I've likely been in denial on how to manage this for a while but here it is. There are really no dramatic stories of sabotage here, but more a mundane office politics situation that requires a TRP solution.
I work for a company that pays extremely well and only hires top-tier talent. Achieving my position was the culmination of 8 years of banging on doors and working my way up through the industry. I have now been here for three years and would like to see some advancement/significant recognition in the near future.
The company also commonly hires temps for extended periods of time for specific projects or to fill short term gaps in staffing. We hired a woman as a temp to fill a maternity leave vacancy. Although the position is not terribly difficult, the barrier to entry in the industry is fairly extreme and when a parallel position to mine opened up, she was hired after doing fairly well for about 6 months as a temp.
This is a very male dominated industry and we serve a specialized analysis role among a lot of skilled but blue collar laborers. Over time, my coworker has managed to ingratiate herself throughout the company with shameless flirting as one of the few, young, attractive women in the company. Although she is outwardly friendly to most people, I stand out as the one person she is openly cold to on almost all occasions, despite the fact that we should be working seamlessly as a team.
The behavioral distinction is so strong that it is clearly both a personal dislike of me and as well as a tactic to leverage herself within the department. My style is very collaborative and conceptual- very INTP. I like to talk about what is happening and sometimes get on theoretical tangents that infuriate her. Many people in the industry, myself included, come from much smaller entrepreneurial shops, only to final make the big leagues so there is a sense of camaraderie. This sort of relationship is completely lacking.
Recently she was given a company award for juggling both my job and hers when I had to take emergency vacation time when my close friend died unexpectedly. Furthermore, due to her time as a temp, she is cross-trained in more functions than I am. My role is generally "workhorse" and I am paid unhealthy amounts of overtime when things get choppy, making me look inefficient in doing the routine tasks, despite the necessity of the work.
I have made some progress after realizing that I am not going to be as well-rounded training-wise and successfully completed some larger scale leadership projects in my role. It remains to be seen how these advances will stack up in the general situation.
I've gone too far making the mistake of being "conciliatory" and trying to develop a congenial relationship. Recently, after her award, she has started to "correct" small things in my work that really don't make a difference ("you put too many pieces of paper in this folder" etc). I am looking for concrete suggestions about how to change my behavior to come out on top.

frequentlywrong 11y ago
Against a woman in a male dominated industry. No you're not. She is going to get special treatment. Especially after all that you wrote.
This is a chink in her armor. Try to make her emotional as much as possible, while remaining cool and collected yourself. It will make her look weak.
She is going to get the next promotion.
Workhorses remain workhorses because that is what they are best at. Bosses see them as indispensable at their positions so they keep them there forever. Google "the gervais principle" and read it.
Ugh gross. Being conciliatory towards a woman is the most surefire way to make her see you as a loser.
This is a shit test. How do we deal with shit tests? It sure as shit is not being conciliatory. Seriously wtf were you thinking. Have you even read any trp material?
[deleted] 11y ago
Your post could not be more spot on..
[deleted] 11y ago
I am going to echo what /u/frequentlywrong said and add to it.
Can't stress enough his point to exploit her emotional weaknesses. I am from a similar professional situation and nothing gets a woman looked down on like being emotional and shallow. I am also in a male-dominated field where any women who have a shot in it are given special treatment for a variety of reasons. What I have noticed is that the average person doesn't think abstractly about their work. Those who can do so...and communicate it competently.....look like experts in that thing. If you continue to discuss the abstract nature of your work in front of others and she loses it and shows no interest or understanding of it....you will look like the subject matter expert.
You are up against a tough one here....if she's attractive and can do the job she's going to get fast-tracked if you don't take her down. You must either do this....or find another job, as was mentioned, because you aren't going to beat her this way.
Above all: DON'T BE CONCILIATORY FOR ONE MORE DAMN SECOND. She hasn't been since the day she showed up. She's gunning for the next level with every bit of her Machiavellian instincts, and so far, she is kicking your ass.
Last, but final, point: Study the FUCK out of what you do and everything related to it. Drop this information whenever possible. Many people are on cruise control and perform their work functions without understanding why. Sounds like she's the same way. Exceed her knowledge base in every aspect of your job...it will become apparent.
EDIT: Your bosses are likely "flirting" with her with the award and possible promotion. Never forget that most men will toss another man under the buss if it means earning points with an attractive women. Your bosses are probably looking for ways to endear themselves to her....and will fuck you over in a heartbeat if it means even a slight percentage point increase in their potential to get her panties off. Its just how it works......you aren't just up against her, you're up against her vagina.
asktrpthrowawayy 11y ago
Yours is probably my favorite comment out of the bunch. I covered so many holes in my work today and kicked so much ass she seemed confused. Not that I don't normally kick ass, but I guess I just really polished the shit out of everything. I REALLY need to work on my responses to her BS though. I am so used to working with fellow entrepreneurs that people getting catty is just outside of the realm of my experience. It's always over the most bullshit stuff too, so the more of a "fuck you" attitude I can take, the better.
[deleted] 11y ago
Women can multi-task better than most of us.
We can focus and drill-down on something better than they can. Exploit this. Kick her ass in your ability to know the shit out of what you do. She knows quite a bit, apparently, but her #1 focus is the people and the politics....not the job. Exploit this. Be the best and know the most about your job.
Her bullshit will cover ALOT of her faults in knowledge....but that only goes so far. Convince yourself that she just might know just as much as you do and use that to motivate yourself to drive towards excellence.
