I’m the classic Omega. At age 20, I’ve had zero sexual experience. I’ve made a lot of progress in the last year or so when it comes to approaching women, displaying intent, and going on first dates, but haven’t been able to pass that or even get the slightest physical affection from anyone.
Despite my continued lack of success I feel like I’m learning, and have more hope than ever of fixing myself. But there’s one problem I have that doesn’t seem to be getting better over time, only worse.
Whenever I see a couple being physically affectionate with each other, I get overwhelmed with negative emotion. I guess it’s a form of jealously, but I want to emphasize that it’s in no way specific to a particular girl, like a oneitis. I get it with anyone, even when I’m not even attracted at all to the girl, because it’s jealously of the idea of physical affection in general, something I can’t have. It’s worse when I actually know the guy in question, and worst when the guys are younger than me, because I know that they have and will continue to have for years before me what I could never have.
This is really bad because it actively interferes with my social life, forcing me away from social situations involving couples, which is so common. Last week I drove 45 minutes to go to a party with a bunch of my friends, but the host unexpectedly showed up with his new girlfriend and they were all but making out on the couch next me to the whole time. After ten minutes I just couldn’t take it anymore and had to leave.
Even in less extreme cases it still shatters my confidence in situations. For example, I go to social dance parties often both to have fun and meet new people. One day I was having a great time, talked to several new girls, and even got some numbers. Then I spotted a couple cuddling on a couch off to the side. Bam! I stuck around for another half hour or so but nothing was the same after that. Suddenly I was stumbling over all my dance moves and could barely talk to anyone else because of the knowledge in the back of my mind that they don’t have to go through all this. They already have each other. They can just get affection from each other whenever they want, while I’m here doing all this work yet getting zero results. Sorry to rant but I think writing down this thought process helps identify the specific issue.
I’ve had success in the past with programs involving easy steps and things I can practice for overcoming other issues. For approach anxiety, for instance, I’m doing a program involving asking random girls for the time, then later their favorite restaurant, and so on to gradually expose myself, and it’s been really helpful. I don’t know how I can deal with this problem with something similar, though. I can repeat to myself things like “real men don’t let themselves get emotionally broken down by dumb stuff like this” all I want but it doesn’t seem to help.
I think I need something practical I can do about it. Does anyone have any suggestions?
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
If you're able to go on first dates, start early on getting "kino". Touch them (see how much better those dates go!). Touch EVERYONE (including guys - it's alpha to touch others). Until you start to get the vibe that people think you're that creepy guy that manhandles everyone you're not touching enough. Read that last sentence again. I'm sure the RSD people have some YouTube videos on kino escalation (search YouTube for 'kino escalation').
It looks like you're doing the goodlookingloser.com approach anxiety program. Good for you! I think it's fantastic. Just like you're practicing approaching women, practice kino escalation. Here's a look at what's possible: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTomKxvEVz0 Now it's true that this guy has a lot going for him right out of the gate, he's good looking and muscular, but you can be muscular, too, if not a lot better looking than you are now.
This might help with your confidence: Get the book The 4-Hour Body, by Timothy Ferriss, and go for the sections you find most applicable. I'm over 50, and the transformation for me was quick - 2 months. Still going at it. (I figure I'm only a couple more months away from a six-pack.)
You're on your way with the AA program, just keep at it.
trp563849 11y ago
Thanks! ♂
I've been getting started with kino on my last several dates but must be doing it wrong because I've never gotten a positive reaction out of it (i.e. smile, giggle, or touching back). To be clear I don't get a negative reaction (i.e. recoiling, blocking, telling me to stop) either, just nothing at all. I always open dates with hugs and I've been trying touches on shoulders during conversations and leading them around by their hands and/or backs when appropriate.
With approaches it's been easier because I'm now able to get positive results like smiles, nice conversations, and of course dates from approaching strangers. But I haven't been able to get any success from kino yet. I guess you're saying I should ignore a lack of response and just keep going until the response is overtly negative? I'll check out some videos; I generally prefer text material but I can see how a video would be better for learning about touch.
jamieoneal82 11y ago
http://misterinfinite.com/2013/10/09/detached/
DeanYoung 11y ago
I would suggest reading a book called the 48 laws of power or the 50th law by Robert Greene. It should help with your mindset and is just about as practical as you can get. You seem to have a good understanding of game and game takes a lot of repetition so just keep your head up and focus on yourself for a few weeks.