Firstly I want to apologize in advance for how pathetic most of this most is about to be. To preface, I rarely have issues picking up girls, mainly because I usually never have a serious interest in any of them but also because I realized very quickly that being a beta doesn't get you anywhere. After getting out of an LTR a few years ago (with a girl I was a total beta with) I finally came across a girl, we'll call her E, I could legitimately see potential with. We had casually known each other for years and it was easy to see we had a mutual attraction whenever we'd see each other. Well, not even a week after she ended things with her first LTR, guess who started hitting me up? You guessed it, E. So we start talking and end up hanging out. Things were going awesome but me, stupidly slipping back into beta mode, never made a move because I could see a legit future with her and didn't want to just be a rebound to her or take advantage of a girl who was vulnerable (you don't need to tell me how stupid that sounds, I feel pathetic just writing it down).

Just a quick tangent but this girl has textbook BPD. The outbursts, mood swings, impulsive behavior, you name it, she has it. Draws you in with stories about how she has all of these medical conditions and how badly everyone treats her that turn out to be absolute bull. But the rush she gives me is addicting. The feeling of being her problem solver and "protector" and the spontaneous road trips to do random things just sucked me farther in the black hole. Obviously doesn't hurt she's absolutely gorgeous.

Anyway, after hanging out for a week or so, she ends up completely ghosting me and I find out she's back with her ex. Ah well I thought, win some, lose some. Nope, this pattern continued for months. She would pop back up in my life with a "crisis" of some sort and my beta orbiter self would save the day. I'd take her out for a week straight, paying for everything (of course) and just being the "perfect guy". Even had to leave work to bring her to the ER because she wasn't feeling well. Then boom, a week later she was nowhere to be found. If I tried to initiate conversation I'd just get one word answers and she wouldn't start any on her own. Rest assured though, usually within a month, she pops back up acting like nothing. Whenever she would come back around I'd make it clear that I still had feelings and wanted to pursue a relationship and I'd just get the same bull "I'm really interested in a relationship with you but I still need time to heal" response. The worst part of it all is that I've been around enough and seen this go on with other friends that I know exactly what's going on but still let it happen.

When she disappears, obviously I just keep on meeting and hanging with other girls and just a couple weekends ago, we went to hangout at a bar and one of these other girls was there. Well E decided to tell her to stay away from her man and spends the night all over me to prove a point. Followed that up by seeing I got a snapchat from another girl and adding her on every form of social media to keep tabs on her. Then she follows that up by telling another one of our mutual friends that me and her are just friends? At this point I'm not sure if I'm crazier than her for still sticking around to be honest but I just haven't cared about someone so strongly before.

For those of you who have made it through everything and are still reading this I guess here are my questions. Firstly, am I too deep in the beta/friendzone to get anywhere with this girl? There was obviously attraction before and the fact she gets so jealous tells me there are still feelings there but I don't know if I just messed up too badly. If there is a chance what do I do? Or do I just accept defeat and run for my life? Secondly, how can I stop getting oneitis on these girls. I've had 2 legit girlfriends before E and I always turn into a hardcore beta. My life cycle seems to be finding a girl I'm super into, dating them and turning back into a beta, ending it and realizing how pathetic I was, leave my beta ways and have fun for a while only to repeat the cycle again when a potential LTR pops up. When a girl I'm into comes along I just want to focus so hard on making her happy that I just turn into an unattractive pushover. Help me out guys.