I tried a lot of different approaches to find out/build up some interests but in the end my list is still empty. My life goal still is to find a girl, settle down and start a family. No idea why I have this desire. Maybe it's because I was raised by a single mother, maybe it's just BP brainwash, but I know for sure it has to change.
So, I want to try a 'fake it til you make it' approach. Maybe I can convince myself to be excited about something. First thing should be to develop interest into socialiszing. I don't need anybody to talk, just somebody to be around, to cuddle and to give love to. I know this isn't working, but how to change it?
Edit: There isn't anything hyping me. I need some advice on tricking myself into thinking something is interesting.
[deleted] 10y ago
Then TRP isn't for you. We cultivate genuine merit.
throwawaycomedian95 10y ago
He's better off over at the PUA community
hunteeer 10y ago
I know, that's why I'm here.
I suppose it's just like it is with sex. If you don't have it regularly, the desire fades and you have to 'restart' with stimulation.
kempff 10y ago
Just out of curiosity ... why?
I mean, if you are actually rp, and your eyes are open to the realities of your own situation given your life history, why?
Why not actualize your potential and then find a girl who will submissively graft on to that? (park your assets in a trust, you know the drill)
Give your love to inner-city kids who need mentors/algebra tutors. Aim at emotional self-sufficiency. Never "need" a woman, she will never fulfill your "needs". Come on man, what movie do you think we are in?
hunteeer 10y ago
Fuck this inner-city kids. I was once in their shoes and came from a family with an IQ like toast. Nobody helped me. I made my way alone from early on, what's the least you can expect from every other human being.
I need a woman because I can't create one out of thin air like practically everything else. Every skill is learnable. To have a faithful SO is not.
RedDeadlift 10y ago
There's a lot of good advice in this thread, but I'm going to take a shot in the dark here: if you watch porn regularly, STOP. Quit it completely for at least 1 year. Delete it all. Use K9 Web Protection to block websites you visit and give someone else the password. It's possible porn has caused your dopamine receptors to diminish into oblivion, making you numb to everything. The good thing is that they grow back and you will start to enjoy things more. I speak from experience.
Also, do a physical activity for 1 hour every day (lift every other day at least), even if you don't enjoy it. The endorphin release after physical activity will help heal your mind.
And finally, meditate every morning for at least 10 minutes. It sucks at first, but after a month, it helps to ground you for the day.
hunteeer 10y ago
I only watch porn if I'm horny. Averaging at about 3-5 times a month. But at least it sounds like a not impacting thing to try. Perhaps I'll get this endorphine rush after sports than. Never felt good after physical activity before.
InformalCriticism 10y ago
So, what I like to do if I'm turning game up is to embellish real life stories. I'm not saying lie to people, but if you think about parts of your life that are mediocre, but you remember them, you can actually improve upon fact.
As an example, I talk about an employee I used to work with whom I seriously hated. I don't hate people often, but I did some seriously passive aggressive beta things to him that makes for an interesting story.
I would fart in small spaces with him in order to get my fecal matter into his blood stream and offered him any extra food I had to hasten his already-poor diet toward an early grave, or at least heart disease.
I call it attempted murder when I tell the story, because it sounds better than "I was once really petty with a guy I worked with", and everything I did, when retold, has a serious and significant purpose that has a fantastic outcome.
It's dancing-monkey stuff, but girls like it, because they love to be entertained; they expect feels at all times.
hunteeer 10y ago
That's why I want to build some interests and hobbies. Because girls want me to have them
InformalCriticism 10y ago
Okay, but I think that your perspective might need a slight adjustment here. Don't want what they want. Want what you want. Yes, you will always want girls to like you, but that's not enough for them. Decide what you would like to be good at - pick something useful for you. I chose cooking a few of my favorite dishes and I dabble in wood-working, because those are both useful to me, and they can be interesting to others.
Use reason when picking a hobby, so you don't have to justify it through female validation - you really don't need that once you find self-motivation.
