Hi TRP users,

Firstly, I've been reading the Red Pill for a few months now and am so engaged with the philosophy - I think it is brilliant, and the community is so balanced and trolls are simply non-existent, and with that being said, I appreciate you, TRP community, taking the time to read this and provide your opinions, especially when it involves giving advice/thoughts to a complete stranger.

I am 21 and I like to think I have strong principles, and a certain principle I'm not sure whether to break involves forgiving my father and travelling to see him - let me bring you up to speed.

Mother and father divorced when I was 9, I remember my dad always being quite verbally abusive towards me and one time he hit me in the stomach (in the middle of a McDonalds - other restaurants are available lol) because I was not wearing a seatbelt because there were 4 people in the back of the car, when there should only be 3 (I was 11 at the time). I told my mum by text, and she had a row with my dad, and he came into McDonalds and hit me in the stomach without a thought. I couldn't breathe for a few seconds and he immediately regretted what he did, but I pushed him away.

Fast forward a year, I got over my dad for doing that but never really forgave him, and I started seeing him again (probably 12/13 at this point). My dad always had a woman around, with relationships that last between a month or two to a year and a half, but he always put them first (which I can understand to a degree and I was always independent so attention wasn't something I needed). However, one time me and my sister spent the weekend with him where he didn't have a girlfriend, for once, and it was fantastic, but that was very short lived.

Fast forward a few years later, 17 years old, and I decided to live with my dad as my mum wanted to move somewhere I didn't want to go, and my dad lived in an ideal location for me. This lasted about 6 months with my dad, and I had finished college and started an apprenticeship (earning £650 a month). I paid my dad £150 rent per month, and by this point my dad had a girlfriend for about 6 months. This relatively new girlfriend lived in Manchester and that was about a 3 hour drive and cost a lot in petrol. My dad, after speaking with his girlfriend, came down after speaking with her over the phone and had a huge "go" at me saying I would need to pay more rent (to cover his travel expenses, but he didn't say that, instead he hamstered it as me "pulling my weight more"), and he was asking for £350 per month (bearing in mind I was earning £650 per month), and also bearing in mind that I did A LOT of the housework - doing all his laundry, weeding the grass, mowing the grass, cleaning, etc. which I didn't have a problem with as you have to upkeep things. I am a businessman, however, and if I was paying £350 for one room in a house where I had to do all of someone else's chores on top of my own, my thoughts, while he was shouting at me, was that I'm going to move out, and I did. While he was away one weekend seeing his girlfriend, I moved all of my stuff out of the house into a new houseshare and all I left was a note, and that was the last I spoke to him.

I've blocked his number on my iPhone so I'm not sure if he's ever tried to call me in the last 4 years (I'm 21 now).

My question and point is that, this person who calls himself my dad, seems to think he's done everything for me, but as far as I recall, my mum is the one that was ALWAYS there for me to help with my wounds, put money under my pillow when a tooth comes out, and just "be there" for me when I have emotional problems. She's also never hurt me and has sacrificed a lot for me. In my eyes, she has the right to call herself my mum, but my dad, as far as I'm concerned, he was never there for me, he always tried to find ways to avoid paying child maintenance (and I know this is divorce rape, but at the end of the day, my single mum was the one that the responsibility fell on for paying for all the things we, as kids, needed, such as clothes, food, etc.). I just think that if you're going to have kids, you should be willing to support your children financially, even if it means getting bank statements from the mother to see where your money is going (which I would fully endorse doing, as it's not the kids that are divorce-raping, it's the mother generally, but the main priority should be the kids). In short, he, and many other guys like him, is just not a good father.

My principle is that, even though he is my biological father, it should not mean I have an obligation to include him in my life. And the same goes for any family member or anyone that gives you crap. But I also hate regrets, and so my question is, if you had a dad like that, which I'm sure some of you do that are reading this, would you say there is a good reason to reach back out to your father that you haven't spoken to in four years (when so much has changed), and when he has another son and daughter that he has with his now-wife (like he got a second chance), and where there is a possibility that he may reject me wanting to reach out to him?

Sorry it's so long, but I'm sure a lot of TRPers can relate to this and I'd really appreciate your thoughts.

Many thanks.