Just a little bit of advice. My wife was mildly peeved with me one time and suggested I straighten up or I'd be sleeping on the couch.
No. I explained explicitly that that was MY bed, MY bedroom, and I would be sleeping in them no matter HOW peeved she got. If she didn't want to share them with me, SHE was welcome to take the couch.
choomguy 10y ago
I sleep wherever the fuck I want.
Oso-Sic 10y ago
Yeah this. If I want to sleep on the couch it's on my terms. Not hers.
TekkomanKingz 10y ago
We don't have a couch so there's that...
[deleted] 10y ago
This works very well.
Unless you both co-own the house/bedroom. Then you don't have a leg to stand on. Man up, and own the fucking house, if that's the case.
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surfjihad 10y ago
Why are you getting married if you are wise to TRP truths?
aussydog 10y ago
Pre-wedding advice is nearly always utterly useless. My strategy was; ignore the words and view the actions. If you see a successful marriage with many years of true happiness see what's done right as it applies to you and yours. (In other words don't try to mold yourself after a marriage that you don't admire in the first place)
thisjibberjabber 10y ago
It is amazing how the conventional wisdom is preemptive surrender.
It is also possible to appear to uphold a convention like a diamond ring, so she can keep her status with her peers, while not doing so. Moissanite looks just as good, is nearly as hard (unlike cubic zirconium) and is much much cheaper.
[deleted] 10y ago
Yeah. Fake diamonds are known to be fakes because they are actually too perfect and lack the flaws natural diamonds have, and people shit all over them. It's madness.
OneTouchHowMuch 10y ago
It's all one giant shit test.
Most people will preemptively surrender and will take their place on a lower rung as a result. But not you.
Dream4eva 10y ago
I had a conversation the other day about marriage with some women. They kept saying how its outdated that the women's family pay for the wedding now days. However when I brought up whether the man should get a diamond ring they were all for it saying it was different.
They'll take it all and give nothing back.
Mouthpiece 10y ago
Actually, it's just the wedding that's outdated. But they won't admit that.
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oxnaes 10y ago
Great point to keep in mind
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LS_D 10y ago
Bro! some mini vans rock ..... much more than a 50ct diamond could!(imho)
sailorJery 10y ago
dude minivans are awesome, you're missing out
LittlePedro55 10y ago
If its about money say you don't want to spend a lot, I dont see how not getting a diamond ring is a crazy statement of your intelligence over everyone. In the end they really are not that expensive either.
[deleted] 10y ago
My parents raised two kids without ever owning a minivan. Never give in.
john-b 10y ago
This whole "mini-vans are unmanly" stereotype is garbage. TRP teaches to reach your own goals and do what you want in life. If you like the utility of a minivan and don't give a fuck what others are constantly thinking of you, go for it. One of the most solid vehicles I ever drove was a 2001 ford windstar minivan. I drove it until the engine died.
thisjibberjabber 10y ago
She can know it's moissanite but no one else needs to know. You can spend (part of) the money saved on a nice custom setting. Just a thought.
RedBigMan 10y ago
LOL... Well given most people aren't qualified jewelers it would stand to reason if she is a good liar she can pull off the whole rock big enough to make any woman jealous thing.
Alternatively if you do not feel like lying about it you can always just explain when people ask how you can afford a diamond that big or whatever that it's moissanite because you do not support the diamond industry because the price on diamonds has been gouged into the stratosphere.
fapswhilesleeping 10y ago
Yeah just say you didn't want to support slavery in Africa.
cascadecombo 10y ago
because rings were originally used as inaurance against men running away, when now the courts do a far better job at it than a ring ever could.
LS_D 10y ago
that's a great piece of trivia bro, rings were a kind of insurance/dowry
wow, cool!
thanks
[deleted] 10y ago
Wasn't the chemical structure of moissanite discovered from a meteor? That's just cool IMO. It's lab created but still kinda nerdy spacey.
Fatpandasneezes 10y ago
.... That is cool. Like, nerdy spacey cool. I really hope what you're saying is true.
pms777 10y ago
Never forget that you aren't marrying her parents. You have nothong to prove to them. You don't owe them anything.
Src: my mother is trying to please my father's parents all her life. It is never good enough.
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Cyralea 10y ago
Take it from another brother dating a conservative Asian girl -- keep the parents happy. Your life will be infinitely easier.
Gaming your girl is one thing, but losing face with extended family is a headache you don't want.
MicroMinion 10y ago
In the middle east there's have a saying: "you don't just marry the wife, you marry her family too."
It means that when marrying a woman you should not only look at the woman itsself but at the whole package that comes with it.
You can't just severe ties to your wife's family just because YOU don't like them. As soon as you marry a daughter you become part of their family too so be careful about the whole deal. If you take marriage lightly it's bound to end wrong.
JohnnyLawman 10y ago
It doesn't matter if its the middle east or the far east. You don't have to sever ties, but if they're going to try and butt in to your marriage if things are fine and to create problems, then they can change or fuck off. They've had their time being married, they don't need to cause problems in someone elses.
mr_wilz 10y ago
I guess that's a culture thing. I have cut ties to my SO's family and I am glad I did. Then again I have also cut ties to a large part of my own family. I don't see family as much more than what it really is, no magical connection of any sort and if I don't like you as a person, then there is no reason for me to spend time with you.
MicroMinion 10y ago
It's a shame to hear that. Of course i'm not saying you did the wrong thing to cut ties with them, I know plenty of unbearable parents. But for your SO/wife to be cut off would probably not be the most likeable option.
Also other people who dont like their wifes parents might have a very hard time getting their wife to agree with them.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Don't fight with the parents - get HER to do it. See my other post. Get her to very strongly agree with the symbolic gesture of the ring, not the financial one. Then she'll go to bat with her mom.
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bananashammock 10y ago
Keep that frame strong, guy. Don't get on no hamster wheel, and keep that TRP woman in line, and off the plate.
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[deleted] 10y ago
A full-plate can also mean someone has too many responsibilities/problems so keeping her off OP's plate could also mean to de-prioritize her.
reallybloodylongname 10y ago
This is the wedge to play at.
