I've been together with my girlfriend for over 2 months and I like her really much. My first GF and she also lost her virginty to me, so she hadnt anyone before me in a serious way.
When is the best time to tell her that I love her? Wait until she says it first?
[deleted] 10y ago
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suddenlytrp 10y ago
This, so much. Don't put those three words on a pedestal. Say them when you want, and understand that despite saying those three words, it does absolutely nothing to guarantee anything from either of you.
For what it's worth, I have a friend who has not said, "I love you," to his LTR despite dating nearly three years and living together for two of those. I have no idea how that fucker maintains frame, but he must be godly at it at this point, because I know it's a major source of arguments for them. My thoughts on it are that it's not that much of a huge deal to say, "I love you," to someone. Say it, check the checkbox, and move on with your LTR. There are other, far more important things to stress about prior to making any life changing decision, namely marriage and kids.
[deleted] 10y ago
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Whisper Moderator 10y ago
Holy shit, that's some serious oneitis. Dr. Whisper recommends a supplemental course of red pills with extra misogyny.
VasiliyZaitzev 10y ago
Eebish. If she ever dumps him, his life expectancy drops to about 5 minutes.
dongpal 10y ago
I feel like it can improve our relationship even better. More bonding or something.
Sepean 10y ago
It will mostly have the opposite effect. It emphasises that you are not willing to explore other options, so the power dynamic changes and she'll lose respect and attraction.
The only good use I've found for saying "I love you" is when it is needed to pass a comfort test, and to to make it clear what her role is by saying it when she's been particularly good and submissive in bed.
Squeezymypenisy 10y ago
Do you also take advice from the movie Frozen?
FrameWalker 10y ago
This is beta bargaining. I'm glad you responded with this because it highlights a potentially fundamental problem. Your algorithm is
Dangerous. If you don't get it, you might feel cheated or get angry. It's called a Covert contract in no more Mr nice guy.
The proper algorithm is
Don't surplicate te to her but instead focus on yourself
VasiliyZaitzev 10y ago
Getting her ass addicted to you will do that, not saying "I wuvs you" and handing her your balls to carry around in her purse.
She already has a pussy; she doesn't need another one. Read the sidebar and man the fuck up.
trpftw 10y ago
Think of it like casual conversation.
If she says "I love you" you can say "love you too." Same for on the phone.
If she says "do you love me?" Change the subject. She will press it, and you say, "I might, I don't know. You'll need to convince me." If she gets pissed, laugh it off or flip it on her. She should initiate it. If she talks about how she loves you, then you can give her the confirmation in a vague manner. Otherwise it's best not to do it.
You gotta make sure they don't own you or get comfortable about how you're in her control.
OmLaLa 10y ago
Never. Love is arbitrary, subjective and a compensatory word to delude oneself of the objective causes of attraction.
VasiliyZaitzev 10y ago
You don't say it until she does, and then you say "I LIKE you". It will drive her hamster nuts.
Also, this is actually the best relationship, where the girl LOVES the guy and he LIKES her.
[Hat Tip: Patrice]
Archwinger 10y ago
When you're married?
Honestly, I'd try it during some really awesome sex. Have you read the Sex God Method?
dongpal 10y ago
not until end. page 100 or something. is it ok to say it this early? should the woman say it first?
[deleted] 10y ago
The woman should say it first.
When you say it first, you're surrendering yourself to her, which you don't want to do.
When she says it first your keeping up the mentality that you are her prize, not the other way around. She's earning your commitment instead of you giving it away.
[deleted] 10y ago
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[deleted] 10y ago
Yet wouldn't saying it first be relinquishing some control?
That man who has full control of his relationship gained that control by employing those superficial tactics, whether he knew it or not. The difference is that it came naturally to this man, rather than learning it.
And when it doesn't come naturally to a man who constantly relinquishing control just by “being himself" and getting his heart broken over and over, who are we to say that he needs to re-evaluate his relationship dynamic when he's making a conscious effort to improve? He's not that man who's confident in his abilities. He needs to fake it until he makes it.
[deleted] 10y ago
I'd make her say it first.
RedPillHerring 10y ago
A comment I made about this in another thread. Maybe it'll help you.
In my book there's nothing wrong with saying ILY in a committed LTR.
A few groundrules for me:
Never be the one who says it the very first time;
Don't say it more often than her (most rp's advocate 3:2 or 3:1);
Only tell her when she's earned it. Never out of guilt, to make up, out of habit, etc.;
Not a full "golden rule" list or anything. Just the ones that came to mind.
StuffaYouFace 10y ago
Never fucking say it. Let her do it and you respond with "olive juice" or something like that. Make it a game and drag her along for months/years. Make it a funny thing. Once you say it, there is no going back and that is one more off her checklist of eroding you into her beta bucks.
I did this with a girl and it became a game for her to try. It actually became fun.
VasiliyZaitzev 10y ago
I did the same thing to my college girlfriend.
StuffaYouFace 10y ago
I did it with one of my uni girlfriends too for the first time. It was great because she really wanted me to say it. I wasn't there yet. I got her to "chase me" more. It helped to give me the upper hand in the relationship. And when i eventually did say it, it meant a lot to her.
Pie_keeper 10y ago
Do you?
[deleted] 10y ago
When you're choking her and she's about to come from your fucking. Seriously don't
mismm 10y ago
A good guideline is to never say it first and afterwards only rarely or in return for her saying it.
[deleted] 10y ago
She should say it first.