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this might sound like a shallow question to you on first sight but hear me out: are you exhausting your body as often as possible? high energy sports or lifting or team sports? and do you have a good diet?

as a man, building a strong, healthy body is a crucial step if you want to become resistant against whatever there may come, physically or mentally.

there is more to answer to you, i hope for other trpers here. but always remember that good health is the first step to make everything a little bit easier in life.

Is it possible to be happy after the delusions of the blue pill world have been shed?

It's ONLY possible to be happy after the delusions of the blue pill world have been shed.

I am confronted by the shear burden of performance required of me

The only burden you have is "knowing"...and then doing nothing about it.

Ours is not the Easy Path. We see the World as it IS, not through the blue-tinged Disney Glasses of the Dream Machine.

Have you looked around at most middle-aged people? The women are fat, entitled bitches, and the men are sad-looking water balloons who anesthetize themselves with food, sports, beer, and once-a-month duty sex from their disgusting wives....until they get divorce-raped and get to pay their ex-wives to fuck other men and teach their kids to hate them.

OTOH, the RP aware man knows not to make that mistake. He knows to discover his mission, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and how to handle relations with the opposite sex in such a way as to maximize his own happiness.

Never forget YOU are the PRIZE.

Never forget SHE is the Lucky One.

Now go out into the world, my youngling, and be Brave and Strong, and Bend it to your Will.....

How old exactly are you? I was 34 when my sweetheart blue pill relationship was shattered. It was freaking hard the first year. But now at 36 I think it was the best thig that ever happened to me. I'm in great shape, fantastic social life, great job, lots of pussy... next goal: total financial independence (so I work only if I want to). I think now the blue pill was a childish look on a world. You need to kill it if you want to grow up.

It is hard to undo the life-long teachings of a bluepill world. You are literally told happiness is only found in selflessly serving a girl. The sooner you realize this is completely false, can you truly move on and find true happiness. Happiness is grown within, not found.

Is it possible to be happy after the delusions of the blue pill world have been shed?

Yes. It helps if your prior understanding of women was shattered by the actions of one who you thought cared about you, one you thought "wasn't like the other girls". It may be harder in your situation (I don't know the specifics).

source: dear relationship from 19-23, wallowed for a year (I was low) and then read some philosophy and took the self-improvement pill. At 26 I am more or less happy. I credit the fact that I developed emotional self-sufficience, which may be relevant to what you're going through.

shear burden of performance required of me

The burden is not as high as we make it out to be here to just get laid.

a feeling of being loved in their life from a relationship that started post early adulthood.

Oh, yeah, no. That shit is done.

Smoking weed may help - bring on the down votes. Get your T checked.

You will meet many women that spark chemistry/romance as long as you actually lift, pass shit tests, and approach. You are parroting the 80% of asktrp who are alone and depressed yet don't lift, don't even know what shit tests are, and don't approach.

Confidence charisma and ngaf will get those high quality women to fall in love with you after you have qualified yourself through your physique, ability to pass shit tests, and actually approaching.

Focus right now, this instant, on beating your depression. How are you gonna do it? What will you sacrifice to focus on it? Get a piece of paper, make three columns: lifting, learning, living. Each day put one item in each column that you did that day to further your strength/confidence, your knowledge/mental game, and your networking/seduction game.