“My kids are my world.”
“I’m tired of the games.”
“If you’re looking for a hookup, I’m not your girl.”
Your message is loud, clear, and as basic as Ugg boots and pumpkin spice lattes. That dating profile you call a literary masterpiece is the same tired cliché all single moms post. What does it matter though? It’s working. You get matches every day; your inbox is flooded with hundreds of guys who want to meet you.
Clearly you have plenty of options, so you don’t need any advice on OLD. But there’s a big detail you’re missing. This is one of those situations where you can’t see the forest for the trees. There is no doubt you’re surrounded by an endless number of eligible bachelors. Have you stopped to consider how many of them are interested in you? The reality might shock you!
Let’s take a moment to reflect. How many real, actual dates have you gone on? By dates I mean, you meet with a guy, enjoy an activity (dinner, low impact sport) and make plans to meet again? How often do you get asked to go on dates? How many of those guys meet your standards? And, how many are you stringing along for attention and ego-stroking? If you’re willing to be honest with yourself I’m willing to bet you’re not happy with the answers.
Your profile provides a clear summary of what you want, what’s important to you, and a brief overview of your values in as few words as possible. Values that I’m sure changed violently with your OTC pregnancy test results and the sudden disappearance of the father. What I want to know is… what do you have to offer in a relationship? What kind of value are you going to bring to my life? Before you answer consider this: If you had something to offer in a relationship or brought value to a man’s life you wouldn’t be a single mom. In fact, if you had value and conversely if the men you chose to fuck had any value you would both be excited about bringing a child into the world and raising them to be the best person they can be.
But, that’s not the case. The evidence is overwhelmingly clear. “The father is not in the picture,” “I’m a full-time mom,” “You need to be financially secure,” “Mom of 1 and 1 on the way,” dating profiles have become so common it’s laughable. The very clear message you’re sending is… “I had my fill and got filled by the fun men, now I want the good men to carry me the rest of the way.”
The trouble is, despite your experience, men aren’t a commodity. You don’t get to fuck around with the losers and then demand the winners accept the participation trophy that you’ve become. And, that’s the #1 reason I won’t date a single mom. With the abundance of birth control options including the tried and true “pull out” method, the odds of an unexpected pregnancy are slim. The odds of two unexpected pregnancies? Astronomical. That sends me a very important message… You and you alone are responsible for your reproductive health. I have no say in whether or not you’re using birth control properly nor am I part of the decision-making process of how to handle an unexpected pregnancy (always bring your own condoms gentlemen).
So, here’s what I know about you without ever having to meet you. First, you like to fuck around with low-value men. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be a single mom. Second, you don’t take your reproductive health seriously. If you did the pill and condoms have extremely high success rates. Third, no guy who chooses to date you will ever be your first choice. At best he’ll be the runner up who gets to provide for you and your child(ren) until they have grown up or you’ve decided you can do better.
As for me, every time I see a profile that tells me to swipe left if I have a problem with kid(s), I will continue to do so. Not because I don’t like kids. Because I’m not interested in being the only adult in the relationship.
Stay safe out there guys.
[deleted] 3y ago
I am not here to try to validate myself to someone online. I am sorry that you’ve encounter bad representation of what a single mothers/parents are because it seems like you had a problem with women/people who weren’t adults ...that happened to be single mothers or parents. I think there is a saying “correlation isn’t causation”. As I said above it’s your prerogative on who you chose date. good for you If you feel that you are above you definition of a single mothers.
My only rationale of commenting is: if someone happens to stumble upon this and they happen to be a single mom that being a single mom isn’t a “death sentence” or equating to their worth as a person or mother. they don’t have to be that stereotype from which you clearly stated above. I believe in promoting people higher instead of pushing people down so I guess this is all subjective.
And thank you the dating tips.
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 3y ago
I never said being a single mom is a death sentence. I discussed my reasons for not wanting to date a single mom, (i.e. they have nothing to offer me and can't keep up with my lifestyle.) Lots of single moms settle for and date great guys. There's no doubt about that. However, there's a growing community of men who don't have to settle for single moms or at all for that matter.
"I believe in promoting people higher instead of pushing people down so I guess this is all subjective."
You're right, it is subjective. The point of this sub and this post is to provide young men with perspective. The fact that you don't agree with or don't like what I have to say is irrelevant because the message wasn't aimed at you. The fact that is struck a nerve and drove you to comment is telling though.
[deleted] 3y ago
I can not say that you spoke in this letter isn’t untrue.. what I can say ultimately, it is stereotyping. Its disappointing to see that most men are just as bitter as how you guys portray women to be.
Here is the thing: I get your brash rant and it’s your prerogative. I am a women that clearly doesn’t need a man for money , I’m not “insecure” either and (my fav) a women without no quality dates. I’m not trying to prove what I am about to you or get you date single mothers, As we will all be fine with you guys. You are viewing things from an extremely pessimistic view.
you all are entitled to your opinions and your dating preferences. But I hope one day you learn to be more open to people rather then stereotyping everyone as bunch. It’s very easy to do that you know?.... as I can sterotype every one of the men that comment on this form.
