I hopefully do not come off as too ranty but its pretty important to me to post this in a way that it makes sense contextually. First i will describe the situation and than my personal situation
Basically best friends high school sweet heart after years of going out with him decided she wants her AFBB. The whole relationship she flirted with other guys (including me) and cheated on him. They broke up months ago, and she still lives in his parents house with his parents working for the summer, and he still treats her extremely well and nice. Meanwhile right now me and him are eating dinner in the house they will be using for school, and she is spending the afternoon/evening sleeping with dude.
I crushed on this girl hard for a long time (yes stupid and immature to crush on a buddies girlfriend that hard but i was a weak pathetic desperate virgin), and she flirted back and some stuff did happen, but eventually i turned into pure Beta orbier level sending her super nice messages and stuff, telling her how good of a friend she was and shit. This was also the lowest i have ever been in my life, in pure depression, doing nothing and having suicidal. Anyway i bounced back from that pretty decently, moved away, got a decent job working outside, started trying to internalize alot of red pill philosophy, tried to live by "to conquer ones self is to conquer all". I even cut off any contact with the oneitis till i thought i had beat it, but as im finding out now i havent. Tried hard to maintain frame, but she threw out way more skilled shit tests than i had responses. "you would date me if you could" etc. It has been a great lesson in humility, and how far i have to go.
Im sitting here, practicing breathing into my balls, telling myself that i am better than everyone else (useful dark triad 'hack' i saw earlier), doing anything to calm my mental state and to keep on a path of improvement and development, but i was shattered pretty hard by this.
EDIT: Should just say that part of the blow is from the fact that i spent months trying to improve, especially internally, conquer depression etc, and than have it shattered in such a short time frame. Another is the idea of leaving behind things ive relied on for so long, its another iteration of the how much further i have to go.
EDIT 2: if anyone has any advice on the best way to actually do this, deal with the guilt etc. I would be more than willing to listen and take it into consideration.
TheSKSpecial 11y ago
She's a twat and your buddy's a retard for still being friendly with her and letting her stay in his parents house.
You need to get the fuck away from both of them, because it doesn't look like they bring anything positive to your life.
byronshadow 11y ago
She should have the decency to fuck the new guy somewhere else. Especially if she's living at the friend's parents' house rent-free.
Chalk it up as an example of how a beta boyfriend and friendzoned orbiters can inflate a woman's ego and devalue men in her eyes to the point where she thinks nothing of this sort of callous behavior.
redpillthrower 11y ago
Ive always wondered about the idea of leaving behind old best friends, kind of like how druggies have to leave behind their druggie friends when they quit. But i haven't really read anything on how to know when to do it or anything. You could totally be 100% right, ill try to figure it out when i can think more logically.
DoesNotMatterAnymore 11y ago
This is unrelated, sort of.
One of my teacher told me in college: "If you want to earn X amount of money, to achive that, you have to replace your friends during the process".
If you want to earn 100k+, but all your friends are earning ~50k+, they mentality, lifestyle will pull/hold you back. But if many of your "new" friends are earning six figure, they lifestyle will motivate you.
Obviously this example is extreme, also questionable, but i hope you see the point. Leave them, and move on! Don't let them to pull you back.
Few weeks ago, my teenage oneitis contacted me. We haven't spoke in the past 10-12 years. Asking about me, and shit. Also mentioning that we should meet, because she just met with a lot of old friends, and my name came up, and she was wondering what's up with me. We were good friends, i had a huge crush on her, she loved me back, but no sexual desire on her side. So the point is, i gently passed on her "let's meet" offer. I want to meet her, i want to see her, hear her giggling, but she would (unintentionally) pull me back to a "place" where i don't want to be.
Priivet 11y ago
I have done this quite a few times in my life. It can be very healthy to drop your old life and start a new one. This gives you a chance to take everything you learned and reinvent yourself.
Most of the time it was finding a job in a new town and moving. The biggest time was joining the army. When I got out I was a totally different person and had no desire at all to see anyone I knew in my old life, not even my family. Each time I feel like I have come out a better person. More aware of what I want and who I am.
I am pretty new to browsing trp but my advice would be, learn to genuinely not care about these things happening. Your main focus should always be on improving yourself for selfish reasons.
I know it has been said on here hundreds of times. Start working out at least 5 times a week. That 5 hours a week will forever change your life. Even in ways you wouldn't expect. I ended up having more energy at work and being more attractive made me more assertive and confident. My career started to explode.
TattedGuyser 11y ago
Wow, you have some work to do. Step one, open up your phone, delete her number and all messages. Step Two, cut contact and move on with your life. The best way to beat oneitis, in my experience, is to focus all the effort you would put towards her into working on other things. Work on your body, work on your mind, work on your social skills and game. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it doesn't involve these people, work on it.
You also need to recognize how poisonous these relationships are to you. This woman will gladly soak up all your attention and time and give you nothing in return, because you allow her to. If you replace all this wasted effort, you could master a new skill.
