This has happened the past 5 dates in a row, all either first or second dates. All online.
I meet her at a bar near my place. After a couple of drinks we head back to mine. After 20-30 minutes we start making out. Eventually we're in my bed undressing. At some point, she'll stop my escalation (usually at removing her panties but one girl wouldn't vacate even her bra) and give me token LMR.
"I don't usually do this?" "Is this your thing?" Moving my hand away from her vag "Let's just talk" My fav: "I'm trying to be less easy"
I've faced LMR all my life and I've always plowed through by being unreactive, saying something like "we'll do whatever we're comfortable with," taking a few steps back and restarting later. I rarely freeze our (getting up and checking my email for example). However my LMR responses have failed every time. She'll keep her clothes on and give LMR 3-4 times, then eventually she'll put her clothes on and leave. Then either I don't bother following up or she's awkward/distant on the next date.
I'm at a loss for what I'm doing wrong. I try to turn them on during foreplay by grinding, hair pulling, etc, and as far as I can tell it works, but any contact with the vag and it's like an instant reaction. One possibility is that I'm giving off beta vibes. I have a nice place and from my profile it's clear I have $ and a good job. I don't really do cocky game, I don't challenge or cause drama, I just AA thru shit-tests as they come up.
Anyway it's very frustrating so I turn to you for thoughts and guidance.
[deleted] 6y ago
Fact: Females need male guidance and validation.
In your case, you are putting the burden of decision-making on her.
I do something more physical when I get LMR. My go-to is to turn on some orchestra music and take her hand, make her dance with me.
In summary, change her mood, not her mind.
machimus 6y ago
They can smell the neediness. Work on your abundance mentality, you should be prepared to leave or send them home if they dont want to bang. Just dont make it weird.
bluefingerblue 6y ago
I’d say if it takes you 20-30 minutes before you start making out at your place, you’re probably starting kino too late. You should be touching her hand/arm in the first 15-30 minutes of the date. Break that touch barrier and then you can comfortably touch her legs and shit throughout the date. Watch her start touching you back. That’s when it gets fun.
Then once you leave, she already knows you’re a physical guy. She knows she should be expecting to have sex if she enters. Moreover, you should make out with her before you enter your place. Either on the walk to the car or in front of your door. Give her a couple minutes to get acclimated once you get inside. Then get to it.
Sounds to me like you’re coming on strong at the end but not doing the groundwork leading up to that point. She should know exactly what she’s getting into 100% when she enters. Will lower the likelihood of LMR. Although you’ll still probably get it, it will be much easier to break down.