So i had this tinder date with a chick 26yrs old, I am 30. She was latin Amrican, HB7, short but still cute. Used to work on a cruise ship which stays overboard for 6 months and did this for around 2 years. Was now back to find a normal job.
We met at a bar and i tried to build rapport, talking about travel experiences etc. I went for the kiss two times but she said its too soon. I was not at all apologetic. She said she was hungry, so i suggested I will cook. Ended up in my place. Within 5 mins while cooking i went for the kiss again and she was receptive. We ate and then i started a little kino. Top and bra came off after some resistance and we moved to the bedroom. But she said she is not having sex right now. I keep saying its okay and continued with that. But couldn't overcome the resistance. Lately from my experiences i don't put too much pressure on sex on first date but i am persistent. So we stopped and moved to balcony. Keno resumed an i put the hand in her pants and fingered her, kissing and biting was all there from both sides. She was receptive but still didn't give in. She said we can have sex on the second date, but not today. She didn't give any reason. She said its been a long time and this is good so i don't want to rush through it. Which didn't make any sense to me. I even reasoned that she would have one night stands(which she said she did during a phase) but if something is good she is postponing it. She said she know its weird to explain.
But on the same time she kept giving all the positive signals of a second date, suggesting bike ride together, saying she will wear deep cleavage cocktail dress rather than pants, or we could do it in the forest as well. Anyways i took it all lightly stating its all good and we should do it soon. We were together from 6 pm to 2 in the morning, when she said its late and she has to see her niece tomorrow. So we exchanged numbers and she even said i hope you call me. I asked if she is free tomorrow she said she is. After that she asked me to walk her back home, she lived really close by ( like 300m ) . So i did, kissed goodbye and said i will call you.
Next day i texted, she was away on whatsapp so I called, no reply. She read the messages but didn't reply. I called one more time but still no reply. So all in all completely ghosted me.
Any explanation why this happened ? The girl don't matter to me, but i want to know if there is any flaw in my approach. Was i giving beta vibes? I know if the girl want to she always fucks the guy she doesn't postpone, so i was definitely doing something wrong, not sure what ?
Additional info : She did say she came out of a relationship 3 months ago and she was in love and guy friendzoned her. and this is her first tinder date ( probably a lie) . She asked about me and is said its my 3rd but first two didnt end in sex (i think i didnt handle this one well). She even asked if i cooked for other women before, and i said only one other - my ex. So i probably failed a few shit tests .
Chit-Chad 8y ago
I think you came off as needy. You start with kino, escalate over the date. She was witholding sex and you were showering her with attention - sounds BP? You be the judge. What's with texting AND calling? If she's ignoring you, soft next immediately and wait for her to reach out. If you want to push, be a bit subtle. Addition: Never go by what she says, go by how she acts. Says she'll fuck your brains out on NEXT date? Doesn't matter, how she's acting in the moment is much different from what she says.
rookieMale 8y ago
Thanks man ! Makes perfect sense. I did shower her with attention while she was withholding sex, and i did get a little needy with texting and calling ( this i should definitely keep in mind ).
I have faced this before so i am not clear on this :
How do you normally approach if she is withholding sex ? Stop kino? do something else ?
Chit-Chad 8y ago
I think everyone faces this issue, so don't worry too much about it. Just remember to maintain frame. Withholding sex on the first date is common, so I'll try escalating twice in the night, but if it fails I don't let it affect myself, there's not much you can do besides try. You have to tread the fine line between coming across as desperate and not doing enough to escalate. Just trial and error until you find the sweet spot. So say, your first date, she's reluctant and you've tried twice. The second time should be towards the end, so if she says no you part ways and try for a second date. If she's still withholding after the second date, possible red flag, could be there for free food or attention. Soft next until she reaches out. Third time, you try again and if it doesn't work - hard next. Do keep trying to game other women after the first date to achieve the abundance mentality and avoid being needy.
rookieMale 8y ago
Thanks for the info !!
Yeah i think i tried at least 4-5 times . May have seemed i am so desperate for sex, and i kept kissing her passionately throughout the date ( This is beta/needy too i guess ? ) , plus touching and caressing her ( oh god now i see ).
Chit-Chad 8y ago
These things are all okay (except trying 4-5 times), but they need to be done carefully and naturally. You can't force these. Kissing, touching and caressing are fine but looks like you weren't looking out for IOIs, rather you were focused on things you NEEDED to do. Just go with the flow next time. 2 points-
resnine 8y ago
I don't care what others say her I think going in for the fingering was way too soon, especially given what she KEEPS TELLING YOU. She was telling you not to do that shit and you just kept going. You didn't respect her boundaries. I am saying this from my personal experience, I've done shit like this too, where I am all selfish and the girl ghosts me. You should take the lead, of course, but you shouldn't keep pressuring the girl like that. I think you came on WAY too strong with her. You should have been more subtle and nuanced about this. You seemed thirsty the whole time. I don't know what you guys were talking about. But it just seemed like all you wanted was sex and you weren't building any sort of emotional bond/connection and social rapport. Those things should have been included.
rookieMale 8y ago
I dont think so. That isn't the case here. The fingering was around the end of the date ( like 1:30 pm ) that's after 7 hrs of rapport building. And she started kissing my neck and turning around to rub against by dick. I touched her outside her pants to rub the clit, she got turned on and let me put the hand inside her pants. Actually now that i think about it, i didnt seize the moment ( was not sure because it was the balcony ) and my hand started getting tired because the pants were closed and it started getting a little awkward and her logical brain started working again and the resistance came back.
resnine 8y ago
Everything you are saying I've been through before and every time I've discovered either first-hand or second-hand that I came on too strong or was being selfish. Even if she seems to be enjoying it girls will fake shit and pretend to like it, and then regret them later. It's fucking crazy at times because it appears one way on the surface but their minds it's a different story. She'll do a total 180* after the fact.