Becky and I have been together for 3 yrs and although we love each other, trying to get her to cook anything during that period has been akin to pulling teeth.
Beckys parents did everything for her so she didn't know how to clean or take care of any other chores either. She still doesnt clean anything the way I'd like but she has gotten better at it and has been making an effort which was more important for me.
But at the end of the day, she hates chores, hates cooking and if she had it her way, we'd live off take aways or preferably eat out all the time and would be using single use everything to reduce clean up and chores.
I have recently got a great job offer with excellent benefits and salary thats about 3 hours away from my gf and initially I didn't want it but she has been encouraging me to take it. We talked about what the plan would be and we decided we'd give long distance a go since I'm not really planning on staying there for longer then 1- 2 yrs - its purely to gain a rather rare experience and extend my skills.
I also have a job offer close to us but the salary or the opportunity isn't as great as the other job.
Recently though Becky has been bringing up that she might move with me which I was very excited about. Then she mentioned wanting to just stay at home instead of looking for a job. Becky hates her job and despite my efforts to get her to reconsider her job/ find a different role etc, she has a strong mindset that she will hate any and every job she gets into so he'd rather not try. So shes been telling me that my job is enough to support us both (true), so she wants to be a stay at home partner.
She wants to do the cooking and cleaning and looking after any kids (we talked about wanting them one day but we havent talked about having them any time soon ). When I remind her that she hates these things too, she says she hates working more so shed rather learn to cook and take care of the house full time instead. Although I trust Becky normally, I dont trust her with this promise. I just dont see her enjoying these things or doing them properly. But she says shes miserable working and wants to trial this for a year and see how it works ?. She says it can be like a gap year. but shes in a competitive field so if she takes a year off, her ability to find job later on will be greatly effected.
I want us to both work and put away some savings, thats one of the reasons why I wanted this position but I feel selfish for not wanting to support her through this considering she has been very stressed and miserable about her working arrangements. but she hasn't exactly supported me through my degree, I worked and supported myself and we split everything 50/50 even though she was making 4x more then I was. She felt anything other then a 50-50 contribution would be unfair. Now that I have a proper job, she wants me to take care of everything on my own which seems unfair?
I dont know what to do. Part of me thinks partnerships involve supporting one another, there shouldnt be a division with yours mine etc however the other part remembers how stingy she was with her money and his desire to keep everything equal.
I also dont think she will be able to pull of the stay at home business properly. We dont have kids - what is she going to do all day ? clean and cook sure but that doesnt take all day. For me Id rather we cleaned together and worked as well.
Where as for her, she thinks since I can afford to support us both comfortably why do I care if she works or not ? she already has a lot more savings then I do too.
Id like some unbiased advice on this if possible. Is this a good idea ? Ive been considering not going at all and taking the offer at the closer location to avoid making this decision and I dont know what to do
tl;dr: my gf wants to become a stay at home mother but we have no kids so instead she just wants to cook and clean for a trial period
Oh, one thing... this was originally submitted to the relationships sub, written by a female about her bf. I changed it to be a male writing about his gf. The responses are? "dealbreaker" "no fucking way" "lazy" "needs a reality check".
What do you think the responses would have been if it had been posted the way I (re)wrote it above?
Mckallidon 7y ago
Bitch is useless. Let some Asian dude deal with that shit.
P4_Brotagonist 7y ago
Holy shit that original post on the relationships sub makes me want to kill myself. I'm full blown disabled from heart problems and god damn if that's how people think of me, might as well blow my brains out now.
sergeantbbbbs 7y ago
I was just going to write "This belongs on AskTRP!".
Quality quality post. Guy sounds like a complete loser and I can't even believe she's stayed with him so long.
Would be a good study to ACTUALLY post this on another relationships forum and see what happens.
6d65746164656c7461 7y ago
I was going to say the same thing: "You should be writing this on AskTRP. But since you've posted here, I think you already know the answer you want to hear".
It would be very interesting to post this on relationships 6 to 12 months from now. They won't say nothing that we don't know already, but would be fun nonetheless.
600times 7y ago
Yeah. Give it a few months so no one sees that they're the exact same post.
