That brings back some memories from my ex. It was pretty much the same situation, except we weren't married. 4 years. I'd spent a lot of energy and hard work getting our lives to work.
Then she began talking about an open relationship. I didn't pack straight away, but the day after. I had to go through all the ifs, thens, and maybe's in my head - but I reached the same conclusion the OP did:
my boyfriend apparently said that he's not throwing away anything, he's cutting his losses while he can.
There was nothing left to salvage. She cried a lot in the beginning, but she got over it a lot faster than I did. I'm glad I was the one who pulled the plug, because I learned a lot in the process. Damn did it hurt to hear her say that, though. But moving away so quickly saved me a lot of agony.
EDIT: When he says the he's cutting his losses while he can, he's saying that he suspected as much but gave her the benifit of the doubt. You always know it before you know it. There's a nagging feeling inside your head, that something just isn't right. She's pulling back. She's not interested in sex anymore. She doesn't seem to listen when you talk to her. She gets less emotionally involved.
It's refreshing to see a story like this, I like the sound of her former boyfriend. He seems like a no-nonsense type of guy and sticks to his principles.
More men need to adopt policies like his and have standards for themselves by not getting manipulated into an open relationship where your wife ends up banging 11 dudes and wants to close their relationship as soon as the dude gets a little action. Nip it in the bud and end it there if that kind of thing isn't for you.
The word you seem to be looking for is boundaries. This man has set strong boundaries and enforces them without impunity (5-year relationship? doesn't matter). Every man should do as he does.
Most of my thoughts have already been covered here, but here's a few that haven't:
He's amazing - great job, family and friends love him, intelligent, attractive, supportive, and sex life is great.
She more or less described the perfect beta. I may be overanalyzing here, but "great job" (financially sound) and "family and friends love him" (wide support network) were the first qualities she mentioned, indicating that those canonically beta qualities are what she thinks of when she thinks of him.
I been with my boyfriend for five years.
I'm not going to pretend that he isn't a monogamous type of guy, because he is
His only answers were are you joking or are you serious? To which I said I was being serious and wanted to know how he felt about it.
This dummy has been with a guy for five years and still couldn't predict that asking him for permission to fuck other guys would end poorly.
If he said he wasn't comfortable with it I would have been okay with that but he never gave me a chance, he literally just broke up with me for bringing it up and he's never been like this before.
I would have been okay with that but he never gave me a chance
I read that log and smiled from ear to ear, smiled in a way I haven't for a long, long time: genuinely.
So of course I thought the comment section would be filled with all sorts of capes trying to defend this rotten hoe. But no! To my elated surprise, Reddit grew a pair of balls and told a bitch the fucking truth.
And you know what? She's better for it. This idea that we need to protect and shelter people, to avoid criticizing and shaming them is a SELFISH ACT. Letting people go through life constantly fucking up just to protect yourself from their reaction is the most pussy thing I can think of.
When woman suddenly comes out with the opening relationship idea, that usually means she has someone very specific in mind. Chances are 50/50 that she's cheated already. And I think this guy is smart enough to figure that out. Kudos to him.
This comment is not getting enough love. I remember right before I caught my ex in her first affair we were having an argument about how little sex we were having and she said something along the lines of "well it's just sex, it's not that important to me. I don't view it as that big of a deal, but maybe we should talk about seeing other people within our marriage if that's what you want."
I had never expressed ANY interest in seeing other people so that comment set off big warning bells in my mind. I installed chat logging software on her laptop and caught her having a very explicit conversation with her boyfriend less than a week later.
They are monkeys, and they don't start talking about swinging to another tree until they already have a fairly good grasp on someone else's branch.
Imagine her face when she rechecked her post, imagining to see a bunch of supportive "OMG was an insecure asshole BF, you deserve better. Keep looking for a man, a real man would put up with all of this to have you!" and instead got dumped on....
As a side note, I prefer when RP focuses upon RP examples (like this), rather than the low-hanging fruit that is BP examples. This post contributes more value IMO than the "guy whose wife fucked 11 dudes" because there is so much BP in every pore of society. There will always be billions of BP examples, far more than we could ever link, but RP examples are rare.
One of the most valuable skills you can ever cultivate in yourself is the knowledge of when to cut and run.
Not just in relationships, but in everything. When that little switch gets flipped in your brain that shit is about to turn sour, just up and walking is often the best idea.
People start shouting and squaring off at each other at a bar? Do you care about any of them? No? Not you, not your pack, its time to enjoy a cigarette outside and plan the rest of the night for the next few minutes.
Not getting out of the way is the number one reason you get hit by the train.
I think Blue pill examples reaffirm what you have learned through TRP. YOu are able to look back at something blue pill, that could've been you, and realize the growth that has occurred in your own life i.e transition from BP to RP.
Whole time I was reading a smile kept creeping over my face. I was like "Finally out of all the x-posts I've seen, there is a guy who acted *exactly" how he should have"..
Whole time I was like "yeah..yeah...nice...hell ya! Nice one bro!"
And hilariously she responds to the top comment that he is "being unfair". Wow the hamster has emerged from its slumber
What is also funny is look at the related subreddits in r/relationships. They're all totally blue pill subreddits designed to reassure women and shame men back into their corner.
She'll be getting on the cock carousel all right as a coping mechanism because she didn't realize she lost the number one alpha cock by getting greedy with her solipsistic hamster.
I gave her a lovely break-up talk in front of her dorm. It was motivational and designed to make her leave me the fuck alone (but in a nice way). She told me, "I wasn't expecting this" (that I would break up with her). I put her dumbass in her place.
Now I'm in medical school and she's still struggling to finish undergrad with her hoodbooger boyfriend while my frat bros enjoy her cumdumpster ass. Shameful.
As a side note, I prefer when RP focuses upon RP examples (like this), rather than the low-hanging fruit that is BP examples.
Exactly... I mean for a BP example to be something useful or amusing it has to involve an EPIC FAIL on the part of the beta male not just archetypical beta male behavior. We all know what a typical beta male is going to do in any given situation.
I see your point, but it is good to be reminded of why we must be vigilant, sort of like how a movie snob will occasionally view films like Sex in the City.
But the friend did ask him if he's really going to throw away five years over something so small, to which my boyfriend apparently said that he's not throwing away anything, he's cutting his losses while he can.
Can't help but think that this is another one of those troll posts like the one from yesterday. It just seems to surreal to find so many slamming posts like this in such a short amount of time.
I cant help but wonder what would have happened if she had said she wanted to sleep with other women, while still being supported by him. I imagine everyone would be more supportive of that somehow, though it would still suck in the end.
Our disgust comes from our Biology. Other women can not impregnate her, other men can. It is the male biological imperative to be disgusted at female partners who 'open' relations to other men. Spending one's resources to raise another man's biological child is a losing script, biologically speaking.
This following so fast on the heels of the last poly post we saw in here is making me think trolls are afoot. While amusing, I don't believe a single word of this. Even the tone is off: she does not sound distraught at all.
Can't wait for the update! I wonder what sub we will see embodied in its epiphany!
Agreed. The post is a little too perfect, and it's not written the way a dumped woman would write it. The way she goes play-by-play and recalls and posts the exact words her boyfriend used, the exact words his friend and her friend used, the way her complete failure to understand what the big deal is isn't rationalized the way women rationalize things -- it's just plain vapid -- all of this points to a fabricated post to get a reaction.
That said, I'd definitely buy any guy who did this a case of beer, and pay shipping.
Because I am rational instead of jumping to blame women for everything?
I thought red pillism was about realizing that feminism has created a power imbalance. Many women are solipsistic. In society women have the powers and rights of a traditional woman, but also those of a man. So nowadays a woman could have a great job and collect child support. Which is bullshit. Women are rarely held responsible for anything and instead men get blamed for everything. It's ok for a woman to manipulate a man into marriage then use him as an ATM while she treats him like shit. Men are expected to be feminine and subservient. To lick the boots of the woman instead of asserting their masculine dominance. Got it. All that is true. But just because that's the society we live in doesn't mean that all women are evil and that in every case it's the woman who is at fault. In this case the girl was being decent and just expressing her needs, and the guy threw a tantrum like a two year old instead of dealing with the situation rationally.
I should probably also note here that I think monogamy is a terrible idea in the first place for men as it takes away their power. But that's not really the point here. The point is that she didn't cheat, she went to him and asked permission. And she just wanted to have an open relationship for a bit to actually live her 20s. That's perfectly normal. Being in a monogamous relationship in your 20s is stupid in the first place. As a guy, the only kind of relationship I will have with a woman right now is an open one because now is the time when I am young and full of life and I'm not gonna limit myself to just one girl. He was a dick, she went about trying to get something normal, the right way and he responded like an infant.
The point is that she didn't cheat, she went to him and asked permission. And she just wanted to have an open relationship for a bit to actually live her 20s. That's perfectly normal.
You're not going to convince me here, dunno about anyone else. I personally don't prefer to date around during my 20's and then marry a used up whore or try to get the cast-offs when I'm older.
I want to have a pristine girl who doesn't think "living her 20's" entails gobbling down all the alpha cock that presents itself.
Being in a monogamous relationship in your 20s is stupid in the first place.
These days, I don't promise monogamy to any girl I'm dating and espouse openness, but if I find out she's been with another guy I'll soft-next her or at least remove her from LTR consideration - and my end goal is an LTR with a quality woman. I don't have time for that shit.
Oh boy I'm experiencing some serious Poe's law here. If you are serious I feel very sorry for you because you will have a higher probability of having a terrible marriage. Virginity is not nearly as important as whether a woman will be a good wife and a good mother. And virginity definitely does not denote that she will be either. I grew up in a very conservative family and I know a ton of girls who got married as virgins, I also know, from the path I took afterwards, a lot of girls who are not virgins. I know great wives and mothers in both groups, and terrible ones. The defining factors are varied, but one that is very, very important is social skills. I have found that sheltered virgin girls have way less social skills, they also tend to be less certain about what they want in life, they tend to be lazier, becuase their religion taught them all they had to do was make babies for their husband to be a successful woman. Because they are lazier, more indecisive, and have in general less social skills, they tend to make worse wives than women who are not virgins. I'm not saying don't marry a virgin, and I'm not saying marry a slut, I'm saying you need to marry a girl who is emotionally and psychologically well balanced, and few girls who are virgins fit that mold.
You are so off for many reasons, but my time is limited so I'll be succinct. She is the type of person who, after 5 years of a "great (her words) relationship", is not satisfied with one dick. That, to the guy, is a character flaw and a deal breaker. Who is to say she wouldn't broach the topic ten years into marriage? Maybe the insecurity of constantly not knowing whether his SO was satisfied is too much? He is not a douche, and acted in a completely reasonable manner. Responded like an infant? No, he knew where he stood in this relationship, and he acted accordingly.
I don't think you understand. It's not that she isn't satisfied with their relationship, it is that she has never experienced what else is out there. It is a very common thing for both sexes to want to experience that before they settle down. As to the question of whether that would happen in marriage, well, that is why it is a stupid idea for anyone to get married to the first person they date, because it is inevitable that they will feel that way. Just because you feel a certain way does not mean that you act on it. But it is best for people to go sleep around a bit before getting into a super serious relationship and getting married. And furthermore, every single person who has ever been married on the face of this planet has been unsatisfied with monogamy at various points in their marriage. The difference between an adulterer and a faithful spouse is not the desire to have sex with other people, it is whether they actually do it without their spouse's permission. She asked permission. That is what people do in adult relationships. He acted like a child because he could not understand that she does love him, she just needs to make sure that he is the right decision, by seeing what else is out there, because she has no experience with anyone else. Once she has that experience she very likely could settle down and be faithful for the rest of her life, especially since she is a good person and asked, instead of cheating, like many girls would.
When you have had more relationships and lived more of life you will understand what I am saying.
I could pick this post apart but I don't have the time nor do I really give a fuck. I'll touch on one of your main points. Is everyone dissatisfied with their monogamous relationship at some point? Of course. The key is that level of dissatisfaction. Dissatisfied enough to seriously consider an open relationship? That is not someone I would want to be with. Also, she is not entitled to any "life experiences". She can either have a monogamous relationship with this "great guy", or she can whore it up and "find herself". That's her choice, but this is life and there is always a trade-off. That's her decision. She made her choice, it didn't work out, and now she wants to be absolved from the consequences of her actions. Tough shit sweetheart, you fucked up, you deal with what comes next.
You're welcome to your opinion, but from what I can tell is my greater breadth of life experience than yours, I can tell you that with the attitude you have it will be exceedingly hard for you to find a good wife. You might be able to convince some naive chick that you aren't an intolerant dick, but any seasoned girl is going to avoid you as long as you are so judgmental and severe. And regardless of who you do marry, with the attitude you have you are most likely going to have a pretty dysfunctional marriage, filled with lots of anger and resentment. I don't tell you this to belittle you, but to warn you. If you want to have a happy marriage you need to engage in some serious insight. Why is it that you feel the way that you do? I would imagine that it has a lot to do with some past trauma in your life. Until you resolve that you will have a hard time establishing good relationships with women.
Past trauma? From my few short posts, what information did you glean that would point you in that direction? I've been with women 40+ and under 20, and I can tell you with certitude they are all the same. Nothing will change. I won't wake up and have a sudden epiphany. There is no way I would be tolerate of the suggestion for an open marriage. I HAVE ISSUES BECAUSE I FIND THE IDEA OF MY WIFE SEEKING AN OPEN MARRIAGE ABHORRENT? Come the fuck on. Now you are just being a condescending prick.
Good on him. Once a woman asks about an open relationship it's over, sooner or later: she wants to fuck other guys, and thinks that's okay, period. To those thinking "you could just say no!" it doesn't end like that. This is the beginning of the end, and OP made it the end of the end real fast. Much respect.
Also keep in mind that feminist groups are working to make it so that women can leave these types of situations with cash and prizes via common law marriage: in a lot of states if they had lived together for 2-3 years, she'd be getting a big paycheck on her way out the door.
He left because he correctly and instantly analyzed the situation and there was no good solution for him but leaving. What she wanted was the chance to see if she could "trade up" and snag a better guy while keeping current boyfriend on the hook as backup guy, if her efforts failed. That was it, it's really that simple.
If he said yes, he's a chump, and even if she can't manage to trade up she loses respect for him for being willing to play backup guy for her. If he says no, she resents him and cheats eventually, and he spends the relationship wondering if/when she's cheating.
You're right... I mean unless he could pull high quality pussy night after night and honestly if he could she'd not be wanting the open relationship. She would be closing that relationship hard and fast to keep the alpha cock in her pussy.
Is it possible that this was just a shit test? I mean the fact that she's ''hurting all over'' might suggest it was a massive shit test dumped on the guy because he was a natural who turned semi-beta in the long run(as all men do, with time, men get attached and women get detached). Anyway this is the stuff of legends and signs of the great awakening that's on its way.
Ex wife tried that. "I dont want to move out, I dont want to end this, but I want this other guy so I will stay here with you." Then she spent two entire days with him, and I ended our marriage by text.
She blames me for everything, and due to the idiots influence she is really fucking things up around here, not for me, but for the entire community. She just cant understand why I wasnt ok with it, and why I didnt like this wonderful guy that nobody who works with him, let alone her parents, likes.
Soon I will be completely done with her and her fucked up family. The last few pieces are falling into place this month.
