Blog Article: http://www.redpilldoctor.com/cold-approach-is-a-lone-wolf-fantasy/
-
Introduction
Modern society is so used to delegating tasks such as punishment, compensation, protection, and acquiring food to third parties (i.e. government and famers). This did not exist for most of human history. Our previous environments required an enormous amount of cooperation to settle disputes, feed oneself, protect territory, and defend against other tribes. Being a ‘lone wolf’ or a (male) stranger was extremely dangerous and such individuals were avoided or attacked. Combine that with the fact that women are not independent and you have the female evolutionary desire for group belonging and status by proxy (Diamond).
-
Sex with strangers is foreign to mankind. Never before in the history of human beings could a male approach a female from another ‘tribe’ who he has no connections with, yet alone proposition her with sexual offers! Women were guarded by men in the vicinity at all times. You would always have to go through a barrier of men (i.e. family) first for the reasons stated above. It wasn’t until after the invention of agriculture (~12,000-10,000 BC)^[1a],[1b] , the Industrial Revolution (1768)^[2a],[2b] , western women’s suffrage (1893, 1920)^[3] , women entering the workforce (1768-every war)^[4] , marital reform, and finally the invention of the birth control pill (1960)^[5] that the culture and logistics necessary for casual sex were in place.
-
Thus, that whole James Bond mysterious Alpha-Sigma fantasy, is just that, a fantasy. It's all about status because, unlike men, women's sexuality is inextricably linked to social dynamics and hierarchy. Cold approach is an attempt to circumvent the need for group belonging. You are trying to cut out the middleman and go straight for the pussy because forming family ties and developing successful social circles takes a lot time, effort and even luck by virtue of birth to achieve (the first hindering casual sex goals).
-
Cold-approach puts you in a position of compensation. You must make up for sexual attribute displays that occur in a 'tribal' setting (i.e. a party) by substituting it with mere hints and exceptional qualities...
-
How does one compensate for their lack of 'tribal' belonging?
Assumption: You're seeking casual sex (no commitment of any sort).
-
1) Exceptional Looks
-
The first hurdle is meeting her minimum-looks threshold (different for every girl). The second is great looks. Not good looks, great looks, the equivalent of this is being a girl's particular fancy for one reason or another. This is because the benefits of facial aesthetics lie on an exponential curve (click image). The space between good looks and Chadtastic provides diminishing returns. After that, the value skyrockets. Good looks simply get your foot in the door.
-
2) Gainz
-
Not 'athletic', not 'fit', ==> visibly large and muscular. You need a physique that shows through your clothes.
-
3) Great game
-
4) Play the numbers game
-
This method will increase your chances of running into the exceptions (not an even distribution). The guys that I know that smash ass left and right without revealing their social connections have Tinder as a part-time job.
-
5) Fake pre-selection
-
Fake texts from 'girls' and fake hot social media friends. Remember the 'machiavellian bodybuilder' in the misc section?
-
6) Be a 'Bad boy'
-
Tattoos. Especially a criminal (i.e. drug dealer) or gang member (literal tribe member). Women love criminals.
-
Alpha-M Guide: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=alpha+m+bad+boy
-
7) Power
-
Be an iconic barrier to entry to something she needs: school grades (teacher/TA/professor), auditioning (actress/dancer judge), paycheck (boss), club entrance (bouncer/doorman), something that makes you the official decision maker in her context.
-
8) Money
-
You can be just decent in the previous categories, but you have a Lambo or sporty Porsche and that does the trick.
-
- Most guys that acquire success with the cold-approach fall into groups (1) and (4), being a girl's niche and playing the numbers game respectively. Keep in mind that social media, 'education', and daddy-government handouts have skyrocketed women's expectations in every category, specifically the minimum-looks threshold. A good portion of the westernized female population have developed a high tolerance due to constant validation they receive everyday on their cell phones from chads and betas around the world for simply existing.
What happens if you don't make-up for lack of 'tribal' belonging?