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boomscooter 7y ago
Next her. She isn't wife material. What I see happening is her doing the stay at home thing for a year or two, gets bored and wonders if her entire life will be like that. Then, she jumps on Chad's exciting dick since you're away and she needs attention from somewhere. Almost every woman thrives on attention. Once you leave, and she isn't getting it from you, she will find it elsewhere. I think you are asking the wrong question here.
Imho, you should be asking if this relationship is going to last under the premise of her hating housework, and wanting to be a stay at home mom. Also, have you not heard of house cleaners? She could still work, hire a maid once a week, and you will be able to have two incomes. It would cost about $100-$200 a month. However, that would be a drop in a bucket with both of you working. Sounds like she just wants to be lazy to me, not work and live off you. There really shouldn't even be any cleaning with only two people. You have what, the bathroom once a week, vacuum, dust, do a little laundry and dishes, boom, done. Not only that, but her staying alone with you at your other job to clean and cook. Is basically asking to do normal shit people with jobs already do. Not to mention, she would effectively be cleaning up after herself and cooking for herself since you won't be living there. That's kid stuff.
You're about to be taken advantage of for a paycheck so she can sit at home being lazy. I promise you, Chad will be fucking her in your old bed the minute she becomes bored. Women don't know what they want, you should check out briffaults law.
Again, you're asking the wrong question and assuming that when you give her what she asks for, she will be happy. Not how it works. Once you do that, it will show that your will is easily bent, and she will ask for more, bigger things. Like, her staying at home to cook and clean, and then telling you she needs a house cleaner anyways, while cooking you hamburger helper for dinner.
You're on a slippery slope here, and I don't think you are even aware at this point the box of worms you are about to open.
600times 7y ago
Good info... but read the last five lines of the OP.
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yummyluckycharms 7y ago
The relationship sub is filled with bigoted feminists and male cuck orbiters. Dont waste your time posting there. Men are always deadbeats, women are always saints
The correct way to answer the challenge is to be realistic with her but to talk to her hamster in a voice that it'll understand - ie. tell her that you dont want her to move with you because you dont know if the job will work out, and if it doesnt, then moving back will be quite difficult. Women hate money issues - which is why they dump a guy who soon loses his job. Stress the negatives and highlight that you wont have a lot of time for her during the probation period.
Ultimately, your relationship is already dead man walking - you feel resentment and she's a leech. Its not going to get better. You moving away will encourage her to branch swing and for the both of you to move on. To make things easier, I encourage you to slowly reduce communications with her over the half year or whatever your probationary period is.
Rest assured - out of sight - out of mind - she'll soon forget you.
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[deleted] 7y ago
Disclaimer: I'm just a regular 24 years old dude who's never had to provide for a family so take my advice for what it's worth. Here's how I see it.
If you were looking to hire a butler and a candidate had said everything your gf said about not liking work, cooking or cleaning, and you made him pass a test to see how he could clean and cook and you found his performance unsatisfactory, would you hire him?
Basically if you took the feelings and your dick out of the equation, does this woman has the qualities to become a good stay at home mom?
You know the answer mate.
Edit: just read the last paragraph. Brilliant.
whatsthisgarg 7y ago
This was absolutely brilliant.
600times 7y ago
Thanks for being the first person to get it! Although it was a really long thing to ask people to read.
whatsthisgarg 7y ago
Here's an archive link to the original so anybody can see it, and if you want to compare responses if you do a reverse post in a few months. The responses will not be the same.
http://archive.is/8ee1E
My god, the ferocity and name-calling over there. Deadbeat. Mooch.
Reverse the genders and people will be saying Give her a chance. They sure as fuck won't be saying Deadbeat, and there won't be very many Gold-digger.
TheRedThrowAwayPill 7y ago
Clearly, we need to do a reverse post and then we need to comment with these replies
Roaring40sUK 7y ago
Fuck me.. this is one lazy bitch, will will drain you dry then toss you away..
GET OUT NOW!
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dking168 7y ago
I'd drop this bitch like a fucking rock.
bunnyRoids 7y ago
My first reaction, too.
Can't cook, can't clean, doesn't want to work. A dog will contribute more happiness and require a lower level of support.