It just sounds like you have a ways to go before you're ready to start laying any game on women - maybe you're young, maybe you're just a late bloomer in maturity, but ask yourself if you're stuck because you truly lack the knowledge to be successful, or you're stuck because you believe your own bitching and moaning.
hunteeer 10y ago
There is no reason to pick a hobby. Cooking all for myself is no hobby as it tastes good to me is enough. Everything else, yeah, I have no need for anything else than female companionship. There may be things I want, but nothing I couldn't live wthout.
InformalCriticism 10y ago
You've been given a lot of good advice on this thread. Take it or leave it.
[deleted] 10y ago
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hunteeer 10y ago
Success imo is to get a girl. It's the only thing I can't influence that much. I could basically learn everything and to do everything. Others did it, so I am by logic able to do it, too, making all this shit pointless.
RationalKing 10y ago
There must be something you liked when you were younger even if you don't like it know, I would recommend you try something like that even iif you don't like it in the beginning it might trigger some past love for the activity.
hunteeer 10y ago
The perfect invitation to get back into my gaming addiction. The only thing I did after school or later after work was playing games or just being with my gf of the time (first one was stressing because lots of logistics to manage, last one was easy, as we lived together 6 of 7 years)
SlothOnRoids 10y ago
Nothing wrong with gaming as a passion,there are women out there that game just as hard or don't look down upon gaming. It's when that is literally the only thing you do in your spare time that it can become a hindrance to a satisfying life.
Join a team, compete in tournaments, go to E3 or the comic con. I honestly wish I could do these things, but it's hard when you have a family and responsibilities.
hunteeer 10y ago
I dislike tournaments, it's killing the fun in gaming. Conventions aren't my type of thing. Being around that much people is very uncomfortable.
[deleted] 10y ago
Really? You have NO hobbies? Kind of unhealthy isn't it?
jdgalt 10y ago
What do you spend your free time on, then? The internet? Watching TV? Maybe it's time to pull the plug.
hunteeer 10y ago
Then I'll sit at home doing nothing or sleep all day.
[deleted] 10y ago
dude im sth like you but milder case. I spend almost whole days laying in bed wasting time on interwebz but when/if i dont have connection after a while i must do something. So before you kill yourself try cutting that cord and just sit in that room/house for a day having nothing to do, like in a cell. If that and the doctors dont help then idk.
hunteeer 10y ago
Because the internet in my area isn't that stable, there are 1-5 days every once in a while, when I have no internet. A single day is easy to fill with sleep, but a longer period makes me really angry and aggressive. Still I'd rather burn down my apartment, than actually go out.
[deleted] 10y ago
Then fucking burn it and i guarantee you it will force you out.
hunteeer 10y ago
Yes and no. At least I never got any injuries. But you're right. Most of the time I'm thinking, no brooding, about my life and why it seems to not wotk.
[deleted] 10y ago
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hunteeer 10y ago
Martial Arts aren't that great imo. I'm a programmer and coding was my hobby back in the day, but since I do it for money I hate it.
I like to stay at home and watch something random or browse the internet.
[deleted] 10y ago
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hunteeer 10y ago
I tried a lot of ADs. Best thing I got from some of them was temporary shut down of sex drive. I never liked partying. Can't wrap my head around why anybody thinks this is fun. Who said I wanted a HB10? A HB4 would do also. Easier to keep her longer, higher chance for at least a tiny amount of loyalty, etc...
ispeaknot 10y ago
how long did you try martial arts? did you stick around long enough to get into matches?
kicking ass feels good. if kicking ass doesn't float your boat, then you have a medical issue with endorphin production.
even losing in a match situation, as long as you gave it your all, feels good. Especially if you felt you learned something from the match
hunteeer 10y ago
A few months of kickboxing, but not long enough to have matches. If it feels like brawls back in school or in front of a club, than it feels pointless.
ispeaknot 10y ago
a match in a MA context is different than a brawl. in the brawl, you have social reasons to fight (if you don't, than the person starting the fight does). so in a brawl you have fear and anxiety that can work against the dopamine and endorphin rushes that you get in a match, especially if it's a fight you were forced into. some people get that kick in a brawl. otoh, in a match, you may have fear and anxiety, but they should be minor compared; the point of a match is the contest itself, not social issues.
I'm not going to get all "fight club" on you, but there were good things in that movie (some stupid ones, too)
Without knowing you ( in other words, my advice is useless), I'd say get back into some type of MA that does some sparring. there are many bennies to do so.