Shit happens, I will never trust a woman again, because she was one of the 'good' ones, yet she went bad just like the 'bad' ones. Court today, then a bit more bullshit and a few thousand dollars and I can be done with them entirely.
I know exactly what you mean. After years of drowning in severe, life-destroying misery due entirely to not understanding how shit works in the real world, then finding the red pill, I experienced a similar change in my ability to trust.
There are a few things that temper this for me. Although it stings to know that I will almost certainly never experience the good parts of the total devotion to a woman I was once capable of, at least I know the horrifically bad part (which nearly killed me) won't happen again. I've been inoculated. Also, believe it or not, once this maladaptive and foolish tendency has been burned out of you - however much you may wish it didn't have to be - other areas open up wide. There are still plenty of things you can trust women with, especially now that you know what not to. You won't be as vulnerable to their attempts to hem you in. You may not even care as much about the issue of monogamy down the road, as you gradually acclimate to the realization that the vast majority of them aren't really capable of it in the sense we once believed/hoped. You can't miss what you don't expect. Eventually, you may even find one worth growing old with. Furthermore, you will value your good male friends - and appreciate other males in general - more than ever now, because you understand more about how they can be supportive and reliable in ways that almost no woman can (I still cringe at how I acted before I figured this out, so much needless damage done). "True love" is dead. Long live real love.
I'm glad the funeral is almost over for you so you can move on. Better times are ahead.
Hahaha. Bitch got what she deserved, how fucking retarded do you have to be to tell your SO they aren't good enough in bed and humiliate them?...too fucking perfect, probably a fake story. She will be alpha widowed for life and ruined for all future relationships, might as well an hero.
I just thought he would've been open to new things.
Well, he is. It's just not the new thing she wants. He is going to fuck other girls, but while not having to deal with the leftovers from the bunch of dudes she would be banging.
And what the fuck was she expecting his rejection to be like? "Nah, it's not for me." Great, now she's made clear that she wants to fuck other guys, which is just one step behind cheating itself.
Seriously, his reaction is so logical that it's practically Vulcan. Good for him.
As a ST fan, loved the Vulcan reference. Real talk, I would call dude pure Data. But it is true, dude Noped the fuck out because he saw where it would lead.
PROTIP: A statement like that from any woman that you have been with for half a decade is as good a reason as any to cut your losses and Nope the fuck out ASAP.
I probably would have come up with an escape plan to get all my shit out of the apartment before she found out and what to do about the lease. However, there is no way I could hide it that long.
At least with all that money he saved by not buying a ring he can get himself a Rolex.
I would have probably wondered what was wrong with myself for a few months and why the relationship seems so alien and distant.
This guy figured it out in an instant. She probably let a comment or two slip that really hurt but sounded totally legitimate to her mind, though. We only got the paraphrase of what she wanted to say in the best possible light.
This conversation seemed a bit long time coming. She probably over the course of months been wondering into wanting to fuck other dudes. It took that final conversation of "yup", "yup" for it to trigger that this girl is serious and she wants to sleep around with other men.
He cut out. Probably had an escape plan pre planned just needed a final confirmation to enact it.
Gentlemanly (in a genuine way - not the classic "nice guy" archetype)
Great in bed
Great job (good pay is implied)
I mean, she hit the fucking jackpot. She scored the perfect boyfriend.
And she's STILL succumbing to hypergamy.
"Honey, even though you're a perfect 10/10, I need more dicks in my life, because I need to explore new things and have new experiences because feminism. Is that okay with you?"
God bless this bull alpha for walking out on the spot like that. That ought to put this dumb slut in her place, at least till she manages to hamster past it and rationalize her idiotic behavior away.
Reason #837 to never get married. No matter how perfect you are, you'll never be perfect enough.
You could tell she was hoping he reads that and also that he is far from a 10/10. She describes absolutely no passion towards him if you read between the lines. She said "family and friends love him" (not including herself first!) and then goes on to frame him as a bad guy before finally saying she loves him in a sentence that doesn't even make sense, probably from the cognitive dissonance she felt making such a bold lie: "I love him and it has nothing to do with just purely physical sex."
No way to tell what is wrong with him other than we know he is pulling bank. Small cock, not attractive, and/or super beta personality. Might be tempted to rule out the third because he walked right out, but even betas can have hard lines and she probably had been treating him like the shit she saw him as for the last year so he was ready to bail anyway.
I agree! As a woman reading her post. She didn't want to fuck other people "because feminism". She wanted to because she's not in love doesn't seem to have passion for this guy.
He sounds like a decent upstanding guy which is why she wanted to stay. But unfortunately she doesn't like him. So she's trying to figure out a way to fulfill both.
If she were self aware she would have broken up with him. They both deserve people who they like and feel passionately about.
I think people think they should like someone because he's "alpha" as TRP puts it, but sometimes there's just not a connection and people end up staying in things longer than they should because of other compatibility. But sometimes what really counts is that chemistry.
I'm disinclined to believe she actually wanted him to find this post - she did use a throwaway, after all.
Honestly, "my family and friends love him" sounds exactly like she's saying he had value to her personally. Keep in mind while we guys tend to choose who we're attracted individualistically (we see, we like, end of story) girls decide who's attractive primarily through consensus. As a unit.
Think about it: if 5/6 girls in a group all declare that a guy is super attractive and get all giggly over him, the sixth girl is going to automatically assume he's high value. Even if she doesn't find him attractive in the slightest, she's going to want to jump his balls anyway, because it's what the collective says she should want.
So, if she says "the other people in my life think he's great," that could be her roundabout way of saying "I have definitive proof that he's high value."
Nah. Most girlfriends constantly joke how we all have completely different taste in men. I never trust my friends judgement. Because what they find physically attractive and personality attractive is not what I like and vice versa.
She specifically said friends and family though. That's different ... unless something is very wrong with you, this is a given. There is no passion in her comments, just a check list. The group decision making I agree with, but it's more of a female thing. Males with good incomes are pack leaders in our society. It's like winning the lottery, everyone wants good relations with you when your bank is in good shape.
There is nothing indicating a visceral attraction in the way she describes him, which she would have if other pussy was craving his cock as you say. In fact it seems to be FAR from the case .... she is craving cock other than his so badly that she told him!
"But, how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically, and at the same time impossible to untrigger?"
"Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the fear to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision making process which rules out human meddling, the doomsday machine is terrifying. It's simple to understand. And completely credible, and convincing."
I want to quote my favourite one. Props to this guy.
You keep saying it would be "fair" and it would "go both ways"... but you seem to be forgetting the fact that he's monogamous and wouldn't want to sleep with other people, and therefore YOU would be the only one doing so. That makes it unfair.
I wouldn't have minded having new people in our sexual lives
No. It's not that you "wouldn't have minded". You actively wanted this, enough to bring it up seriously in conversation with the intention of persuading your boyfriend to embrace it and then to go ahead and sleep with other people.
I just figured that maybe I could open his mind to something different!
When it comes to something so personal and deeply ingrained as one's attitude toward monogamy, it's very difficult to get someone to change their mind just through presenting a situation and subsequently have them truly be okay with non-monogamy. And frankly, to suggest that you could do it so easily is kind of insulting. People very often have strong reasons for and emotions surrounding the values that they hold.
He also told me that I would be happier and better off if I didn't pretend to be somebody I wasn't when I started dating again.
Clearly, for him, it's an absolute must to have a girlfriend who is both monogamous AND not at all receptive to the idea of an open relationship. Because you've now shown that you don't fulfill the latter part of that requirement, he feels that you deceived him by omission. Perhaps he could've made his feelings more clear earlier on in the relationship, but the fact is that he didn't, and now here you are.
I just thought he would've been open to new things.
There's a difference between being open to trying new things within the parameters of your existing relationship, and being open to changing the entire definition of your relationship, what is acceptable in those bounds, and what you consider to be infidelity. Those are HUGE, relationship-upturning "new things".
It would be kind of like saying to your staunchly atheist boyfriend, "I want us to become actively practicing Christians. Wait, why is this a dealbreaker for you? I thought you'd be open to new things!"
It's unfortunate that your relationship ended so suddenly over something you view as such a minor issue, but if your ex-boyfriend continues to hold fast to his principles (and there's every reason to think that he will), you two are ultimately no longer compatible.
But the friend did ask him if he's really going to throw away five years over something so small,
Obviously the friend is female... I LAUGHED HARD WHEN I READ THIS. AHAHAHA so small... yeah cuz you know... wanting to fuck whatever guy you like in a monogamy is "something so small" LMFAO. Bitches and their logic.
The commenter /u/localidiot is also quite rightly a fucking idiot.
The guy has still got to stay strong cus she's not gonna leave him alone.
Also lucky there's no kids/marriage involved...situation gets way way harder to deal with....in my experience
This is how every discussion like this should end.
Unfortunately niggas still come on internet and ask "guise, my girl said she wants an open relation but i don't, what should id o????"
Nigga I would dump that ho on the spot for even thinking about it, exactly what this nigga did. IF she's thinking about it, you know somethings wrong and it's best to get out the relationship asap. Only thing I would've done differently is kick her out the apartment instead of running away, but idk the status of their lease.
Bluepilled men have serious disadvantages in relationship dynamics. The idea of dumping her on the spot doesn't even occur to them. Like bringing a knife to a gun fight because it's more 'honorable"
I'm not going to bore you guys with huge blocks of text so here goes. I been with my boyfriend for five years. He's amazing - great job, family and friends love him, intelligent, attractive, supportive, and sex life is great. One of the important points is that we do not fight at all, and he's quite firm about this - he thinks fighting is a waste of time and for children. I learnt that early on in the relationship and realized it's something I've grown to agree with even though I hated it at first - we always sit down, discuss and talk about issues, and are able to reach compromises.
yet, apparently not good enough
If he said he wasn't comfortable with it I would have been okay with that but he never gave me a chance, he literally just broke up with me for bringing it up and he's never been like this before.
Are all women that fucking stupid?
But the friend did ask him if he's really going to throw away five years over something so smal
Small? You just asked him if you can suck other dick and then come back and cuddle with him... Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with women these days?
She can have all the "other experiences" she wants now, but there is no perfect beta at home anymore. And she doesn't want it like that.
Anyway, salute for this for having a back bone. He will replace that bitch in no time.
Usually the girls mom will clue you in to how your relationship with her will be. One look at momma and you know whether to stay or run. I guess some guys just don't wanna see the truth.
Wow. I'm blind but now I see. I always thought you only looked at Mom to determine how she'll end up looking physically. I never thought about the mental and behavioral aspect of the situation. Would have saved me some heartache a few years ago.
Her relationship with her father is a good indicator of how she'll interact with you. You can see if she respects him, or if she will walk all roughshod over him if things get rough.
The relationship between the father-mother shows a lot as well.
Also, if the woman comes from a fatherless home I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but you need to be very wary or see who became her role model as a male influence on her life.
If you remember one point remember this: parents are the most influential people in their children's lives. They will play the greatest role in affecting who they will become and their views on relationships.
I wish I had known this. My ex's mom was an obese heartless bitch. I overlooked it because I was fucking the shit out of her daughter, but, in the end, like mother, like daughter.
Yea, this confuses me. On the one hand, this guys seems to have his head screwed on straight, and you'd think that of all the guys in the world, he would have known after 5 years.
But on the other hand, there's girls like this and.....urgh.
Well, I could do some research. I usually don't have to do much convincing (of men or women) when I talk about how our society is fucked up in the way we raise women (and men, but less so). It's got a lot to do with values and expectations in early development. Add in the new wave feminism and you have some pretty fucked up people.
Yes. It's up to you to change things up sexually to keep a girl interested in the relationship.
Think of it this way. You have a girl that cooks dinner for you every night. She cooks great food. Amazing food. But it's always one of three different meals every night.
You think after five years you'll be ready to eat out?
If you really want to stick with food, the analogy would be "after eating 3 perfect dishes cooked by your gf for 5 years, wouldn't you want to try the same dishes but cooked by someone else?"
Yeah I would have reacted the same way. I dont have time for someone who says everything is perfect then wants to tramp it up. Nore do I want to waste my free time reserved for my wife trying to track down some strange while she opens up the door to every swinging dick that looks at her. A+ for that guy and all of you that support him
"From my point of view it would have been equal - he could do whatever I could do"
In my opinion open relationships in general benefit women more than men. Even if the guy can do what ever the girl can do the relationship is not equal.
"No, nobody specific, a few different people"
Good Response to OP: "Are you fucking high? Nobody specific =/= a few different people. Those people are fucking specific people. That's what those words mean!!"
"You would have fucked one of those people and you fucking know it. You can keep lying to yourself, but stop lying to us. It just makes you look worse and worse."
"You don't just mean ONE specific person - you're talking about several specific people, which is arguably much worse. You fantasized about making your loving, caring boyfriend a cuckold."
"well at first I did want to be monogamous, and I have no problem still being monogamous, it's just something I wanted to potentially explore and it feels like he has changed into a completely different person"
He changed? It's his fault.
"I have been thinking about wanting to open up the relationship for a while, it's only been this past year or so."
She previously said she had no problem being monogamous. Wow ... Date/Vet a girl for 5 years and you think you know her... She wasn't honest with him for aprox a year ... So we're supposed to trust her when she says she wants to be monogamous with him if he's not open minded about open relationships?
marriage = not even once
" I would like to think we live in a time where people are not going to judge other people for wanting to have sex"
... In a committed relationship.. wants to have sex with other people ...doesn't want to be judged ...
If no sane male is going to be okay with it why are there entire communities dedicated to swinging in that sort of thing?
They are like yesterdays cuckold (forced into it), alpha (it benefits them), beta (out of their depth), kinky fwbs ect
Person A wants to sleep around and Person B loves person A so much that they acquiesce. I use person because I've seen some Alpha Polyamorists and many, many cukolds.
Person A and Person B are really FWB and they sleep around.
Hes not judging her. Told her she could fuck whoever she wanted and He wished her a nice life. What more does she want? I think she should be grateful.
In a committed relationship.. wants to have sex with other people ...doesn't want to be judged ...
As somebody in the other recent poly thread on TRP pointed out, it's absolutely mind-bogglingly ridiculous that "slut shaming your wife" is now a thing.
Come on over to our side. People like to bash conservatives, but at least we stand by our convictions, and not all of us believe the world is only 6000 yrs old and that global warming doesnt exist.
The Great Lakes are almost frozen over. The polar caps are both much larger than normal, let alone as Al Gore predicted. Global temperature has been plunging in accord with solar max/min cycles for the last few years, a massive scandal over faked evidence and cover ups in East Anglia shredded the credibility of AGW enthusiasts long ago.
I guess you found your equivalent to 'the Earth was created 6000 years ago". Congratulations.
My transition took about 5 full years to go from a guy who loved The West Wing and cheered with tears of joy when we elected Obama, to voting Libertarian in the last presidential election and alienating all of my facebook friends with my anti-government rants.
I still consider myself fundamentally liberal, but I mean it in the original sense (from the latin word for "freedom".) What we call politically "liberal" today is a farce and involves just as much, if not more, social control and bureaucratic regulatory bullshit than the republican platform.
Government should keep the roads in good condition, provide basic infrastructure, and keep people from violating each other's basic rights to live in peace and choose their own actions. Very little else is needed, especially from a federal system. Beyond that we should keep it local.
