“My kids are my world.”

“I’m tired of the games.”

“If you’re looking for a hookup, I’m not your girl.”

Your message is loud, clear, and as basic as Ugg boots and pumpkin spice lattes. That dating profile you call a literary masterpiece is the same tired cliché all single moms post. What does it matter though? It’s working. You get matches every day; your inbox is flooded with hundreds of guys who want to meet you.

Clearly you have plenty of options, so you don’t need any advice on OLD. But there’s a big detail you’re missing. This is one of those situations where you can’t see the forest for the trees. There is no doubt you’re surrounded by an endless number of eligible bachelors. Have you stopped to consider how many of them are interested in you? The reality might shock you!

Let’s take a moment to reflect. How many real, actual dates have you gone on? By dates I mean, you meet with a guy, enjoy an activity (dinner, low impact sport) and make plans to meet again? How often do you get asked to go on dates? How many of those guys meet your standards? And, how many are you stringing along for attention and ego-stroking? If you’re willing to be honest with yourself I’m willing to bet you’re not happy with the answers.

Your profile provides a clear summary of what you want, what’s important to you, and a brief overview of your values in as few words as possible. Values that I’m sure changed violently with your OTC pregnancy test results and the sudden disappearance of the father. What I want to know is… what do you have to offer in a relationship? What kind of value are you going to bring to my life? Before you answer consider this: If you had something to offer in a relationship or brought value to a man’s life you wouldn’t be a single mom. In fact, if you had value and conversely if the men you chose to fuck had any value you would both be excited about bringing a child into the world and raising them to be the best person they can be.

But, that’s not the case. The evidence is overwhelmingly clear. “The father is not in the picture,” “I’m a full-time mom,” “You need to be financially secure,” “Mom of 1 and 1 on the way,” dating profiles have become so common it’s laughable. The very clear message you’re sending is… “I had my fill and got filled by the fun men, now I want the good men to carry me the rest of the way.”

The trouble is, despite your experience, men aren’t a commodity. You don’t get to fuck around with the losers and then demand the winners accept the participation trophy that you’ve become. And, that’s the #1 reason I won’t date a single mom. With the abundance of birth control options including the tried and true “pull out” method, the odds of an unexpected pregnancy are slim. The odds of two unexpected pregnancies? Astronomical. That sends me a very important message… You and you alone are responsible for your reproductive health. I have no say in whether or not you’re using birth control properly nor am I part of the decision-making process of how to handle an unexpected pregnancy (always bring your own condoms gentlemen).

So, here’s what I know about you without ever having to meet you. First, you like to fuck around with low-value men. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be a single mom. Second, you don’t take your reproductive health seriously. If you did the pill and condoms have extremely high success rates. Third, no guy who chooses to date you will ever be your first choice. At best he’ll be the runner up who gets to provide for you and your child(ren) until they have grown up or you’ve decided you can do better.

As for me, every time I see a profile that tells me to swipe left if I have a problem with kid(s), I will continue to do so. Not because I don’t like kids. Because I’m not interested in being the only adult in the relationship.

Stay safe out there guys.