GL
hunteeer 10y ago
I think MAs are stupid. Competition is stupid. Why to want to be better than sb else? I even hated school for that stupid reason.
mrthrowaway413 10y ago
It starts by having interests.
Better yourself before you plan your life that far ahead.
hunteeer 10y ago
There isn't anything hyping me. I need some advice on tricking myself into thinking something is interesting.
mrthrowaway413 10y ago
Again, you don't just fucking trick yourself into finding something interesting.
There are literally thousands of things you can be interested in. Go find one you like.
How old are you?
hunteeer 10y ago
I'm 26. I don't think it has something to do with age. Most things are just boring. Sports - Wow, I can throw a ball... Music - Wow, I can follow instructions... Carving - Wow, I can make dust collectors...
I hope you can guess what I mean. I just don't care about such stuff.
muddynips 10y ago
You're not going to think your way into a hobby. Turn you brain off and go do some stuff.
[deleted] 10y ago
Your attitude needs some fixing
Sports -> See how satisfying it is to shoot some 3s at a hoop
Music -> Play a piece you like, and watch as you turn the notes on the paper into something worth listening to.
Carving -> Feel the pride that comes with making something, and knowing that most people don't make anything
hunteeer 10y ago
If you add 'so what?' to all of it, that'd be perfectly reflecting my attitude.
Sports -> Throwing a ball is throwing a ball, nothing special to it.
Music -> I don't evenwant anybody to listen to it, that's why I stopped playing bass.
Carving -> The things I make are in no way good enough to be proud of. Although I probably do better stuff than most others, it's shit compared to stuff I can buy for a few bucks.
[deleted] 10y ago
There's no way for a complete stranger like me to know how to rewire your attitude.
That's something you'll have to figure out.
hunteeer 10y ago
That's what I'm trying to do and I'm glad for every piece of advice or experience report I get.
trpdgc 10y ago
We want you to be better, but this isn't a great place to get this kind of advice. What we can tell you though is that you really can't fake being passionate, unless you're passionate about lying, which is actually a thing and could make you a great salesman or sick pickup artist.
hunteeer 10y ago
Sounds pretty good but I actually disike lying. I'm in no way free from it, but I feel shit everytime I have to lie about something.
trpdgc 10y ago
Faking anything is even more insidious than a stand-alone lie as it necessitates a sustained and premeditated effort.
hunteeer 10y ago
If I don't have something cool to do which I like, I could at least spend the effort in pretending.
[deleted] 10y ago
[--removed--]
Nogoodsense 10y ago
Hijacking top comment to summarize, so other people can avoid wasting time on this thread:
ITT: 75 (currently) comments trying to help OP, and OP shoots each and every one of them down.
OP a 26-yo programmer who hates his job. He is clearly depressed (nothing makes me happy, nothing is interesing), is currently in therapy, refuses to follow his therapist's advice, and refuses to take meds to help with it.
He is not trying. He is entitled.
hunteeer 10y ago
If I'd refuse my therapists advice, I wouldn't even care for hobbies. Please stop glorifying antidepressants, if you never took some. They keep your mood from falling, but also keep it from rising. They take the 'everything is black or white' and make it a 'everything is the same shade of grey'.
TomFoo 10y ago
Listen to GLO, boys. You will have women quietly observing you, not just watching you, as you passionately describe in detail the dish you slaved over. Eventually she will ask you to make it for you --shit test alert-- then you alpha your way from there.
hunteeer 10y ago
Only works if you're looking like a god. Else nothing will happen
hunteeer 10y ago
Good point, but anybody can prepare a duck. Aren't we trained to follow instructions from early on?
Had to smile imagining myself walking up to a random girl 'Wanna see pics of the Christmas Duck I cooked this year?'
FrameWalker 10y ago
and anybody can fuck a woman
feels over realz
hunteeer 10y ago
Fucking isn't the problem. Getting to fuck them, is.
[deleted] 10y ago
[--removed--]
hunteeer 10y ago
My perception of what women find interesting:
--> Being (except race and body) a worthless piece of shit
[deleted] 10y ago
That's only a small demographic. You know, the "If you go black, you never go back" crowd.
