Hi guys, just taken TRP after many years of abject failure. I'm amazing at getting friend zoned all the time, and was wondering if TRP can help at reversing this BP trademark.
For some context, I have 2/3 really good looking flatmates in my social group (out of about 10/12 (M and F)) I've admitted to 1 of them I liked them and got 'I'd rather just be friends' (and we have been since, which is fine). and the others I haven't really tried too hard with, but I'm 90% sure I'd get a similar answer if I did.
I've now decided I'm not too fussed with an LTR and just want to sleep with at least one of them. Is it too late now I've already been battered away or will a change in my technique/attitude/behaviour/whatever actually give a chance of this happening?
As I said, I've only just been introduced to TRP, so I'm not expecting instant results, and will need a lot of practice first, but in the medium to long term, I'm hoping for some movement on this.
[deleted] 12y ago
Its never too late, but the more you want it the less likely its going to happen.
Futsushi 12y ago
It's never too late, but my advice would be this.
Don't give a fuck if you fuck them or not. Concentrate on yourself first, get hobbies, get in shape and improve your social skills (this comes with practice). Once you do this, go out and get a steady girl, spin plates, or whatever and I bet the women in this circle will approach you.
The real question will be, once you have really done this, will you still want any of them?
bradyo2 12y ago
Thanks for the reply.
The issue is, I have all these things already, I write/make music, I love sport, I workout regularly and am in good shape (I have been in better shape but am on a years work placement at the moment which has thrown my schedule out of kilt, however by march I should be back to my best), I'm really sociable and confident (even more so in the past couple of months), but until now I've just been too nice, too beta. (i.e. got with a perfect 10 I'd been working on for weeks, she said 'I might even sleep with you tonight', and I told her 'you don't have to if you don't want to, I don't want to pressure you. What was I thinking?? Needless to say that ended horribly.)
The thing is, my schedule right now with work just doesn't allow me to spin plates. I'm working 5 days a week until September, and only get to see my flatmates when I visit at the weekends. I literally just want to fuck them, even if just to satisfy my ego.
What techniques are best to use to try and un-friendzone yourself?
[deleted] 12y ago
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bradyo2 12y ago
I HAD time for this flatmate, back when I thought putting girls under any sort of pressure was 'unfair' and "she was the one" ugh TRP has opened my eyes!
It may be possible, but I'm tight on free time. I wake up at 7, come back home at 6, eat, go to the gym, eat again chill for a couple of hours and go to bed like 10/11 or I won't get up for work. Shitty I know, but when I go back to uni I'll be on a normal schedule and able to spin plates.
I'm starting with a new company in a couple of months, so I'm moving house (again) very soon.
When I go see my friends at the weekend, I don't even have my own frigging bed, I'm either on the sofa or sleeping in a friends room. It sucks but it's better than being home alone for the weekend.
Yeah I'm planning to test my game over the next couple of weekends. I'm looking forward to it.
Futsushi 12y ago
Find another girl (make sure she is relatively hot) and bring her around. THe missing piece maybe that the flatmates see you as one who will be around no matter what.
Many times, the desire to compete will be the last piece of the puzzle.
When I was a young teenager, I really like a girl and did all those things to be a good "boyfriend", yet she still wouldn't get affectionate. I finally just gave up and recommended that she would be a better match for another guy and I was ready to move on, that very night she was all over me and sealed the deal.
TRP can be a ton of things, but the core of it for me is not to give any fucks about anything like this. Most likely, they smell your desperation and it turns them off.
bradyo2 12y ago
Thanks, when you say 'bring her around' do you mean literally just bring her round to chill at the house, or make sure that the flatmates see I'm getting with her?
Yeah, I'm going to start taking that route of not caring. In terms of the 'smell of desperation' I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions and when I admitted I liked her, she genuinely thought I was playing a prank on her or something, she had no idea whatsoever.
Futsushi 12y ago
she knew
bradyo2 12y ago
How can you be so sure? it was a shock to my 2/3 best (guy) mates I told, and I literally made no signs at all before hand, no flirting, excessive texting, no nothing.
[deleted] 12y ago
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bradyo2 12y ago
Because it's not gonna happen or because I can do better?