Tell her mother that she is calling her daughter a whore, and she will drop that shit back down the bullshit hole it came from.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
No - the type that says "get a $10,000 ring" is the type to ream YOU a new asshole if you suggest that.
reallybloodylongname 10y ago
watch some middle aged bitch throw a tantrum, ooh scary.
sweetleef 10y ago
If you're going into a marriage, you're taking on a lot of contact with these people - holidays, emergencies, grandkid time, etc.
And if you want to reduce stress and run things as smoothly as possible, the last thing you want is a pissed off bitch of a mother-in-law throwing sand in the works at every chance, undermining you, feeding ideas to her daughter, etc. Whatever misery the wife will bring, times ten.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
It is if she's your prospective mother-in-law, and you have to keep your finance happy (and think this is the way to do it, which is pretty beta, but whatevs).
Infinitezen 10y ago
Hey man, mini vans can be quite practical given the situation, that's a false equivalency :)
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jm51 10y ago
Old fart Brit here. Had to google image minivan to see what you were talking about because to my mind this is a minivan lol
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=minivan&es_sm=122&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=y_BlVM-uHMXcaKqYgaAJ&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ&biw=1280&bih=699#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=bhemi7Rd2Cql6M%253A%3BSSZvwuZNmBJZuM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fupload.wikimedia.org%252Fwikipedia%252Fcommons%252F2%252F29%252FMini_Van_001.JPG%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fcommons.wikimedia.org%252Fwiki%252FFile%253AMini_Van_001.JPG%3B1280%3B755
IVIaskerade 10y ago
Ahem
SenorPuff 10y ago
Several of the more business oriented men I've had the privilege of knowing, drive older, less conspicuous vehicles.
Put simply, the rich don't talk about money. If they want a nice car they'll have one, but they don't get one just to appear rich.
[deleted] 10y ago
Yup. I know a few people who are filthy rich and they drive shitty cars and wear boring non flashy clothes. The people that like to show off seem to be buried in debt.
Tilting_Gambit 10y ago
There's the idea that most rich people get to where they are because they don't try to APPEAR to be rich, which is what you're saying. They drive a shit car and have a normal house, meanwhile they're sitting on 500k in stock and two investment properties.
There's also the idea that if you appear to know what you're doing, everybody will assume you do. The guy you replied to is going for this. He wants to appear professional, give that vibe off and not come across as anything but a well put together man. Both views are legitimate, I don't see the other guy splashing money on red Porsche's or coke. He just wants to be the ideal working man.
[deleted] 10y ago
Indeed. Also, being alpha in a social setting seems to have little to do with bank account numbers.
iamnotfromtexas90 10y ago
I'm assuming most know this but still relevant. The band is actually worth money. Diamonds are bullshit, no resale value. Gold and silver have been valuable around the globe for thousands of years.
vakerr 10y ago
Decades of marriage, I've never slept on the couch. If she doesn't want to sleep in my bed she can sleep in the bathtub or wherever. Interestingly she always choose the comfort of the bed.
I wonder if this whole sleeping on the couch is just some propaganda thing.
[deleted] 10y ago
Yup, if you have to absolutely marry for whatever reason in this fucked up country, give her the diamond test. Will she go for it if there's no ring, or just a modest 100$ band? No? She cares so much about how her friends will not be oohing and ahhing over her hand, and about the wedding feeling Hollywood... to marry you if there's no diamond ring in it? Then why the fuck would you marry her. Absolutely essential compliance test IMO for marriage, if isn't cool with it being a simple, cheap wedding and very, very modest ring, she's not marrying you solely for you.
Even men push this shit too, with their "real men" stuff.
"Real men want their wife to feel loved."
(So I love her, that doesn't have anything to do some shit found in caves in Sierra Leone)
"Real men serve others! Real men give up everything in a divorce because "they get happy by making her happy!" Real men, I'm a real man!"
Older married men can be the worst, like they demand you make the same sacrifices they made and get massively butthurt when you get better results by not paying the price they paid.
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IVIaskerade 10y ago
You there. Take this post, re-write it, expand upon the concepts contained within it, and make a full post of it. The newer posters need to be made aware that they are most likely the problem in their relationships.
WindowToAlaska 10y ago
............. why the fuck are you engaged and getting married?
Mrswhiskers 10y ago
... Fuck I'm dumb. Whenever people would mention that to me I was picturing watching movies together on the couch...
[deleted] 10y ago
HAHAHAHA. Wow, watch them fuck themselves over in their lives within the next 10 years.
Fucking morons with the diamond ring suggestions. LOL. They are just showing how fucking stupid and easily manipulated/influenced they are by others trying to profit from them - girls this can be expected of, but men? Pathetic. A sucker is born every second.
[deleted] 10y ago
Women are really simple in some ways. I know for a fact my GF gets mad facebook envy and when she see's people with kids or showing off their ring she gets all jealous.
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Newdist2 10y ago
Are her parents divorced? Sisters? Aunts?
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Newdist2 10y ago
That's a bad sign. Not a dealbreaker by itself.
I know you didn't come here to get the usual "don't marry" advice, but you need to look at her history and her extended family's circumstances. Is there anything that makes you think your upcoming marriage has a survival chance greater than the 50% average? Any signs that the chance is less than 50%?
Are you OK with 50%?
[deleted] 10y ago
I admire you for going with the band. Takes balls man.
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[deleted] 10y ago
Congrats, mate. All the best.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Tell the fiance it's a symbol of love, not money, and ask if she needs more proof... unless she wants to marry you for money.
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CryptoOrchid 10y ago
This is too true. It's possible to sell your diamond but only if you know the right people and get really lucky.
The general rule is that you get about 60% to 70% less than retail I think.