// edit - finished reading; glad we have the same responses as what was provided to the original/real post. But of course, this wouldn't have been the case had this version been posted outside of TRP
skylive2 7y ago
You should wait 6 months, then post this word for word on the relationships sub. No one will remember. I'll do it myself, in fact, if you don't want to and don't mind.
[deleted] 7y ago
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600times 7y ago
You gotta read the whole thing. Or forget it and skip to the end, read the last five lines.
[deleted] 7y ago
Once you have accepted this "trial" you no longer have any leverage over the consequences of what happens. You are stuck.
I'd really recommend you just go take the job long distance and let the distance kill the relationship and move on.
600times 7y ago
Read the last five lines... it's a rewrite from a post in relationships. I switched the genders for discussion purposes.
[deleted] 7y ago
Ok I read the TLDR after reading the main body, I guess that was not enough.
[deleted] 7y ago
Well fuck me dead, I don't blame her.
Do you like chores? Didn't think so bud. Pretty easy to judge aye
cwilson830 7y ago
$112,962.
lol
muh_posts 7y ago
ahhhahahah yeah good luck with that on the open market. I think SAHMs do an important duty, but if they were so valuable to the economy, teachers (not that most SAHMs actually teach hard subjects in an easy to grasp manner) and babysitters would be paid a LOT more.
HS-Thompson 7y ago
That chart is incomplete, it leaves out a comparison with average prostitute wages for once a week sex.
[deleted] 7y ago
That's enough money for one hour a day of like a good prostitute or 4 hours a day of like a washed up old one
So again it's really down to personal preference
GroundhogLiberator 7y ago
Very clever OP. I love flipping genders on news articles and the ensuing warp speed hamster.
600times 7y ago
I'm imagining the #1 comment, if this were gender reversed, would be "man up".
GroundhogLiberator 7y ago
You really ought to take a look at the thread:
and
stuck out to me.
NWGDox 7y ago
Can you provide a link to the original piece? Nothing like a stone cold example of the double standard. Good post.
600times 7y ago
Don't really want to link to avoid complaints of brigading, but the title is "My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores" and it's current #1 on relationships
6d65746164656c7461 7y ago
The amount of people here that doesn't read the posts before commenting is remarkable. Not surprising, though. That's why we must always take advice with a grain of salt, even from TRP.
goldnhorde 7y ago
well, this is a decision that is a relationship breaker or maker ... it involves ultimatums.
now you can read below this to understand why my advice is totally do it. you two have been together for 3 years and she has to prove she is not totally useless outside of milking you for baby juice. either A) she needs to be a June Cleaver level housewife (and there is nothing wrong with that) or B) she needs to get some ambition and start working at a level that brings in real money, and she can hire a damn maid (and there is nothing wrong with that). I can't stand a "just enough" person and hate it more when it is a woman who thinks she is pulling her weight just because she has a paycheck. meanwhile the guy is making like twice as much, paying all the bills, and she is flipping her money for shoes and shit.
This happened with me and my wife. My wife's mother followed her around 24/7 when they were growing up. I grew up as a latch key kid. we had a list of chores that had to be done by the time mom and dad got home, then were allowed playtime if we left a note and were in the yard of someone our parents had approved who knew we were there and had a phone for them to check in with when they got in. she came home and threw all her stuff on the floor. I know this because she did this when we dated.
she had the job she hated but did not get new job and she even got a degree that she used minimally. she said she wanted to stay home, and I refused based on her total inability to care for a home. she is a good cook, but I don't give a shit about that. anyone can cook. but she at one time wanted to stay home to take care of the house and I said "I'll hire someone who is capable. you are not capable".
now flash to being married and we eventually have a kid. she says she wants to be a stay at home mother. I'm like "fine. that is a lot of work though. if you stay at home I am not paying a maid. if you want to be June Cleaver ... I expect June Cleaver. I mean June Cleaver cleaned clothes. June Cleaver hot meals on time. June Cleaver running my errands. June Cleaver walk into a super clean house all rooms, all day, everyday". And then I had her shadow our maid to see what she does, BECAUSE I HAD THE BEST MAID EVER!!!! and we talked about what she thought she would not be able to do (and acceptably short list which I told her I would consider my chores).