In the vast majority of cases, women have an easier time getting sex from men than men do from women. Having a boyfriend on the hook to provide for her fulfills her 'material provider' instinct whilst allowing her to go out and have a bunch of casual sex to fulfill her 'genetic provider' instinct.
The way relationships worked in the past was a man got a woman's sexuality and children in exchange for his labor. Women have excess in sex/childbearing and men have excess in labour. It was a neat agreement that served both parties well, and grew the economy of all states that benefited from it. Things have changed, (mainly the female side of the bargain has collapsed but the male remains) but the logic lingers in our collective awareness...So...
The logic that follows: The open sex bargain would be like a 1950s man saying to his stay at home wife, that he wanted to open the relationship up so they could spend their individually earned resources on other people. And, as a reminder, she would still have to hold up to her end of the bargain to provide him access to her sexuality.
I think you're assuming in the 1950s men didn't cheat and prior to that it wasn't socially acceptable for men to cheat... I don't have stats. Only my grandparents anecdotes, but women put up with a lot more then because the dynamics weren't set up so that they could leave and easily provide for themselves as most workplaces were hostile to women and openly discouraged it.
I think it's also naive to assume in a society where the intellect of EVERYONE is valued and honed to assume women don't want to purse certain things is an odd thought. The reason things aren't the way they were because the social dynamics allowed so women could provide for themselves and exercise other natural pursuits.
Being able to birth a child doesn't mean women don't have other natural inclinations. That's like assuming because I man can make a baby he doesn't have other natural inclinations.
I think you may have missed the point. to answer your original question simply: women benefit from "open" relationships more then men because "open" relationships are defined in access to sex outside the relationship. Sex is what women have in spades.
For a woman to understand this, I gave an analogy of a breadwinner spending his resources on other women. It is not fair to the housewife as it is not fair to the current boyfriend in OP. (even if it is open to both parties, both do not have equal commodities to trade with outside parties)
I don't see how that is any different from a woman agreeing to an open relationship with a man. 1) you're assuming he's her sugar daddy and that she's relying on him for all her financial needs 2) she still becomes his rock (whether it be emotions, finances, effort, time, etc...) while he gets to sow his oats.
I think it's taxing for any partner that doesn't want to really participate.
I will agree from simply a socialization standpoint more men than women make the first approach (women have been taught don't be aggressive don't show interest make him play hard to get don't... not that I agree with this way of thinking, but it's pretty common), but I hardly think it's that difficult for a man who wants to have sex to have sex. I know way too many guys who can bring women home from a bar/club without even offering her a drink or spending a dime.
Also didn't miss the point. I just offered responses to some of your points.
I think you're assuming in the 1950s men didn't cheat and prior to that it wasn't socially acceptable for men to cheat... I don't have stats. Only my grandparents anecdotes, but women put up with a lot more then because the dynamics weren't set up so that they could leave and easily provide for themselves as most workplaces were hostile to women and openly discouraged it.
I agree with this 100%. Back then, women had the raw end of the deal. It wasn't easy for them to work, and if the husband decided he was going to take off, she was in a lot of trouble. This gave them them the burden of being forced to put up with a lot of crap, and stuff like alimony obviously grew out of this imbalance.
Now, however, things have flipped 180 degrees. Instead of moving towards some sort of system where both parties are treated fairly, the party that is getting screwed over has just been flipped. The woman can leave the marriage whenever she likes - for a valid reason, or no reason whatsoever (i.e. no-fault divorce) - and it is extremely likely that the man is going to be on the hook for a whole boatload of cash (particularly if children are involved).
This is why men are now forced to put up with a lot, because - when it comes to divorce - women hold all the cards.
That's just false. Men can up and leave for whatever reason too. My uncle left his wife for his mistress because love. And that's valid I guess. Hurtful. But valid.
Alimony doesn't favor the woman. And most no fault divorces attempt to ensure one party isn't financially screwed. Also we live in a world now where women have assets and high powered jobs too. Trust me. I've seen it play out and both parties are scrambling to keep "their" money and assets.
Also child support favors no one. The person who doesn't have custody typically pays more, but now the child has limited access to them and that breeds resentment for the child and parents. The party who has custody has to devote their energies to raising the child fully AND their money goes to the child too.
I think you're trying to say that now men have no leverage? Whereas before their finances meant you stayed, now they have nothing?
That's false. Now it just means working on having a healthy relationship and being someone's other person for support and intimacy and love matters more. This is true for both people in the relationship.
That's not all she wanted, she also wanted all the benefits of having a great boyfriend. But both is not an option, and like a spoiled little girl she can't comprehend that.
I like this guy, but anyway, one point that stuck out to me was how she wanted to sleep with other men and have it be "purely physical" as if that was some sort of consolation. If my SO had to have an affair, I'd strongly prefer it to be one of those sex-free "emotional" ones.
Sorry but unlike men... Women do not have sex for 'purely physical' reasons. By the time a woman wants to fuck someone she's invested in them emotionally to an extent even if it's minor.
I have to disagree. A woman can have sex for purely physical reasons if she instinctually feels there is an alpha with better genes, but she knows she can't secure the actual commitment.
Female solipsism. For them an emotional affair in their boyfriend is worse (risk of losing beta bucks). They don't see that it is more or less the opposite for men (raising someone else's kid).
Individuals instinctively want to maximize the resource investment in their own offspring. For women, this means convincing a man to invest in her children. To convince him to do this, there needs to be a corresponding emotional investment from him. It is that primary emotional investment which ultimately paves the way for the resource investment. If he switches the woman for which he has the emotional investment for, ultimately that could lead to less resources for her and her children. A one night stand is unlikely to lead to an emotional investment. So for a woman a man committing adultery in the form of a one night stand is by degree less onerous than getting a girlfriend on the side who he is emotionally invested in and may eventually financially invest in (diverting limited resources away from the original woman and her children).
From the man's perspective, he also wants to maximize the investment in his own offspring, but he faces a different challenge. This is largely due to the fact that he can have doubt on whether or not a child is his. From an evolutionary standpoint, investing in another man's child is about the worst thing that could happen. The most likely way for this to happen is that a girl he is emotionally invested in commits adultery and is impregnated unknown to beta bucks. This can happen when a woman has sex with any other man, ONS or otherwise. No amount of an emotional affair on the woman's part can result in this scenario. Therefore, by degree a woman committing physical adultery is more onerous to a man than an emotional affair.
Women biologically want the genetically best possible offspring. (fucking with alpha dudes is hot for them)
They also want their offspring to be raised in the best possible way to ensure survival and further existance of her genes. (being raised by caring, loving, stable men => often longterm beta dudes)
It has been a good evolutionary strategy for the female to make the beta believe he is raising his own child while it is the one of a complete other guy (with better genes).
For them an emotional affair in their boyfriend is worse (risk of losing beta bucks). They don't see that it is more or less the opposite for men (raising someone else's kid).
Raising another mans child is the worst that can happen for a guy (biologically spoken) in this context.
Her losing her beta boyfriend means her offspring's future is not as safe as it could possibly be.
I know there is no child to begin with but that explains the behaviour and inner unconscious thought process.
the japanese have ot right. If a woman has sex with another man it's adultery, If a man shares his resources and emotions with another women, THAT's adultery.
A relationship utopia:
Women have sex and want commitment. Men have commitment and want sex. as long as the girl trades her sex with only one man, she can have as much commitment as she can get. As long as the man commits to only one woman, he can have as much sex as he can get.
I'm hunting it down. It was from a documentary. the basic premise was if a man has sex with a woman besides his wife, it's not adultery because it's "only sex".
My comment got delted, and I don't really remeber what exactly I wrote but just because I like to fuck women and improve my game I don't have to be misogynistic, I agree men and women are very diffrent and not equal in many aspects, but still they are equal to men in most ways and I don't agree with that Japanese comment if I were in a monogamous relationship i'd be fucking mad at my girlfriend, wife whatever if she commited to other men even without having sex with them and i think she would be rigthfully mad at me if I fucked other women without her consent. Monogamy is a social not a biological concept wheter it be commitment or sexwise and even though I don't want to be in a relationship and fuck as many women as possible, I still think taht the defintion of Monogamy should be the same for both sides.
I kinda feel the same way. But really I'm just glad the polyamory "lifestyle" is getting exposed here as the blue pill shitshow it truly is. It's sugar-coated cuckolding dreamt up by "sex-positive" (read: slutty) feminists and sold to unsuspecting betas who reluctantly go along with it lest they not be seen as sexually progressive. Complete with newspeak gobbledygook that is the trademark of cultural Marxists.
While I understand your sentiment, it's not a complete "shitshow." If a woman is suggesting it to you because she wants other men, and that wasn't your agreement initially in the relationship, then that's not really polyamory per se, that is a relationship breach and I respect the guy in the story above seeing himself out the door. However, I'm upfront with women that I'm not monogamous, and they can feel free to do whatever they want - I just don't want to need to hear about it, or want to be involved with anyone elses drama with other people. I'm not sure you understand what polyamory is - although it does vary in meaning from person to person.
I've tag teamed bitches and did the swinger thing for a bit, even did a porno. Bitches ain't worth anything more than a hole between their legs. I could not give a fuck who they are fucking, but that's all they are ever gonna be to me. Fuck toys. Niggas gotta get the idea that there is any woman worth giving any investment to out there out of their head, because there isn't.
Yeah, polyamory was great for me until I beta'd down a bit and my ex started wanting to hook up / go out with other men. Until then, she was always feigning excitement at the prospect of hooking up with other women with me.
It works for me the majority of the time, every once in a while, it doesn't. The times it doesn't is when a woman wants you to be monogamous, after you have already been upfront and said that isn't your lifestyle. It's complex. I genuinely do give a fuck about people I'm in relationships with - I care about them like I would a girlfriend, but there are limits - which few women understand. Girls / women will cheat on their boyfriends with you, break up with them, then expect you to be monogamous and commit to them after they have literally just proven that they can't be trusted like that? No thank you. I'm comfortable with who I am, and selective about who I spend time with. I know that relationships are not a finite resource that you must protect like you'll die if they dissolve.
My stress level is at an all time low since I began this lifestyle a few years back, very little jealousy, and very little 'shit tests' work on me. If you want to act like a child and try and either use sex / the relationship as a bargaining tool, feel free to see yourself out. If you are upfront with me and we can talk like adults about things without insults and shit tests, awesome, this will be an ideal relationship.
I will readily admit that a small number of men make poly work for them (as opposed to working for poly).
It's just that for every one of those guys, I see several guys who have convinced themselves they are an Alpha boss who is totally unfazed by anything when in reality they are clearly scrambling to psychologically cope with a situation that has been dumped on them.
You see these guys flocking to relationship-oriented game blogs and forums all the time with the same story... "help, my wife opened our marriage and now she has three boyfriends and I can't get a date. How do I pick up chicks?" etc. It's just clear they are in over their heads.
Also anecdotally I've never seen a woman's online dating profile mention polyamory that didn't fit a certain stereotype... loudly identifies as feminist, skrillex haircut, trashy piercings and tattoos, attention whoring "burlesque"-styled amateur modeling. Frankly I just don't think desirable girls are into poly.
For guys who are truly "on the level" that they can make poly work for them, well, I don't even see why they need it. You don't need some big philosophical framework with discussion boards and support groups and complex made-up terminology to spin plates (actually you do: game). That whole aspect of it actually seems inherently female and reeks of the types of mob-mentality in-group support systems like feminism that women rely on to "empower" each other.
As a man, if you want to fuck multiple chicks you don't need metamours and NREs and compersion and whatever the fuck else. All of that shit is just hamster feed for women to console themselves "see? this is OK, I'm not a huge slut".
I totally agree with you. I don't have a discussion board or framework, etc. I did do my research initially. The definitions and acronyms are of little use to me as well. I subscribe to /r/polyamory, but don't read it or identify with it much. Scheduling between multiple people on Google Calendar seems as much, if not more work than just having a wife / girlfriend.
The guys in those marriage situations were talked into it by their wife, and by that point, I'm sure weaned off their (probably low anyway) ability to get other women with ease. That's definitely tipped in the womans favor, as she has the ability to get men anytime (re: she has a pulse).
Oddly enough, I've never seen a profile with polyamory on it that fits your description, people in my area are a bit more discreet, and the person you are describing sounds like an attention-seeker, poly or not.
For an example scenario, woman contacts me from dating profile, she has a wife, her wife has a boyfriend (or couple, or whatever) and she is interested in talking. She's secure with her marriage, and needs nothing from me. This is ideal because there is someone doing the 'husband' part already, so this woman doesn't expect that from me, thus removing a LOT of emotional overhead, leaving it between us to hang out sometimes and have fun. There is no consoling, or self-delusion going on, because everything is understood and on the level with everyone. This is ideal for me, and my schedule. I have free time when I want it, and I don't have to be on the phone or up in someones face 24-7 to have an emotional or sexual bond with them.
Yeah, I don't really buy it either. She's too perfectly clueless, and he's some kind of perfectly rational uber-mensch. Real life is a bit messier typically.
Absolutely brilliant post. Perhaps this needs to make the sidebar. A Pure example of when to walk away. I've lost count the times ive walked away, whether its a girl, a friend, whatever, sometimes you just got to walk away.
If you read carefully, everything was great. Sounded like a cool chill guy, sex great, made money, everything was perfect and she had to fuck it up.
I noticed this a few years ago, girls love drama. They love it. One girl I used to see faked an arguement with me because she was "bored at a party" so like these cunts are an absolute pain in the arse.
I just wanted to have some other experiences - is that really wrong?
It wasn't wrong of her, she can go after what she wants. She just shouldn't be surprised that she can't have her cock and eat it too. There's no way this girl didn't already have 1 or 2 guys lined up to bang the labias off of her.
You have a great sex life and it sounds like a great life overall for 5 years with this guy and now you just randomly want to try fucking other people for 'new experiences'? New experiences is a person, and it's the new guy from work that resembles Jake Gyllenhaal.
The person that wants to open the relationship should first allow the other person have sex with whoever they choose for a while. Then we can go from there.
She should let him bring home younger hotties, then after that we can talk about her banging other dudes.
I don't have a problem with what she did and how he handled it... what gets my jimmies rustled is how she's now trying to defend her actions and get support from her peers ( read other women ) and can't seem to get her head around why she got dumped.
Devoid of all responsibility is the woman's trump card. As long as society doesn't hold women accountable they will continue to act like victims when they damn well know they are the reason this happened.
Solipsism -- just look at her responses. She doesn't get it because she didn't think before opening her mouth. She will never get it because to her what only matters is her point of view. To her, it's not her fault because she simply expressed some of her thoughts. An analogy would be a white nigga going up to his black nigga and asking "I'm seriously thinking about joing the KKK, what do you think?" The black nigga would completely lose his respect for the white nigga, it doesn't matter whether or not he actually ended up joining the KKK in the end.
Just because she thought it would be a swell and "fair" idea, she decided to bring it up to him. She didn't even think once about how he would react and decided to go ahead and open up the can of worms.
THINGS THAT WOULD GO THROUGH A MAN'S MIND WHEN HIS GF ASKS HIM TO OPEN UP THE RELATIONSHIP:
1) she's not satisfied by him sexually; she's "ok" with everything else, e.g., being provided for, but she simply has no excitement in life, sexually or otherwise. No point in being in a relationship if you're just being used.
