Character building
Living life includes many experiences, good and bad. If you're wise, you learn from your life experience, especially the negative ones. Each new experience has character building potential within it. Each negative life experience has even more character building potential within it.
Live and learn is all about character building, as is growing up and the process of maturation. From this perspective, having had a really rough life has the potential of shaping you into a true gem of a human being.
A person's character is part of the intangible, non physical element of a person. It's manifestations and ramifications may be felt in the physical for better or worse, but character itself is intangible and non physical.
A person is born with tendencies towards certain character traits that are influenced by genes and environment. However, this is undeveloped. Development of character requires work over time and through various life experiences. Therefore, the older one is, the more wise they become if they've been continuously developing their character. If they haven't, the passage of time will make them dumber due to the aging of their body (see next section).
Bodily breakdown
The physical body works in the opposite manner. When you're born, you're fresh and have a clean slate. The possibilities are endless. However, the more you age, the more your body (slowly) breaks down.
The body does go through development during childhood and adolescence. However, once it's done with that, it's slow deterioration and breakdown from there until death.
Scars are reminders of past wounds. Scarred skin will never be as appealing to the eye as skin in its natural state. An older person will never be as beautiful as a younger one nor will they be as strong, as fast, as agile or anything else that involves the physical elements of a person.
As a person ages, they'll become wiser and a better person as they gain life experience from the good and bad parts of life. Their character will develop. As their character developed, their physical body will slowly deteriorate. An unwise person who does not develop character throughout life will become dumber because the physical brain deteriorates just like the rest of the physical body.
SMV and RMV
Men and women find different things attractive from a sexual perspective as well as a relationship perspective. What's attractive to men may not be attractive to women and vice versa. What's attractive for sex may not be attractive for a marriage. A healthy marriage includes a healthy balance between the man and the woman, the sexual and relationship, the emotional and the practical needs to the extent that's possible to do so.
Male SMV includes - strong arms, broad shoulders, chiseled jaw, good posture, good teeth, good hair, scent, adequate length and girth of the penis among other things.
Female SMV included - perky rounded boobs, firm rounded ass, long legs, long and soft hair, soft skin, curvy but slim figure, good posture, scent and adequate tightness of the vagina among other things.
Male RMV includes - smarts, speed, performance (especially under pressure), earning potential, commitment, devotion, authority and strength among other things.
Female RMV includes - yielding, demure, thrifty, pleasant, commitment, devotion, sexual, caring, uplifting and encouraging among other things.
There are certain things that are attractive to both genders. Commitment and devotion are attractive to both men and women from an RMV standpoint, posture and scent are attractive to both men and women from a SMV standpoint. The specifics may be different but the concept is the same. For example, we're both attracted to the scent of the other, but to different scents.
Other things are different, some are even opposites. Yielding is the opposite of authority, softness is the opposite of strength, thrifty is the opposite of earning.
A healthy marriage, is a balancing act between all of these. It's an attempt to satisfy as many needs as possible, simultaneously. Sometimes, some needs need to be compromised but a healthy marriage does not suppress or eliminate a core need.
Example - a man may give up on sexual variety with many partners. Instead, he gets sexual variety with one partner through engaging in a variety of sexual acts. Likewise, a woman gives up on her ability to monkey branch and in exchange for that, she receives lifetime security in her marriage. (This is how it works when marriage isn't broken).
Conflating opposites
When looking for a spouse, men are primarily attracted to the tangible while women are primarily attracted to the intangible. Men go for what they can see now, women go for your potential to change into the man she wants you to be.
One of the key differences between the two is explained in the beginning of this post. The intangible developed and improves with time while the tangible deteriorates and breaks down over time. Many many things can be understood with this premise.
When a man is disgusted by a woman's sexual past, it's because her tangible body is no longer in its pristine state from a SMV standpoint and her emotional ability to pair bond is no longer in its pristine state from a RMV standpoint.
When a woman says - “just because I did “that” with him, doesn't mean I have to do it with you. I don't owe you specific sexual acts. I learned from my mistakes. I'm a different person now”- what she's essentially saying is - I'm attracted to the intangible which develops and improves with time and life experience, especially rough life experience. Therefore, the fact that I went through 5 abusive relationships, did anal and facials on the first date with 15 bad boys and gave BJ's to the whole football team is all the more reason for me to be a better person now which in turn is all the more reason for you to find me even more sexually and relationship-ly attractive!!!
Conclusion
Male and female SMV and RMV have some similarities and many differences. What's appealing to one may not be appealing to the other.
Men are attracted to the tangible, women to the intangible. When a woman demands you find her sexual experience appealing and not disgusting, she's conflating what's important to her with what's important to you.
Many of the core differences between male and female attractiveness from a SMV as well as RMV perspective, comes back to this core idea that men are attracted to the tangible and women to the intangible.
Cheers!
ChiTownBob 5y ago
Another thing that increases RMV is unselfishness and what decreases RMV is narcissism.
Rick_OShay1 5y ago
Yep, it so insults my intelligence when people, mostly women, imply that the more slutty a woman is, the wiser she is, and that all good men want "a woman that is wise" for a wife.
I-am-the-lul 5y ago
She's not wiser, she's just more jaded.
loneliness-inc Mod 5y ago
Having a lot of sex takes effort for a man, it's therefore an accomplishment of sorts. At least some women assume the same regarding women.
BewareTheOldMan 5y ago
"When a woman demands you find her sexual experience appealing and not disgusting, she's conflating what's important to her with what's important to you."
