I have an app that takes a selfie and emails me when this happens.
Just got out of the shower, boom, there it is.
So.
Send her a screenshot? Call her out directly? Say nothing? Bounce and let her hamster for a couple days?
Probably no direct protocol for this.
Opinions? Advice?
She got in my laptop a couple weeks ago. Apologized and said she'd never do it again when she realized I knew.
[deleted] 8y ago
You already established when she got into your laptop that you will not tolerate her accessing your technology, she already apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.
You drew a line in the sand and this bitch willfully and knowingly crossed it. The hell there is "no direct protocol for this". You already know what to do. Are you looking for strangers on the internet to coddle you? Be a man.
0x9A30D7C49714D98000 8y ago
Try to think about what course of action future you is going to be proud of. Will it be the story where you backed down and stayed while she continued to walk all over you? How about the story where you nexted her and walked away because you’re someone who won’t be fucked with? You decide which version of the story you prefer, you’re the one that has to live with it.
osirise 8y ago
Lol. Oh man I love asktrp.
100% this comment
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
Fair enough
menial_optimist 8y ago
savage
DaftOdyssey 8y ago
No savagery, just the plain truth. No need to sugar coat this.
menial_optimist 8y ago
That's what I meant when I said savage, it was just the cold hard truth.
[deleted] 8y ago
Projection of a guilty conscious. She's either cheated, is talking to someone, or is thinking about it. Or she's jealous and insecure. Either way, this is not a healthy relationship.
Call her out and see what you can get. Regardless of the answer, time to look elsewhere.
TheMistakesWeMake 8y ago
You're right, it could be either. In my BluePill days, I was insecure about who my LTR at the time was talking to (no-one of note, it seems), but that paranoia made me occasionally check her phone. It was an extremely weak mindset, and one I'm glad to be rid of.
I agree it could be projection, but in my experience it's just as likely to be insecurity.
Rhynocobear 8y ago
Seconded, even if you are doing something on the side it seems she is looking for validation for her own actions.
RedSkeller 8y ago
While I completely agree with what you said, is there ever an instance where a woman wouldn’t do this? Asking for a friend
[deleted] 8y ago
I've had girlfriends call me out for behaviors that had them worried. Like, "Baby, I noticed you did XYZ, are we ok?"; "Yeah Sugar Tits, we're good."; "Ok baby, thank you." Completely acceptable.
Women need to be comforted to a degree. That's normal. If that comfort turns to snooping or spying, that's a sign of either a guilty conscious or serious trust issues. Either of those are major red flags.
SirKolbath 8y ago
Hard next. And by hard I mean, "You fucking vanish like a ninja in the witness protection program." Absolutely no contact. No explanation.
She gets no closure. She knows exactly what she did and she knows exactly what line she crossed. This behavior is not tolerable.
nothestrawberrypatch 8y ago
What app is this?
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
Smart lockwatch
timeforchange_NOW 8y ago
I'm going to be 'realistic' lol and say she has either cheated/talking to someone or is just insecure, would confront her about it and then go cold for a few days, pull back contact as punishment then she'll get the idea of not to fuck with you again, Kind of like conditioning, maybe she will even admit something when you go cold for a bit, anyway thats what i would do, lol at everyone saying next her pretty much every woman under the sun would go through a mans phone
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
Pretty much a story as old as time.
Adam and Eve. God had one rule. Don't eat that fruit. Kind of the equivalent of him saying hey my phone is here, it has no unlock code, you can have everything in the house and all you want, just don't open my phone and look through it.
Bitch can't help herself.
Pandora's Box. Same thing. Do anything but open this box.
Bitch can't help herself.
Bluebeard. You have access to this entire house, in all its palatial glory. There's just one room that you're not allowed to go into. By the way here's the key to that room. I'm going out of town for a couple days.
Bitch can't help herself.
It's funny because I actually got that app in case my phone was stolen. If someone tried to open it I would get a photo of their face and their location.
It turns out it has secondary benefits as well.
[deleted] 8y ago
Is there a similar app for iphone?
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
Not sure. Is lockwatch available for iPhone?
[deleted] 8y ago
I would send her a screenshot and then go radio silence for a week.
refusewool 8y ago
I think better to go radio silent with no screenshot. Let her hamster spin, employ dread.
oldredder 8y ago
Get creative: make her choose her punishment, give her some options you like. If she won't admit she even did it make sure it's good and obvious other girls are getting your dick because she's not behaving.
Also secure that damn laptop. Making a harder password can be tested using apps.
nabosch 8y ago
What app is that?
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
Smart lockwatch
Exodus230 8y ago
Ghost. No other option
[deleted] 8y ago
Drop her and find a new girlfriend.
sd4c 8y ago
Drop her and enjoy being single and beholden to no one.
[deleted] 8y ago
Good choice too
professor_mcamateur 8y ago
is phaedrus not a ghost? i feel like u know what to do here
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
Lol. Good reference. Gravity.
TonytheNetworker 8y ago
Show her the door. Going through your phone shows she doesn't respect you. It could also be a shit test to see how far you will let her go. I would ghost that bitch faster than you can say "Danny Phantom."
[deleted] 8y ago
Very telling that you feel the need to have a lockscreen app installed, and you actually gaf if some chick goes through your shit. Whose frame are you in?
Secondly, what are you doing that makes a woman think she has to check up on you? Dread should be subtle and passive in the first half.
SirKolbath 8y ago
Slight disagreement here, Triadis. I work in personal security, and I have a lock on my phone to protect client information. There are a lot of reasons to have your information secured. Phone theft is another example. If you use Amazon, eBay, or other online purchasing services that have your credit information, you're wide open to identity theft if you don't keep your shit locked down.