NAmember81 10y ago
My sister is obsessed about diamonds and jewelry dudes get for her. This chump bought her a $800 ring on credit and has been paying it off for 2 years because of the shitloads of interest. Last week she broke up with him and she wanted a symbol of her new direction in life (don't ask why?) and thought she could go to the jewelry store and just pick out another one at the same value. It was the smallest band with all the money in the rock and I told her that ain't gonna happen, she went to the jewelry store in the mall anyway and the store would only take $200 dollars off of a new purchase of $1000. So she could get a new $1200 ring for only $1000. What a deal! /s
[deleted] 10y ago
Stores know they're worthless.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Nah. I totes know women who sold their diamonds.
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the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Oh, they were all gifts. These ladies do not buy their own jewelry. It was entirely optional, because the emotional connection was nil.
[deleted] 10y ago
What's your girl's view on the band?
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I wasn't expecting anything, just genuinely curious. In today's age what you did is definitely very uncommon. I don't think it's a bad idea or anything, just an interesting way to handle a marriage proposal. I definitely don't plan on spending a ridiculous amount of money on my wedding ring either when that day comes so kudos to you.
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oxnaes 10y ago
The tattoo's forever, the wife's long gone :p
Bulldog44 10y ago
I did this exact thing myself, and you're right lol, bitch is long gone.
Darkone06 10y ago
That's actually really cool and unique.
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NAmember81 10y ago
And doesn't get caught in machinery.
[deleted] 10y ago
Doesn't it?
vengefully_yours 10y ago
Wait, why the fuck are you getting married? What's in it for you? What benefit does it provide you?
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fnordsnord 10y ago
You'll get a lot of crap from many RPer's but I'm with you. Raising children is the ONLY reason for a man to get married in this day and age. And screen your prospective wife. Screen, screen, screen. Pre-qualify her, and then screen again.
MyRedAccount 10y ago
It's possible to present as married without legally doing so in the many states without common law marriage. It's also legal for her to change her name. That's what my baby's gonna do. She'll get pretty much all the benefits of marriage minus a little cash so long as she wants to be.
HumanSockPuppet 10y ago
So have your girlfriend legally change her last name to yours. Sure, it'll require some work to maintain the facade until your son is old enough to figure out your shit, but at least you won't be planting a bomb on your bank account and handing your wife the trigger.
Don't be a moron. DO NOT get married.
Ill_mumble_that 10y ago
Or do what I did. The traditional folk/religious marriage. Never registered legally with the state. Why the fuck should the government have a say in whether I'm married or not? Fuck that.
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HumanSockPuppet 10y ago
Something you should be aware of: I'm not entirely unbiased as far as this topic is concerned.
I've seen a lot of family members and close friends (whom I would count as my family) ruined by marriage. They were all stubborn, and they were all convinced that their situation was somehow unique.
It never was.
The sad truth is that without the threat of repercussion, people become as selfish as they can get away with. Marriage is a contract that you have no part in writing, but to which you are entirely beholden if you submit to it. And that contract is full of penalty clauses for you and incentives for your beloved to break it. You cannot apply threat of repercussion to force your wife be a decent person, because the marriage contract robs you of all leverage. That's what the marriage contract is for.
My initial response was a bit knee-jerk, but that's only because I've witnessed the destructive power of wishful thinking and self-deception far too many times. It's easy to imagine a desired outcome, and to set out on a path intending to arrive there eventually. But when the road is marred by other people's manipulations, it's impossible to know where you'll end up until you've arrived there and find yourself out of gas.
I don't want to see that happen to anyone here.
vengefully_yours 10y ago
Had something similar with my second wife, married to get her heath benefits after being together for 7 years. We didn't make it to ten. Best relationship I've ever had, ended the same as the worst one. Couldn't get two more widely disparate women than my two wives, yet they did the same thing, lied, cheated, left for a loser, now they regret it. Second wife left because I got very sick and didn't look "strong" anymore, it didn't matter that the illness was temporary, women will be women and she jumped on the first guy who showed interest. She was a virgin when I met her, only with me, and then she threw away the best thing that will ever happen to her.
No matter how awesome she is, she is still female, that means she is prone to the same shit as the worst of them.
annieb443 10y ago
hahah you know how they say if one person is an asshole to you, they're an asshole, but if everyone is an asshole to you...you're the asshole? Somethin g to think about kiddo
vengefully_yours 10y ago
Yeah, I get that idiotic sentiment often.
Just so you know, the only things I did wrong in my relationships were trusting them, treating them like equals, and allowing them the freedom to talk to whomever they pleased. Treating girls like that is so effective at getting them to leave that it's my go-to method for releaving myself of girls who hide the crazy or drug addiction. I treat them nice and in less than two weeks they are gone. A compliment early on in the meeting them phase is my litmus test for discovering women unworthy of being with me.
As for being called kiddo, I was probably in combat before you were out of diapers, and probably owned a car before you were born.
annieb443 10y ago
You get that "idiotic sentiment" often, and it's still idiotic, eh? Safe to say that that says a bit more about you than you realize
vengefully_yours 10y ago
It only shows the ignorance and severely limited experience of the halfwits posting it.
annieb443 10y ago
Heh, says the bitter, two time divorcé with delusions of grandeur
vengefully_yours 10y ago
Accuses the deluded self absorbed solipsist
Thizzlebot 10y ago
I never got the logic of the man on the couch. Even if its her house, she can go somewhere else if she's butthurt.
fnordsnord 10y ago
That was sorta my thoughts on the matter.
tallwheel 10y ago
While growing up, it was always my mom that I found sleeping on the couch in the morning. Never saw my dad do it. Either my dad was retaining frame in bed, or (more likely) my mom was always the butthurt one who stormed off to emphasize how angry she was.
[deleted] 10y ago
My mom would often sleep on the couch because my dad's snoring would be loud enough to even wake me up a couple of rooms down.
[deleted] 10y ago
The BP logic is simple. Women > Men.
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[deleted] 10y ago
It isn't just what people have been told to believe, although that's a part of it.
Men have always been treated as disposable in society. Sexual species don't need men very much in order to survive. If there were 10 men to 100 women in a society the society could still prosper for a generation, you can't say the same about the reverse. There is something Red Pill to the pedastalisation of women; they are a crucial part of society.