2) she's most likely already cheating or is planning to, but an "open relationship" would burden her with no guilt; also, she most likely already knows who the first man she's going to be banging if the relationship opens up;
3) SENSE OF PRIDE; that bitch is openly going around fucking other men, and this pussywhipped nigga isn't going to do shit about it. Word gets out. What will his friends think? What will his parents say? A man's sense of pride is one of the most important things to him.
4) What if we get married, this continues, and she gets pregnant with another man's child? She'd probably say abortion, but we all know how bitches change their minds every other day.
5) What if she ends up leaving me for one of her fuck buddies? I've spent 5+ of my life, time, and money on her and she'll end up leaving as soon as a better deal comes along.
To be fair, she's going to want to "move up" regardless due to hypergamy, but giving her more opportunities to do so just increases the likelihood of that happening.
6) She's clearly not devoted to me, otherwise she would spend her time only with me as a partner. It's time to move on.
But nope, solipsism. "I'D like to do this. Me me me me."
In other words, if she's into you, she'll want to spend every goddamn second with you, not banging other dudes. If not, all reasons are just hamsterization to defend the fact that she's not that into you. Aka cut your losses early. That's exactly what i would have done, kudos to the guy.
They only work if both are into it, and both partners don't have, or can at least manage, their jealousy issues.
This does not change one simple fact, and that's the fact that in an open relationship, the woman has the advantage. Finding guys to have sex with is easy. She doesn't have to do anything but say yes. Heck, said guys may even take her out as well. And most men won't care she's unavailable for commitment.
Meanwhile the man has to prove himself to get women to have sex with him, which the majority will require some degree of "provider status" while he's still providing for his committed partner. They have to be okay with the fact he's unavailable for commitment, and most women desire commitment.
this is the key point and the reason why it is fair that he left her on the spot, and it is unfair that she even thought of getting fucked by other dudes
this is keeping in mind that her man is alpha status socially, financially, and in his commitment demonstration
he layed it all down FOR her, the whole nine yards of traditional male commitment and she said "oh but now that you're giving me all your long term commitment, what about if i gave you none ? would you agree with that ?"
the tragedy of this story is that the guy believed he could count on a woman to act like women of the past, although all of current culture and society and the female hivemind are teaching them not to
his relationship relied entirely on the abilities of said woman not to fall for the cultural poison and it was a high stakes bet, which he lost
she wont ever understand what happened to her, she will be riding the stupid cock carrousel and get wrecked by it but call it empowerment with much reassuring of the feminist community, which reassuring she came begging on reddit
this is an altogether exemplary story, a novelworthy one.
True. Doesn't seem to stop the ones who want it. I've been hit on and blatantly propositioned by more married guys I care to recall.
And I don't know that most women desire commitment. I desire commitment when I find a guy I have that initial spark for other than that you won't hear complaining about labeling. In fact I have more guys asking the "what are we????" question. That isn't to say that sometimes I have the spark and the guy doesn't.
I think it's the same for guys, at least the ones I know. They play the field until one day they meet a girl that makes their heart melt. Suddenly, they're like "I have to lock this down/ I want o be with her"
In my experience, when one party isn't vocal about being "official" They're either 1) going through a stressful no nonsense time in their life or 2) they're just not that into you or not as into you as you're into them.
Women are always told by the older women in their life "Date a guy who loves you more than you love him." I think the logic is that the inverse means you'll always be the one giving. The problem with that is that it kind of sucks to be the person who loves less. The passion isn't there. Your mind will wander...
But I think men could easily fall into the same trap. I think it's optimal to find someone who at least initially is as into you as you are them. It happens. But it's more rare than the other two.
I'm inclined to agree for most people. However as I bi-woman, I think that I will personally have a hard time with sexual monogamy. Not that I couldn't, but it will be hard. Not that I have a desire to sleep with "many" people, more or less every now and then I have an urge to be sexually intimate with the other sex. Although I wish it weren't the case, sexual intimacy with women and sexual intimacy with men is so completely different.
Regardless of what people say/think they want or they can handle, there are certain truths to human nature. Being in what we can both agree upon to be a 'romantic relationship' as it is commonly understood requires sacrifice and compromise of the people within that relationship for it to last. Again, that is something I think we can both agree is commonly understood.
The closer you get to the other person in the relationship and the longer it lasts, the more you begin to depend on them for your emotional stability and well being, (for better or worse, I don't think this is a positive but it is a truth nonetheless). You can feel this happening. It does not usually happen equally on both sides of the relationship. As this dependency increases, so does your fear of losing the other person. This is when jealousy kicks in big time. Being in an open relationship will eventually, for one of the partners who is more emotionally invested at that time, become a problem.
This will either break the relationship, or the person will pretend to be happy and okay because they are so dependent on the other person they are willing to endure the pain so as not to lose them. That is no better and less healthy than ending the relationship.
Open relationships can work for a time, maybe, but it is not going to last or promote a healthy long term relationship.
Being in an open relationship will eventually, for one of the partners who is more emotionally invested at that time, become a problem.
I do agree with this. However I think any relationship is going to be hard when the emotional investment becomes lopsided.
The person who is strongly emotionally invested will feel unappreciated.
The person who is less emotionally invested will feel taxed and also they will feel bad they aren't reciprocating the same level of emotion.
TBH I've never had an open relationship in actual practice for this reason, doesn't stop the fact that I am naturally bi and will always have urges for the other sex, but I figure I can repress.
That being said, to avoid what we were just discussing about lopsided emotional investment, I advocate that both parties try to find people who are initially as into the other person as the other person is into them.
Because if person A has NEVER had the strong feelings that person B has, it is highly unlikely they will grow over time and you end up in situations where people end up staying because the lifestyle is compatible but not because they have chemistry with the other person. (This is what the OP seems to be dealing with but not wanting to admit to herself)
At least when two people are equally in passion with each other initially, and over the course of the relationship it see saws back and forth, at least they both know what it feels like to be strongly into the other person and so they know what it takes to get back to that point.
This dude is ignoring the reality that girls actually do wanna fuck other guys.
See, this is wheat I don't like. Just because we understand women's behavior and why they do what they do (alpha fucks, beta bucks) doesn't mean we have to support it and every time someone comes in here with yet another link to an article talking about hypergamy, that's what we end up doing.
Its the equivalent of the guy in this story saying "I understand honey. Here's my car keys, go get yourself laid tonight."
FUCK NO. You stop that shit like the alpha you are. Shoot first, ask questions later. Explaining and understanding is for wimps.
pawt_enthusiast 11y ago
This seems kindof fake
QQ_L2P 11y ago
Cool.
Scrolls down
... Fuck it.
[deleted] 11y ago
This bitch is twisted. No stable individual can actually believe that rationale. The pity party she's throwing is for the complete wrong person.
KGlitz 11y ago
The first thing she deems worthy about him is that he has a good job.
Thanks_4_playing 11y ago
that guy is alpha as fuck
Manuel_S 11y ago
I'd buy this guy drinks all night long for the good feeling he gave me:
Sometimes there is justice.
Thors_Cock 11y ago
That brings back some memories from my ex. It was pretty much the same situation, except we weren't married. 4 years. I'd spent a lot of energy and hard work getting our lives to work.
Then she began talking about an open relationship. I didn't pack straight away, but the day after. I had to go through all the ifs, thens, and maybe's in my head - but I reached the same conclusion the OP did:
There was nothing left to salvage. She cried a lot in the beginning, but she got over it a lot faster than I did. I'm glad I was the one who pulled the plug, because I learned a lot in the process. Damn did it hurt to hear her say that, though. But moving away so quickly saved me a lot of agony.
EDIT: When he says the he's cutting his losses while he can, he's saying that he suspected as much but gave her the benifit of the doubt. You always know it before you know it. There's a nagging feeling inside your head, that something just isn't right. She's pulling back. She's not interested in sex anymore. She doesn't seem to listen when you talk to her. She gets less emotionally involved.
[deleted] 11y ago
I love how she listed "good job" as the first thing that's good about the guy. Says a lot.
DarkCircle 11y ago
So true. Lots of women do that.
dub121686 11y ago
This was a good read. Thank you for sharing.
Midday21 11y ago
It's refreshing to see a story like this, I like the sound of her former boyfriend. He seems like a no-nonsense type of guy and sticks to his principles.
More men need to adopt policies like his and have standards for themselves by not getting manipulated into an open relationship where your wife ends up banging 11 dudes and wants to close their relationship as soon as the dude gets a little action. Nip it in the bud and end it there if that kind of thing isn't for you.
gg_s 11y ago
The word you seem to be looking for is boundaries. This man has set strong boundaries and enforces them without impunity (5-year relationship? doesn't matter). Every man should do as he does.
LasherDeviance 11y ago
I like dude. Wish I knew his handle. #tcot
Staple_Stable 11y ago
Notice how she still refers to him as her boyfriend. Sorry sweetheart but that train has passed. Actions have consequences.
RedSunBlue 11y ago
Most of my thoughts have already been covered here, but here's a few that haven't:
She more or less described the perfect beta. I may be overanalyzing here, but "great job" (financially sound) and "family and friends love him" (wide support network) were the first qualities she mentioned, indicating that those canonically beta qualities are what she thinks of when she thinks of him.
This dummy has been with a guy for five years and still couldn't predict that asking him for permission to fuck other guys would end poorly.
MFW
[deleted] 11y ago
What a hero. Amazing. I just stood up and applauded.
TheeRyanGrey 11y ago
I'm so fucking proud of Reddit today. So proud.
I read that log and smiled from ear to ear, smiled in a way I haven't for a long, long time: genuinely.
So of course I thought the comment section would be filled with all sorts of capes trying to defend this rotten hoe. But no! To my elated surprise, Reddit grew a pair of balls and told a bitch the fucking truth.
And you know what? She's better for it. This idea that we need to protect and shelter people, to avoid criticizing and shaming them is a SELFISH ACT. Letting people go through life constantly fucking up just to protect yourself from their reaction is the most pussy thing I can think of.
wakethfkupneo 11y ago
When woman suddenly comes out with the opening relationship idea, that usually means she has someone very specific in mind. Chances are 50/50 that she's cheated already. And I think this guy is smart enough to figure that out. Kudos to him.
BoyMeetsHarem 11y ago
This comment is not getting enough love. I remember right before I caught my ex in her first affair we were having an argument about how little sex we were having and she said something along the lines of "well it's just sex, it's not that important to me. I don't view it as that big of a deal, but maybe we should talk about seeing other people within our marriage if that's what you want."
I had never expressed ANY interest in seeing other people so that comment set off big warning bells in my mind. I installed chat logging software on her laptop and caught her having a very explicit conversation with her boyfriend less than a week later.
They are monkeys, and they don't start talking about swinging to another tree until they already have a fairly good grasp on someone else's branch.
tech-ninja 11y ago
Deep.
rapreaper 11y ago
Pun Intended.
[deleted] 11y ago
Imagine her face when she rechecked her post, imagining to see a bunch of supportive "OMG was an insecure asshole BF, you deserve better. Keep looking for a man, a real man would put up with all of this to have you!" and instead got dumped on....
As a side note, I prefer when RP focuses upon RP examples (like this), rather than the low-hanging fruit that is BP examples. This post contributes more value IMO than the "guy whose wife fucked 11 dudes" because there is so much BP in every pore of society. There will always be billions of BP examples, far more than we could ever link, but RP examples are rare.
[deleted] 11y ago
One of the most valuable skills you can ever cultivate in yourself is the knowledge of when to cut and run.
Not just in relationships, but in everything. When that little switch gets flipped in your brain that shit is about to turn sour, just up and walking is often the best idea.
People start shouting and squaring off at each other at a bar? Do you care about any of them? No? Not you, not your pack, its time to enjoy a cigarette outside and plan the rest of the night for the next few minutes.
Not getting out of the way is the number one reason you get hit by the train.
Human_Isomer 11y ago
I think Blue pill examples reaffirm what you have learned through TRP. YOu are able to look back at something blue pill, that could've been you, and realize the growth that has occurred in your own life i.e transition from BP to RP.
SuperNinKenDo 11y ago
In the end, that did turn in to pure Red Pill though.
XCowboyLowkesx 11y ago
I was thinking the exact same thing, this content is the best in weeks. We should definitely focus on more red pill examples
TRPsubmitter 11y ago
Whole time I was reading a smile kept creeping over my face. I was like "Finally out of all the x-posts I've seen, there is a guy who acted *exactly" how he should have"..
Whole time I was like "yeah..yeah...nice...hell ya! Nice one bro!"
And hilariously she responds to the top comment that he is "being unfair". Wow the hamster has emerged from its slumber
iKill_eu 11y ago
The entirety of that comment thread is just her hamster getting fucking shut down. I love it.
TRPsubmitter 11y ago
What is also funny is look at the related subreddits in r/relationships. They're all totally blue pill subreddits designed to reassure women and shame men back into their corner.
magicalbird 11y ago
You reap what you sow
She'll be getting on the cock carousel all right as a coping mechanism because she didn't realize she lost the number one alpha cock by getting greedy with her solipsistic hamster.
[deleted] 11y ago
Exactly. I had a similar situation.
I gave her a lovely break-up talk in front of her dorm. It was motivational and designed to make her leave me the fuck alone (but in a nice way). She told me, "I wasn't expecting this" (that I would break up with her). I put her dumbass in her place.
Now I'm in medical school and she's still struggling to finish undergrad with her hoodbooger boyfriend while my frat bros enjoy her cumdumpster ass. Shameful.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
TheRabid 11y ago
I wish that guy alot of good luck and fortune.
aristideau 11y ago
do you a link to the 11 dude story?
SuperNinKenDo 11y ago
Above.
[deleted]
RaiseOnce 11y ago
link?
alt30313 11y ago
http://www.reddit .com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1pyfy0/wife_wants_to_ride_the_cock_carousel_and_demands/
Update posted today...thread was deleted and nuked (most of the good comments were removed) ... still good read though
http://www.redditlog.com/snapshot/25982/32392
http://www.reddit .com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1q2wrj/update_wife_demanded_open_marriage_to_ride_the/
[deleted] 11y ago
Greatest hits.
[deleted]
RedBigMan 11y ago
Exactly... I mean for a BP example to be something useful or amusing it has to involve an EPIC FAIL on the part of the beta male not just archetypical beta male behavior. We all know what a typical beta male is going to do in any given situation.
jorgander 11y ago
I see your point, but it is good to be reminded of why we must be vigilant, sort of like how a movie snob will occasionally view films like Sex in the City.
MockingDead 11y ago
Classic narcissism. I want to sleep around, but I'll phrase it like it would be beneficial to him.
PR and Sales, take careful notes.
[deleted] 11y ago
"Open to new things" doesn't mean "open to sucking another man's jizz out of your pussy" ho!
mslvr40 11y ago
This guy is my hero
ReturnThroughAether 11y ago
And this, folks, is how you handle that scenario. My man!
LasherDeviance 11y ago
Can't help but think that this is another one of those troll posts like the one from yesterday. It just seems to surreal to find so many slamming posts like this in such a short amount of time.
madstatistician 11y ago
Totally appropriate!
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
WheelbugScaphism 11y ago
That is the part that made me suspect the whole thing was fake. Great response for the open relationship game though.