Oh, my phone also came with similar software. I used it because it was free and set up by default. I recall I got about twenty pics of my own grouchy face when I entered my password incorrectly for the next year or so. I don't use biometric locks because modern phones have them in a stupid place (behind the phone, near the camera) and I can't unlock my fucking phone when it's on the cradle in the car.
[deleted] 8y ago
Fair enough.
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
;)
[deleted] 8y ago
Why do you feel the need to hide the fact you're nonmonogamous?
That's rhetorical, you're not very good at the "hiding" part so it'll all unravel soon anyway.
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
I upvoted that comment actually. I think I clarified the non monogamy thing above. My definition of a non monogamous relationship is that she's monogamous. Chauvinistic? Maybe a bit.
menial_optimist 8y ago
Curious, should a husband/boyfriend attempt to hide absolutely nothing? If I send pics of anything remotely sexual to my friend on discord he goes nuts spamming letters to make them scroll up so his wife doesn't catch a glimpse of it. Happy wife, happy life eh?
[deleted] 8y ago
Hiding things is submissive juvenile behavour.
Living in mommy's frame.
PhaedrusHunt 8y ago
I agree. I have nothing to hide. She knew I was fucking other women when we met. I've was in a monogamous relationship for 11 years and did not cheat, but after a couple years spinning plates, it's hard to get used to not fucking a few women at a time. Up until now she's been super chill to the point I'm just dropping plates without her even asking. Not that I'm desperate, I just like this one more than the others. And I've shown her a couple texts unprompted where I told other women I won't be seeing them anymore. So I'm moving toward a monogamous LTR but in my own terms, which I've expressed. So she had no reason to be sneaky other than being drunk. I'd open my phone and give it to her if she asked.
Re your comment about the guy's buddy's wife-- Jesus, what a pussy whipped simp. Who gives a shit if someone receives pics if nudes from their buddy? It's not like it's women are sending actual nudes of themselves.
sd4c 8y ago
Bullshit, if you're involved, for example, in illicit activity, you don't tell your GF, or your wife. MAYBE you eventually tell the mother of your six children.
Are Mafia Dons and the Cartel living in mommy's frame?
[deleted] 8y ago
Hiding things and not disclosing things are completely different. Control loci.
Rian_Stone 8y ago
Reminds me of CAD, when he hid his wifes gloves to watch her flail around for a bit
[deleted] 8y ago
Didn't he eventually put them back where he found them?
Rian_Stone 8y ago
Yeah, he never could commit to being THAT much of an asshole
[deleted] 8y ago
Irrelevant. Whether or not you can appreciate the need for personal IT security doesn't even begin to matter here.
The point is that our boy Phaedrus set a boundary with his woman, and then this girl decided to abjectly disrespect him by doing what she had acknowledged to his face was wrong and promised not to do again. What do you mean "whose frame are you in"? The only way Phaedrus can remain in his own frame is by remaining consistent with the value system he already established, namely that his technology was off limits to this girl's wandering eyes.
Even if your implication that women going through his shit shouldn't matter made sense (and your assertion is objectively retarded) it doesn't matter here. OP established his value system which differs from yours. What you are asking him to do is bend to your frame while you chide him for not standing in his own. How does that make sense? And further by taking your advice he would also enter his woman's frame and has to bend over and take the fact that she thinks so little of him that she has no problem agreeing to respect his values to his face only to turn around and do exactly the opposite.
[deleted] 8y ago
Try to see just one level higher than the abject reality of the simple facts.
Op should definitely next the girl. That's the simple answer to the simple problem.
But if you don't do a root cause analysis of why the problem occurred, then you're just going to run into the same problem again and again.
Rational Male article titled "The Paradox of Commitment" has some ideas you should chew on.
The "Cheating means you are a "Beta Faggot"" post also has a lot more of the nuanced ideals and self reflection you should be doing if you're cheating. Read all the comments, currently you're very one dimensional, superficial and literal minded.
[deleted] 8y ago
Lol, ok I'll humor you, Mr. 'endorsed' Triadis3.
Can someone say Ad Hominem? None of that addresses any of the ideas I present. You merely say fuck the actual thinking and skip straight to attacking me personally. Solid.
A reading list of other people's ideas isn't the way to make a point. Not sure why you think otherwise. But it is a way to make you look like a loudspeaker cheer-leading for thinkers greater than you. Even if these are great ideas, and I'm sure they are, you can't just cite people without articulating how their ideas apply to your point and expect to be taken seriously.
It seems like you're the one who stands to learn from a root analysis of this situation. Your stance boils down to an idea that not wanting some hoe to have unlimited access to your personal information is a fundamentally dysfunctional ideology. Are you kidding? I don't want anyone, be it a girl who is taking my dick in her ass or not, to have carte blanche freedom to dig into my digital data: cell phone, laptop, VM, or any god damn other thing. This isn't because I'm insecure or in her frame as you laughably imply. It is because privacy is important for a fuck ton of obvious security, financial, medical, business, interpersonal and other reasons. If those reasons escape you, you're going to have to think about it for a while because I'm not going to spoon feed the obvious like a jar of Gerber to a toddler with Down Syndrome.
But since I'm such a nice guy, I'll give you one possible example. Your best friend from childhood just found out he is dying of cancer. He reaches out and you are the first person he confides in about the situation. Do you want a bitch to know about that? Do you want anyone to know?
Why is this hard? Honest question.
I might be wrong about what you are actually trying to say, since again you just link to a bunch of other people's words instead of making a case for yourself, so let me know if you vaguery has led me astray and I will help you figure this out all the same.
[deleted] 8y ago
I can't help you. You have much work to do.
[deleted] 8y ago
I know you can't help. We all have much work to do.
W_O_M_B_A_T 8y ago
Start moving out. No explanation. "You know what you did. I don't date lying swines."