I also told her that if she was staying at home with the baby that she had to take the baby to an activity every day. a class or the par, or the pool ... everyday.
within 30 days, my wife had her shit together. this is very obviously what she wanted to do. not the housecleaning and such, but being a stay at home mom. she accepted the crap job of it for the pieces she did want. and she didn't clean to "get it done and over" as she was cleaning everyday "up to expectation" I bought her two robot vacuums for upstairs and downstairs which she works during the week when she goes out and then she does tem herself once a week. I mean ... she's really pulled her shit together to make this work, and I was positive she couldn't. she has her own system where she does not take a day to do the cleaning, but she makes sure the house is straight and cleans two rooms a day like I used to when I lived alone.
Hillarysdilddo_2016 7y ago
Tl; dr; she sounds like a fat lazy bitch.
The minute she pops out her first kid she's gonna balloon to 300lbs then divorce rape you for half your shit + child support.
Besides, do you want your progeny to be lard-ass, lazy, welfare recipients? I would not breed with this woman.
Eject. Eject. Eject.
Edit: you trolled me because I didn't read the end.
Galbert123 7y ago
What were the responses in the original scenario?
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[deleted] 7y ago
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600times 7y ago
It's a rewrite from a situation posted in relationships. I switched the genders for discussion purposes.
SeemedGood 7y ago
Doesn't seem like Becky wants to work at all inside or outside the home. Strong aversions to work (of any sort) make for very poor marriage/LTR partners.
Time to move on.
mummersfarce_is_done 7y ago
Why do I get the suspicion she sees you as beta bucks material?
5peasinapod 7y ago
Why do I get the suspicion you didn't read it all the way through?
RichieFinn 7y ago
you feel selfish for not wanting to empower a grown adult acting like a spoilt child?
McCoop_ 7y ago
I'd say if things are going well in the relationship give it a month trial. If it doesn't work well, go back to what you were doing. I don't think the gender swap does much tbh.
Girls would tell her to say no/come up with a compromise. Girls would tell him to say yes/come up with a compromise.
Guys would tell him to say no/come up with a compromise. Guys would tell her to say yes/come up with a compromise.
On average, I think we would back our relatable sex and hold a slight double standard for the opposite sex.
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Fartfacethrowaway 7y ago
I'm a stay at home but I was born wealthy so it's no big deal, work is meant as a hobby in my peer group
noct3rn4l 7y ago
Take the good job and drop this girl ASAP. She's clearly an unambitious, lazy, taker. Whether it's now or in the future, with you at work and nothing to do all day, she'll be fucking dudes during the day while you work your ass off and pay for everything until you finally get so miserable 10-15 years from now that you get divorced (whereby you'll then be paying her 50% the rest of your life, plus child support). She only splits things 50/50 when it's in her favor which is grimey and a huge red flag.
[deleted] 7y ago
You got me good, I was about to sound an alarm that a brother was in deep shit and needed help
RedditAdminsSuck_88 7y ago
Man that last paragraph was vital. Good example why you should always read everything all the way through.
I was about to just post "Read the fucking sidebar" because of all the blue pill idiocy in the main post.
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5peasinapod 7y ago
Tell Becky if she wants to use throwaway stuff to make for less dishwashing she needs to buy cheap throwaway clothes to make for less laundry.
theredpillager 7y ago
I saw that the genders were reversed. I'm a man who values a binding agreement. I make friends sign contracts to borrow money from me. Honestly, I would give this girl a chance. But would make her sign an agreement with the details we agreed to. Because frankly, I would love a stay at home maid who I got to fuck each night after a hard day's work. And if she didn't hold up her end of the deal, I'd throw her ass on the curb. Shit, they ain't married.
Madiposa 7y ago
Honestly I think the comments would be the same in that sub if genders were reversed. No one likes a lazy, unskilled sahw. hell, that sub doesn't even like SAHWs in general. They are always quick to tell you to drop someone.
2comment 7y ago
Relationshits always seems to be redpill when the shoe is on the other foot.