Jovianmoons 11y ago
I cant help but wonder what would have happened if she had said she wanted to sleep with other women, while still being supported by him. I imagine everyone would be more supportive of that somehow, though it would still suck in the end.
Boss_Monkey 11y ago
Our disgust comes from our Biology. Other women can not impregnate her, other men can. It is the male biological imperative to be disgusted at female partners who 'open' relations to other men. Spending one's resources to raise another man's biological child is a losing script, biologically speaking.
wander99 11y ago
That is so fucking alpha, my heart is filled with joy. Someone get that man on this subreddit
madstatistician 11y ago
"Polyamory" is what you get when your society decides to stop slut-shaming.
Enjoy the decline, fellas.
[deleted] 11y ago
Some free-range truth right here. Well said.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
Haraklus 11y ago
Yeah, I think I'm going to move to try to move to a patriarchal society. Hard to get into any place that isn't a shithole, though.
RedPillScare 11y ago
It's never enough.
Here is her perfect boyfriend. She is arse over tits for him, but she still wants more. He handled it perfectly.
His implicit trust that she wanted only him was irreparably broken. Cutting his losses is the perfect description.
[deleted] 11y ago
This put a huge smile on my face. Thanks OP
[deleted] 11y ago
This following so fast on the heels of the last poly post we saw in here is making me think trolls are afoot. While amusing, I don't believe a single word of this. Even the tone is off: she does not sound distraught at all.
Can't wait for the update! I wonder what sub we will see embodied in its epiphany!
WheelbugScaphism 11y ago
I agree with you but it is certainly good for the cuckolds on relationshipadvice to see this.
Archwinger Endorsed Contributor 11y ago
Agreed. The post is a little too perfect, and it's not written the way a dumped woman would write it. The way she goes play-by-play and recalls and posts the exact words her boyfriend used, the exact words his friend and her friend used, the way her complete failure to understand what the big deal is isn't rationalized the way women rationalize things -- it's just plain vapid -- all of this points to a fabricated post to get a reaction.
That said, I'd definitely buy any guy who did this a case of beer, and pay shipping.
[deleted] 11y ago
hah!
Doomsday_ 11y ago
LIES!
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
I really hope this is a troll comment, because you are the furthest thing from a die hard red piller imaginable.
[deleted] 11y ago
Because I am rational instead of jumping to blame women for everything?
I thought red pillism was about realizing that feminism has created a power imbalance. Many women are solipsistic. In society women have the powers and rights of a traditional woman, but also those of a man. So nowadays a woman could have a great job and collect child support. Which is bullshit. Women are rarely held responsible for anything and instead men get blamed for everything. It's ok for a woman to manipulate a man into marriage then use him as an ATM while she treats him like shit. Men are expected to be feminine and subservient. To lick the boots of the woman instead of asserting their masculine dominance. Got it. All that is true. But just because that's the society we live in doesn't mean that all women are evil and that in every case it's the woman who is at fault. In this case the girl was being decent and just expressing her needs, and the guy threw a tantrum like a two year old instead of dealing with the situation rationally.
I should probably also note here that I think monogamy is a terrible idea in the first place for men as it takes away their power. But that's not really the point here. The point is that she didn't cheat, she went to him and asked permission. And she just wanted to have an open relationship for a bit to actually live her 20s. That's perfectly normal. Being in a monogamous relationship in your 20s is stupid in the first place. As a guy, the only kind of relationship I will have with a woman right now is an open one because now is the time when I am young and full of life and I'm not gonna limit myself to just one girl. He was a dick, she went about trying to get something normal, the right way and he responded like an infant.
[deleted] 11y ago
You're not going to convince me here, dunno about anyone else. I personally don't prefer to date around during my 20's and then marry a used up whore or try to get the cast-offs when I'm older.
I want to have a pristine girl who doesn't think "living her 20's" entails gobbling down all the alpha cock that presents itself.
That's just straight up counter to my thinking, I don't know what to say. Its like this post. Wait, since when was a girl being a virgin a BAD thing?
These days, I don't promise monogamy to any girl I'm dating and espouse openness, but if I find out she's been with another guy I'll soft-next her or at least remove her from LTR consideration - and my end goal is an LTR with a quality woman. I don't have time for that shit.
[deleted] 11y ago
Oh boy I'm experiencing some serious Poe's law here. If you are serious I feel very sorry for you because you will have a higher probability of having a terrible marriage. Virginity is not nearly as important as whether a woman will be a good wife and a good mother. And virginity definitely does not denote that she will be either. I grew up in a very conservative family and I know a ton of girls who got married as virgins, I also know, from the path I took afterwards, a lot of girls who are not virgins. I know great wives and mothers in both groups, and terrible ones. The defining factors are varied, but one that is very, very important is social skills. I have found that sheltered virgin girls have way less social skills, they also tend to be less certain about what they want in life, they tend to be lazier, becuase their religion taught them all they had to do was make babies for their husband to be a successful woman. Because they are lazier, more indecisive, and have in general less social skills, they tend to make worse wives than women who are not virgins. I'm not saying don't marry a virgin, and I'm not saying marry a slut, I'm saying you need to marry a girl who is emotionally and psychologically well balanced, and few girls who are virgins fit that mold.
TooTurnt 11y ago
You are so off for many reasons, but my time is limited so I'll be succinct. She is the type of person who, after 5 years of a "great (her words) relationship", is not satisfied with one dick. That, to the guy, is a character flaw and a deal breaker. Who is to say she wouldn't broach the topic ten years into marriage? Maybe the insecurity of constantly not knowing whether his SO was satisfied is too much? He is not a douche, and acted in a completely reasonable manner. Responded like an infant? No, he knew where he stood in this relationship, and he acted accordingly.
[deleted] 11y ago
I don't think you understand. It's not that she isn't satisfied with their relationship, it is that she has never experienced what else is out there. It is a very common thing for both sexes to want to experience that before they settle down. As to the question of whether that would happen in marriage, well, that is why it is a stupid idea for anyone to get married to the first person they date, because it is inevitable that they will feel that way. Just because you feel a certain way does not mean that you act on it. But it is best for people to go sleep around a bit before getting into a super serious relationship and getting married. And furthermore, every single person who has ever been married on the face of this planet has been unsatisfied with monogamy at various points in their marriage. The difference between an adulterer and a faithful spouse is not the desire to have sex with other people, it is whether they actually do it without their spouse's permission. She asked permission. That is what people do in adult relationships. He acted like a child because he could not understand that she does love him, she just needs to make sure that he is the right decision, by seeing what else is out there, because she has no experience with anyone else. Once she has that experience she very likely could settle down and be faithful for the rest of her life, especially since she is a good person and asked, instead of cheating, like many girls would.
When you have had more relationships and lived more of life you will understand what I am saying.
TooTurnt 11y ago
I could pick this post apart but I don't have the time nor do I really give a fuck. I'll touch on one of your main points. Is everyone dissatisfied with their monogamous relationship at some point? Of course. The key is that level of dissatisfaction. Dissatisfied enough to seriously consider an open relationship? That is not someone I would want to be with. Also, she is not entitled to any "life experiences". She can either have a monogamous relationship with this "great guy", or she can whore it up and "find herself". That's her choice, but this is life and there is always a trade-off. That's her decision. She made her choice, it didn't work out, and now she wants to be absolved from the consequences of her actions. Tough shit sweetheart, you fucked up, you deal with what comes next.
[deleted] 11y ago
You're welcome to your opinion, but from what I can tell is my greater breadth of life experience than yours, I can tell you that with the attitude you have it will be exceedingly hard for you to find a good wife. You might be able to convince some naive chick that you aren't an intolerant dick, but any seasoned girl is going to avoid you as long as you are so judgmental and severe. And regardless of who you do marry, with the attitude you have you are most likely going to have a pretty dysfunctional marriage, filled with lots of anger and resentment. I don't tell you this to belittle you, but to warn you. If you want to have a happy marriage you need to engage in some serious insight. Why is it that you feel the way that you do? I would imagine that it has a lot to do with some past trauma in your life. Until you resolve that you will have a hard time establishing good relationships with women.
TooTurnt 11y ago
Past trauma? From my few short posts, what information did you glean that would point you in that direction? I've been with women 40+ and under 20, and I can tell you with certitude they are all the same. Nothing will change. I won't wake up and have a sudden epiphany. There is no way I would be tolerate of the suggestion for an open marriage. I HAVE ISSUES BECAUSE I FIND THE IDEA OF MY WIFE SEEKING AN OPEN MARRIAGE ABHORRENT? Come the fuck on. Now you are just being a condescending prick.
lookiamapollo 11y ago
wow that is a man sticking to his guns.
[deleted] 11y ago
Good on him. Once a woman asks about an open relationship it's over, sooner or later: she wants to fuck other guys, and thinks that's okay, period. To those thinking "you could just say no!" it doesn't end like that. This is the beginning of the end, and OP made it the end of the end real fast. Much respect.
Also keep in mind that feminist groups are working to make it so that women can leave these types of situations with cash and prizes via common law marriage: in a lot of states if they had lived together for 2-3 years, she'd be getting a big paycheck on her way out the door.
anotherthrowawaybiff 11y ago
"Why did he leave me?"
He left because he correctly and instantly analyzed the situation and there was no good solution for him but leaving. What she wanted was the chance to see if she could "trade up" and snag a better guy while keeping current boyfriend on the hook as backup guy, if her efforts failed. That was it, it's really that simple.
If he said yes, he's a chump, and even if she can't manage to trade up she loses respect for him for being willing to play backup guy for her. If he says no, she resents him and cheats eventually, and he spends the relationship wondering if/when she's cheating.
LasherDeviance 11y ago
Pure Data.
RedBigMan 11y ago
You're right... I mean unless he could pull high quality pussy night after night and honestly if he could she'd not be wanting the open relationship. She would be closing that relationship hard and fast to keep the alpha cock in her pussy.
Nemester 11y ago
Keep preaching brother. Tell it how it is.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
The only way to win is not to play
Sworn_to_Ganondorf 11y ago
Boss aint takin NO shit
Opioidus 11y ago
Is it possible that this was just a shit test? I mean the fact that she's ''hurting all over'' might suggest it was a massive shit test dumped on the guy because he was a natural who turned semi-beta in the long run(as all men do, with time, men get attached and women get detached). Anyway this is the stuff of legends and signs of the great awakening that's on its way.
mdadm 11y ago
This is easily the most red pill thing I've seen on this sub.
FuckSakeReddit 11y ago
I know right, I want to buy this guy a beer and talk to him about life because I'd probably learn something
[deleted] 11y ago
One too many shit tests.
BJRone 11y ago
"You're so amazing babe, but would you mind if I get fucked by strange men on the side while you support me emotionally and financially?"
LasherDeviance 11y ago
Nah babe. Later. Enjoy the benefits those new dicks provide. I can't go.
Kombaiya 11y ago
but it's so unfair!
vengefully_yours 11y ago
Ex wife tried that. "I dont want to move out, I dont want to end this, but I want this other guy so I will stay here with you." Then she spent two entire days with him, and I ended our marriage by text.
She blames me for everything, and due to the idiots influence she is really fucking things up around here, not for me, but for the entire community. She just cant understand why I wasnt ok with it, and why I didnt like this wonderful guy that nobody who works with him, let alone her parents, likes.
Soon I will be completely done with her and her fucked up family. The last few pieces are falling into place this month.
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
Best of luck, my man
vengefully_yours 11y ago
Shit happens, I will never trust a woman again, because she was one of the 'good' ones, yet she went bad just like the 'bad' ones. Court today, then a bit more bullshit and a few thousand dollars and I can be done with them entirely.
slfnflctd 11y ago
I know exactly what you mean. After years of drowning in severe, life-destroying misery due entirely to not understanding how shit works in the real world, then finding the red pill, I experienced a similar change in my ability to trust.
There are a few things that temper this for me. Although it stings to know that I will almost certainly never experience the good parts of the total devotion to a woman I was once capable of, at least I know the horrifically bad part (which nearly killed me) won't happen again. I've been inoculated. Also, believe it or not, once this maladaptive and foolish tendency has been burned out of you - however much you may wish it didn't have to be - other areas open up wide. There are still plenty of things you can trust women with, especially now that you know what not to. You won't be as vulnerable to their attempts to hem you in. You may not even care as much about the issue of monogamy down the road, as you gradually acclimate to the realization that the vast majority of them aren't really capable of it in the sense we once believed/hoped. You can't miss what you don't expect. Eventually, you may even find one worth growing old with. Furthermore, you will value your good male friends - and appreciate other males in general - more than ever now, because you understand more about how they can be supportive and reliable in ways that almost no woman can (I still cringe at how I acted before I figured this out, so much needless damage done). "True love" is dead. Long live real love.
I'm glad the funeral is almost over for you so you can move on. Better times are ahead.
[deleted] 11y ago
Man, I would love to read this whole story fleshed-out. Submit a post for us please!
vengefully_yours 11y ago
Why would you want to read all of that? If you really want to read a short story length post, I will write it up tonight.
[deleted] 11y ago
Do it up man! Field report right there.
vengefully_yours 11y ago
Didn't forget, got thrown in jail because of my ex. Didnt do shit but had to do time. Women and the pussy pass can fuck you over easy.
[deleted] 11y ago
That guys sounds awesome.
slippery_people 11y ago
That really made my day.
[deleted] 11y ago
I have the biggest justice boner right now.
I wish I knew the guy, he sounds like a very good friend. I'd buy him a drink at the very least.
[deleted] 11y ago
THAT NIGGA IS A G!!!!!!!!!!!
[deleted] 11y ago
Hahaha. Bitch got what she deserved, how fucking retarded do you have to be to tell your SO they aren't good enough in bed and humiliate them?...too fucking perfect, probably a fake story. She will be alpha widowed for life and ruined for all future relationships, might as well an hero.
GaiusScaevolus 11y ago
Good for him. That's how it's done gentlemen.
stalinbaby 11y ago
Well, he is. It's just not the new thing she wants. He is going to fuck other girls, but while not having to deal with the leftovers from the bunch of dudes she would be banging.
And what the fuck was she expecting his rejection to be like? "Nah, it's not for me." Great, now she's made clear that she wants to fuck other guys, which is just one step behind cheating itself.
Seriously, his reaction is so logical that it's practically Vulcan. Good for him.
FortunateBum 11y ago
Yes, I love how he seemed to be two moves ahead of her all the time.
pitlord713 11y ago
That was amazing.
LasherDeviance 11y ago
As a ST fan, loved the Vulcan reference. Real talk, I would call dude pure Data. But it is true, dude Noped the fuck out because he saw where it would lead.
PROTIP: A statement like that from any woman that you have been with for half a decade is as good a reason as any to cut your losses and Nope the fuck out ASAP.
[deleted] 11y ago
Nah man. He didn't nope. He was cool and calculating like Data. No emotional response.
UnpluggedMaestro 11y ago
Protip: a statement like that from ANY woman you're attached to is an instant order to nope the fuck out asap.
LasherDeviance 11y ago
True.
lazydonovan 11y ago
My only surprise is how quickly he walked away. Passive-aggressive me would just kind of wander off over the course of a few months.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
Haraklus 11y ago
I want to see this write up.
wander99 11y ago
please write this up my man
[deleted] 11y ago
I agree! Hope to see that write up in the future.