In this scenario the ONLY thing that's important is what's important to men - most men find the so-called "reformed slut" disgusting...and rightly so.
Sluts are ALWAYS inventing new techniques in their effort to shame men into overlooking their sexual history. Nowhere else in real life do we ignore a person's past history - sexual or otherwise. Smart men know better and give these reprobates a "Hard No."
loneliness-inc Mod 5y ago
Yes, but women are human beings and men are human doings and therefore, women are born rich and men are born poor. Therefore, women don't necessarily realize that they were showered with attention for all these years not because they're inherently worthy, but because of the idea they represent and that idea is youth, beauty, fertility and purity. Now that they're used up hags and have none of these, they wonder where all the good men went.
They'll try to shame men because that too is in their nature. To come from a place of power where they think they can tell men what to do and how to live. Thank God many men are waking up to this insanity.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
loneliness-inc Mod 5y ago
I'm sure I missed other details too. That's why I concluded those paragraphs with the phrase - among other things
CosmicSpiral 5y ago
I don't quite buy this logic.
Men prioritize the tangible when it comes to acting upon their immediate sexual impulses. A woman with nice tits, a great ass and a beautiful face will evoke lust irrespective of character or situation. Guys will fall all over themselves to hook up with her. Yet by the same token men instinctively know the town outhouse isn't wife material. The joie de vivre and unblemished heart of youth aren't tangible; ditto for the situational behavior that informs you whether she'll get along with your family or nag you to death on weekends.
Contrariwise women are uniformly, notoriously terrible when it comes to anticipating the future. They spend rashly because of impulse and greed; they abuse their bodies in bacchanalia and revelry before the big 30 because wear and tear are foreign concepts. They flit to this trend and that trend without deeply considering whether it is good for them in the long-term. This additionally manifests as a conflation of semiotics with reality. They mistake credentialism for intelligence, terminology with wisdom, authority with righteousness, and solipsism with perception.
Hypergamy demands a woman to obtain the best partner that she can at that moment. It doesn't care about future potential because there's no guarantee it will ever come to fruition. Its overarching criteria is that the man should be sexy now, financially well-off now, etc. That is why they waste precious time and energy attempting to reform 'bad boys' instead of seeking out other men who are both masculine and devoted. That is the origin of the endless list of demands every Wall-defeated cat guardian posts on POF. That is why they happily hook up with felons, drug addicts, men who obtain power through illegal and insidious means.
It's hard to view this...
...as anything more than desperate self-preservation in the face of Father Time. Women rationalize away their past because it's too painful to admit otherwise. They largely don't care about a man's past as long as it doesn't effect them in the present. If women went for intangible potential, the sexual dynamics of the marketplace would be completely different from what we empirically observe.
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 5y ago
I agree with your assessment. I've dated several reformed party girls/alcoholics and they like all women simply lived in the moment. From puberty to the wall all that mattered was getting attention, leveraging sex for a free ride, and enjoying the fun that was never going to end because the future isn't happening.
An additional consequence to thier hedonistic tendencies is the lack of their own development emotionally and intellectually. Most women, I've dated have cliched, boring interests because they never learned anything beyond how to score free drinks, travel on someone else's dick, and how to cake on make up and wear just enough clothes to be legally covered.
Which is why men need to write off relationships as a whole. They simply aren't worth the time and effort. Take care of yourself, improve yourself, and pump and dump as women come into your life. After the first few, you'll realize they're all the same wrapped in the slightest variation of packages.
[deleted] 5y ago
They pretty much all do that... Even the 18-22 year old girls in college. I dated them while I was getting my second and third graduate degrees. You'd be surprised how effective saying you're 28 when you're really 37 is. I'm thinking about going back to college for the dating prospects.
loneliness-inc Mod 5y ago
That men are good at long term thinking and women aren't is a well discussed topic. I'm not arguing against that nor do I think there's any contradiction to anything I said here.
When you say "men are attracted to fertility", what does it mean? Does it mean you can see into her uterus and determine the quality of her eggs? Of course not!
It means that certain physical features which we find attractive, line up with better health, better fertility, better this, better that. None of this is necessarily conscious.
Long term thinking is a conscious process, short term thinking is a lack thereof. When you think ahead, it's because you're more intentional and focused. When you lack foresight it's because you're unable or unwilling to do so (foresight is an outgrowth of responsibility).
When a man is turned off by a woman's sexual past, it isn't necessarily a conscious choice. This happens to many male feminists too despite their best efforts to avoid it. This is because it's disgust on a primal level.
Likewise, when a woman expects you to love and accept you for who she is, it's because she's a human being, not a human doing. Again, it's primal.
What I did in this post is to give a specific distinction between male and female attraction from a SMV and RMV perspective. Other distinctions certainly exist.
CosmicSpiral 5y ago
You don't contradict yourself as much as your logic falls apart due to vague generalizations.
Men prioritize the tangible when looking for sex, and the intangible when looking for a spouse. Women prioritize the intangible when looking for sex, and the tangible when looking for a spouse. I'd say you crossed the wires when you switched sexual criteria with LTR criteria.
frikabg 5y ago
No! Smart people learn from their mistakes Wise people learn from other people's mistakes.
Rick_OShay1 5y ago
Hmm, I've always been looking for a difference between "smart" and "wise".
TotesMessenger 5y ago
I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^(Info ^/ ^Contact)
Chairman_Ellen_Pao 5y ago
I'll vote where I want and when I want!