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dancingwithcats 10y ago
My wife knows better. If she doesn't want to sleep in the same bed for some reason, which is a very rare occurrence over our 17+ year marriage, she goes to the guest room. When she makes more money than I do (never going to happen) she can dictate where I sleep.
Movonnow 10y ago
It's like an old simpson's episode I saw years ago :
Marge is angry at homer. Homer says "I know you're mad at me. I would understand if you slept on the couch".
bluedrygrass 10y ago
Nice, but in general homer simpson is like the epitope of blue pill larvae. Homer is everything you shouldn't be as a man.
joaquim56 10y ago
Good shit, OP.
TRP, giving men backbone, one man at time.
It's crazy how brainwashed men have become and how much power they have deferred.
TrimHer 10y ago
This is one of those things that you don't cave to, EVER. It is an unbreakable rule, because once you break it, you're on a steep, slippery slope. Same with asking/begging for sex.
[deleted] 10y ago
This recently happened to us (female here). We got into a bit of a rough patch, he informed me this was our bed he was going to sleep in it and I could leave if I wanted. I don't know what else to say other than I was fucking turned on. Also, that let me know to never ask him to leave the bed again. I've learned not to escalate with him because he maintains himself so well, that I always end up looking like a moron. He never says I'm being stupid just waits for me to come around and admit it. This is TRP amirite :) ..lol anyway, more husbands need to take this approach.
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the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Thanks. You're a gem for even being aware of this.
anidealistmind 10y ago
Or you could have never taken that approach in the first place. If I'm pissed at my husband I usually go to another place if I wanna be alone. I don't bother telling him to go anywhere (bc that's just rude to anyone let alone your partner) so therefore I take myself to the living room. I don't end up spending the night there anyways since my husband either comes to talk to me to resolve it or I do. Collaboration and treating someone how you want to be treated is how to make a marriage last.
SgtTRP 10y ago
AF/BB confirmed.
Frame confirmed.
You, my lady, are a lucky woman.
[deleted] 10y ago
..I remind myself of that everyday. :)
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loin_fruit 10y ago
I work at a store currently. Can't tell you how many times I hear guys say the wife sent them shopping and if they come back home with the wrong item that they would be sent to the doghouse or some variant.
Or a guy would say "oh I can't make this decision. Better call the boss first"
To them its funny. To me its sad as fuck.
zyk0s 10y ago
The couch, the doghouse, the excuse gifts, it's all things society now expects men to put up with, and with a smile. What's fascinating is how men love to make jokes about this. If you mention your woman having any sort of disagreement with you, they'll bring those things up even more often than women do.
I thought about what psychological process is responsible for this and I have a pet theory. Basically, it's an extension of the crabs in the bucket. These men don't like the idea that a woman would be right to demand something like this of them. They subconsciously feel that it makes them weak, but since they've been taught this was the way of the world for so long, the only way to save face is to make sure this rule is imposed on other men to prevent them from gaining a competitive advantage.
It is even more apparent in their reaction when you tell them that you don't adhere to it. They don't become perplexed, curious or amazed, they become angry, and angry with you, as if you've committed a crime. And you have, you are cheating at the game when they follow the rules, but instead of challenging the rules, they try to bring you down into compliance.
Ultimately, that's how humans enforce laws, so it's a useful trait for social cohesion. What's missing is the courage to look at such laws and rebel if they are unjust. If most men are so eager to enforce the doghouse rule, is it any surprise we've seen more acceptance for laws that introduce more control and reduce people's freedom?
LS_D 10y ago
misery loves company!!
as you've experienced! sadly.
This is very true , but most people are pussies!
"evil triumphs when good men do nothing" .... the 'good men' are "very confused BB's" under the bitches whip! Poor Bastards, I hope they find TRP
Matsew 10y ago
I've thought a lot about how ideas are pushed to the public and I've noticed that if you want something outrageous sold, you need to coat it in comedy. Every joke is half the truth. When people laugh, they don't think as much. It's a very powerful and insidious way of setting the frame.
themanbat 10y ago
I always looked at it as more of a, "I'm telling you this, so you can't say I didn't warn you."
SelfishStoic 10y ago
That is great. The crabs in a bucket model is something I have not explored in that context, but it is definitely applicable. It is jealousy of our freedom, a freedom they failed to achieve.
Also I liked how you tied it back to a mechanism of social cohesion. I blamed it on sheer jealousy, with a zero sum model IE:" you look good, so i look worse". Social cohesion likely grew out of a zero-sum mindset, but I think I need to ponder that further.
zyk0s 10y ago
Not necessarily a zero-sum mindset. Social cohesion is the recognition that the group can achieve more if some limitations are placed upon all of its members. Boldness is useful, especially to attract a mate, but some things can only be done from a standpoint of security. If you can't trust the rules to be enforced, there is very little you as an individual can hope to accomplish without an unreasonable amount of risk.
The rule of the doghouse goes like this: as a man, I want to have sex, but I can have it only if I'm nice. If I'm not nice, I don't get to have sex, but that's ok, because if the rule is applied to all men, that means nice behavior is going to be rewarded, and bad behavior is going to be punished, and that is good for everyone.
So understandably, they are very confused and especially angry when that bad behavior is indeed rewarded, even more so than the "nice" one. It's as if a group of kids were told they could only take one cookie from the jar, this other kid comes in and takes 2 AND the adults reward him with a fire truck.
Angry_Bald_Guy 10y ago
I told mine try it and I will put the fucking couch on the bed.
2comment 10y ago
♂
15 years ago, I would have said this is just common sense and that's just shit on sitcoms, but my Father was red pill and I never appreciated that until I started dealing with women and their nonsense. The blue pill entrenchment in this country among men never ceases to amaze me.
As such, have a point.
IVIaskerade 10y ago
You can't give points to posts, only comments. Sorry, buddy.
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Adanac23 10y ago
I had the same thing happen to me. Wife told me to sleep on the couch during a fight and I very politely told her that hell will freeze over before I ever sleep on the couch. She stormed upstairs and I heard her get ready for bed and then proceed to walk across the house to the guest bedroom. I finished watching a hockey games and went to the guest bedroom and asked her what she was doing. She got all huffy about how if i wouldn't sleep on the couch she was going to sleep in the guest bedroom for awhile. I told her I wasn't interested in having a room mate and that I would pack up in the morning and go to sleep in a hotel. A couple hours later I was getting woken up with a naked wife apologizing.