PostGradWarrior 11y ago
I probably would have come up with an escape plan to get all my shit out of the apartment before she found out and what to do about the lease. However, there is no way I could hide it that long.
At least with all that money he saved by not buying a ring he can get himself a Rolex.
lazydonovan 11y ago
I could buy some nice Amateur radio kit for that.
Hoodwink 11y ago
I would have probably wondered what was wrong with myself for a few months and why the relationship seems so alien and distant.
This guy figured it out in an instant. She probably let a comment or two slip that really hurt but sounded totally legitimate to her mind, though. We only got the paraphrase of what she wanted to say in the best possible light.
DEVi4TION 11y ago
He probably had a cheating girlfriend when he was younger. Seems he learns quickly.
Hoodwink 11y ago
I bet he didn't have a 5 year relationship. Ending it so quickly is something.
PlanB_pedofile 11y ago
This conversation seemed a bit long time coming. She probably over the course of months been wondering into wanting to fuck other dudes. It took that final conversation of "yup", "yup" for it to trigger that this girl is serious and she wants to sleep around with other men.
He cut out. Probably had an escape plan pre planned just needed a final confirmation to enact it.
Pornography_saves_li 11y ago
Yeah, I read that between the lines too.
magicalbird 11y ago
Sweet sweet justice
[deleted] 11y ago
this just gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I love happy endings
gekkozorz 11y ago
Wooow.
If her description is accurate, this guy is
I mean, she hit the fucking jackpot. She scored the perfect boyfriend.
And she's STILL succumbing to hypergamy.
"Honey, even though you're a perfect 10/10, I need more dicks in my life, because I need to explore new things and have new experiences because feminism. Is that okay with you?"
God bless this bull alpha for walking out on the spot like that. That ought to put this dumb slut in her place, at least till she manages to hamster past it and rationalize her idiotic behavior away.
Reason #837 to never get married. No matter how perfect you are, you'll never be perfect enough.
FortunateBum 11y ago
Women are never happy. Ever. This is something good to know before you get involved.
FreedomIntensifies 11y ago
You could tell she was hoping he reads that and also that he is far from a 10/10. She describes absolutely no passion towards him if you read between the lines. She said "family and friends love him" (not including herself first!) and then goes on to frame him as a bad guy before finally saying she loves him in a sentence that doesn't even make sense, probably from the cognitive dissonance she felt making such a bold lie: "I love him and it has nothing to do with just purely physical sex."
No way to tell what is wrong with him other than we know he is pulling bank. Small cock, not attractive, and/or super beta personality. Might be tempted to rule out the third because he walked right out, but even betas can have hard lines and she probably had been treating him like the shit she saw him as for the last year so he was ready to bail anyway.
GridReXX 11y ago
I agree! As a woman reading her post. She didn't want to fuck other people "because feminism". She wanted to because she's not in love doesn't seem to have passion for this guy.
He sounds like a decent upstanding guy which is why she wanted to stay. But unfortunately she doesn't like him. So she's trying to figure out a way to fulfill both.
If she were self aware she would have broken up with him. They both deserve people who they like and feel passionately about.
I think people think they should like someone because he's "alpha" as TRP puts it, but sometimes there's just not a connection and people end up staying in things longer than they should because of other compatibility. But sometimes what really counts is that chemistry.
gekkozorz 11y ago
I'm disinclined to believe she actually wanted him to find this post - she did use a throwaway, after all.
Honestly, "my family and friends love him" sounds exactly like she's saying he had value to her personally. Keep in mind while we guys tend to choose who we're attracted individualistically (we see, we like, end of story) girls decide who's attractive primarily through consensus. As a unit.
Think about it: if 5/6 girls in a group all declare that a guy is super attractive and get all giggly over him, the sixth girl is going to automatically assume he's high value. Even if she doesn't find him attractive in the slightest, she's going to want to jump his balls anyway, because it's what the collective says she should want.
So, if she says "the other people in my life think he's great," that could be her roundabout way of saying "I have definitive proof that he's high value."
GridReXX 11y ago
Nah. Most girlfriends constantly joke how we all have completely different taste in men. I never trust my friends judgement. Because what they find physically attractive and personality attractive is not what I like and vice versa.
FreedomIntensifies 11y ago
She specifically said friends and family though. That's different ... unless something is very wrong with you, this is a given. There is no passion in her comments, just a check list. The group decision making I agree with, but it's more of a female thing. Males with good incomes are pack leaders in our society. It's like winning the lottery, everyone wants good relations with you when your bank is in good shape.
There is nothing indicating a visceral attraction in the way she describes him, which she would have if other pussy was craving his cock as you say. In fact it seems to be FAR from the case .... she is craving cock other than his so badly that she told him!
[deleted] 11y ago
Friends and family is never a given. A lot of "ism's" can prevent that. Racism, nationalism, whatever.
redpillshadow 11y ago
All the top comments there are redpill. Amazing.
Piroko 11y ago
"But, how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically, and at the same time impossible to untrigger?"
"Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the fear to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision making process which rules out human meddling, the doomsday machine is terrifying. It's simple to understand. And completely credible, and convincing."
[deleted] 11y ago
All love is strange, for sure.
caius_iulius_caesar 11y ago
SoftHarem 11y ago
...and the comments aren't (too) insane. Am I on Reddit?
[deleted] 11y ago
I want to quote my favourite one. Props to this guy.
You keep saying it would be "fair" and it would "go both ways"... but you seem to be forgetting the fact that he's monogamous and wouldn't want to sleep with other people, and therefore YOU would be the only one doing so. That makes it unfair.
No. It's not that you "wouldn't have minded". You actively wanted this, enough to bring it up seriously in conversation with the intention of persuading your boyfriend to embrace it and then to go ahead and sleep with other people.
When it comes to something so personal and deeply ingrained as one's attitude toward monogamy, it's very difficult to get someone to change their mind just through presenting a situation and subsequently have them truly be okay with non-monogamy. And frankly, to suggest that you could do it so easily is kind of insulting. People very often have strong reasons for and emotions surrounding the values that they hold.
Clearly, for him, it's an absolute must to have a girlfriend who is both monogamous AND not at all receptive to the idea of an open relationship. Because you've now shown that you don't fulfill the latter part of that requirement, he feels that you deceived him by omission. Perhaps he could've made his feelings more clear earlier on in the relationship, but the fact is that he didn't, and now here you are.
There's a difference between being open to trying new things within the parameters of your existing relationship, and being open to changing the entire definition of your relationship, what is acceptable in those bounds, and what you consider to be infidelity. Those are HUGE, relationship-upturning "new things".
It would be kind of like saying to your staunchly atheist boyfriend, "I want us to become actively practicing Christians. Wait, why is this a dealbreaker for you? I thought you'd be open to new things!"
It's unfortunate that your relationship ended so suddenly over something you view as such a minor issue, but if your ex-boyfriend continues to hold fast to his principles (and there's every reason to think that he will), you two are ultimately no longer compatible.
Sorry.
RedPillScare 11y ago
The top comments are admirable within the context of reddit, and spectacular within the context of /r/relationships.
I wonder if TRP is seeping into the mainstream.
Then I wake up.
[deleted] 11y ago
my thoughts exactly ~
pro_skub 11y ago
"...He's amazing - great job..."
lol
IllimitableMan 11y ago
Obviously the friend is female... I LAUGHED HARD WHEN I READ THIS. AHAHAHA so small... yeah cuz you know... wanting to fuck whatever guy you like in a monogamy is "something so small" LMFAO. Bitches and their logic.
The commenter /u/localidiot is also quite rightly a fucking idiot.
ambientmf 11y ago
Seems a bit too good to be true tbh
WheelbugScaphism 11y ago
Why? It is exactly what I just did recently albeit in a much more tortured sort of way, but with the same end effect of cutting losses.
Letesse 11y ago
The guy has still got to stay strong cus she's not gonna leave him alone. Also lucky there's no kids/marriage involved...situation gets way way harder to deal with....in my experience
lazydonovan 11y ago
Change your phone number and leave instructions at the office that she is not permitted on the premesis under any circumstances.
fuk_offe 11y ago
Wow... That's a guy with some spine. Props to him.
RedBigMan 11y ago
It's easy to have a spine when you're balls are still intact.
Haraklus 11y ago
Otherwise 10/10 would upvote etc.
realniggasstandup 11y ago
This is how every discussion like this should end.
Unfortunately niggas still come on internet and ask "guise, my girl said she wants an open relation but i don't, what should id o????"
Nigga I would dump that ho on the spot for even thinking about it, exactly what this nigga did. IF she's thinking about it, you know somethings wrong and it's best to get out the relationship asap. Only thing I would've done differently is kick her out the apartment instead of running away, but idk the status of their lease.
MockingDead 11y ago
They should side bar that:
Thinking of letting your girl go polygamous? Read this and this!
scoobydoes1 11y ago
Thread/
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
Bluepilled men have serious disadvantages in relationship dynamics. The idea of dumping her on the spot doesn't even occur to them. Like bringing a knife to a gun fight because it's more 'honorable"
edtofe01 11y ago
About that ...
Watch "Too close - dont underestimate the knife" on YouTube Too close - dont underestimate the knife: http://youtu.be/9igSoJHEdUo
[deleted] 11y ago
Damn. This sums it up perfectly. This needs to become a TRP saying.
bitcoin_lady 11y ago
Patrice words flowing through you.
the_red_scimitar 11y ago
He took the L.
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
I did too
It made me sad.
RIP Patrice, we miss you
GenericUsername14 11y ago
You are legitimately one of my favorite commenters on Reddit. Thanks for the laughs.
[deleted] 11y ago
I enjoy that sub quite a bit. I do not automatically side with one gender or another I call it like I see it.
But damn, that girl has no clue. And she is trying to go to his work?
30303030303030 11y ago
yet, apparently not good enough
Are all women that fucking stupid?
Small? You just asked him if you can suck other dick and then come back and cuddle with him... Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with women these days?
She can have all the "other experiences" she wants now, but there is no perfect beta at home anymore. And she doesn't want it like that.
Anyway, salute for this for having a back bone. He will replace that bitch in no time.
DyNo541 11y ago
After five years of dating she pulls this shit?
This is the kind of thing that makes me want to never get married.
No matter how long you "vet" them - having one do this after 5 years is a reason to hit the ejection button.
I can't imagine losing half of my shit as a result of kicking her to the curb.
Good on him, I'd buy him a beer.
magicalbird 11y ago
Solipsism strikes again
The most epic reaction ever. I would buy him a 12-pack all for him.
symko 11y ago
Usually the girls mom will clue you in to how your relationship with her will be. One look at momma and you know whether to stay or run. I guess some guys just don't wanna see the truth.
Thors_Cock 11y ago
I went through the exact same thing with my ex as the OP did. Her mom was a fucking psycho, so it rings through in my experience.
[deleted] 11y ago
Wow. I'm blind but now I see. I always thought you only looked at Mom to determine how she'll end up looking physically. I never thought about the mental and behavioral aspect of the situation. Would have saved me some heartache a few years ago.
[deleted] 11y ago
You actually want to look at both parents.
Her relationship with her father is a good indicator of how she'll interact with you. You can see if she respects him, or if she will walk all roughshod over him if things get rough.
The relationship between the father-mother shows a lot as well.
Also, if the woman comes from a fatherless home I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but you need to be very wary or see who became her role model as a male influence on her life.
If you remember one point remember this: parents are the most influential people in their children's lives. They will play the greatest role in affecting who they will become and their views on relationships.
MILF_SLAMMER 11y ago
I wish I had known this. My ex's mom was an obese heartless bitch. I overlooked it because I was fucking the shit out of her daughter, but, in the end, like mother, like daughter.
gopher88 11y ago
I do love your name is MILF_SLAMMER, given this reply
[deleted] 11y ago
MILF= Mother in Law fucking slammer
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
Sounds like that woman was not a milf
[deleted] 11y ago
He slammed her, though.
TheRabid 11y ago
Damned right.
[deleted] 11y ago
Yea, this confuses me. On the one hand, this guys seems to have his head screwed on straight, and you'd think that of all the guys in the world, he would have known after 5 years.
But on the other hand, there's girls like this and.....urgh.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
This is an interesting idea. I think so too, but I'm curious, how would you put together an argument to convince someone as such?
rhythmguy 11y ago
Well, I could do some research. I usually don't have to do much convincing (of men or women) when I talk about how our society is fucked up in the way we raise women (and men, but less so). It's got a lot to do with values and expectations in early development. Add in the new wave feminism and you have some pretty fucked up people.
CurveballSI 11y ago
He's a guy with a good head on his shoulders, not a psychic.
It's all in her post. One day, after five years, she just felt that she should open the relationship up because she's tired of fucking the same dude.
[deleted] 11y ago
So is every girl a walking "I'm tired of the sex" waiting to happen?
Rhetorical question.
CurveballSI 11y ago
Yes. It's up to you to change things up sexually to keep a girl interested in the relationship.
Think of it this way. You have a girl that cooks dinner for you every night. She cooks great food. Amazing food. But it's always one of three different meals every night.
You think after five years you'll be ready to eat out?
[deleted] 11y ago
I don't think that's a valid analogy.
If you really want to stick with food, the analogy would be "after eating 3 perfect dishes cooked by your gf for 5 years, wouldn't you want to try the same dishes but cooked by someone else?"
And my answer would be no.
ssddnc 11y ago
Yeah I would have reacted the same way. I dont have time for someone who says everything is perfect then wants to tramp it up. Nore do I want to waste my free time reserved for my wife trying to track down some strange while she opens up the door to every swinging dick that looks at her. A+ for that guy and all of you that support him
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
The red pill is bitter as fuck
[deleted] 11y ago
Don't chew it man. Swallow that shit. #AllBromo
alt30313 11y ago
"From my point of view it would have been equal - he could do whatever I could do" In my opinion open relationships in general benefit women more than men. Even if the guy can do what ever the girl can do the relationship is not equal.
"No, nobody specific, a few different people" Good Response to OP: "Are you fucking high? Nobody specific =/= a few different people. Those people are fucking specific people. That's what those words mean!!"
"You would have fucked one of those people and you fucking know it. You can keep lying to yourself, but stop lying to us. It just makes you look worse and worse."
"You don't just mean ONE specific person - you're talking about several specific people, which is arguably much worse. You fantasized about making your loving, caring boyfriend a cuckold."
"well at first I did want to be monogamous, and I have no problem still being monogamous, it's just something I wanted to potentially explore and it feels like he has changed into a completely different person" He changed? It's his fault.
"I have been thinking about wanting to open up the relationship for a while, it's only been this past year or so." She previously said she had no problem being monogamous. Wow ... Date/Vet a girl for 5 years and you think you know her... She wasn't honest with him for aprox a year ... So we're supposed to trust her when she says she wants to be monogamous with him if he's not open minded about open relationships? marriage = not even once
" I would like to think we live in a time where people are not going to judge other people for wanting to have sex" ... In a committed relationship.. wants to have sex with other people ...doesn't want to be judged ...
If no sane male is going to be okay with it why are there entire communities dedicated to swinging in that sort of thing? They are like yesterdays cuckold (forced into it), alpha (it benefits them), beta (out of their depth), kinky fwbs ect
MockingDead 11y ago
I used to belong to that crowd it is always this:
Person A wants to sleep around and Person B loves person A so much that they acquiesce. I use person because I've seen some Alpha Polyamorists and many, many cukolds.
