I've swallowed the RP, read the sidebar, along with much of the assigned reading. Knowledge isn't my problem, but being too logical is (so much that it's stunting my progress/growth). I get into situations with my LTR where she's asking me something and I know I should connect with her emotions, but I just can't, not totally. It's like I can understand a foreign language, but I can't speak it. I suppose that's a good thing, that I recognize what's going on, the subtext, but ultimately worthless if I can't take advantage of it.
For example, I ignored her for a day because I didn't like the way she was acting. Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and started questioning me. I agreed that I had been quiet, restating her observation. Then she asked why. I just said I was busy. I could see that she was sad and frustrated with my lack of emotion. In fact, I was being totally cold and analytical with everything. Isn't the best way to handle situations like this to ignore the "facts" and connect with her emotions? I know I should be doing that, but I can't seem to completely do that. We fucked later, so her actions tell me I'm still doing things right, but I'm wondering if I can do better.
TLDR; I know what I need to connect with her emotions, but I'm too logical. How do I overcome that?
SirAttackHelicopter 8y ago
Don't mistake stubbornness and hesitation as logical. Based on your description, she was the logical one. She just wanted to know why you did something, not how you felt about it. Stick to logic as that is a man's domain. Simply answer her and brush it off. Simply disappearing for a day from a LTR is logically going to raise some questions, no?
Viscount61 8y ago
Instead of ignoring her, you should have told her which actions were bothering you, explained why and asked her to stop. You should have spoken up immediately. Then you could have had sex with her twice in the time period during which you only got laid once.
HappyMexican 8y ago
Yeah I second this. Being cold, logical and distant are good for early game but LTRs require a lot more then that.
mountainbiker178 8y ago
Appreciate your response. I didn't want to write a book, but she did want to know how I felt. In fact that's all she wanted to know. I never told her. I don't think DEER'd, though it's kind of impossible not to if someone asks you directly why you did/didn't do something, right? I'm pretty sure she was frustrated with the conversation, because she didn't get the closure she wanted. She still doesn't know what my feeeeeelings were.
HardLessontoLearn 8y ago
She doesn't know your feelings because you led her on a wild goose chase over "being busy". You don't have to talk feelings to stand up for yourself and be honest here.
Watch this (based on the vague info you've provided)- Her- You've been quiet You- yep Her- why? You- I didn't like the way you were acting earlier Her- how did it make you feel? You- embarrassed for you and the way you were acting Her- but how did it make you feeeeeeeeeeeel? You- now you're being ridiculous. This isn't about feelings, it's about your actions. If you don't understand that, I'm done talking about it.
redhawkes 2 8y ago
It sounds like you were acting passive-agressive, cos your actions weren't aligned with your words. Don't do that, it makes you look butthurt.
Don't fall in that trap. Women don't like emotional men, it's a weakness. Treat her like a bratty little sister. Use amused mastery cos you're dealing with emotional creature and don't argue with her.
In this case you could have said something like "Oh someone is jealous" then smirk and change the subject. Always own your shit.
Btw this is what Roissy says about connecting with her emotions :
Translated it means don't make her bored, make her feel everything.
mountainbiker178 8y ago
If I was passive aggressive, then you're right, I fucked up. I know I have a lot to learn still. I was BP for most of my life, which sickens me now.
Thanks for the quote from Roissey. That's what I mean, I know I should do/act as he describes, but I can't seem to actualize it. Its like I need a "stronglifts program" for implementing that.
redhawkes 2 8y ago
Read the sidebar, there are thousands of examples there, but don't try to memorize the lines. You want to learn the concept, to internalize it. Hold your frame, pass shit tests, tease her like you would a child, always be leading and be the prize.
Remember, you are an oak tree, nothing can shake your frame, and you're right. It's the bp conditioning that fucks you up. Just keep improving yourself, lift heavy, read, work on your mission, be high value and don't give a fuck.
VasiliyZaitzev 8y ago
Get an M to F sex change operation.
mountainbiker178 8y ago
LOL
hatefulreason 8y ago
people are telling him to explain himself to her, i have the feeling that's the wrong answer.what do you think ?
VasiliyZaitzev 8y ago
I think not explaining might be better, like 60%-40%. Here's why.
She was being cunty, so he blew her off until she couldn't stand it. She asks why. He can go with:
A - "You KNOW why."
or
B - "You were being a pain in the ass, so I decided to let you have some time alone to get over it." (better: "to think about what you did.")
Neither answer is "wrong" but (a) spins the hamster wheel stronger and longer.
Bear in mind that I operate on Level 99 DGAF, and with lots of abundance, so decisions are easier to make, and problem children are sent to where bad children go.
hatefulreason 8y ago
thank you. i had a feeling that "how did that make you feel" bullshit was wrong
zeeohsixer 8y ago
Read practical female psychology for the practical man
mountainbiker178 8y ago
I actually just finished reading that last week! It's a great book and recommend it. In fact, that book prompted me to ask this question.
During the conversation with my LTR, while she was talking about how my actions made her feel, I was thinking that I need to connect with her emotions, not what's she's saying. My problem is that I KNOW what I need to do, but I don't know HOW. I'm sure I'm overthinking it. Maybe it's just a matter of being aware of that and slowly practicing it, but I'm really struggling with implementing it and being quick enough.
HardLessontoLearn 8y ago
Picture this- man notices the woman he's with is acting funny. He asks what's wrong and she says "nothing". Clear that something is up, he asks again and she says "I'm fine". We both know she's not fine. We both know something is up. We both know she shouldn't play mind games trying to make him guess. If he doesn't want to play that game, he ignores the behavior. She had two opportunities to talk like an adult and shit on both of them.
You just did that same girly bullshit to your girlfriend.
If she does something that makes you mad, tell her. Dont make her guess, don't tell her a lie, just tell her the truth like the logical man you claim to be.