Edit: Lots of replies.. To me the only thing worse then a husband being banned to the couch is a married couple sleeping in different rooms. To me that is Beta Bux at it's highest level of fruition. Why didn't I blow up and make a huge scene and kick her out of the house? That would have been playing right into her hand. She was trying to get a reaction out of me and instead I calmly told her I would leave first thing in the morning. Like I said in another reply if I am going to be sleeping in different bed than my wife I certainly am not going to be doing it under the same roof and my bed is certainly not going to be cold and empty.
zephyrprime 10y ago
Telling her you would leave in for a hotel later doesn't make sense to me. How is that "staying calm"? It seems like a wild over reaction to me. I would have thought it would have been a victory for her if you actually had carried through with your threat. I think that just saying you are going to bed would be the best course of action since that is normally what you would do in a more normal situation. I would also call her out on her immaturity of wanting to sleep in the guest room because she is so disturbed by the argument.
[deleted] 10y ago
I think context is important. My wife and I sleep in different rooms because we both find it uncomfortable to share a bed with someone unless it is the size of two California Kings side by side. We still have sex on average 4-5x a week and this has been for 5 years. I'd say 95% or separate bedrooms for spouses don't work as well as mien does....
Adanac23 10y ago
Yes there are exceptions to everything. However the majority of married couples sleeping in separate rooms are definitely not having sex 4-5x a week. Most married couples that sleep in the same bed do not have sex 4-5x a week.
[deleted] 10y ago
Looking back, I don't even know why I posted my comment. Exceptions to the rule aren't typically useful in progressing a discussion.
[deleted] 10y ago
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Adanac23 10y ago
Because I am not about to allow a precedence of sleeping in separate rooms. If thats what she want I will go to a hotel room and find someone else to fill the bed with.
Adanac23 10y ago
"Fine by me, do whatever you want, I'll still sleep in my bed." while she sleeps in a separate room....
To me that is the ultimate max level of beta bux. I called her on her bullshit told her that i wasn't going to allow separate bedrooms ever not even for one night. She was clearly bluffing and trying to just piss me off or she would not have come crawling back
[deleted] 10y ago
Your response is sort of combative and dismissive, and doesn't leave her with a choice. She can either be alone in the other room or alone in the same bed. There wasn't any indication of your wish to be with her.
His response is more like "I still want this marriage but not if it turns into roommate status." She was able to happily choose to return to the marriage instead of the bullshit of separate rooms.
LTRs are about saying "I'm in this but it has to be healthy. I will not accept any bullshit substitutes." David Deida in Way of the Superior Man says it's the man's job to provide the direction of the relationship, while the woman provides the energy in the relationship.
Starswarm 10y ago
This is really excellent. Blue pill men in LTRs suffer because they endure and cultivate unhealthy (feminine dominated) relationships. If a man allows himself to be ordered to the couch like a dog, he will never be respected.
One of the hardest aspects of maintaining a LTR is knowing what "healthy" really means in the first place, especially if the people involved are unhealthy themselves (depression, addiction, love, codependency, etc).
By focusing on the development of your SMV and the path of your desire (goals, wants), a red pill Man has the tools to live a life of power and independence.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Wait, are you seriously suggesting to ask HER to choose? That's a fundamental error.
Women definitely do not provide the energy in a relationship. That's utter nonsense. And I had two LTRs that totaled 30 years, both of which I ended.
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sigmared82 10y ago
It's nuclear dread game, with a bit of agree and amplify (agreeing with the not being together premise, and amplifying to the point of leaving altogether). This kind of nuclear dread is usually reserved for severely broken and/or spoilt women, ie, borderlines, etc.
enjoyit7 10y ago
I don't get it, him sleeping on the couch and him leaving for a hotel are the same to me. I'm pretty sure I would of slept in my bed and ignored her until she came running back to me.
itchymuller 10y ago
The possibilty of him fucking someone else on the couch compared to a hotel.... Pretty big.
Darkone06 10y ago
To you they might be the same. A guy thinks of it in a functional way. A bed is a bed.
Women see a motel as a sign that you have someone else a call away to screw.
A motel is taking it to the extreme.
You want to their me out that's fine. I don't need this house. I don't need your sex a $50 motel and a $100 about is all I need to replace this shit.
And to top it off I'll probably be happier than I ever been with you.
That's what women think when you walk out to a motel instead of the couch.
KarmaEnthusiast 10y ago
I don't think they're the same. Women don't like to be alone or the feeling of being alone. That's why they call their friends for hours or go on social media or are always distracting themselves if they are alone and can't interact with another person.
The reason is pretty simple, protection. I almost never see hot girls walking around on their own in anything other than fairly public places. Him being on the couch, an intruder walks in she can still scream and he'll come running. In a hotel she has to call him or the police and wait for someone.
He did what all of us try to do with women, demonstrate value.
SenorPuff 10y ago
Him sleeping on the couch is supplicating to her feelings that she doesn't want to be in bed with someone she's mad at. Him leaving is ending the relationship.
'I don't want you to sleep with me'
'I'm not sleeping outside of my bed'
'Well then I'll go sleep in another room for a while'
'I have no patience for someone who doesn't want to be here with me, so if that's what you want, okay, I'll move out tomorrow '
' Omigod Babe I love you don't leave me'
It's nuclear dread game and maintaining frame. I will not supplicate to you, you can join me or we can end this thing, but our bed is not a tool for anger and I will not be held hostage by bullshit. If you're done, then I'll deal with it in the morning. Until then, goodnight.
In fewer words, obviously, because women don't care about words.
IAMfuzzy 10y ago
To simplify- If you want to act like my roommate and not act like my wife, I'll make it so that you're neither.
enjoyit7 10y ago
I get the ending the relationship part but why end it by ME leaving. I'm always ready to tell a woman to get her shit and leave. It's my place I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving my bed for the couch and I'm for damn sure not leaving my house for a hotel that I have to pay for while paying for my house.