Person A and Person B are really FWB and they sleep around.
SupALupRT 11y ago
Hes not judging her. Told her she could fuck whoever she wanted and He wished her a nice life. What more does she want? I think she should be grateful.
autoNFA 11y ago
Sounds to me like he's judging her. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
Judge, jury, executioner.
alt30313 11y ago
Right he loves her enough to set her free. I thought that's what women want?
morphite65 11y ago
Now she can follow her heart!
edtofe01 11y ago
Yes ... Her heart ()/
madstatistician 11y ago
As somebody in the other recent poly thread on TRP pointed out, it's absolutely mind-bogglingly ridiculous that "slut shaming your wife" is now a thing.
WheelbugScaphism 11y ago
Welcome to reddit, aka Bizarro World. These people normalize 20 degenerate behaviors every day before breakfast.
Cyralea 11y ago
This is the hard part about maintaining my liberalism. I have to be lumped together with these "anything goes!" idiots.
If I'm a full-blown conservative in 5 years I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
LasherDeviance 11y ago
Come on over to our side. People like to bash conservatives, but at least we stand by our convictions, and not all of us believe the world is only 6000 yrs old and that global warming doesnt exist.
Pornography_saves_li 11y ago
The Great Lakes are almost frozen over. The polar caps are both much larger than normal, let alone as Al Gore predicted. Global temperature has been plunging in accord with solar max/min cycles for the last few years, a massive scandal over faked evidence and cover ups in East Anglia shredded the credibility of AGW enthusiasts long ago.
I guess you found your equivalent to 'the Earth was created 6000 years ago". Congratulations.
[deleted] 11y ago
Those aren't conservatives, they're nutjobs.
Both sides have nutjobs. Its just that conservative nutjobs say no to everything while liberal nutjobs say yes.
BoyMeetsHarem 11y ago
My transition took about 5 full years to go from a guy who loved The West Wing and cheered with tears of joy when we elected Obama, to voting Libertarian in the last presidential election and alienating all of my facebook friends with my anti-government rants.
I still consider myself fundamentally liberal, but I mean it in the original sense (from the latin word for "freedom".) What we call politically "liberal" today is a farce and involves just as much, if not more, social control and bureaucratic regulatory bullshit than the republican platform.
Government should keep the roads in good condition, provide basic infrastructure, and keep people from violating each other's basic rights to live in peace and choose their own actions. Very little else is needed, especially from a federal system. Beyond that we should keep it local.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
Justus222 11y ago
Thank you for giving me a term for my views.
GridReXX 11y ago
I agree with the rest just not sure how open relationships benefit women more than men.
Haraklus 11y ago
In the vast majority of cases, women have an easier time getting sex from men than men do from women. Having a boyfriend on the hook to provide for her fulfills her 'material provider' instinct whilst allowing her to go out and have a bunch of casual sex to fulfill her 'genetic provider' instinct.
Boss_Monkey 11y ago
The way relationships worked in the past was a man got a woman's sexuality and children in exchange for his labor. Women have excess in sex/childbearing and men have excess in labour. It was a neat agreement that served both parties well, and grew the economy of all states that benefited from it. Things have changed, (mainly the female side of the bargain has collapsed but the male remains) but the logic lingers in our collective awareness...So...
The logic that follows: The open sex bargain would be like a 1950s man saying to his stay at home wife, that he wanted to open the relationship up so they could spend their individually earned resources on other people. And, as a reminder, she would still have to hold up to her end of the bargain to provide him access to her sexuality.
GridReXX 11y ago
I think you're assuming in the 1950s men didn't cheat and prior to that it wasn't socially acceptable for men to cheat... I don't have stats. Only my grandparents anecdotes, but women put up with a lot more then because the dynamics weren't set up so that they could leave and easily provide for themselves as most workplaces were hostile to women and openly discouraged it.
I think it's also naive to assume in a society where the intellect of EVERYONE is valued and honed to assume women don't want to purse certain things is an odd thought. The reason things aren't the way they were because the social dynamics allowed so women could provide for themselves and exercise other natural pursuits.
Being able to birth a child doesn't mean women don't have other natural inclinations. That's like assuming because I man can make a baby he doesn't have other natural inclinations.
Boss_Monkey 11y ago
I think you may have missed the point. to answer your original question simply: women benefit from "open" relationships more then men because "open" relationships are defined in access to sex outside the relationship. Sex is what women have in spades.
For a woman to understand this, I gave an analogy of a breadwinner spending his resources on other women. It is not fair to the housewife as it is not fair to the current boyfriend in OP. (even if it is open to both parties, both do not have equal commodities to trade with outside parties)
GridReXX 11y ago
I don't see how that is any different from a woman agreeing to an open relationship with a man. 1) you're assuming he's her sugar daddy and that she's relying on him for all her financial needs 2) she still becomes his rock (whether it be emotions, finances, effort, time, etc...) while he gets to sow his oats.
I think it's taxing for any partner that doesn't want to really participate.
I will agree from simply a socialization standpoint more men than women make the first approach (women have been taught don't be aggressive don't show interest make him play hard to get don't... not that I agree with this way of thinking, but it's pretty common), but I hardly think it's that difficult for a man who wants to have sex to have sex. I know way too many guys who can bring women home from a bar/club without even offering her a drink or spending a dime.
Also didn't miss the point. I just offered responses to some of your points.
jvardrake 11y ago
I agree with this 100%. Back then, women had the raw end of the deal. It wasn't easy for them to work, and if the husband decided he was going to take off, she was in a lot of trouble. This gave them them the burden of being forced to put up with a lot of crap, and stuff like alimony obviously grew out of this imbalance.
Now, however, things have flipped 180 degrees. Instead of moving towards some sort of system where both parties are treated fairly, the party that is getting screwed over has just been flipped. The woman can leave the marriage whenever she likes - for a valid reason, or no reason whatsoever (i.e. no-fault divorce) - and it is extremely likely that the man is going to be on the hook for a whole boatload of cash (particularly if children are involved).
This is why men are now forced to put up with a lot, because - when it comes to divorce - women hold all the cards.
GridReXX 11y ago
That's just false. Men can up and leave for whatever reason too. My uncle left his wife for his mistress because love. And that's valid I guess. Hurtful. But valid.
Alimony doesn't favor the woman. And most no fault divorces attempt to ensure one party isn't financially screwed. Also we live in a world now where women have assets and high powered jobs too. Trust me. I've seen it play out and both parties are scrambling to keep "their" money and assets.
Also child support favors no one. The person who doesn't have custody typically pays more, but now the child has limited access to them and that breeds resentment for the child and parents. The party who has custody has to devote their energies to raising the child fully AND their money goes to the child too.
I think you're trying to say that now men have no leverage? Whereas before their finances meant you stayed, now they have nothing?
That's false. Now it just means working on having a healthy relationship and being someone's other person for support and intimacy and love matters more. This is true for both people in the relationship.
DafyddBreen 11y ago
ALL BITCHES ARE CRAZY!
[deleted] 11y ago
"I just wanted to have some other experiences - is that really wrong?"
Gotta make it about herself, doesn't she.
riskrowe 11y ago
That's not all she wanted, she also wanted all the benefits of having a great boyfriend. But both is not an option, and like a spoiled little girl she can't comprehend that.
rebuildingMyself 11y ago
She's free to do so now. She just wanted her cake and to fart in it as well
WiretapStudios 11y ago
Right? Notice she didn't say "us" or even perhaps suggest a shared experience, such as second FEMALE, it was really all about her.
peoplesuck357 11y ago
I like this guy, but anyway, one point that stuck out to me was how she wanted to sleep with other men and have it be "purely physical" as if that was some sort of consolation. If my SO had to have an affair, I'd strongly prefer it to be one of those sex-free "emotional" ones.
madstatistician 11y ago
That's basically what a beta orbiter is... not uncommon at all.
RedBigMan 11y ago
Sorry but unlike men... Women do not have sex for 'purely physical' reasons. By the time a woman wants to fuck someone she's invested in them emotionally to an extent even if it's minor.
Nemester 11y ago
I have to disagree. A woman can have sex for purely physical reasons if she instinctually feels there is an alpha with better genes, but she knows she can't secure the actual commitment.
Nemester 11y ago
Female solipsism. For them an emotional affair in their boyfriend is worse (risk of losing beta bucks). They don't see that it is more or less the opposite for men (raising someone else's kid).
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
Nemester 11y ago
Individuals instinctively want to maximize the resource investment in their own offspring. For women, this means convincing a man to invest in her children. To convince him to do this, there needs to be a corresponding emotional investment from him. It is that primary emotional investment which ultimately paves the way for the resource investment. If he switches the woman for which he has the emotional investment for, ultimately that could lead to less resources for her and her children. A one night stand is unlikely to lead to an emotional investment. So for a woman a man committing adultery in the form of a one night stand is by degree less onerous than getting a girlfriend on the side who he is emotionally invested in and may eventually financially invest in (diverting limited resources away from the original woman and her children).
From the man's perspective, he also wants to maximize the investment in his own offspring, but he faces a different challenge. This is largely due to the fact that he can have doubt on whether or not a child is his. From an evolutionary standpoint, investing in another man's child is about the worst thing that could happen. The most likely way for this to happen is that a girl he is emotionally invested in commits adultery and is impregnated unknown to beta bucks. This can happen when a woman has sex with any other man, ONS or otherwise. No amount of an emotional affair on the woman's part can result in this scenario. Therefore, by degree a woman committing physical adultery is more onerous to a man than an emotional affair.
fuckyoueralla 11y ago
In very short:
Women biologically want the genetically best possible offspring. (fucking with alpha dudes is hot for them)
They also want their offspring to be raised in the best possible way to ensure survival and further existance of her genes. (being raised by caring, loving, stable men => often longterm beta dudes)
It has been a good evolutionary strategy for the female to make the beta believe he is raising his own child while it is the one of a complete other guy (with better genes).
Raising another mans child is the worst that can happen for a guy (biologically spoken) in this context.
Her losing her beta boyfriend means her offspring's future is not as safe as it could possibly be.
I know there is no child to begin with but that explains the behaviour and inner unconscious thought process.
MockingDead 11y ago
the japanese have ot right. If a woman has sex with another man it's adultery, If a man shares his resources and emotions with another women, THAT's adultery.
A relationship utopia: Women have sex and want commitment. Men have commitment and want sex. as long as the girl trades her sex with only one man, she can have as much commitment as she can get. As long as the man commits to only one woman, he can have as much sex as he can get.
Nemester 11y ago
Japanese what? Can you explain?
MockingDead 11y ago
I'm hunting it down. It was from a documentary. the basic premise was if a man has sex with a woman besides his wife, it's not adultery because it's "only sex".
Gimme a minute...
MockingDead 11y ago
I can't find it tonight. I will keep looking. I may be mis-remembering something and full of shit.
Edit: Closest I've found is this Gem about their Love Laws: http://www.economist.com/node/18771436
Edit: It may be from an old code
Edit^3: I found the Civil Code: Minpo. I haven't gone through it as it's past my bedtime.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
MockingDead 11y ago
Your new here, aren't you?
[deleted] 11y ago
My comment got delted, and I don't really remeber what exactly I wrote but just because I like to fuck women and improve my game I don't have to be misogynistic, I agree men and women are very diffrent and not equal in many aspects, but still they are equal to men in most ways and I don't agree with that Japanese comment if I were in a monogamous relationship i'd be fucking mad at my girlfriend, wife whatever if she commited to other men even without having sex with them and i think she would be rigthfully mad at me if I fucked other women without her consent. Monogamy is a social not a biological concept wheter it be commitment or sexwise and even though I don't want to be in a relationship and fuck as many women as possible, I still think taht the defintion of Monogamy should be the same for both sides.
MockingDead 11y ago
Flip a coin, bot!
MockingDead 11y ago
K
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
Now you may do as you wanted...sleep with other guys.
kommissar_chaR 11y ago
She got exactly what she wanted, she just didn't get everything she wanted. Tough tits, haha!
RedBigMan 11y ago
Well she's gonna need some soft tits if she wants to attract another beta provider since she's speeding towards the wall at 100MPH.
through_a_ways 11y ago
The only way to keep your dignity.
The less power you give a girl, the more she wants you.
[deleted]
Nemester 11y ago
There are a lot of good heroes in fiction.
madstatistician 11y ago
I kinda feel the same way. But really I'm just glad the polyamory "lifestyle" is getting exposed here as the blue pill shitshow it truly is. It's sugar-coated cuckolding dreamt up by "sex-positive" (read: slutty) feminists and sold to unsuspecting betas who reluctantly go along with it lest they not be seen as sexually progressive. Complete with newspeak gobbledygook that is the trademark of cultural Marxists.
WiretapStudios 11y ago
While I understand your sentiment, it's not a complete "shitshow." If a woman is suggesting it to you because she wants other men, and that wasn't your agreement initially in the relationship, then that's not really polyamory per se, that is a relationship breach and I respect the guy in the story above seeing himself out the door. However, I'm upfront with women that I'm not monogamous, and they can feel free to do whatever they want - I just don't want to need to hear about it, or want to be involved with anyone elses drama with other people. I'm not sure you understand what polyamory is - although it does vary in meaning from person to person.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
I've tag teamed bitches and did the swinger thing for a bit, even did a porno. Bitches ain't worth anything more than a hole between their legs. I could not give a fuck who they are fucking, but that's all they are ever gonna be to me. Fuck toys. Niggas gotta get the idea that there is any woman worth giving any investment to out there out of their head, because there isn't.
Haraklus 11y ago
Yeah, polyamory was great for me until I beta'd down a bit and my ex started wanting to hook up / go out with other men. Until then, she was always feigning excitement at the prospect of hooking up with other women with me.
WiretapStudios 11y ago
It works for me the majority of the time, every once in a while, it doesn't. The times it doesn't is when a woman wants you to be monogamous, after you have already been upfront and said that isn't your lifestyle. It's complex. I genuinely do give a fuck about people I'm in relationships with - I care about them like I would a girlfriend, but there are limits - which few women understand. Girls / women will cheat on their boyfriends with you, break up with them, then expect you to be monogamous and commit to them after they have literally just proven that they can't be trusted like that? No thank you. I'm comfortable with who I am, and selective about who I spend time with. I know that relationships are not a finite resource that you must protect like you'll die if they dissolve.
My stress level is at an all time low since I began this lifestyle a few years back, very little jealousy, and very little 'shit tests' work on me. If you want to act like a child and try and either use sex / the relationship as a bargaining tool, feel free to see yourself out. If you are upfront with me and we can talk like adults about things without insults and shit tests, awesome, this will be an ideal relationship.
madstatistician 11y ago
I will readily admit that a small number of men make poly work for them (as opposed to working for poly).
It's just that for every one of those guys, I see several guys who have convinced themselves they are an Alpha boss who is totally unfazed by anything when in reality they are clearly scrambling to psychologically cope with a situation that has been dumped on them.
You see these guys flocking to relationship-oriented game blogs and forums all the time with the same story... "help, my wife opened our marriage and now she has three boyfriends and I can't get a date. How do I pick up chicks?" etc. It's just clear they are in over their heads.
