Hello everyone!
I'll try to keep this simple. I've moved for awhile now to a new country where I made little friends (read 2). Except for these two friends my social interaction is close to 0. Why? The new country has an non-trending language that ain't worth learning and people are generally avoiding strangers because they don't wanna learn/ don't know English that well and who knows what other reasons.
In essence TRP says to bud-out of any situation but given by above case, I'm risking the damage of one of my friends.
Background: This friend is pretty BP: very calm, cautious, a bit anxious and pretty introverted, overprotective of his girlfriend, calculated, loves his comfort zone and doesn't really wanna go out of it, etc. His gf seems pretty into him but he's failing interactions left and right and I'm 100% sure that behind closed doors their relationship isn't all fine and dandy. She's the more outgoing, party-prone, drinking prone, sociable, funny, dynamic kind.
Noticeable problems between the two: when I wanna go out with him, he always takes her with us because "I don't wanna make her think she's being left out" (personally I don't mind but it means he's just catering all the time); after work one day he was in a terrible rush to get home, why? because she bought some stuff and they were hard to carry so he had to rush home to help her (more catering); a lot of his decisions are oriented based on her desire -> I invited myself over to his place to continue an interesting conversation, his reaction? "Gotta call my gf to see if she's ok with this or if she wants this in another day"; She does a lot of ribbing to him: poking, slapping, pinching, biting, etc. (in essence it's good but she's really going overboard with it); he's overweight and when she heard that I go to the gym she INSISTED repeatedly that he should come with me.
Based on the above, I'm deducing that she's a bit of a spoiled brat and that she wears the pants. Besides this I saw that he's trying desperately to avoid leaving me and her alone (-> clingy) and each time I talked to her online the second day he'd somehow subtly tell me that he knew what we talked about and when (-> more clingy), I even saw him asking her who she talked to and looking towards her phone's screen once she finished a call (-> extra clingy coating). Although she doesn't seem to mind all of this personal invasion, I'm sure it isn't good.
Body: Recently a former dorm mate of the gf moved in. I went to visit and it was generally an amazingly awful experience. The new chick has that stare and behavior that denotes something's a bit off in her head and most of my interactions with her were terrible. I wasn't aiming to hook up exactly; but I was thinking more on the lines of "let's get to know eachother so that all 4 are more comfortable and can have fun".
Examples:
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I try to ask her about herself:
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"how many languages do you know?" -> "just my native tongue" (obvious bullshit)
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"so what's your story? what brings you here?" -> "aaah! Sorry but I'm tired of always telling my story"
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-the two of us remain alone- " can I ask something indiscreet?" (I smile) -> "you've been indiscreet until now" (she didn't look at me while answering) -> "ok, why are you so shy?" -> "this is how I am"
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-I notice this is a dead end- "wanna go to the kitchen where our hosts are?" -> "nah, I'm fine" -> (she didn't look at me once since we were left alone; was all focused on the laptop) "ok, what're you doing so importantly on the laptop?" -> "nothing, just saving something" (stays 2 more minutes on the laptop and gets up and goes to the kitchen; although 4 minutes ago she said she didn't wanna)
- she never looked at me after the first 5 minutes since my arrival; as if I was invisible
- she barely looked at my friend (who is the only one currently employed, is the one paying the rent for the 3 of them; and pretty much should be her God as of now)
- she interacted strictly with the girlfriend (which will start her job in ~ 2 months from now, getting paid around 4x lower than what my friend is paid)
My friend described this new chick as "highly introverted and shy, had a veeeeery shitty life and now wants to start over here". I describe her as: fucked in the head; has no understanding of the world around her nor does she want to have; is an over-entitled bitch (I'm sure that if you crack her shell, she has absolutely NOTHING underneath); etc. Also: to point out that she's conservative (listens to Queen, Modern talking, etc) and she's a HB5.
My issue: I fear that this new chick will wreck the already questionable relationship that my friend has. I'd like to at least say to him: "dude this chick is fishy and I think she'll ruin the vibe in your household" but I'm not sure how he'll take it.
What is your take on this new chick and on what should I do? Thanks in advance brothers.

M3_Drifter 10y ago
Problem is, if you try to help your friend, you will be seen as the one causing the problem. Because to him, there is no problem. In any case, the base problem is the weak spine of your friend. You cannot fix this, except by building up his self-confidence. Even then, it may do nothing. Since the gf is on-board with him getting fit, maybe try to bring him to the gym. Go rock climbing. Shit like that. Lead by example.
bestCallEver 10y ago
This. The fact that the gf wants him to work out is perfect bait to subtly start to help him onto a better path. All that being said, what's wrong with Queen motherfucker? Freddy had some of the best pipes in the history of rock. ;)
R3v4mp3d 10y ago
I don't personally hate Queen or Beatles or any kind of music/ band. It's just that my personal experience is that people that listen to "old music" (older than 2005) by a large margin tend to be EXTREMELY conservative, narrow minded and sometimes even hard to interact with because they get overly defensive when you bring in a new idea that brings down their own.
R3v4mp3d 10y ago
FUnny thing: I went to the gym with him. Guess what? His gf came along. When we were dressing to leave, his gf was waiting outside the locker room and yelling if he's done dressing. He rushed to dress faster and yelled something like "in a moment". He then told me "I hope she doesn't get mad that I yelled at her".
So I'm guessing that your idea won't really work either.
M3_Drifter 10y ago
I was wondering why you wanted to waste your time meddling in their business. Now I know. Holy shit man... That's amazing. He's a lost cause.
R3v4mp3d 10y ago
Because he's basically my only friend (read my circumstances); and as you presume: he in waaaaay too deep.
Why are you certain he's a lost cause?
M3_Drifter 10y ago
His primary motivation in life is not angering his girlfriend. That's a really shitty place to be. And he doesn't even realise it because it's normal to him. Only if she dumps him and he (after a long period of grief) is lucky enough to find a better girl will he be able to look back and realise the error of his ways. He has to reach rock bottom.
But what I really want to adress is your situation and the oneitis it has produced. (In other words: Re-assess the situation with the realisation that you can't fix the thing you want to fix.)
While I did read about the circumstances of your life in this exotic foreign land, I have a hard time believing there is only two possible friends. I'm assuming you are there for work. There must be other expats that could conceivably be friends, not to mention the people you work with. Google expat events, ask the local embassy or consulate for help networking. And if you're the only two white dudes at a safari park in the middle of Africa with nowhere to go, realise that humans are social creatures and friendless life is bringing you down. It's evident from your description of the whole thing. Make it your #1 priority to meet new potential friends.
bittr_n_swt 10y ago
leave him be, he has to find his own way in life
R3v4mp3d 10y ago
It slowly seems to be the case.