[deleted] 12y ago
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bradyo2 12y ago
Sorry I should probably clarify, I've only spent time grafting on 1. There's another who is much fitter but I avoided in the past cause she had a boyfriend (who she cheated on). The other is on/off with one of my other flatmates, so I steered clear there too.
I'm not sure why I'm so fussed with sleeping with the one I grafted with. Maybe it's an ego thing? I feel like I've failed if I don't, do you know what I mean?
I liked her for a good few years before I said anything to her, but still have slept with people in between (admittedly, not 10) and it didn't really change anything. I don't think it helped that when she was saying 'I just want to be friends', she sounded hesitant. Also add to this that she has said in public a couple of times that she's looking for a relationship -it just drives me crazy.
[deleted] 12y ago
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bradyo2 12y ago
Yeah you're right.
If I dehumanise it, and swap "girl" for "business", if I don't make anything out of the money I've put into the business after 3 years, I'd take my money out, right? Regardless of if I think it's a great idea or not, there are plenty of other businesses out there which will make me more money with a lot less investment.
Laughing_Jelly_Bean 12y ago
I second this. Cut your losses.
reddishman 12y ago
The biggest mistake that beta males makes is to give away their emotional support for free. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment if you just let any women walk through that gate then your are giving away your goods for free. You are devaluing yourself and she will never ever trade sex for something what she can basically get for free.
That said, once a guy is friendzoned the women perceives the man as having less value. Just like a reformed slut is still a slut even if she now has a tighter control on her vagina. Similarly a reformed friendzoned guy is still a friendzoned guy even if he now has a tighter control on this commitment.
It still might be possible to get out of the friendzone. Stop doing favours for her. Bring back girls and bang them loud. Flirt and bang her best friend. Wait till she gets to hear from one of her girlfriends how you are shit these days. Then get the opportunity and bang her.
I remember stilling in a david deangelo seminar almost a decade ago and he asked the audience an interesting question, "How do you make someone want something?"
The best answer was, "Prove that other's want it also."
bradyo2 12y ago
Haha excellent. Yeah, I'll start trying this, thanks.
vandaalen 12y ago
It's never too late, but why bother and not go looking elsewhere? As somebody here reminded me just yesterday: There is 3 billion women out there.
I've got a daughter with a woman that used to friendzone me for two or three years before i started fucking her neighbour and had a couple of ONS. Didn't take very long for her to start chasing me.
Looking back it wasn't worth the effort (besides of my daughter which i truly love) and even turned out to be a nightmare.
So it's like u/Futushi stated here before. Go and mind your own business and improve yourself and your social skills and things will work out.
bradyo2 12y ago
Thanks, that's interesting to hear that story.
[deleted] 12y ago
You've got the right mentality on how trp takes a lot of time, trial-and-error, and reflection on your own actions to get to that mental state of 'knowing your path.'
The whole friendzone thing. Short answer is no, use them to leverage your own connections, just like they use you to validate their own self-worth. Either that, or cut it off and move on.
Long answer. It's possible, but the mental shift you have to experience usually requires some serious breakthroughs (psychedelic status), life goal achievements, and going through a couple other girls. The issue when you begin to orbit a girl, even if it's from a long distance away, is that your mind begins to play games, and eventually you find yourself rationalizing a closer and closer orbit, finally crash landing with the friend zone again and again.
So keep reading the forums, and do some of your own journaling and writing. It'll help keep track of your thoughts.
Maybe a year or two from now you'll get some old action because of your increasing SMV and their plummeting SMV, but you shouldn't wait around for them to discover you. That'd be a damn BP way to go about your life, waiting on others for your success.
bradyo2 12y ago
Nice answer.
And yeah as I'm just a newbie to TRP mentality, I'm struggling to 'get over' the girls I'm in a friendzone with, so I guess it'll take some time, but I have a good feeling. :)
[deleted] 12y ago
yea be careful of that good feeling. Usually it's a trick of the BP mindset that's there to lure you back into the 'Alpha for a second, beta for life' cycle that makes ya angry at yourself and her for not being able to understand why it's not working out.
but you're on the right track.