Also anecdotally I've never seen a woman's online dating profile mention polyamory that didn't fit a certain stereotype... loudly identifies as feminist, skrillex haircut, trashy piercings and tattoos, attention whoring "burlesque"-styled amateur modeling. Frankly I just don't think desirable girls are into poly.
For guys who are truly "on the level" that they can make poly work for them, well, I don't even see why they need it. You don't need some big philosophical framework with discussion boards and support groups and complex made-up terminology to spin plates (actually you do: game). That whole aspect of it actually seems inherently female and reeks of the types of mob-mentality in-group support systems like feminism that women rely on to "empower" each other.
As a man, if you want to fuck multiple chicks you don't need metamours and NREs and compersion and whatever the fuck else. All of that shit is just hamster feed for women to console themselves "see? this is OK, I'm not a huge slut".
WiretapStudios 11y ago
I totally agree with you. I don't have a discussion board or framework, etc. I did do my research initially. The definitions and acronyms are of little use to me as well. I subscribe to /r/polyamory, but don't read it or identify with it much. Scheduling between multiple people on Google Calendar seems as much, if not more work than just having a wife / girlfriend.
The guys in those marriage situations were talked into it by their wife, and by that point, I'm sure weaned off their (probably low anyway) ability to get other women with ease. That's definitely tipped in the womans favor, as she has the ability to get men anytime (re: she has a pulse).
Oddly enough, I've never seen a profile with polyamory on it that fits your description, people in my area are a bit more discreet, and the person you are describing sounds like an attention-seeker, poly or not.
For an example scenario, woman contacts me from dating profile, she has a wife, her wife has a boyfriend (or couple, or whatever) and she is interested in talking. She's secure with her marriage, and needs nothing from me. This is ideal because there is someone doing the 'husband' part already, so this woman doesn't expect that from me, thus removing a LOT of emotional overhead, leaving it between us to hang out sometimes and have fun. There is no consoling, or self-delusion going on, because everything is understood and on the level with everyone. This is ideal for me, and my schedule. I have free time when I want it, and I don't have to be on the phone or up in someones face 24-7 to have an emotional or sexual bond with them.
WheelbugScaphism 11y ago
I agree.
crestingwave 11y ago
Yeah, I don't really buy it either. She's too perfectly clueless, and he's some kind of perfectly rational uber-mensch. Real life is a bit messier typically.
toysjoe 11y ago
http://gifatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/RRnhhqW.gif
gekkozorz 11y ago
This was precisely my reaction at,
"He then told me that I could sleep with whoever I wanted to sleep with, and to have a nice life."
Such an instant, no-nonsense shutdown. No wonder she was crying about this for days.
cobramullet 11y ago
This is amazing, I am searing this into my brain as we speak because I am going through something similar.
Edit: mobile
KissTheBridesmaid 11y ago
Somebody from this sub is obviously starting threads with made up scenarios. Seriously guys, leave the trolling to TBP, this is pathetic.
musicvita25 11y ago
Absolutely brilliant post. Perhaps this needs to make the sidebar. A Pure example of when to walk away. I've lost count the times ive walked away, whether its a girl, a friend, whatever, sometimes you just got to walk away.
If you read carefully, everything was great. Sounded like a cool chill guy, sex great, made money, everything was perfect and she had to fuck it up.
I noticed this a few years ago, girls love drama. They love it. One girl I used to see faked an arguement with me because she was "bored at a party" so like these cunts are an absolute pain in the arse.
hashtagpound2point2 11y ago
It wasn't wrong of her, she can go after what she wants. She just shouldn't be surprised that she can't have her cock and eat it too. There's no way this girl didn't already have 1 or 2 guys lined up to bang the labias off of her.
You have a great sex life and it sounds like a great life overall for 5 years with this guy and now you just randomly want to try fucking other people for 'new experiences'? New experiences is a person, and it's the new guy from work that resembles Jake Gyllenhaal.
fifty2fifty 11y ago
First lie out the gate: "I'm not going to bore you guys with huge blocks of text so here goes."
DarkCircle 11y ago
The person that wants to open the relationship should first allow the other person have sex with whoever they choose for a while. Then we can go from there.
She should let him bring home younger hotties, then after that we can talk about her banging other dudes.
DrMungMung 11y ago
I don't have a problem with what she did and how he handled it... what gets my jimmies rustled is how she's now trying to defend her actions and get support from her peers ( read other women ) and can't seem to get her head around why she got dumped.
symko 11y ago
Devoid of all responsibility is the woman's trump card. As long as society doesn't hold women accountable they will continue to act like victims when they damn well know they are the reason this happened.
TRPsubmitter 11y ago
"Omg u guyz!! Why can't my bf be supportive?! All I want is some other penises inside me...can't he understand MY view? Ugh he's being so selfish!"
realniggasstandup 11y ago
Solipsism -- just look at her responses. She doesn't get it because she didn't think before opening her mouth. She will never get it because to her what only matters is her point of view. To her, it's not her fault because she simply expressed some of her thoughts. An analogy would be a white nigga going up to his black nigga and asking "I'm seriously thinking about joing the KKK, what do you think?" The black nigga would completely lose his respect for the white nigga, it doesn't matter whether or not he actually ended up joining the KKK in the end.
Just because she thought it would be a swell and "fair" idea, she decided to bring it up to him. She didn't even think once about how he would react and decided to go ahead and open up the can of worms.
THINGS THAT WOULD GO THROUGH A MAN'S MIND WHEN HIS GF ASKS HIM TO OPEN UP THE RELATIONSHIP:
1) she's not satisfied by him sexually; she's "ok" with everything else, e.g., being provided for, but she simply has no excitement in life, sexually or otherwise. No point in being in a relationship if you're just being used.
2) she's most likely already cheating or is planning to, but an "open relationship" would burden her with no guilt; also, she most likely already knows who the first man she's going to be banging if the relationship opens up;
3) SENSE OF PRIDE; that bitch is openly going around fucking other men, and this pussywhipped nigga isn't going to do shit about it. Word gets out. What will his friends think? What will his parents say? A man's sense of pride is one of the most important things to him.
4) What if we get married, this continues, and she gets pregnant with another man's child? She'd probably say abortion, but we all know how bitches change their minds every other day.
5) What if she ends up leaving me for one of her fuck buddies? I've spent 5+ of my life, time, and money on her and she'll end up leaving as soon as a better deal comes along.
To be fair, she's going to want to "move up" regardless due to hypergamy, but giving her more opportunities to do so just increases the likelihood of that happening.
6) She's clearly not devoted to me, otherwise she would spend her time only with me as a partner. It's time to move on.
But nope, solipsism. "I'D like to do this. Me me me me."
UnpluggedMaestro 11y ago
In other words, if she's into you, she'll want to spend every goddamn second with you, not banging other dudes. If not, all reasons are just hamsterization to defend the fact that she's not that into you. Aka cut your losses early. That's exactly what i would have done, kudos to the guy.
caius_iulius_caesar 11y ago
This is hypergamy on steroids.
[deleted] 11y ago
How can one go about becoming a white nigga?
I live in a black neighborhood so this information would be helpful to me
Yapshoo 11y ago
Buy Girbauds and Jordans > Buy tall T's > Adopt slang > Get some 'beat' in your trunk > Wear Girbauds below ass level > Success
Well, this worked for me in 03-08 - results may vary in '14.
annul 11y ago
lol
vanzant38 11y ago
please
angryadult 11y ago
nigga ain't a race, it's an attitude.
s/a/er/ and you have a problem.
[deleted] 11y ago
Tell that to my High School Gym Coach.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
angryadult 11y ago
Why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?
MockingDead 11y ago
I spent 2100 on a girl only for her to cheat and then say it wasn't a big deal, and then say she wanted an open relationship.
mussedeq 11y ago
On what? Dinner and shit or plane tickets?
MockingDead 11y ago
Dinner, Gas, Car repairs. Girl could eat and live 75 miles away.
The thing is, I'm not terribly interested in dating, but she was interested and I said "Eh, sure, why not."
[deleted] 11y ago
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
[deleted] 11y ago
Ouch.
MockingDead 11y ago
Yeah. I dumped her on the spot. Lost a lot of beta friends because of it.
[deleted] 11y ago
sweet. best money you ever spent.
MockingDead 11y ago
Oh yeah. I could lament that I spent 2100 dollars on nothing, but learning who your friends are is priceless.
[deleted] 11y ago
What? I would never turn my back on my homies if he dumped his girlfriend. WTF.
MockingDead 11y ago
Betas don't have homies. I realize that betas are basically male men with female attitudes. They will drag you down for a piece of 3/10 tail.
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
The actually really gross.
[deleted]
WheelbugScaphism 11y ago
Soon you'll graduate to being horrified by words like shitskin. Blacks commit 500,000 violent crimes against white people every year.
[deleted] 11y ago
Full on racism versus white dude with a popped collar saying niggas every other word. Impressive, keep up the good work.
nSaneMadness 11y ago
It made me happy to see people pointing out the most obvious fact that she ignored. That she's the one that stands to gain, and not him.
madstatistician 11y ago
But but but
It would "go both ways"
Plus she read online that it was a really good idea
GridReXX 11y ago
Open relationships only work if both people are into it.
nSaneMadness 11y ago
They only work if both are into it, and both partners don't have, or can at least manage, their jealousy issues.
This does not change one simple fact, and that's the fact that in an open relationship, the woman has the advantage. Finding guys to have sex with is easy. She doesn't have to do anything but say yes. Heck, said guys may even take her out as well. And most men won't care she's unavailable for commitment.
Meanwhile the man has to prove himself to get women to have sex with him, which the majority will require some degree of "provider status" while he's still providing for his committed partner. They have to be okay with the fact he's unavailable for commitment, and most women desire commitment.
quintaldo 11y ago
this is the key point and the reason why it is fair that he left her on the spot, and it is unfair that she even thought of getting fucked by other dudes
this is keeping in mind that her man is alpha status socially, financially, and in his commitment demonstration he layed it all down FOR her, the whole nine yards of traditional male commitment and she said "oh but now that you're giving me all your long term commitment, what about if i gave you none ? would you agree with that ?"
the tragedy of this story is that the guy believed he could count on a woman to act like women of the past, although all of current culture and society and the female hivemind are teaching them not to
his relationship relied entirely on the abilities of said woman not to fall for the cultural poison and it was a high stakes bet, which he lost
she wont ever understand what happened to her, she will be riding the stupid cock carrousel and get wrecked by it but call it empowerment with much reassuring of the feminist community, which reassuring she came begging on reddit
this is an altogether exemplary story, a novelworthy one.
GridReXX 11y ago
True. Doesn't seem to stop the ones who want it. I've been hit on and blatantly propositioned by more married guys I care to recall.
And I don't know that most women desire commitment. I desire commitment when I find a guy I have that initial spark for other than that you won't hear complaining about labeling. In fact I have more guys asking the "what are we????" question. That isn't to say that sometimes I have the spark and the guy doesn't.
I think it's the same for guys, at least the ones I know. They play the field until one day they meet a girl that makes their heart melt. Suddenly, they're like "I have to lock this down/ I want o be with her"
In my experience, when one party isn't vocal about being "official" They're either 1) going through a stressful no nonsense time in their life or 2) they're just not that into you or not as into you as you're into them.
Women are always told by the older women in their life "Date a guy who loves you more than you love him." I think the logic is that the inverse means you'll always be the one giving. The problem with that is that it kind of sucks to be the person who loves less. The passion isn't there. Your mind will wander...
But I think men could easily fall into the same trap. I think it's optimal to find someone who at least initially is as into you as you are them. It happens. But it's more rare than the other two.
atleastitsnotaids 11y ago
Open relationships don't work.
GridReXX 11y ago
I'm inclined to agree for most people. However as I bi-woman, I think that I will personally have a hard time with sexual monogamy. Not that I couldn't, but it will be hard. Not that I have a desire to sleep with "many" people, more or less every now and then I have an urge to be sexually intimate with the other sex. Although I wish it weren't the case, sexual intimacy with women and sexual intimacy with men is so completely different.
atleastitsnotaids 11y ago
If monogamy is impossible for you then don't get into a relationship
GridReXX 11y ago
Disagree. I won't/don't enter into relationships with people who have a strict view of how relationships operate. I advocate fair communication.
atleastitsnotaids 11y ago
Regardless of what people say/think they want or they can handle, there are certain truths to human nature. Being in what we can both agree upon to be a 'romantic relationship' as it is commonly understood requires sacrifice and compromise of the people within that relationship for it to last. Again, that is something I think we can both agree is commonly understood.
The closer you get to the other person in the relationship and the longer it lasts, the more you begin to depend on them for your emotional stability and well being, (for better or worse, I don't think this is a positive but it is a truth nonetheless). You can feel this happening. It does not usually happen equally on both sides of the relationship. As this dependency increases, so does your fear of losing the other person. This is when jealousy kicks in big time. Being in an open relationship will eventually, for one of the partners who is more emotionally invested at that time, become a problem.
This will either break the relationship, or the person will pretend to be happy and okay because they are so dependent on the other person they are willing to endure the pain so as not to lose them. That is no better and less healthy than ending the relationship.
Open relationships can work for a time, maybe, but it is not going to last or promote a healthy long term relationship.
GridReXX 11y ago
I do agree with this. However I think any relationship is going to be hard when the emotional investment becomes lopsided.
The person who is strongly emotionally invested will feel unappreciated.
The person who is less emotionally invested will feel taxed and also they will feel bad they aren't reciprocating the same level of emotion.
TBH I've never had an open relationship in actual practice for this reason, doesn't stop the fact that I am naturally bi and will always have urges for the other sex, but I figure I can repress.
That being said, to avoid what we were just discussing about lopsided emotional investment, I advocate that both parties try to find people who are initially as into the other person as the other person is into them.
Because if person A has NEVER had the strong feelings that person B has, it is highly unlikely they will grow over time and you end up in situations where people end up staying because the lifestyle is compatible but not because they have chemistry with the other person. (This is what the OP seems to be dealing with but not wanting to admit to herself)
At least when two people are equally in passion with each other initially, and over the course of the relationship it see saws back and forth, at least they both know what it feels like to be strongly into the other person and so they know what it takes to get back to that point.
Apologies if that comes off confusing.
[deleted] 11y ago
Good, being stupid should be painful.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
lazydonovan 11y ago
Oooh... red pill and justice porn in the same package!
secularist42 11y ago
and she deleted it...of course.
30303030303030 11y ago
not much man shaming in comments, that bitch doesn't get what she wants lately ;)
angryadult 11y ago
Man, I just love the comments knocking her down. Even the white knights of reddit couldn't save her.
[deleted] 11y ago
White knights in their Cottonelle armor and their dildo swords.
theBergmeister 11y ago
'Ata boy!
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
gopher88 11y ago
use the username ;)
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 11y ago
See, this is wheat I don't like. Just because we understand women's behavior and why they do what they do (alpha fucks, beta bucks) doesn't mean we have to support it and every time someone comes in here with yet another link to an article talking about hypergamy, that's what we end up doing.
Its the equivalent of the guy in this story saying "I understand honey. Here's my car keys, go get yourself laid tonight."
FUCK NO. You stop that shit like the alpha you are. Shoot first, ask questions later. Explaining and understanding is for wimps.
celticsfan30 11y ago
"and sees that women crave sex just as much as men do."
no they don't you fucking clown. learn biology.