Basically I haven't had sex in the 8 years since my last LTR's in my early 20's - both of which ended with them cheating on me.
Obviously the thought of such a long time breaks any confidence in myself and getting fucked over by girls hit my self-esteem hard.
I should add that I have had bad panic attacks, anxiety and depression in my personal life for a good ten years and over the last 2 years I only have recently started to 'feel' more confident and like I was coming into my own.
A late bloomer i guess.
For a while I had the belief that although I wasn't getting sex, that most men in their 20's don't really get much except a few outliers and men whom marry etc. Though reading through most RP sites this does not seem to be the case.
So even now when my 'getting into prime' 30's started, nothing really changed. I am fit and dress well and have tried to see where I have gone 'wrong' theoretically.
These days If a girls is/was interested or gave genuine IOI's, I would approach or show interest in return, I have a good intuition on gauging interest from my younger years (because ironically i was an early bloomer and thought well of myself), but due to whatever reason most of my 20's were filled with non interest and being labelled beta or undateable by most women.
I would like to stop thinking about it all but I can't. now not even admitting that anxiety/depression were the main reason is not enough, as if the reasons need to be MORE than what they reasonably were.
So what are my realistic options here in terms of all this?
0_fox_are_given 10y ago
Good thing is your ready to go.
Did you seek medical help for your anxiety? The anti depressants most likely had something to do with confidence/libido. But then again vice versa without drugs.
Depressions one hell of a thing man. I didn't think it was until it hit me in my early 20s.
You seem to have an underlying belief that getting laid correlates with being a valuable man. I think it's this belief that may be screwing up your game.
I've seen some real shit heads that haven't got a thing going for them get laid dude. By having a belief system where being laid links to self worth, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
If getting laid is really all you want, then simply play the numbers game. Work your way up with five approaches a day minimum, until something catches. Also do online dating whilst you approach. Just keep playing don't worry about rejections.
Imo you should focus on building a social circle and joining groups which naturally develop value as well as help you meet woman. Longer route, but sustainable over the long term.
If you have the energy, do both.
masterpiece00 10y ago
I've tried all sorts of therapy and medication, over the years and after experience with anti-depressants which made me question and research the hell out of them, I came to see that for what it is and am at least proud to have 'gone the other way' and choosing to live with the pain, see what I can do better/change and also see that most of my depression was in direct relation to attributes of my life instead of believing in chemical imbalances etc.
High libido and previous experience in my younger years led me on a paradigm of see myself as a sexual teen and adult - which is to say that I am different to say a virgin whom has never known or built up the feelings of being sexual and in LTR's - only to have it taken way -- I felt like and was a passionate lover whom could get sex and relationships, then at some point in my personal experience the reality of the potential nature women and what happened because of them 'made' me change/see I wasn't worthy/stopped being masculine/stopped attracting them + a multitude of other factors which came together to make me feel 'like shit' for a few years.
Being baby faced (which has been a recurrent target in many facets of my life, I came aware of it in my early 20's) and lacking personality definitely didn't help and while I am not sure of where this is going I can definitely say that over the last 2 years I have been getting looks and stared at by mostly young girls.
Although I always dressed well, I have definitely grown into my face and manly looks much more now. And I usually say that only the plus side I didn't get married, make a kid or get into debt.
0_fox_are_given 10y ago
So, you hit a bump somewhere along your journey that made you feel crushed and unworthy, and now you feel you're ready to overcome that?
Another plus to add is that you're quite self-aware of your situation, bro. Which is pretty fucking important in initiating change.
You sound like you've matured since the younger days as well. So the only thing to do is remind yourself of the fundamentals and approach every day. You'll build back up through cold approach. And after you get laid a lot of these negative thoughts will probably evaporate.
Also, check out 'The Mood Cure by Julia Ross'. It's a book about how nutrients effect your psychological state/mood.
quicklogaccount 10y ago
I don't like to make bets. But I'd make one on your problem (on not getting laid) being confidence.
Easy fix.
1 - There is no real barrier. You drew them, yourself, with your feet, on the sand around you. You can step over it, obsess and erase it, whatever, just don't stay in it.
2 - There are so many books, seminaries and overall instructions about pick up under the keywords "pick up artist", you can rest assured of something. Getting laid is the least of your worries. If you follow any on those authors, you will get laid. You don't even need to work on yourself, although you should because the realization that there are far worst problems once men overcome their obsessions often send them to stupid religions and extremely toxic relationships with women that should be exorcised.
3 - You have strengths, you can capitalize on them to get laid by using environments that hide your weaknesses too. Go online and they won't read your body language while you lack confidence.
Game changes drastically from early 20s to early 30s.
Man, I dislike speaking about myself. I spent my whole college seeing dudes that looked worse and were overall less intelligent and cultured than me on my early teens pumping and dumping my crushes. Turns out, all I had to do was conveying sexuality and approaching.
masterpiece00 10y ago
Yes self confidence is definitely what ultimately surrounds my issues, the lacking is due to a bad curse of factors - Single mother teaming up with older sister, feminist household. Tyrant abusive older brother + losing more confidence trying to live in the modern world with no one really on my side but me.
Although I have over the last few years faltered at times in my self improvement, which was bound to happen after treading water for so many years TRYING hard and getting not very far, I have never not wanted to create a good life for myself.
I now have a good diet and am fit (planning to hit exercise harder however), never been overweight.
Though I guess I am more of a 'nice guy' than I thought. I am caught between times when I do things for approval and get no where and when I don't do anything for approval and get no where.
I have no 'problem' talking with girls, though I have a highly sensitized need for them to at least 'be interested' before I go trying to game them. When I read from Rollo and he said that desire cannot be negotiated or faked, I knew what he meant -- what I am saying here is that although I can see how approaching is the first step my past sucesses have been with girls who want to fuck - This went away (due to the things I have listed and maybe others i don't know) But basically my general life experience over these dry years has been mostly girls reacting 'badly' to me or in other words - My SMV is low and girls were not biting. If they were I would have been there with bells on.
quicklogaccount 10y ago
I should not encourage this since you are working on self improvement already. But get a little bit of external validation man. Since you're permeable to women's attention, work towards getting it. You seem quite aware that this will not solve your issues, so it's ok. You can have a beer if you know living drunk does no good right?
Now, here's the thing. No matter how humongous, rich, educated, intelligent and witty you are. You can get laid without any of it, through GAME (not talking about keeping the girl though, I'm leaving a LOT of important stuff out to say that line), but you will not get laid having all of those and no game. PUA crap. Don't be shy. I like Mystery Method because it lays the fundamentals well, and go for Krauser's numbers game afterwards.
Some bullet points I'll leave here that antagonize with much of PUA literature are (because they are bad game):
[deleted] 10y ago
Get your test levels checked first.