One last thing, your dark triad "hack" only works if you truly believe it. Just saying that your better proves nothing to yourself, therefore it won't work if your just sitting there moping. Accept the situation and get out and actually practice proving to yourself that you are better.
redpillthrower 11y ago
Dont own a phone or anything. What you describe was me before, i went from rock bottom to doing fairly well steadily for a few months of self improvement and i thought i had got to the point where i could hang out with friend (and therefor this girl again) and be fine but i was wrong. I will do my best to distance myself from her as much as possible.
robesta 11y ago
Old PUA cure for oneitis: bang 10 other women. Get on that and quit obsessing over this skank.
niczar 11y ago
Cluster B personality, eject, eject, eject.
GraphicSeniorNudity 11y ago
That "dark triad hack" is bullshit. It's narcissistic and not alpha at all. Being alpha isn't about inflating your ego being better than anyone. Being alpha is about being comfortable with who you are, your strengths and weaknesses.
Thinking you're better than everyone is fucking crazy and is destined to fail because, news flash, you aren't the greatest man who ever lived.
Don't seek to inflate your ego, don't seek validation from others, don't pretend you're awesome when you're not. If you can't play baseball you wouldn't tell yourself you were the Babe Ruth of our generation. Don't try to be something you're not. That is beta attention seeking insecure behavior.
iKill_eu 11y ago
I honestly think we need to define the No True Alpha Fallacy in TRP... Because seriously, it gets thrown around a LOT.
redpillthrower 11y ago
You could be totally right. Its more of something just to think than letting the depression talk to me. You have to be careful to stay in control of your thoughts and having a mantra helps alot, you could be right about the extremity of narcissism tho.
likechoklit4choklit 11y ago
GraphicSeniorNudity is onto something. Dark Triad hack encourages sociopathy as a means of developing self-worth. The sad thing about it is that it's written from this point of view that there is some phantom total point score of a person's worth. Feeling like you're better than everyone else is not the same thing as developing a comfort of being yourself in the fucked up world we have.
With that in mind, if your depressed and feeling depression, get your ass into counseling. Some counselors are a waste of time, but the benefit of all this healthcare bullshit is that there is a resource that has been developed to allow people to navigate this tough ass fucking world we've been born into. Redpill is about having the confidence and ability to nail down a fort, live there, and enjoy with friends and lovers from time to time. If you want a quick way out of depression and beta thoughts, stand up and do something drastic. Stop giving a fuck about appearances and get help that you have pathologized for us. Then, add an hour of excercise to your day, 5/7 days a week. In a month, you'll actually feel better than those phantom nobodies that the dark triad uses to boost its self esteem. You'll have a testosterone boost from the exercise, you'll have the feeling that you can talk to someone in real time about your shit so you won't be relying on friends and asshats online. And with the extra hour of screentime cut out of your life, your chances go up on meeting girls that your friends didn't introduce to you first.
Hyooge 11y ago
She sounds like a pretty horrible person actually. Stop letting her get away with everything (aka stop fucking talking to her) simply because you want her. You sound similar to a guy I know - he remains in contact with a girl who bullies him just because he feels blessed to have her attention.
Get out of there.
solariant 11y ago
I don't think telling yourself you are "better than everyone else" is a very useful or wise strategy - seems like it is heading towards Elliot Rodgers territory to me.
[deleted] 11y ago
How is this getting So many responses? This user has obviously either not read/grasped the sidebar yet.
redpillthrower 11y ago
I have read quite a bit of the side bar, and i read daily various other sources of self improvement in terms of relationships, practical improvement, mental improvement etc. As a long time hard core beta that has suffered from depression, going out and doing shit i find much more effective than reading (though reading is great, there is ALOT of info on the sidebar) I am very grateful for the number of replies, and for the real useful advice given.
[deleted] 11y ago
The sidebar alone would have been able to teach you how to be in situations like that. The sidebar contains the most useful information that will solve most of the problems you will encounter.
wall-of-meth 11y ago
This is your wake up-call.
Get the hell away from this girl as fast as you possibly can. Delete her number, facebook, everything. Don't talk to her, don't make contact.
Focus on yourself for a certain time. You need to do this to get your priorities set. Forget your "hack", right now it doesn't do much. Go for "Fake it 'til you make it".
Tell your friend, he needs to kick her out, she leeches off him.
[deleted] 11y ago
Unfollow her on Facebook. Don't unfriend her just stop her stuff appearing for you on your news feed. If you even have, stop masturbating about the idea of fucking her. It's toxic to build those dopamine pathways in your brain. Makes it so much harder to let go.
I assume you have read the sidebar and started internalizing all that stuff.
What is this dark triad hack and where did you find it?
redpillthrower 11y ago
Also done with the unfollowing thing.
redpillthrower 11y ago
On the red pill, its not as big of a deal i think of what it is but more of just doing SOMETHING other than getting into a cycle of depression.
lonGterMgoalS 11y ago
Dude you're on a path to improvement already. You see her for what she is and know she's shit. I don't think you even realize how far that means you've come already.
You didn't try to excuse her behavior. You are better than the sucker who's with her and falling for it. Start giving yourself some damn credit.
redpillthrower 11y ago
Thanks alot, i find that a combination of "get your shit together, do x and y" and "be proud of that youve gotten this far" is best.
[deleted] 11y ago
Stop giving a fuck about that slut. Your problem is that your focusing in on this one girl and obviously it's not healthy for you. There are literally millions of girls out there who you would be happier with.
FUCKING LET HER GO. Stop trying to rationalize the idea that you should keep pursuing her. Take control of your god damn emotions and cut off contact with this bitch.