I need some guidance regarding this problem. When I was traveling I met this girl, matched on a dating app and were a bit on- and off for some time, we got along via chat and all that.
She lives in another continent. She told me she‘ll travel close where I am and I suggested she should visit me. The decided to actually come.
The main problem is, she just booked without my prior notice. She told me this is her „solo“ trip but it’s convenient I’m here, obv she wants to see me as much as possible. She booked the flight right when I am SUPER busy with work and essentially have no time for her/so stressed that I have no spare time for her.
I told her everything, she acknowledges, but her being 10 days here and me not having the time or wanting time for myself makes me a bit feel bad about the situation. I also mentioned we‘re casual only and nothing further than that, she‘s still willing to see me for the remaining time but honestly, I‘ll try to minimize my days with her to a minimum, only because rationally, it makes no sense plus I have to focus on my stuff/myself.
What‘s the best way to proceed here?
First-light 2 2w ago
I think you need to both free yourself from guilt -you did not know she was coming and you were busy and you need to be as generous as is sensible.
A lot of the time we are stressed torn between feeling guilty for not pleasing someone and feeling stressed by the demands of pleasing that person. This can come across badly as resentment or coldness. She appears to have done this with good intention and if you feel that way tree to act generously but also just say "I can't" without feeling guilt or resentment. Talk over what your commitments are a bit in advance, so there are not late requests and disappointments. Try to give her alternative activities when you are busy.
Try to make it a nice time for her and to enjoy her when you can.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
I had a girl do similar. She booked a flight to see me without telling me in advance and it was chaotic because my house wasn't done being completely remodeled so I made plans to see her instead (my friend lived in that state, or so I told myself)
I ended up spending almost no time with my friend. I felt horrible, and my time with the woman was horrible and she obligated me with her very old and rather disabled dog to watch while she went to work. I had to take the dog with me to visit my friend in her car an hour away.
I find that kind of surprise to be manipulative. If you like seeing her set up which days but do not put your life on hold and tell her which days work
She doesn't get to spring her length plans on you and expect you meet all the days. That is s covert contract