Alright, I'll start off by saying, I'm not looking for excuses, but I am an introvert, and I have never valued human contact as much as a normal person would.
However I'm not antisocial. I like hanging out with people that I know, but I'm really uncomfortable with talking to people I've never known.
This brings me to my problem...
I have no idea how to approach and meet new people. For example if I meet someone through a friend, he introduces each-other, I have no problem getting to know the other person, having a conversation with them.
But if for example I want to get to know a random chick standing around at university or a bar or smth.. Then I'm stuck. First of all, I have no idea how to approach them without making it awkward. Second, even if I manage to approach them, I struggle with keeping a conversation up. Usually I just drop the convo before I get anywhere with it to not make the situation awkward, since my mind just goes blank, and I do not know how to continue the convo. This is my problem. So like I don't have a problem with talking to someone whom I've been "forced" together, for example in a class together or through a friend or work, whatever. But no matter how hard I seem to try, I'm not making progress through practice with the approaching strangers and stuff, that's why I'm here.
Quick note about my SMV: I'm not lacking SMV really. I'm fairly tall, I wouldn't call myself really muscular, but I'm in really good shape, I got the clothes nailed down, cool hair, good skin, and thank goodness I don't have an ugly face. I'm 22, a student, but I have a good part-time job besides uni, so I got money going too.
oldredder 10y ago
Talk about anything that might remotely be interesting and sound interested. Act like you have something in common, where you're going what school you go to, or ask. Hell, you're at the same place, is it a bus stop? Is it a coffee shop? You've got that in common. Doing groceries? Does she have any of the same things you do? Anything can be an opener but you need to progress on up to something of interest.
With friends you have friendship, common experiences, in common, as you add friends-of-friends. You have to know how to bridge the gap when there's no one in the middle.
Might be joking. Might be common experience. Might be just small-talk over nonsense. Half the conversation is facial expression & tone of voice. No, actually for attraction that's 75%, add posture in too. Posture should be welcoming, tone of voice friendly, authoritative, not threatening in any way, and level of vocabulary shouldn't be insultingly above or below her level. Yes, some guys do that and no, you shouldn't. You're not proving a point if so (the higher-vocab/edumakated types), you're just knocking yourself out of the conversation.
Don't be supplicating. If there's any part of your posture, expression or tone that's acting like somehow this woman's better than you and you know it and you're just oh so lucky to talk with her, she'll immediately sense that and treat you as such, which may lead to her dismissing you.
I liked this video I found on mensroomtv
but I also found these incredibly accurate
http://youtu.be/6dc04LX-1o0 how to hook a girl's interest in 4 steps
http://youtu.be/gqEEiBSdbkQ how to be funnier & make her love it
http://youtu.be/HfUI3ZIWpz0 open-any girl,anywhere,anytime,master social calibration
http://youtu.be/hotseat oRSMySpo19c infield,get girls attention
http://youtu.be/hotseat W3PRAgwyKDA infield pickup rampage
http://youtu.be/RilMoqc3zwg infield,supercharge your personality,attract women
http://youtu.be/ujvbl3sct6c close on purpose,shortest path to sex,71 min long
http://youtu.be/3IFR3ow-M3M Interviews Arden Leigh,A Woman's Perspective
http://youtu.be/Es_TpZhjTJM find her blueprint & use it,revealed & infield
http://youtu.be/Jq-x7DfvseE 4 Modes Of Escalation,Most Direct Path To Sex
http://youtu.be/JuEgdc7ujXw escalate physically & never hear no,infield footage
http://youtu.be/LGsYIVIY1Xc push through any rejection,infield footage
http://youtu.be/rokgXVN6gdk how to pay for sex & how not to
http://youtu.be/VsLQykXeFaQ seed the pull
[deleted] 10y ago
You think social people around you were just born knowing how to talk to other? They are good socially because they have experience. You need to realize that you are going to fuck up, it's going to be awkward and the other person might think you are weird.
But the only way to become stronger socially is through practice.
TSLlol 10y ago
I realize that, but as I've wrote in my post, I don't think praciyce is improving me. I'm looking for more practical advice. Like what to say, and talk about. I think I'd learn the best by observing, but its not some thing that u can jus observe like that
[deleted] 10y ago
You can read things 8 hours a day online but the best use of your time is to go out and talk to people
KenuR 10y ago
You can start by coming up to people and asking what the time is. After you do that enough times you'll stop having approach anxiety, then you can move on to actually having a conversation with strangers. I think that the reason why you don't know what to say or how to keep a conversation going is simply because you're too nervous in those situations.
Polorutz 10y ago
Why don't you look up some PUA videos on youtube? You'll get some ideas but mostly those guys are confident and talk about whatever the hell they want to talk. Some are direct, some are indirect, you have to devise a way to be comfortable with the way you approach a girl. If you're tense, they're tense too.
TSLlol 10y ago
yeah, I've checked some PUA videos, I guess I'll watch some more.
From my practice, I've noticed I don't feel tense when I approach and start a convo with a girl, but as soon as I run out of shit to talk about my tense levels go from 0 to 100 in a second, and that's what I have to solve somehow. That is if I can even come up with something to approach with :)
oldredder 10y ago
Why do you run out of things to say?
Get her to talk about stuff and more than you can branch from. You need ONE branch to move to your next phrase. ONE. Her comments/questions should give you several. Your comment (one) should get several from her each time. You keep going from there. May be hard to keep it interesting but if you can remember & can joke you can use a later comment to tie into something she or you said at the very beginning as something funny. If not funny then at least memorable. If not, keep going with branching out from getting her to say lots of things - what she sees, saw 5 minutes before you got there, likes, how she feels about her job, classes, whoever she's waiting for, wherever she's headed right now, whatever it is. Small inane shit that is meaningless because the entire time,
the entire time
is a chance for you to practice/learn all at once and to express your posture, smile, thoughtful expressions, look her right in the eyes while talking, look at something interesting (pretend it is if you have to) to get her attention to it, on and on.