Arcturus_ 10y ago
You're not wrong, women are attracted to idiots. They want a guy they can fix not a guy who has his shit together. At least in my city.
[deleted] 10y ago
[--removed--]
hunteeer 10y ago
At least being a cave man works for you
lurkingtacopiller 10y ago
Boy you're good at this (and also beyond help).
kempff 10y ago
I saw the same thing in this faggot, /u/lurkingtacopiller. But I fix kids for a living, so.... I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.
hunteeer 10y ago
Well, I think macho behaviour is as needy as bragging. 'Oh, please look at me, I'm so great, I'd bang myself...'
[deleted] 10y ago
[deleted]
hunteeer 10y ago
Exactly, fuck him and his yard. Especially fuck the yard. I wouldn't care unless my life depends on it.
americanmook 10y ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/32xusd/so_youre_a_boring_fuck_how_to_become_interesting/
That's part 3, click the link to part 1.
hunteeer 10y ago
Read the series. Part 1+2 are great but didn't help. On Part 3... I don't want friends
americanmook 10y ago
I hope you get banned you troll faggot
hunteeer 10y ago
What's trolling on wanting a girl/family but no other idiots in my life? Sorry I dislike most men because they are flat morons
alphakari 10y ago
ITT: a guy who thinks he's entitled to a world that's interesting for him.
you lack discipline. a lot of what you do isn't about liking it. it's about doing it even if you don't feel like it.
hunteeer 10y ago
If that was true I wouldn't have made it out of bed since being a 12yo
alphakari 10y ago
because if you have the discipline of a 12 year old, clearly that means you have the discipline of a shaolin monk. you've been hamstering this entire thread.
do what you have to do, or accept the consequences. if you don't want to do anything interesting when you don't find it interesting, then accept you just aren't willing to do what you have to do to be interesting. or i guess hamster some more.
hunteeer 10y ago
Just what? Things ren't magically going to be interesting just because I keep doing them. School was shit in the beginning and after 13 years it still was shit. Work sucked in the beginning, it still sucks after 4 years. Grooming sucked when it started to become important, and it still sucks. All things I do, because I have and not want to.
Sure I could go bungee or surfing or skiing, but only to impress people? Wasted. As as I don't enjoy it, it's not worth my time.
50pluspiller 10y ago
Stop being a Fucking pussy, you got good advice here. Try different things until you find something that floats your boat. Make a goal to do 1 or 2 new tbings each week.
Just stop bitching, get your ass out and do it.
hunteeer 10y ago
I'm getting sick of trying and quitting new stuff. In my eyes it's weak to start something and abandon it for just not enjoying it.
EscapedTheMatrix 10y ago
It sounds like you severely lack self discipline. Sometimes you have to stick with something for a while before you find it interesting, and to do that, self discipline is the only answer. You have to be able to tell yourself to do something, and then hold yourself to it, and force yourself to do it, whether you want to or not.
Start writing down achievable goals and actually work toward them. Don't just expect your life to get interesting. You don't deserve ANYTHING. Life itself is a gift. You've already been given infinitely more than you deserve. The rest you have to work for and earn yourself.
cheesetime123 10y ago
Well trying new stuff is this thing called life, and that's how it goes till you die. you are either incredibly lazy, suicidal, or both. you need to figure out how to make yourself do actionable things, or the path you're on seems very dark, bud.
hunteeer 10y ago
I think life is the way from birth to death, you have to walk in a way, so you don't kill yourself before you finished.
cheesetime123 10y ago
okay. so you seem pretty unhappy with your "way from birth to death". so what're you gonna do about it?
hunteeer 10y ago
Like I said, try to reduce the desire to kill myself: find a girl, find a job that isn't annoying the crap out of me, avoid people to avoid unneccessary drama, etc
cheesetime123 10y ago
Good luck finding a girl while avoiding other people.
IVIaskerade 10y ago
Step 1 is to find something you find interesting and do it. Cultivate interests to be interesting. Find something and make it your passion. Find your mission.
hunteeer 10y ago
There isn't anything hyping me. I need some advice on tricking myself into thinking something is interesting.