That's the one advantage you have....she is driving towards a position, or at least towards beating another person. Women do not naturally strive for excellence. The reason is that they view almost everything in relation to people. As such, they view excellence as just being better than the best person.
As a man, you have a natural proclivity to view excellence for what it objectively is.....and that is superiority in every way. You don't give a fuck what level everyone else is at.....if its not perfect or beyond the convention definition of perfect, you drive on like a hardass towards that perfection. That's what excellence looks like.....the dogged pursuit of perfection. Few women comprehend this.
Always remember this: If she beats you, its your fault. This playing field is yours for the taking. Stay focused. Do the SHIT out of your job. Study her and seek to understand her strengths and weaknesses. If she's stronger than you in some area ADMIT IT. Figure out how to either improve or compensate with something else.
Git 'er dun.
[deleted] 11y ago
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asktrpthrowawayy 11y ago
I am not easily replaceable in the long term as my education is top notch as is my long term potential. In the short term, however, it's about performing impeccably at a lower level to achieve that goal.
My real issue was dealing with the cycle of reconciliation and appeasement that has unfortunately taken place. Certainly, a good portion of it is in my head but I am trying to achieve tangible goals of showing leadership and status when being continuously undermined. I'll admit my personality and methods need to change to achieve them.
frequentlywrong 11y ago
If youre not easily replacable, get a competing job offer from a competitor and make them realize it.
[deleted] 11y ago
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rpkarma 11y ago
Your description of managers is exactly the same as TRPs description of women. Interesting
Danedina 11y ago
This thread is going exactly how I pictured: one or two voices telling the OP to stay focused on his own stuff and everyone else telling him to suit up, lock and load and shoot for bear.
I'll just +1 everything unluckypenguin is saying and tell one story: a few years ago I went from the non-profit world into a small start-up. Another guy who joined the team at the same time zeroed in on me as his competition (he admitted this to me after I'd gained his trust) and played office politics every chance he got. I kept my composure, played team, and made him look silly and childish in subtle ways. The boss sided with me and soon my "competition" was out on the bricks. Maybe another boss would have rewarded my colleague for being so hard-nosed. All I know is that I stayed true to who I am and won the race.
[deleted] 11y ago
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trpbot 11y ago
Confirmed: 1 point awarded to /u/Danedina by UnluckyPenguin. ^[History]
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frequentlywrong 11y ago
The big difference being that your competition did not have a vagina that your boss desired.
Danedina 11y ago
That and the fact that I'm as lazy as an old dog in August.
My larger point would be that playing office politics is tricky and it can backfire. The moral highground (eg playing team, refusing to undermine your coworkers, etc) has its advantages. Targeting a co-worker as an enemy may sound prudent but it is also distracting. A lot can be said for putting your nose to the grindstone, building positive vibes around you and leaving the office behind when you leave work. Looking for another job is a much healthier alternative to office warfare.
asktrpthrowawayy 11y ago
I always liked the saying "the best revenge is success"
[deleted] 11y ago
Welcome to the meat grinder. I'd start playing dirty, it's the only way you'll win. But that probably won't even save you at this late date.
She's being groomed, the company award is proof of it. Very likely she will get promoted above you in short order, and then the real fun will start, assuming you're her direct report.
You seem to have lost the competition, as well as your frame, and any respect she had for you. At this point it's all about minimizing your losses. You'll be lucky if she doesn't get rid of you as a power play.
InscrutablePUA 11y ago
Seems like you have an 'image problem' to those higher up the food chain. Perhaps what you need to focus on is managing the perception of you and your work.
Also is she at the same level as you rank-wise? Is there something you could do work-wise by taking the initiative that would clearly cement you above her?
asktrpthrowawayy 11y ago
I'll be honest, I just like to talk about what's on my mind and it makes me look like an idiot in an otherwise stoic workplace. Image problem is spot on. Time to shut up and grind.
RPmatrix 11y ago
I dunno man, sounds like this chick is doing a pretty good job of your job! shit, she got an award ffs! I'd be worried I was getting replaced when the pregnant woman comes back
You'd need to be a cute chick with a pussy to have even half a chance of winning this one I'm sorry to say
It's definitely time to open your work options ...
asktrpthrowawayy 11y ago
Nah dude, we have the same title but different actual jobs. The last time she covered for me for a week, she worked 80 hours so it's obvious that I just have a shit load more routine work. Pregnant lady left the company so there are no opening/closing positions.
RPmatrix 11y ago
that's good to hear mate, good luck with this
asktrpthrowawayy 11y ago
OK- been at work all day so unable to reply to comments.
After some reflection, I think most people are spot on. I need to manage my image with EVERYONE though unquestionably excellent performance. I kicked ass today, am closing up some major projects, about to hit my annual review, and am pursuing three major certifications over the next two years. I am capitalizing on my strengths- research capability and momentum- and covering up some of my weaknesses that have been picked apart my said coworker.
However, some people are wrong in that "IT'S GAME OVER." There are no promotions ahead for either of us for at least 2-3 years. I could honestly likely get promoted quicker were I to try to change departments. This is about the LONG HAUL. Since the company hires so many temps, the people who have been hired full time are at the top of the industry and are expected to stay there for a little while. Her "award" is pretty much a "Employee of the Month" type deal- I just think it's funny/ridiculous that she got it essentially because I had to leave for 4 days because someone died. In any case, there's a long ways to go my friends.
I think the real question now is whether to act as I have to cover up me amping up my game or do a 180 and start shutting her down from this day out. The former has the obvious advantage of getting surprising everyone down the road with impressive progress. The latter is an important behavioral benchmark for me.