I handle stress very poorly.

Whenever I get stressed out or something negative happens in my life (e.g. today, I was late to work because pooping problems and I couldn’t speed because cops everywhere), I completely lose focus and dwell and brew on the stress, and complain about it to everyone around me, including on this subreddit (that’s why I’m here right now). I can’t just block it out, and using calming techniques would be too obvious to everyone around me. As of right now, I still can’t focus because of the stress I went through this morning. I also get stressed out and frustrated very easily; I’m emotionally fragile. I feel like I want to run away from work, quit my job, and just break down and cry because my punctuality has been a major issue because of my pooping problems. I want to be an alpha male, but I have absolutely zero mental constitution or strength to handle the stress that comes with it. I just break down, fold, and collapse like a house of cards. And reading “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck” has not helped me. Everybody says I make mountains out of molehills and complain way too much, and they’re sick of it. I hate myself so much. My life runs on Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong does, at the worst possible time. My pooping problems are ruining my life. I can’t wipe my ass quickly; it’s like poo hides in my asshole; it takes me like an hour just to wipe my ass completely clean when the world expects me to be able to do it in 5 minutes.

I can’t handle my own emotions well. I can handle very minor stress & inconveniences that I don’t see as important to me getting the approval of others, but anything bigger/more important to me and I fold like a house of cards. I have calming techniques, but those go out the window as soon as I get stressed out and frustrated and it’s like I completely forget them and zone in on my feelings. Plus, part of the reason I’m like this (Asperger’s complications) is extremely shameful to admit because everybody hates spergs. And I can’t get therapy because it’s too expensive and my parents won’t pay for it, and Murphy’s Law seems to apply to my financial life as well (immediately after I finished my emergency fund, I sprained both my ankles (doctors appointment), my headphones broke, I needed driving sunglasses due to glare from driving to work, and my retainer broke (orthodontist appointment)).