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 3y ago
Like it or not, stereotyping exists for a reason. Do they apply to all people, all the time? Nope. Do they apply in a broad spectrum at a level that society has taken note and created a standard trope? Yup. Hence, stereotypes will never go away regardless of your feelings.
"Its disappointing to see that most men are just as bitter as how you guys portray women to be."
There you go, perpetuating a stereotype. I'm not bitter at all. This post along with all of my posts are based on my life experiences. I'm not bitter toward women, nor do I hate them. Years of dating across the cultural spectrum has taught me many valuable lessons, some of them are present in this post. My refusal to date single moms simply comes down to standards.
Women refuse to adjust their standards regardless of what a guy has to offer unless what he has to offer is money and status, then all bets are off. When a woman has standards the world rejoices and demands she never compromise because being alone is better than not being with the wealthy provider whose libido waxes and wans with your own and will always keep you happy no matter what. He's out there, you just have to wait for him to show up.
However, I will respond to #6. What value do I bring to you're life? None. I have a stable career, but I am not willing to settle in one place, at least not yet. I am debt free, child free, and live well below my means. That means no fancy dinners, no expensive nights out, or high dollar insta-worthy vacation getaways.
I have a solid budget for leisure, travel, hobbies, etc that gets used for things that make me happy. I've dated women who joined me and someone who weren't into and expected me to acquiesce to their wants. I'm still single, so that's a win for me.
"You are viewing things from an extremely pessimistic view."
I wholly disagree. I'm viewing things as they are not as I want them to be. A single mom does not have the same personal or financial freedom that I enjoy. I can plan a weekend trip (driving or flying) on Tuesday leave on Friday (morning if things at work line up) and be back late Sunday, no problem. I've never met a single mom who could say the same.
And, I hope one day you will realize one day that if you to date and be in a relationship with a good man who will be good to you and your child you will have to compromise on your standards.
[deleted] 3y ago
I’m not here to validate myself to someone online. I don’t care who you choose to date or consider on your standard. I want to add that since you congratulated me on accomplishing being an adult..then maybe you’ve encounter women who weren’t adults that happen to be single mothers/a parent. Correlation doesn’t mean causation. Good for you, if you think are above dating single mothers. As I said above it’s your prerogative.
My only rationale of commenting on the first place was that if someone who was a single mother or parent that stumbles on this.. that being a single parent doesn’t define them or does it mean a death sentence. I believe in promoting positive to people and instead of pushing people down. I believe that stereotypes exist for a reason but that doesn’t define your circumstances.
And Thank you for your dating advice.
[deleted] 4y ago
[deleted]
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
They all act like towing someone else's kid through life is desirable. Not only is it not it's a left swipe from me every time.
Cantide756 4y ago
Only their own kids. I lost count of how many single mothers wouldn't go on a date with me specifically because I'm a single father.
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
That's not a bad thing. Those women are vetting themselves. They don't want to date a single dad because they know you won't be slinging every dime of disposable income in their laps. That's all it is.
Cantide756 4y ago
Couldn't have said it better. Still utterly disgusting
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
Women are disgusting, depraved humans at their core. Once you realize that you become a lot happier.
And, even as a single dad, you're still at a greater advantage than a single mom.
Cantide756 4y ago
Except in family court
sleepyweaselisawake Mod 4y ago
The court is fucked up beyond belief. Do your best to raise your child to be a good person. In the end, that's all that matters.
Cantide756 4y ago
Exactly
loneliness-inc Mod 4y ago
Almost nonexistent.
There are some extremely reliable forms of bc for women. (Such as several types of IUD's, which are inserted and forgotten about for 5 years!).
Additionally, there are probably a dozen or so forms of bc for women. If this type doesn't work for snowflake, the other type will work
Therefore, if a woman is pregnant or if she gave birth, it's because she chose to. Period. Full stop.
beenthere789 4y ago
The best and only option to win at this game is simply not to play it.
Interacting with any woman on any issue one second longer than you have to is one second wasted .
RaymundosConsulting 4y ago
You can still have a little fun with it. I read about one guy that purposely matches with these type of women just so he can reject them immediately in the messages. lol he goes "you are not up to my standards", and that's it that's the conversation hahaha. He doesn't even say hi or bye
beenthere789 4y ago
Agreed .. But even that game gets boring , because when you gyow after a while , it's like shooting fish in a barrel.
You will find women become so predictable it is boring..
I highly recommend focusing on bettering yourself. Do pump and dump , or go monk after that.. It doesn't matter...
As i said, they are all so predictable and boring after a while. They really don't add anything to your life you will find,... So why even bother.
basically_a_genius 4y ago
How about a nice game of chess?
BluepillProfessor 4y ago
And the typical guy says:
"No, let's play global thermonuclear war."
basically_a_genius 4y ago
Kek
[deleted] 4y ago
Gwent
pnceng 4y ago
DAMN FACTS !...
pnceng 4y ago
I have bookmarked this one....