Hello TRP. I've been lurking here for a little while now trying to soak up as much TRP knowledge as possible. Thank you to everyone who has posted and commented here and provided perspective. I very much appreciate it.

Now on to the the reason I'm writing:

I've been married to the same woman for about 20yrs. the last 10 or so has been spiraling downward to the point where we're currently living together but sleeping in separate rooms. This has been the case for the last 1.5 years. We have not been intimate in that amount of time. We have 3 kids together. I've been working on myself by reading books like JBP's "12 rules.." this sub-reddit, and going to the Gym at least twice a week.

One of the constant issues I have is that my wife always seems to be able to make me break frame w/ her shit tests. It happens very quickly and sometimes so subtle that I don't realize it its happening in that moment. I fall for it like 98% of the time. An example of what I'm talking about; I slept in different room last night because my usual room is too damn hot. (can't use the A/C there). I got up this morning and was making my way downstairs to make breakfast for my son, and myself when she walks by and stops me and tells me to make the bed. I hesitate for a sec, and then I go do it. Just then, I realized i just let her order me. I'm pissed about it because I would've done it eventually, but she wanted done now and I complied. This is one of the reasons we're in the situation we're in because I've stupidly ceded control to her too often in an effort to "be nice and to keep the peace". It also comes off looking like I don't stand up for myself which frustrates me. I want to put a stop to this.

I'd like to know if anyone has some advice or tips on how to maintain frame in interactions like these. (and with women in general.) While there are other issues that I won't go into here, this a major one that has plagued me throughout my time w/ her.