You could be good looking, confident, dress decent, and make good money but still won't be even be considered for insemination. Take the same you and place a fun social circle around it, then suddenly she's sexually interested. This is because women don't see you for you, they see men as tools to extract things from. When you have status in a social circle, she sees the social circle as power that you personally wield in the environment that she can potentially tap into. Her body will then tell her to bestow her vaginal affections upon you so that privilege, power, status, and resources trickle down to her via sexual association without having the burden of gathering, developing, and maintaining it herself. Women don't want power, they want access.
-
- This is why women insist on you two being a public social setting instead of a one-on-one. The attributes they sought after cannot be optimally determined with you isolated because (most) men have no inherent sexual value. Women are human beings, men are human doers (future post).
Cold Approach Is Attempting to Defy Physics
The majority of your successful 'cold'-approaches weren't cold at all, you piqued her interest the moment she saw you, then you escalated from there. Most practitioners believe that you can simply approach any attractive woman with no initial interest (the 'cold' in cold-approach), then miraculously summon the tingles with their super-duper magic potion rituals + confidence.
-
"Abrah, Kadabrah, alakazmashpussy!"
-
Predictably, this sex-alchemy fails.
-
"That's because approaching is a response to IOIs. It is not a stimulus. And this art is being lost. If she isn't looking at You like she wants to get banged, Brother, it just ain't there and You are wasting Your time."
- MisterDorimant in She's bored and I'm boring
-
She either likes you or she doesn't. And when a woman likes you, it's usually obvious (or leaves a trail of hints). There's very little you can do to change this unless you can increase the DHV. Sure, there are shy girls. Sure a woman's feelings for you can change over a longer period of time, but this isn't worth the effort. Just ask any veteran PUAs such as Roosh what happens when you go down this path for years. You are much better off investing in yourself, being more social , and letting things happen organically than trying to force it.
-
"To catch the pussycat, don't go directly for the pussycat, have what the pussycat wants"
- unknown
-
Cold-Approach is Inefficient
-
One-on-one dates are NOT how most sex is had. If she does not see how she can gain access to social capital via your introduction (without compensation as stated above), she more than likely won't be interested. Believe me, take this from a tall, good looking guy who spent years attempting to circumvent the need for a 'tribe' while pursuing casual sex with cold-approach. Little success came from it. Only solo interactions with women whose niche I so happen to fit were successful. They think something's off when they repeatedly see you without friends or when you decline social invitations in favor of one-on-one interaction. The times where I had social status? No problemo. I can already hear it, "Hurr durr, your game just sucks bruh!". Bruh, I'm no stranger to chad conquests.
-
You cannot possibly replicate the dynamic and imagery of a social scene and all the indirect indicators of value by yourself. Social connections and events + social media creates a chain reaction of pre-selection and social proof across multiple contexts simultaneously without you having to be present. Your reputation precedes you, nullifying the need for reintroduction. Using the loner cold-approach technique, you have to start all over again with every girl you meet.
-
The idea behind cold-approaching was to get guys comfortable with talking to women and given a big enough sample size, a girl is bound to allow you to stick your penis inside her (read: number's game). This is mathematically sound, but remember, most guys that do this don't compensate for the lack of tribe as stated earlier. For this reason, cold-approach is spam. Over time this has women strengthen their male-filtration mechanisms via totalitarian 'harassment' laws, bitch-shields and other unpleasant behavior upon approach to scare-off and punish the undesireables (sometimes you're considered undesirable just for being scared of the bitch shield).
-
Conclusion
I repeat, women's sexuality is inextricable from social status. It is biology. Any attempt to circumvent this without compensation will result in failure (especially in college). Cold approach can no doubt work. I've succeeded with it before. Do not for one second believe I am unaware of the major insights into female sexual psychology acquired from the foot soldiers of pickup (i.e. shit tests, pre-selection, social-proof, etc), but the turn-over rate doesn't justify the effort. It should only be a compliment to self-improvement and a social life.
-
So go ahead, be the lone-wolf alpha-sigma all you want, just understand you will acquire inferior results compared to men with objectively lower SMV + social circles. Be prepared to put in effort to compensate.
