The text below is a comment I made in a /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen post. /u/kevin32 suggested I post it here, so here it is. While this was more about /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen, it still applies well to this subreddit.

Much of the adversity towards this subreddit is based on the idea that it is too critical towards women. I would disagree with this sentiment, as society as whole is very lenient towards women, where online spaces like r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen are no more critical on women than society has been on men. We see women who have made bad choices, and discuss the consequences of these choices.

When it comes to dating and relationships, we are going to be the most critical towards women. Why is this? It is because women by and large have the final say when it comes to sexual relationships. They have far greater power of choice, especially when they are in their most fertile years. With this power, comes the responsibility to make wise decisions. When we see examples of poor choices on women's parts, we know for a fact that better decisions could have been made on her part with which men she chose to give sexual access to.

In most cases, men are the ones that take the first steps in towards any relationship, while women make the choice whether to reciprocate or not. If a woman is at least marginally attractive, she will have many different guys interested in her. So if she ends up dating or having sex with jerks, it was due to her choice. She also likely passed up men who would have made good relationship partners, but ignored or rejected them in favor of the bad men. Therefore, sympathy towards the types of women posted in r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen is rare.

Not only is it bad when women make initially bad choices in men, it is even worse when they expect that their future husband to not judge her previous poor choices. That is, if she can even find a man who is willing to marry her. Men are understandably less inclined to want to get married, as women are not preparing themselves to be good wives by and failing to consider what men want. Is it really unreasonable for men to react this way, considering how many women are failing to provide a good deal for men? Marriage used to be special, but if she is promiscuous in her past, how special would she truly think it is?

I am a married man (maybe one of the few here), but I understand all the issues that men in this day and age have on the topics of marriage. It would be naive and foolish of me to not recognize the issues that men bring up with the topic of marriage. Just because I believe I cracked the code to achieving marriage in my life does not mean that other men will, or even will want to. It would be like Lebron James saying that every man should consider being a contender on the basketball court in the NBA. Most guys don't have the required height, athleticism, and hand-eye coordination for it to be a reasonable goal.

For many men, marriage is not a reasonable goal. There are far too unicorns out there (some deny their existence entirely), so the search for one of them is viewed as a pointless and even detrimental endeavor. While I consider myself to be traditional in my approach to relationships, I do not approve of many Tradcons in their message that men just need to man up and get married. They seem to believe that everything will work out for men if they get married, while ignoring the issue of whether or not the women are good enough to even marry in the first place. Men have grown used to the shaming, and not just by Tradcons. So their outdated tactics are not going to work, and their playbook for men to achieve happiness needs updating. Especially if they want young men to get married. They need to hold women accountable too, not just men. Women have been given free reign to behave badly, so marriage has become an even more dangerous prospect.

Women need to understand that their actions and decisions have major effects on their future, especially when it comes to marriage, children, and overall happiness. Do you want to find a good man to marry? You might have to consider whether or not you are a good woman. Women need to ask themselves what they have to offer, and if all they have is sex, that's not going to suffice. If they gave it so freely to other guys before, why would the guy pay the price in marriage to get what other guys got for far less? Especially since marriage is such a dangerous prospect for men.

Where are all the good men? They decided that you are not worth marrying. They may have found their unicorn, or decided not to get married at all. Either way, they are not willing to sign up for such a rotten deal with you.