There's a lot more to expression than merely the spoken word and within the speaking is all the tone, implication & emotion that's not in the written word.
Trigger some emotions. Also some good stuff in /r/PracticalSexAndLove which is not quite TRP-ish but... sort of is.
oldredder 10y ago
ok, let's try some creativity.
I didn't use this today but the option's still open. Cute girl, 6.5-7, coffee counter. I make the comment I never tried their dark roast, this is my first one. Some other comments happen, guy behind the counter tried it, loves it. Somehow he mentions to her that he actually puts butter in his coffee. We have a little conversation about it, how it better be unsalted, and he says he goes with organic. Girl giggles at how silly this is, how odd it is, and I agree.
My out: I have a bus to catch & time to do a little grocery shopping in the mean time.
So this is what I didn't say but if I wanted to play it out I can do so. Provided I don't wait too long I can still return when she's on & double check I got cream, not butter in my coffee. That's a short-term ability to pick this back up.
I could have offered up "I wonder what an apple would taste like with butter. You ever wonder that?"
Of course she'll say no, that's an insane thing to do, but being giggly/funny from before we'll pick back up some of that from before as long as I look like I've got a funny joke to tell.
Next: "Give me a pen and a paper. Seriously, I'll make up a butter and apple recipe right now". I'll write my name and number. I'll say something like "You have to try this, you will be surprised" and hand it to her.
Obviously she'll realize that's not a recipe. I only need a fraction of a second reaction to get a feel for what to say next, if it's positive. If it's positive I'm going to say "I wanna see you bite that buttered apple. Tell you what, I'll take the first bite and if I don't like it you don't have to try it"
some reaction will happen, she might say something, I don't care.
I'm going to then add "You know I'm going to pretend I like it so much, even if it tastes horrible, so you take a bite, right?" This is where the amused mastery smirk or wider smile has to be used because you can't be serious-looking when you do this. It's not serious in and of itself. It just isn't and she should get a giggle out of this. Positive emotions + has my number.
"okay, gotta go, I have a bus to catch & groceries. Call me about that apple!"
At this point I'll also have my phone out to check the time because I need to know how long to the bus & it indicates to her I've got a real time schedule to keep. Details. It all sinks into the subconscious before she has a chance to question the entire scenario.
The extra step, unnecessary but can be fun: "wait, you're not allergic to apples, right? Are you related to snow white?" Good time for a grin and sly look, almost as if you could be serious. Emotional validation, embarrassment, trying to think of an answer to me is what I would hope happens.
At any time I could get the "nope" and "you should go" but I'm edging everything on emotional impulse to push it away so she's focused on the moment, the word, the feeling I'm presenting instead of any self-doubt she has. It's a question & people answer sudden questions if they think they can.
And my exit is still right in front of me. Exit on a good note and done.
And not done.
Because if I ever do get her call the first thing I'm going to do is see if she either wants to try the apple, or watch a movie. If she goes for the apple I'll think of something. If she goes for the movie, I'll pick Good Will Hunting. It's not a new movie anymore and she's probably only 18-20 so I'm betting she hasn't seen it. I'll know if she has by then, just by mentioning it.
If you haven't seen it... this is a setup.
alreadyredschool 10y ago
Stop caring about that.
Practice makes you better. Today I played quid pro quo with a random girl. Sadly she didn't know what quid pro quo means but we did it anyways. I just chatted her up because I was bored, not because I wanted her. Start by making new friends. Just introduce you and talk about whatever comes to your mind. And if you think "Shit, I can't think of anything more to say" then say this and laugh about it. Remove any filter between your head and your mouth. Reflect upon ever encounter you make. Try to see it from different perspectives.
And listen to guys who tell great stories. Copy them. I don't say copy their stories but copy their style of telling them.
TSLlol 10y ago
thanks! I've been doing the last part about listening to guys who tell great stories, and trying to copy their style, some of my friends are amazing at doing that
[deleted] 10y ago
[deleted]
TSLlol 10y ago
thanks a lot! this is the kind of practical advice I was looking for! I'll put your advice to good use
sonicboomboy 10y ago
I concur with all of the comments, and wanted to say a few things to sum it up.
At the end of the day it will all come down to whatever you feel comfortable doing. I encourage you to put yourself out there and experiment. Live feedback is really necessary to see what works and what doesn't. However, if you employ some behavioral patterns/topics/jokes/etc.. that are at odds with who you are:
But you never know before you try! It's unsettling, but this is how you become better at it.
Obviously, you can't make every individual want have conversation with you. Make no mistake, it's not about you. You can bend over backwards, but if they are not interested, this is their own choice.
intelcorei5 10y ago
Pretend to be from the future.
Pretend to not speak English.
Pretend you're ...
Then, "get caught". Have fun with it.
You have everything else going for you, you can trip and land in vagina. Talk to them like your grandparents talk to anyone, and know dirty jokes.
Find activities which put you in contact with people. If you're a student, this is gift-wrapped for you. "Hey, when's the homework due?" "How did you do on the test?"
Badboyinfinity 10y ago
This: http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
sidyingde 10y ago
highly recommend this book as well
As Dutchlike mentioned, being a good conversationalist is to be a good listener. This book takes it one step further and states "to be interesting, be interested."
Everyone loves to talk about themselves, so when someone finds a good listener and someone who is interested in their shit, they can/will talk forever.