Right, so a little context before I get 'lift fagit':
I lift 5 times a week, meditate for at least 20mins a day, do 2 hours of boxing a week, practise NoFap, abstain from porn, and I'm trying to develop cold approach by doing 5 direct approaches a week. I'm 21 from the UK and will be starting my last year of Uni a week tomorrow. I got out of my first LTR a year ago, have an n-count of one, and believe my ability to hold frame and my SMV is above average for my age.
Almost every day I ask myself "what's the point?" It's rare that I feel great about myself and it seems that meditation and the gym is only useful to keep me level-headed. I spend hours and hours consuming pickup-related content on YouTube, and exclusively read self-help material (currently a book regarding Zen, The Game, and The Rules of The Game). Last night, for example, I went to bed at 9.30pm, read until 10pm (setting my alarm for 6.30 for sake of getting into the habit of rising early again), but ended up breaking a week's nofap streak, breaking my fast, and watching a movie. This was all because my mind was driving me insane about women (fantasizing over sex and scenarios leading up to sex, date ideas, then basically existential-related thoughts).
"But why didn't you just meditate?" I don't like seeing meditation as a way of trying to neutralize pain my mind is giving me. The pain my mind gives me is always focused around girls. For example, yesterday I was supposed to go on a date, she cancelled and ghosted. This ate at me throughout the day: checking my phone every hour in hoping she'd text me. Indeed, I have physical scarcity, and have read so much TRP & extended reading to understand the toxicity of oneitis etc..
You could say 'so just keep approaching and get laid and spin plates and lift.' Indeed, this is what I aim to do, however I don't want to have to be sexually abundant just to reclaim a peaceful headspace. No, I've not gotten laid in a year, and my n-count is one. I feel there's a gap between my sexual 'achievement' and my SMV, and I believe that's why I'm so mentally obsessed with women.
Do I need to just face my issues with women head-on and try approaching as much as possible to resolve this physical scarcity? Should I seek therapy and try to further understand why I think I must achieve so much with women? Or is it the case that, because I feel I have no true purpose in life, that I've assigned it to that of chasing women, and should try out different hobbies to develop a higher purpose?
boodie_1961 7y ago
Your focus is on women. All the good things you do are aimed at getting more of them. It seems that this is not working and just raises your level of anxiety. Your focus should be you, and your path of growth only. Occasional relax such as a movie is not bad, actually you need it, as long as it fits in your agenda. A good hobby session helps in clearing the mind, too (something that helps you socialising, perhaps). Improving oneself is like building a house, from the foundations to the roof. Women arrive when the house is nearly finished; they then love to decide the colour of the walls, what to plant in the flower beds, etc. In my case this happened in my late twenties, not before.
Shaney96 7y ago
Thanks for the response.
I appreciate that my path should be on me, but for whatever reason there's a voice saying I should expand my experiences with women. Even when I'm at the gym, travelling my continent, reading books, there's some internal dialogue pressuring me to get better with girls and concentrate my efforts toward them. It's frustrating, because I'd like nothing more than to find some passion and not feel guilty for not approaching and feeling I have to be constantly approaching attractive girls I see.
boodie_1961 7y ago
At your age it's normal to be hormonal. This is behind this internal voice: hormons. Unfortunately you don't seem to have the natural gift of being a 'seducer'. Some people do it effortlessly; I have met several of these and they might be successful in sleeping with many girls but they in other areas of life they were chaotic and unsuccessful. The weak spot of the natural seducers, typically, is that they have little incentive and capabilities to put together and keep a family. Becoming 'attractive' and good at approaching are skills that can be learnt and I'm not the best person to advise. The sidebar in this subreddit and r/seduction are probably the best source of support. All I can say is that approaching reasonably requires the good old 'trial and error'. I think that if you are looking for a gf, then you will probably succeed pretty quickly. If you wanted to become a serial seducer then it takes a lot more time, the same if you wanted to master any trade (e.g. I want to be able to play the guitar as a reasonably good amateur or I want to become a professional studio musician and make a living out of it).