IVIaskerade 10y ago
Go see a psychiatrist for depression.
hunteeer 10y ago
I'm already in therapy. But part of it is to find some interests. The one phrase my therapist keeps repeating on this topic: 'I can't help you find interests. Do something you enjoy. Having a reason to get out of bed is an integral part of depression therapy.' Basically running around in circles.
IVIaskerade 10y ago
Your therapist is right - they can't help you find interests. However, if you were seeing a psychiatrist (or in some places, a psychologist), you could be prescribed medication to help you find one.
hunteeer 10y ago
You mean medication to make me calm and my mind flat, so I can at least function. No way I'll ever take antidepressants again.
Frigzy 10y ago
Actually, it sounds like you need to find a way to stop yourself from making up reasons for anything NOT to be interesting.
Fuck dude, you're alive. You're a human being. You're the pinnacle of billions of years of evolution of life and you have trouble finding stuff interesting?
Here's an idea, start with the fact that you're actually here, alive, breathing air that goes through your lungs, into your bloodstream and on to power your system.
You're an absolutely amazing piece of 'machinery'. And so is most of the stuff around us, it's in there, you just need to discover it.
Peace, a world of awe and discovery awaits! And merry fucking christmas to you!
hunteeer 10y ago
Merry christmas to you, too.
Just like 7 billion other people and most living creatures on this planet. I sometimes wonder why I am at 'the end of my evolutionary family chain'.
dname17 10y ago
I was, maybe still am, in a depressive rut so excuse me if I might be projecting myself on you. One thing I can point out to you is that you're using a lot of negative self talk, especially involving a self fulfilling prophecy.
It seems to me that you're stuck in your head a lot. Learn to meditate and read this link: breathe into your balls. Do what you want to do with the info we give you here. You're the one living your life.
hunteeer 10y ago
I love meditation. This absolute emptyness of thoughts and feelings is an amazing thing.
dname17 10y ago
Dude. You found a potential interest. Go explore more about it or if you could help me out. How do you reach and deal with the emptiness? I hardly ever reach it and when I do, I don't know how to deal with it.
Frigzy 10y ago
That is a personal question each and every one of the individuals has to ask themselves. The truth is, there is no external or universal 'correct' answer. There are only answers you can give yourself.
In the end it doesn't matter whether you live or die. It doesn't matter whether any person lives or dies. It doesn't matter whether earth exists or not.
The universe is the ultimate embodiment of the IDGAF mentality. It does not care.
The question is what you do with that knowledge. For me personally? I flip it in my favor. Shit doesn't matter, so I can be truthfully and precisely the person I love to be without giving a shit about anything else. Life is my playground, and I'm here to have a fucking blast so at the end of the ride I can say "Damn, that was amazing. I have lived so intensely that I now need an eternity of rest."
It is all a matter of perspective and you will only start loving life once you allow yourself to love yourself and your life. Once you allow yourself to break free from negative thinking and giving a shit about other people's perception of you and your life. It's hard because you're used to it, but in return, living will become a breeze.
hunteeer 10y ago
Point is, I hate my life and myself. How could I love me, if nobody else, nobody that doesn't know me as good as I know myself, can? Iknow myself, ugly guy with ugly thoughts and emotions.
Frigzy 10y ago
You are turning things around. One of the biggest mistakes we make as human beings is to wait or hope for an outside confirmation so that we may love ourselves. This might work for those who are 'lucky', but in the end they are even worse off because they start believing this trick actually makes them happy.
Truth is it doesn't. It only satisfies their ego, which leaves their inner selves permanently at a loss. A deep unfulfillable void that they do not understand and try to fill with external validation.
True happiness comes from tapping into your inner self and its capacity for love. All human beings have an endless source of love stored within themselves. It is once you love yourself regardless of any external factor that you will be able to truly exploit this resource and love not only yourself, but your life and everything (including other people in it).
The fact that nothing really matters comes to its true strengths through this notion. Not even your own external appearance matters, so don't let it impact your self love. The only thing impacting your self love should be you.
This book might be of use to you. http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Psychotherapy-Mindfulness-Based-Practices-Transformation/dp/0393711005/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451060574&sr=1-3&keywords=self+compassion
Also meditation can help to work away your judgement of reality and become more present in the moment. This will help with breaking through conditioning and accessing your inner self.
