For as long as I can remember, I've had days where I'm socially "on" - I can easily vibe with people, I know just what to say and I can get an easy read on their emotions. I can easily work a room at a social function when in this state.
Other days I'm not socially calibrated - I can still read people, but I'm not as quick on the uptake and my body language is awkward. Generally when this happens I just check out and wait for it to pass, but I'd like to figure out the root cause.
I've paid attention to hydration, blood sugar levels and hours of sleep, finding no significant correlation with social calibration.
Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Are there other factors worth considering?
MattyAnon Admin 8y ago
yup. comes and goes - probably depending how compatible everyone else's mood is with your mood and/or social understanding.
ride the highs, ignore the lows, get on with it.
epicness 8y ago
Hmm, are you experiencing anxiety, stress or fatigue during those situations?
FieldLine 8y ago
Perhaps some mild anxiety, but only when I am unable to remove myself from the situation and I know that I'm not performing at my best. It's not "panic" anxiety, if that's what you mean.
Fatigue is kind of self-fulfilling - when repeatedly striking out socially, forcing myself to continue being social is more taxing. But the inverse is also true, once I get "in state", socializing is simple, effortless.
What do you have in mind?
epicness 8y ago
I know the bulk of social calibration is in social awareness. From what you're saying, you have that down. After that it's self awareness in relationship to social awareness in terms of, "is my behavior appropriate to my surroundings? Am I making intelligent social choices?" A lot of times, unattractive social behaviors just come about when someone isn't feeling ok at some level. Someone comes across as try hard because they lack validation. Someone else can't maintain eye contact because they're intimidated by something. Other people fidget because they're stressed or anxious. My guess is that you caring about a naturally changing emotional and physical state is creating stress for you, which then causes your social uncalibration. It's not the state itself that is the cause, it's that you think you need to feel your best is the only way you'll be calibrated that's affecting your behavior. As a side note, if you're worried you might do something dumb, or don't necessarily know what to do, when it comes to social situations with people you'll see again, playing it safe is always a viable strat until you recalibrate.
ppzhao 8y ago
If you're talking about specific events, such as "going out tonight", rest is what worked best for me. I'm "on" a lot more often when I take a 1-2 hour nap before going out. Happy hours after a 8 hour workday? I'm like a zombie on autopilot.
Not sure if this helps, but I wrote something about it like years back. http://www.seductionadventures.com/2009/04/mood-and-state.html
vorverk 8y ago
I think everyone is like this to a degree. 2 scenarios that put me out are some people that make me uneasy, so I avoid them. They're not AMOGing me. They're just weird to be around. The other one is when I'm not on top of things, like too much open projects at work, not finished stuff etc.. which is also fine. It makes me want to finish stuff, so I can relax.
throwawayred521 8y ago
Think about it more like social momentum, your brain needs to know that it's time to socialize.
I know there's some actual psychology behind it. Owen from rsd has some material this on his older videos
Metalgear222 8y ago
I like to think of this phenomenon as a battery with a charge level. When you are very social all the time your battery will drain a tad, most people can maintain this around 50-60%. However, when you've taken some time of from being social and your battery recharges to 100% the next social interaction you'll be in that "god-mode" as I like to call it. Another option is Coke, but I wouldn't advise that one.
stdrp 8y ago
You've got some good answers already but I will add here that you may have some introversion issues. In my own experience as an introvert, I find that if my batteries are sufficiently charged I can be "socially on" for quite some length of time. But it eventually slows down and finally crashes, and I need serious time to recharge.
If that's your case, then it may be as simple of a matter of finding out what's your best way to recharge. That's different for everyone, I think.
[deleted] 8y ago
You probably have the aids