had a sort of argument with my flat mate today (i didn't get angry but stayed amused) and it just made me more socially retarded during the day hence the post.
[deleted] 7y ago
no. you're afraid of people. go get punched in the face a few times. you'll realize you have nothing to be afraid of. nothing in life kills social anxiety like getting punched in the face
JamesP2018 7y ago
Sounds like you lean on others for a sense of identity. Loyal to your tribe introvert type? Mindfulness helps in a way. Take some trips camping or sight seeing by yourself. Build experiences where you are by yourself and you will stop associating being in a group as critical to safety or normality.
Could be a value problem in addition. Best way to fix that is by lifting and learning. Get a plan for your finances together as well. Typical american works 50 years before financial independance, don't be typical.
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
I spend my whole week alone accomplishing tasks already. What would a solo camping trip achieve? Just curious. (i'm going camping next week with some friends and strangers ftr).
My finances are fairly decent for now. I save and spend well and never really have to worry about what i'm spending when i do indulge but always attempting to improve. I never worry about money is my point.
I do trust introverts more than extroverts and it tends to pay off in my experience. I am always the king of any trusted social group, otherwise i just form a smaller group within and run that.
JamesP2018 7y ago
It helped me, that's why I suggested it. I used to be somewhat uncomfortable when alone. Forced exposure in an unfamiliar environment made me more comfortable in them. Lifting helped tremendously. Looking in the mirror with pride rather than some nebulous shame was huge. Financial freedom ia important as it helps with holding one's head high at work, the job becomes something done for play.
empatheticapathetic 7y ago
It’s the social anxiety that is an issue for me. Alone when near other people. If I’m actually alone I just exist normally like right now. But if I’m near others and alone I just over think everything about my perception, reputation and safety.
This holiday will reset me for a couple days after but I’ll quickly revert back to this issue is my experience. Cheers for your responses
The_HiddenHand 7y ago
Touch my dick. FAGGOT