SenorPuff 10y ago
Kick her out of a joint owned house? Good luck. Continue to live with her even though it's over? That's a terrible idea.
Be proactive. Lead, don't dig your heels in.
1independentmale 10y ago
No, a man should never leave his home. Doing so increases the likelihood of the court giving it to the wife. Her lawyer will say you left and abandoned her and the kids. Stay in your house and hold your fucking ground. It's your goddamn castle.
ThePantsThief 10y ago
Threatening to leave, so you don't actually have to leave. If things didn't go as OP had intended, he could just as well change his mind about leaving or tell her to leave instead.
Matsew 10y ago
never joint own a house with a woman. she lives at your house or you live separately.
SenorPuff 10y ago
You have to sign a prenup, or otherwise control your finances to where that's possible within a marriage. Possibly if you have an LLC that you are the president of that owns the house, or something. But that's edging on paranoia.
CoolStoryClub 10y ago
I am confused. You won't sleep in the couch but you don't mind paying for a hotel to sleep there?
pl231 10y ago
yeah that seems silly and it pretty much establishes her getting to stay in the house while you don't if divorce is actually going to happen.
sigmared82 10y ago
It's a married version of a soft next. Sometimes in marriages, especially where the man has been very beta/BP for a long time, or if she's a borderline, this kind of nuclear dread is necessary to reset the frame. If it doesn't work, probably time to file divorce anyway.
Edit: words...
[deleted] 10y ago
he set the rule/ boundery that a married couple sleeps together in the same bed and not in seperate rooms as if they are roomates. she would have to be commited to the marriage and not play these games and push him away if she wants to stay with him.
aslo: it worked. in the end its all that matters.
GarandTheftAvto 10y ago
I think you've touched on a widely recognized but understated component of a lot of TRP philosophy. We care about what works in practice.
For all of our theorizing and crafting of hypothetical situations, the most important thing at the end of the day (aside from our general tenets of self-improvement and continual self-actualization) is whether or not you see results.
It looked like a mere post-script in your post but I'm sure we can all agree on the importance of a "what works" mentality.
[deleted] 10y ago
it was when this sub was pretty new (like a couple hundred subs) when i read somebody explain: what matters is not intent but the outcome.
all people are constantly rationalizing, making excuses, lie, deceive and on and on and in their minds they are always innocent and justified in what they did.
what Op did was wrong because "its not what alphas do", its not honorable, its bla bla bla.
it doesnt fucking matter. all that abstract thinking about wrong or right: he did X and had Y outcome. is Y outcome desirable? if yes than action X was the right thing to do. period.
with this attitude its easy to look through peoples bullshit.
ignore all the bullshit people say or think or believe. just look at their actions for what they are. the "intent" is just their "hamster" which purpose is to make them feel as if they are not a villain.
GarandTheftAvto 10y ago
Wonderful summary, I agree with your take on the role (or lack thereof) of intent in our actions.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Exactly. I don't see this as holding frame. OP said he doesn't want a roommate...and then HE leaves? No, that's sounds petulant and beta. He should say: "I don't want a roommate. If that's what you want to be, find another place to have your roommate." And mean it.
SenorPuff 10y ago
That's digging your heels in, not leading. If your wife serves you papers, do you sleep in your bed and pretend like you're the master of a house about to be split in two? No, you find a girlfriend, get yourself a new bed and move past the bullshit. What she suggested, living in separate rooms, is not a marriage. He's saying 'if you don't want to be married, don't bullshit me, I'll leave and not think twice'
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Who said anything about leading? She's an unworthy bitch, and she needs to be shown the limits. That would do it. Frankly, I couldn't disagree more. RP theory includes treating women like children, and by that it means firm boundaries that you do not mess with.
I stand by it. I don't think you're right at all. And btw, when I was married, that's exactly what I did. And I didn't get divorce-raped. Ended up with money, house, and no alimony. Now who's leading? I did that, oddly, by doing what I said - setting boundaries. Even in divorce, TRP works.
SenorPuff 10y ago
You're a man aren't you? It's your job. You are the captain of your ship.
That also precludes you from being a child yourself. What are you going to do? Kick her out of your joint owned house? Or worse, live with her after she serves you papers? It's childish. You're holding on to what's not there.
Rise above. Lead your ship. Trim the fat. Holding on to every last board of a sunken ship gets you nowhere in a hurry.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
Cut the direct attacks, okay? That's some beta shit right there.
That's what I did - kicked her out. What you call childish is your own problem. It worked. Deal with it.
The weird thing: You think this isn't leading. We aren't speaking the same language. Carry on how you think best, but I continue to see nothing but flaws in your reasoning.
SenorPuff 10y ago
Something working once does not a rule make. Don't make that mistake.
You got lucky if she left when you told her to. You can't force her to within the bounds of the law, unless you had a prenup and we're the sole owner.
Now, you can try to get her to think that her leaving is her only choice, if you play the cards right, but if she's smart she won't bite, she'll call your bluff, and then you're still in the situation where you're sharing the house with a woman who is not your wife and who refuses to leave. So what do you do then? Throwing a temper tantrum over 'this is my house' is the ultimate in losing frame. If she thinks you care one bit about that house she'll do any and everything to keep it from you.
the_red_scimitar 10y ago
You're ridiculous. Let me tell you why: you don't know shit about the situation, and you speak confidently about how it was "luck".
You couldn't be more wrong, but you're into yourself and own beliefs enough to be sure you know more than the people who experienced it.
I've tagged you "doesn't know he doesn't know". No amount of facts are going to convince what you're using instead of actual thinking.
SenorPuff 10y ago
If you want to have a logical discussion, present a logical argument instead of your anecdotes. All you've done so far is defend your opinion on the grounds that it worked for you, without actually having logic supporting you. From the looks of things, the community here has weighed in on your opinion as well.
I don't care what you think about me. Bring good discussion to the table, stop bringing your feels in here expecting to be coddled.
