A lot of being good in bed is just her being turned on. You achieve this by being attractive to her. You can last for 30 minutes of intense penetration and be hypothetically "great" at nearly all aspects of sex, but her enjoyment of it and her likelihood of orgasming is really mostly hinging on how hot she perceives you as being.

You need to just work on yourself. Read the side bar and develop your frame. Feel like you are a man of the kind of quality that no sane woman would want to pass up, especially over something as trivial as nutting to fast the first time you are together.

Some men can beat themselves up constantly and improve but others need self-compassion. Give yourself permission to fail. That means to really try until failure, not self sabotage yourself.

If a girl likes you and you mess it up the first time during sex she will usually let you try again. Some won't and in those cases you just try again with somebody else.

You need to learn to relax. There are some tantric teachers who may help you do this during sex. Look if there is someone in your area.

have pussied out from every possible opportunity since then as I am not sexually confident.

And you get confident through practice and experience. Stop looking for perfection or even good... think of it more like "this is an experience I'll have and learn from". Or "this will be fun/interesting/whatever, doesn't matter how it turns out".

Why are you worried? You're probably worried about what SHE thinks, and this is a problem. It doesn't matter. Women know that the first few times are often not that good, there's much less pressure than you think.

Worst case if you can't get IDGAF mentality, see it as a process. Get through your first few so you can get to better. It's also not all down to you. The girl will be fun and will help. (If she doesn't, find one that does).

But even that scares the shit out of me. I have zero confidence being sexual and have trouble relaxing enough and being vulnerable enough to get aroused.

I'd advise against escorts - it's too much of a shortcut, and terrible for your confidence in many cases. Stop pressuring yourself.... you don't have to have sex. Take it easy, go at your own pace.

How the fuck does someone meet an actual girl, confidently lead to sex, have bad sex due to inexperience and then expect to land a new girl or a lay again?

Why would someone NOT do this? The next girl doesn't see the last one and won't talk to her unless you try and quote references.

Why would a girl ever see you again if you can’t fuck her properly?

Oh they do. They really do. Fuck her good, don't fuck her, fuck her terribly, you don't cum, she doesn't cum, hard like a rock, can't get hard at all, you pass out drunk and don't have sex, she passes out drunk and don't have sex. I've done it all. They still come back. You get a lot of chances if she likes you. Quit pressuring yourself!

Just accept what happens as what happens.

And where do you get the positive reinforcement to even try to Fuck a new girl?

You don't need it. You just try and fuck a new girl.

There’s no way guys in this situation can pick up easily enough to fuck enough separate girls that they get good enough at it to be worth seeing again.

Yeah, takes a bit of practice. Stop fucking caring so much!

st this as all I can think of is setting aside a fixed amount of money and relentlessly seeing escorts until I gain some sexual confidence. Not a troll. Thanks.

To other readers: he's been around a while, so not a troll :)

Forget escorts man. You don't NEED sexual confidence, you need to relax. See the next girl as practice. And the one after. Until you're chill with all this.

Stop fapping, stop worrying, remove buffers and start fucking. No one cares if your girls enjoy it as much as you did. And be sure, as long as you act with confidence, your inexperience won't be much of a deal to her. There's no cure, no pill to take, just experience to make. Action creates motivation.

If that doesn't work: I guess someone has to be in the 80%.

You can't see it happening so you throw away every opportunity

Having been in a similar position I will provide you with tips that will help you. First, you should go on nofap or at least work on it. The less you watch porn the better your dick will work with real women. No masturbation for up to 90 or 120 days will greatly help.

Check out the nofap reddit and get those streaks going. Stop depleting your body of the hormones that will help you actually fuck women.

Second, and I actually do this too again since I started using condoms consistently because of my number of plates, buy generic Cialis. That stuff is cheap, you pop a pill and for 48 hours your dick works great. you still need to get aroused, but the idea that your dick will work takes away the tension.

Third, get more comfortable expressing your sexual desires. Especially any kinks, the stuff that really turns you on. Took me quite a while to be comfortable, but that really helps. Chicks like to please you.

Finally, experiment with dominance. That's the preferred role of the man. It feels contradicting when you're still unsure of yourself, but once you learn that it boosts the atmosphere you'll start to feel in control, similar to when you're jerking it to porn.

Good luck my man