Never seriously self-deprecate with a woman you intend to be intimate with.
"Even if you don't seriously consider yourself pathetic, it never serves your best interest to paint yourself as pathetic."
One of my prominent 'tactics' of game is to playfully self-deprecate with a shit-eating grin with intention to pass shit-tests and thus show my confidence when a woman attempts to expose possible insecurities.
For example, one of the first things a girl will overtly communicate is how young I look. Over time, I've managed to blow this shit-test out of the water (or so I thought) by A&A/playful self-deprecation.
Perhaps I'm over-analyzing/misinterpreting this section of the Iron Rule, but have you guys not had the success in playful self-deprecation? Isn't this essentially an example of A&A?
Edit: I was impatient and created this question prior to finishing the Iron Rule. Rollo addresses this question in the proceeding paragraphs from where the quote was taken. I will leave this post up if any value can be extracted from it. Otherwise, I will delete it/it can be deleted by the Mods.
[deleted] 8y ago
It is.
It’s just really hard for most to pull off. Especially when starting.
It’s like “text for logistics.” Well, text game is actually a thing and people who are good use it. But most people fuck up text game so it isn’t advised.
Same here.
[deleted] 8y ago
I think what this ultimately means is to not betray a lack of self-esteem.
If you're a high SMV guy, and you know this, it wouldn't really be possible for you to seriously self-depreciate yourself because you know deep down that you're the shit. Instead it would come off as you disqualifying yourself to her (push/pull).
Shaney96 8y ago
Completely agree, and this is how I feel I handle the situation.
It's interesting how, once you develop self-confidence, self-deprecation sub-communicates something much more attractive, completely naturally.
abudun79 8y ago
versus
Shaney96 8y ago
Yeah, I answered my own question after finishing the chapter.
I've playfully self-deprecated for a good amount of time, and I know it's essentially A&A. I was just confused at Rollo's use of 'never', however it's obvious that I'm not painting 'myself as pathetic' since the sarcastic tone makes it obvious I'm sure of myself.
wobbleelbbow 8y ago
I have a same habbit and I need to consciously stoyo doing it when I catch myself doing it. It depends on the degree and the amount of deprecating you are doing. Still though, it is better to laugh at yourself then be bitter and silent or whatever.
Peter_B_Long 8y ago
I think this would apply to all women, not just the ones you wish to me intimate with.
If you agree and amplify, that's basically self-deprecating, but you are not lowering your value in her eyes because you are sarcastically breaking her test which in turn, increases your value.
If you are admitting to a fault / flaw or genuinely agreeing to a negative claim about you, then you are then self-deprecating in a negative way that lowers your value and kills the attraction.
Two_kids_in_a_coat 8y ago
Well then add the edit to it how your question was answered.
Shaney96 8y ago
May just be how I interpreted this, but what you've said here makes no sense to me.
Two_kids_in_a_coat 8y ago
Sorry worded poorly. You said Rollo discusses your exact question. What did he say? It’s been a year since I read TRM
ChadsLeftNut 8y ago
The difference between self deprecation and Agree&Amplify is A&A is an exaggeration to the point ridiculousness in response to a shittest, while self deprecation is more based in reality. For example
"Haha, look at this carrot, my dick is probably smaller than it haha [cries inside]"
And
"You probably have a small dick"
"Yeah, its so small I have to specially order condoms from China. Standard size"
EmbarrassingPostAcc 8y ago
I like going the other direction, something like "I have LITERALLY the biggest penis on the planet". It brings the amused mastery of A&A while not putting myself down.
ChadsLeftNut 8y ago
That's not agree and amplify though, its disagree and amplify. The purpose of agree and amplify is not entering her frame by trying to qualify to her like she wants you to, and instead exaggerating it and showing that you dont care what she thinks about you
EmbarrassingPostAcc 8y ago
Wouldn't it be in the delivery? I'll do this with a smirk and false haughty air, it shows I'm obviously not taking the interaction seriously.
ChadsLeftNut 8y ago
Definetly, the medium is the message. I didnt say it couldnt work
EmbarrassingPostAcc 8y ago
Can't you agree & amplify while not putting yourself down? There should be a way to spin your joke in such a way.
I used to use self-deprecation but realized that it never really helped me, and often people would use it as an invitation to look down upon me. I don't do it anymore as a result.
I'll still laugh when someone makes a joke my way. It lets one display their self-confidence by not getting butthurt over it aka frame, and this way you aren't putting yourself down, which means more frame.