[deleted] 10y ago
Unless you want to play your gameboy. Take the couch. When she comes back out turn it off and pretend to wake up from an uncomfortable sleep.
SuperSlavisWife 10y ago
Never had the couch argument, but for humour here's Jon's takedown on how well it would work out for me:
Me: "You're sleeping on the couch tonight."
Him: stoic "No."
Me: "I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."
Him: with fury as hot as 1000 Suns "No!"
And we sleep in the same bed again.
Revo_Luzione 10y ago
Frame status: Maintained. Hand status: Maintained. LTR game status: Legit.
jpepper07 10y ago
This has been my approach since the start of my relationships. They usually end up crying in bed til they can't handle it no more and they head to the couch eventually. Sometimes they come back. Usually pretty annoying because I am trying to sleep. I got work in the morning and no time for this shit.
UnknowablePariah 10y ago
A guy I know told me a story about when he was a newlywed. They had a fight as newlyweds do and she told him to sleep on the couch. Not thinking about it he settled onto the couch but then he started to think very similar to OP. This was his house. He was the one working a construction job everyday to pay for it and feed the family. That was his room. So he got up from the couch went to the bedroom door and kicked it in. Then got into bed without saying a word. She never tried to tell him to sleep on the couch again.
Purecorrupt 10y ago
My fathers never taken the couch. Is this actually common for men to take the couch? I mean it always seemed to me the person that is more mad can leave.
Matsew 10y ago
the nerve
kinda common sense to an RPer though
SuperMike83 10y ago
This is something my dad taught me growing up. Great advice, never once has a woman taken me up on it and slept on the couch. They always seem to have a sudden attitude adjustment instead...
TheRealMouseRat 10y ago
I have always wondered this, what right does a women have to decide if you can't sleep in your own bed or not?
Toolazy2work 10y ago
I'm still a red pill newbie, lurking mostly, but this is one thing I discovered on my own. If SHE is mad, then SHE can leave and go else where. Her moods should (and don't) affect my sleep or comfort.
boozerkc 10y ago
Her: You're on the couch tonight
Me: I'm 6'2 3220. You're 5'3 110. How you gonna make that happen?
Her: She shut the fuck up.
Nirvana24 10y ago
Shit dude, with a weight like that how are you alive?
Blue_Suede_Horse 10y ago
Maybe /u/Boozerkc is an elephant in disguise?
Purecorrupt 10y ago
How is she alive? I keedz but that delta in size has to definitely permit some positions.
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IllimitableMan 10y ago
320 dude? Shit, hope you're lifting or you'll do a Patrice and die in your 40's.
Xevalous 10y ago
I think he meant to type 220.
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OneTouchHowMuch 10y ago
How do you even get out of the bedroom?
[deleted] 10y ago
He doesn't skip leg day....EVER!
red_pill_throw_away 10y ago
I'm sure he can't skip for shit
rebuildingMyself 10y ago
Fat privilege is never having to do leg day since you can already squat 300+ to get off the toilet.
Doomsday_ 10y ago
OP is indeed right although this is a rather simple example.
The principle to keep in mind is poon commandment 4:
JojoRogers 10y ago
This is best simple advice to give to men thinking about marriage. 15 years and I have slept in the guest room a few times because the wife was sick and I didn't want to catch it.
It all comes down to not giving into the idea that she is ever entitled to anything just because she is a woman.
Mad at me for some reason and don't want to share the bed? Fine I'm sleeping in it go find somewhere else.
Try and pull some kind of rant because I bought a brand name you don't like? Don't ever expect me to help with picking it up again.
Keep calling me to whine about a problem I can do nothing about till I'm home in a few days? Expect me to tell you that it's obviously incredibly important since it bothers you that much, and I expect you to take care of it NOW. Don't wait till I get home, go fix it since it's obviously so urgent you feel the need to call and "be concerned" 3 times in 6 hours. (saw that happen to a friend a few weeks back when he was visiting for the weekend)
Most important establish this stuff EARLY. I had told my wife long before we got married I'd never sleep on the couch. If you see some example of Beta behavior in movies/real life make sure you point it out to her and comment "You know if you ever expect me to do/act like that your crazy right?"
A good LTR/marriage is founded by making sure this stuff is part of things while you are dating.
ISODAK 10y ago
Even in my blue pill days, this was the one thing I got right.
[deleted] 10y ago
same!!
accidental alpha happens
ISODAK 10y ago
Haha, I accidentally the whole alpha. Is this dangerous?
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[deleted] 10y ago
Totally agree. Even in my BP days I still thought this was insane. "You mean she's gonna kick you out of YOUR bed that YOU bought with the money from YOUR hard work?"
Also: NEVER, EVER let a woman kick you out of your own house, even if she wants a divorce. If you paid for it, then tell her that SHE can get the fuck out or live with you in hell. You worked your ass off for that place, so stand your fucking ground.
HalfWayInn 10y ago
Well said, what she is going to do? Nothing, provably make a good breakfast next morning.
JustTryingToMaintain 10y ago
YOUR bed, YOUR house and you will do whatever you want...mindsets like the one you displayed here are EXACTLY why I will never be able to just be a housewife. No person wants to be a second class citizen in the home they share with their partner. You are contributing to women working outside the home and getting their own place rather than ever move in with anyone...I thought red pillers LIKED traditional family roles?
IVIaskerade 10y ago
So, sleeping on the couch makes you a second-class citizen? Why, then you must necessarily defend the husband's right not to have to do it! Congratulations! You're one of us!
As an aside, maybe you should go to RedPillWomen. It's that way >>
Your "but my feelings!" arguments do not work here.
ThrowingAwayJehovah 10y ago
I think OP just phrased it badly, I think the point he was tring to make was: "This is OUR bed and OUR room and I'm not leaving it because you have a problem with me, if you don't want to be in the same bed as me you don't have to be, but this is the bed I'm going to be in."
Can I speak for OP? No... however this is what I took away from this post. Does he have a right to make her a 2nd class citizen and force her to sleep on the couch? No... Does she have the right to force him to sleep on the couch? also "No."