[deleted] 7y ago
You sound like a low testosterone incel who follows this cookbook of recipes in order to get pussy. If I can smell this vibe of desperation even from the aroma of your writing then women will very easily pick up on this when you approach them in person.
"I feel there's a gap between my sexual 'achievement' and my SMV"
Yes, you "feel" that you deserve more than you have. Because after all you "follow the rules". Well, SMV is purely measured in results unfortunately. Lower your standards and build confidence by gaming women of the same SMV as you are but preferably even lower. Maybe start with HB2 or HB3 max.
Shaney96 7y ago
And this slander seems unnecessary.
So your genuine advice is to scrape the barrel for HB2s huh?
I've approached very attractive women and have gotten numbers and a date or two. My point being that this doesn't seem 'fulfilling' and I'm confused at whether my concentrated efforts on women (and the other things I do to increase SMV for the sake of women) are healthy and will resolve internal issues.
Your comment is little other than a statement of keyboard slander that provides no value for somebody seeking advice from other men on a subreddit designed to help men in difficult life-situations.
[deleted] 7y ago
I wrote "you sound" and not "you are". You think you are entitled to something which you clearly are not. Because otherwise you would have it. Sometimes it's just that easy.
I had this friend when I was younger. A very good looking guy who got attention from girls constantly. He later was in talent show on national television and was nicknamed "the rabbit" in a big newspaper because it got out that he fucked a lot of the female contenders. So this a guy who literally is the living stereotype of Chad.
Yet even for him it was hard to pull anything above HB6 for one night stands or fuck buddies. The funny thing is that he really did't care too much. He would fuck a HB3 if the opportunity arose and then come back to us and continue to game other girls.
If it wasn't beneath Chad to do this I don't think it would be beneath you.
It sounds like you are already "living by the cookbook" and if you still can't pull women you will either have to lower your standards or remain thirsty. It's your choice at this point.
Shaney96 7y ago
I didn't mean for it to sound like entitlement, but more confusion at why I'm not achieving success in an area I assumed I would after work on myself. I think, considering my life, it's primarily because I'm something of a recluse at the moment and rarely socially interact (travelling and a software dev job in small town). My point is that I think I'll be better off when I'm back at Uni and will be able to better gauge my progress.
> If it wasn't beneath Chad to do this I don't think it would be beneath you.
I think our dialogue can end here, because saying I can either lower my standards or remain thirsty isn't even advice.
[deleted] 7y ago
My advice was to get experience and confidence with girls by successfully gaming girls. Your problem are the girls who won't lower their standards to be with you and not your own standards.
So you allegedly lift 5 times a week and go boxing and do 5 cold approaches per week yet at the same time you are "something of a recluse at the moment and rarely socially interact". You are delusional.
Shaney96 7y ago
My 'recluse' statement was a summary of the last X amount of months, in comparison to that of someone with a large social circle. I lift, but it's not like I'm going for a pint with the guys at the gym. I cold approach, but they don't usually end up going anywhere. The boxing I've only recently started and am working on building relationships.
You think my problem is that I'm frustrated that girls won't 'lower their standards'? You think I'm delusional from the text you've read? Such words offer absolutely no genuine help for me, and I struggle to understand why you'd post on this subreddit . It honestly sounds like you're trying to satisfy and stroke your ego for the sake of disparaging others.
[deleted] 7y ago
Correct.
Yes they do. You just don't like it. You are like the guy who would like to become a world champion in boxing but doesn't like training because it is so hard on his body.
You have a very low n-count which amounts to very little experience with women. You are unable to get the women you want yet you won't lower your standards to gain some experience. Because you think you deserve better woman when you clearly do not.
Boss, I am just the messenger! Your n-count should tell you everything you need to know about your SMV. And I can say just from interacting with you on the internets that your n-count is absolutely right.