-
-
Link Notes/Other
-
- 1) This post was an expanded version of a comment I made in this post
-
- 2) "Women are not independent" link was posted and discussed three times in the manosphere, each with their own entertaining comment sections (TRP 1) (TRP 2) (ROK 1)
-
- 3) The '(Diamond)' source is an amazing book called, "The World Until Yesterday" by Jared Diamond. It dismantled much of the TRP-related evolution theories I've had regarding human beings. In this book, the author thoroughly compares civilization to lives of hunter-gatherer societies with little to no contact with the outside world from around the globe based on multiple years experience living among the people and accounts from other anthropologists to show what we can learn from our past. Highly recommend.
-
- 4) Sources '[1b]' (agriculture) and '[2b]' (industrial revolution) come from the same historical-account film, "Man Kind". It's an amazing show that's available on Netflix or in sections on Vimeo and Youtube (YT doesn't have episode 1 where [1b] links to). Highly recommend.
-
- 5) 'Alpha-M' mentioned in the 'bad boy' section is a good looking, ripped dude that has good advice on clothing styles, cologne choices/tips, and other man-shit. Worth checking out.
-
-
Subscribe to my blog: RedPillDoctor.com
-
Subscribe to my Channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G4BacOY7co
-
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/dr_warlockTRP
-
Follow me on TRP.red: https://www.trp.red/follow/dr_warlock
slay_it_forward 7y ago
Cold approach has worked for me and countless others I've met. Is it efficient? No. Is gaining a social circle that provides you with a steady stream of women more efficient? No. Is working for years to attain some level of status more efficient? No.
I had a fairly big social circle but it rarely provided anything in terms of girls.
Krauser talked about this on his blog.
[deleted]
rombios 7y ago
Amen. some of us are too busy in our career and family and business life to keep expanding a social circle that sucks ever more time out of you to maintain.
am above average height, in great shape and easy on the eyes. cold approaches at bars and meetup functions provide what i need to let off some steam and get back to focusing on my dream of starting a business and putting a product on the market
[deleted] 7y ago
Wait, so is there an actual efficient way to do this? Cold Approach has been pretty good to me but I noticed (After OPs post), that I only hit on girls that show IOIs...
slay_it_forward 7y ago
The only efficient way to get women is through status or being top percent in looks. Bartender, Dj, CEO, celebrity, pro athlete, yoga instructor, etc.
This is efficient once you get there, but could take years of hard work.
ShamwowTseDung 7y ago
ITT people with no business savvy whatsoever.
On what planet do you think you'll grab more numbers of people interested in your product on your own, versus a guy who has
MOREpeopleTHAN JUST YOU(social circle) collecting information that they could turn over to him, even when he's asleep?Or, in somewhat 'red pill' terms: What fisherman catches more fish than a fishing company?
More on that soon.
///
Not seeing results, from just your viewpoint, isn't enough to prove that something never worked all along. And we're assuming you even tried. Having a social circle that benefits you in the way that pleases you takes work, just like cold approaching.
Continuing with the fishing metaphor, right now you probably belong to a museum (who appreciate fish) which you mistook for a fishing company (who work together to GET [and sell] fish) just because they both deal with fish.
Just like ANYONE can talk to anyone, but few can make the situations work in a way to get laid (among other things), belonging to a social circle is something a chimp
can doDOES. Only a few can work the circle, or create their own, to get what they want. A mistake would be thinking this is a solo effort.///
It's cool if you want to do your own thing. Live your life the way you see fit. Maybe just keep it that way instead of putting down the other avenues people seek?
Generally speaking, are we really going to turn 180^o and deny the existence (and power) of social proofing? Suddenly there's no truth to the phrase "it's not what you know, [etc]", and that networking is a huge waste of time...really guys?
Then again, maybe some of you just didn't know.
RedDeadCred 7y ago
Right. It all depends on the group you're with. Hanging with high smv guys that are rolling in oussy will put you in place to get some too. Rolling with some betas with no game will minimize chances of interacting with women, let alone laying them. Basic stuff.
slay_it_forward 7y ago
You have a really odd, incoherent way of writing. I think what you were trying to say is that you think social circles work. I never said they didn't. I said they're inefficient. More inefficient in my view and from my experience than cold approach.