Think of any one person in your life whom you love the most. Now imagine if you would love yourself and life like that. It might seem impossible, but it isn't. It's a way of living.
hunteeer 10y ago
First of all it sounds scary. Second it sounds disgusting. I have a personal rage against all this self-loving and complacent douches.
Frigzy 10y ago
Your scared of change because your ego is leading your mental conversation. I understand where you're coming from, but I can only tell you what I know.
Honestly I don't give the slightest fuck about you or your feelings. However you do. You posted here because your true self is screaming for help. It's caught in a trap. The question is who are you going to allow to lead your life. Your ego? Or who you really are deep down?
You know where both paths lead now. It's your choice.
[deleted] 10y ago
just go fucking do something dance class, auto body class, woodworking, rent a kayak, paddleboard, go mountain biking, i mean just go fucking do something
hunteeer 10y ago
That's exactly the first thing I tried. Just doing shit and hoping to enjoy. I wouldn't call the activities I tried a waste of time, but I also don't feel like doing them again.
[deleted] 10y ago
That's how it was for me, you'll ping something. Golf, piano, just keep trying different shit. Eventually you'll be the cool guy that's done everything but nothing really caught or you'll be the guy that had all this random shit to do before he found out he liked ___
hunteeer 10y ago
So I have to hope for not giving up before I find something, cause searching for interests slowly starts to make me sick.
[deleted] 10y ago
honestly, sounds like you need to find an outgoing friend or something. If you aren't able to manage it on your own look for some fraternal love within your social network and befriend people who want to lift with you, or do x or y. The social aspect is rewarding as well and then there is a little less focus on the activity.
hunteeer 10y ago
I don't believe in friendship. Of course I hung around with my last LTR's friends, but I think I'm better off myself. People only spend time with you to profit themselves, it's for men as it is for women.
[deleted] 10y ago
That's a pretty in depth analysis of friendships, what's the profit in drinking a beer and playing halo? or driving somewhere and riding atv's on the beach? is it a profit because you leave the house? am I using someone for entertainment simply because I enjoy hiking them and talking...maybe they are using me, but the simple thing is you need to not care. go to meetup dot com and find something random to do with people, there's literally thousands of people looking for people to do stuff with....i don't think there's necessarily a profit in it. it is absolutely not the same for men as it is for women. Let's say you and I are pals, i'm going to play paintball Saturday and I invite you to come along-it's not to post facebook pictures or seek validation or anything else, it's so we can kick ass together because it's more fun. Men are least likely to want to profit, i might invite you because you want to try something new, maybe you're tight on cash and i offer to pay for you, am i profiting? I constantly have male friends asking me to do this or that and i feel like if i ever said "i'm broke" or "i need help doing it" that they absolutely would.
Just today (i literally know about 20 people and am spending the holidays stuck working away from family living somewhere I had never been to before) and i told my friend it's tough, he offered to kick back a few beers and hangout. My male coworkers who I don't even know very well invited me to come be with their families. I don't see anyone profiting from knowing me. I'm broke and working on getting in shape and I can manage a positive attitude. You should read the power of now or something before you read all this stuff.
hunteeer 10y ago
Only reason to get invited to a game/sport is because of being very good at it, to increase the chances of winning. Being broke or being afraid of something was and is my #1 reason for not getting asked for anything.
Everytime my 'friends' want to hang out it because there's nobody else giving them attention or they need their computers fixed for free.
rainbowSober 10y ago
Dude - what the fuck?
Sit in a room with nothing - no TV, music, internet, books. Nothing. Get bored. Once you get bored ask yourself what you would like to do. That is an interest.
If your life goal is to find a girl and settle down then do that.
More than anything get off fucking reddit and stop asking people on the internet how to live your life.
hunteeer 10y ago
By your definition sleeping is an interest...
If finding a girl was easy, most of the internet (porn), even this sub wouldn't exist.
[deleted] 10y ago
[deleted]
hunteeer 10y ago
That's what I'm doing with everything except the hobbies I don't have, else I wouldn't do anything at all.