Anyways that is what I gleened from the posting.
emprise 10y ago
you're missing the story here.. the op is fed up with his wife's bitchy attitude. what the fuck's he gonna do when he's the one providing everything for the fam? let her boss him around?
JustTryingToMaintain 10y ago
If he did something hurtful and now she's reasonably upset about it I wouldn't classify that as her being "bossy."
Frozen_Tundra 10y ago
Yes you missed the point entirely. She tried to make him the second class citizen in the house by threatening to tell him to take the couch. He said that is not going to happen but you can choose to take the couch if you want.
JustTryingToMaintain 10y ago
So, he's creating a false equivalency and creating an environment that is controlling. For example, let's say he has done something awful like cheat on her with one of her good friends...it's like he is acting as an affront to her personhood not just once(when he did what he did to upset her) but then twice by saying he doesn't feel contrite about it and telling her SHE should be the one further inconvenienced by his original hurtful behavior.
It just reminds me of the husbands that beat their wives and say things like "This is MY house. I pay the bills and yeah, I know we are allegedly part of a team when I am in a good mood but when I am in a bad mood then it's MY house and you exist to kiss my ass."
Frozen_Tundra 10y ago
What a load of crap.
So we have gone from a minor disagreement, where a WOMAN tries to be controlling by threatening to send her hubby to a couch to get her way to using controlling behaviour by men who cheat and beat their wives.
Some people astound me.
p3ndulum 10y ago
Obviously you're being extreme to make (your) point, but OP is trying to highlight how quick men are to submit to what is often an irrational demand. For a wife to cast a man to the couch because she is angry or upset is unacceptable.
If she is upset, then she can go find somewhere else to sleep rather than treat her man like a pet dog.
vengefully_yours 10y ago
Damn right. It's my bed, if she doesn't like it she can sleep on the floor or couch. The only times I've slept other than in my bed was when I fell asleep there, and when my lungs were fucked up a couple years ago and I couldn't walk upstairs. If the bitch thinks she can kick me out of my bed, she is delusional.
shootinthegym 10y ago
I agree but I like to sleep on the couch at least twice a week just because she moves too much.
dandeezy 10y ago
important thing is you did what you wanted and weren't forced too. and don't change what you want. don't lie to yourself. "I like the couch anyway" if every time you sleep on it you get back pain.
tallwheel 10y ago
He should just buy a second bed.
red_gerb 10y ago
wait till she starts snoring. your count will rise. I swore it couldn't happen, yet here it is.
Rougepellet 10y ago
Never understood this logic. Bed is big enough for the both of you. You're both adults. Put your grown asses in the bed, don't try to push the other out like some immature kid and get your ass to sleep. Why would either of them have to leave the bed just because the other is angry? Makes no sense.
reddit_already 10y ago
Excellent story. It took me 15 years to get this one right. The first time I refused to leave, wife was surprised. I said with amusement, "I'm not the one upset. If you don't want to be here, you can be the one to take the couch."
(About any continuation into a pattern of sleeping in separate bedrooms, I'd address it once that became apparent, once it becomes a separate issue. No need to address the issue before it's ever an issue. That sounds too beta).
bogidyboy 10y ago
I bet your dick felt so big when you said that
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4_YRT 10y ago
when you told her that, did she cry? If she did, how did you react to that?
fnordsnord 10y ago
Nah - it wasn't a real fight by any means. It was a mild disagreement about some petty thing on TV or in the news. She wasn't nearly wound up to start into High Drama.
She blinked and said something like, "Really?"
My response, "You'll always be welcome in my bed. It's not like I'm gonna throw you out."
"Oh."
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babybelly 10y ago
what do you do if your wife brings the money home?
KyfhoMyoba 10y ago
80% of the time, you get a divorce.
True fact.
[deleted] 10y ago
When a man is the only one bringing money home what control does he have over his wife? If the wife is the one bringing the money then she should have the same control over the husband. If both bring similar amounts, they share.
lokibali 10y ago
Im going on 20 years of marriage, not once have I even considered going to sleep on the couch. She has had to sleep on it a couple of times, not in a long time though...
truchisoft 10y ago
What is this post even?
Is this a Field Report? Please put your toughts and analysis into it. Is this a RPExample? Where? Why?
And why the hell do we as a community put 350 votes into this piece of shit of a post?
OhYouPoorSOB 10y ago
And then she went to fuck 10 random dudes.
Let's face it, people can be vengeful
Anderfail 10y ago
Only time I sleep elsewhere is when my wife is sick and I don't want to get what she has. Otherwise, nope not leaving my bed.
fnordsnord 10y ago
Well, yeah. That's a different matter all together. When EITHER of us is sick, the healthy one takes the couch. 3 out of 4 times we manage to avoid passing the bug.
loddfavne 10y ago
I watched one episode of Kardashians where the wife in the house was unhappy with the father. Mr. Kardashian agreed to sleep seperately. Except he didn't sleep on the couch. He went into the garage and installed a huge inflatable bed and made himself pretty cozy. The episode ended with the wife coming into his garage asking to sleep in his bed. There was probably some redpill-logic behind his actions.
www777com 10y ago
Another one I hear is when the guy spent hours trying to diffuse his upset wife/girlfriend because she had a dream of him cheating on her--hours! Every time I was in this situation, I saw it as an opportunity to have fun teasing her. And it lasted as long as the teasing--five minutes.
bama79rolltide 10y ago
I was married before, and I never once took the couch. Never.
rainmeter1 10y ago
''I just now realized how Galileo felt when trying to convince people in the 16th century that the earth revolved around the sun.''
Yeah, I'm sure you feel like one of the greatest mind's in human history felt when the Church was keen on killing him and destroying his life work.
dgillz 10y ago
Whooosh.
The analogy here is it was pointless of Galileo to try to convince the church of how the solar systems works (he did spend the rest of his life under house arrest for heresy) and equally pointless for /u/unluckypenguin to try to convince his gf, the mom, other females or BP friends that $10k on a ring is stupid.
Somehow I think you already knew that though.
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