The only one putting anything down is OP, saying to forget cold approach and take the social circle angle.
ShamwowTseDung 7y ago
This sentence is the equivalent of eating empty calories. Where's the substance? Something to work with.
For instance:
Efficiency in terms of what?
slay_it_forward 7y ago
How often did me or any of my friends get laid from having a social circle compared to going out and hitting on random women at bars? Very little.
Entropy-7 7y ago
Back in college I had a social circle of about two dozen girls and guys. I dated one girl from that circle for a few weeks and gave up on that. Business, career, hobbies and such were never fruitful in that respect. Having thought about it there are certain things I could partake in to have a constant flow of potential women, but that would be a bit artificial and would seem almost like work.
After age 20, all of my dates, lays, GFs, LTRs and such have been from outside of my social circle. Ok wait, one LTR was a colleague of colleague's husband if that counts.
Otherwise, I stick to internet game and the occasional cold approach but as the OP seems to point out, it isn't really "cold". something catches your mutual attention and so you chit chat yourself into a number close and then meet up with them later that week.
In terms of efficiency, internet game is very much so, if you know what the hell you are doing. If not, it is a bigger time suck than going to the park and running day game for an afternoon.
sharp7 7y ago
Tips for online game? Is it all about your pics?
Entropy-7 7y ago
I haven't tried tinder but pics seem to have primacy there. On OKCupid you need to be a wordsmith and your opener has to play off her profile.
sharp7 7y ago
I've been doing OKC with some success, but I haven't sealed the deal and gone for a meetup through it yet. Any tips on your openers?
Entropy-7 7y ago
Make reference to something in her profile then tell her to check out your profile. You should invest time in your profile and then keep the opener to 3 or 4 lines max. You make the reference to something in her profile - food, movies, job, hobbies whatever - to show her that you took the time to read it. Some will advise you to copy-pasta a boilerplate opener on a mass scale but I find that for the extra two minutes to read her profile and insert one customized line, it gets better results.
sharp7 7y ago
I've been doing that with mixed results. I guess that is to be expected.
How long before you go for the meetup and what kind of convo topics do you use?
Entropy-7 7y ago
I have a bad habit of connecting with girls who say they are local but are actually at college 2 or three towns over from where I am. So we end up carrying on a conversation for a few weeks before meeting.
The state of the art in China is WeChat so I get the hell off OKC as soon as possible and get them on we chat. . .so we chat, lol.
The girls who are in fact local I transition to WeChat after 2 or three messages and then go for a meet up the first weekend thereafter. Actually, I haven't had much luck there.
The out-of-town girls have been more interesting. I spent Monday window shopping and taking a walk in the park with a 22 year old co-ed who came to town on a job hunt. She will come back in a few weeks and seems good to go.
A 32 year old will probably come to canoodle this coming weekend.
And I am chit-chatting an 19 year old with a smoking body
Convo topics come off of their profile. The little hottie above wrote in her profile "Alright I love drinking milk,i drink 1L per day ????,all of my friends just call me weirdo"
For context, we are in China and fresh milk is rather uncommon. But I played on that so here is verbatim:
. . . . .
Then I moved to WeChat.
Go figure: I just gamed a teenager about milk!
It remains to be seen if she will want to hook up when she comes home for the holidays, but it seems like a reasonable prospect.
sharp7 7y ago
Thanks a bunch man! I feel like I have some decent convos but I don't escalate. The messages just get longer and longer until motivation stops. What's your profile look like? (PM?)
The_Good_Delusion 7y ago
tl;dr: Cold Approach doesn't work for OP.
I hope that you find or have found something that works for you. All the best.
FrameWalker 7y ago
LOL. Great job now you don't have to cold approach anymore. I learned cold approach by watching my father (post-divorce). He starts chit-chat with everyone - even saw him grab a few numbers at the grocery store.
"COLD APPROACH" is engaging with others in a public setting. It's not fiction, it's not rocket science, and it sure as hell ain't unnatural. Emotionally mature adults do it all the time, NO problem.
Internet keyboard jockeys with social anxiety have a hard time. Swallow the redpill. You're afraid. It's okaley dokaley.
iamneptuno 7y ago
Cold approach is PUA crapshit. What you are talking about is small talk, and has nothing to do with sex.
FrameWalker 7y ago
PUA has blown up typical social interaction into myths procedures and techniques.How did people fuck each other in bars or on vacation before PUA gurus???
Ask your grandpa or dad to find out
[deleted] 7y ago
u/dr_warlock this guy trying to shame you into cold approaching lol
hey bro, grab a tea and relax, reread the post and stop being so fucking angry. There are shades between black and white, give it time, you'll start to see them too.
[deleted] 7y ago
U got downvoted by the dumb dumb brigade
[deleted] 7y ago
[deleted]
efrp 7y ago
In all honesty, I didn't get that impression at all. OP never claimed that "cold approach never works". He just spelled out the reasons why it shouldn't be your #1 strategy.
Of course you should talk to people everywhere, just don't expect massive results unless you're exceptional in a good way. It's wiser to invest in building a solid social circle, while availing of cold approach opportunities as and when they arise.
[deleted] 7y ago
u/efrp you clearly read the post.
This is what's wrong with the influx of new members, they don't read, they get triggered like jigglypuff when they see a buzzword and go straight into the comment section
[deleted] 7y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 7y ago
A reddit user admitting a mistake? What dimension am i in?
[deleted] 7y ago
oh man... that's exactly why I've stated that he needs to reread the post, funnily, you too.
instead of relying on a summary from a random commenter thus letting others dictate your mind, you should start learning to think on your own. Let's see if you catch the irony here...
let_terror_reign 7y ago
I agree with some of this, and think some other stuff is wrong too.
Pros of Cold Approach:
Edit: Most important benefit IMO. If you're someone with a lot of hangups/issues over women/sex/your identity, cold approach lets you solidify your frame and beliefs about yourself without the second guessing from friends and worse, from your own issues. Cold approach = going out on your own, learning about yourself, and seeing that it's all gonna be fine. You don't want to suddenly become a scumbag to your social group when they have a picture of you in their minds, that'll dmg your rep.
Cons:
I've been exclusively doing cold approaches over the last year. I've come to see these issues and these pluses.
This is the focus of a lot of daygamers like Tom Torero. I think it's largely BS but they use foreign chicks who may respond differently from the US of A.
But here's the point - cold approach gives you a chance to get to meet girls you would otherwise just see, lock eyes, smile, wish you had more context and move on.
Your social sphere is limited. Your social circle has its range of influence, and is always a work in progress.
My recommendation: After the initial high-pain period, don't devote a large amount of time to cold approaching. Make it something you do in between other things, like when you're going for a morning run or buying groceries, or in between classes. Don't do dumb shit like hollering retarded stuff in public to get over it. Just socialise more.
slay_it_forward 7y ago
Here's the other thing, how do you increase your social circle? That's right, cold approach! If you want to meet new people you're going to have to get used to breaking the ice one way or another.
[deleted]
efrp 7y ago
This is very true. It's why after all these years, I keep cold approaching, even though I'll acknowledge that my successes have mostly been with foreign women. I think repeatedly confronting that fear of rejection and overcoming it does in a way strengthen your personality. You learn to not takes things too personally.
let_terror_reign 7y ago
I come to find a sense of satisfaction in being able to do these where most others would pussy out.
To get where others will not, do what others will not.
[deleted] 7y ago
[--removed--]
[deleted]
sir_wankalot_here 7y ago
LMFAO.
Coupled with
James Bond chooses not to be a member of society versus your batman loner has been cast out of society. James Bond is a fictional character but Flemming himself was similar to Bond. Bond is doing the shit jobs of society that no one else wants to do.
A bounty hunter for bail bondsman, Bond or a hitman are similar in character. The difference is some are legal professions some are not. Most males before they can fight, have to gear themselves up.
There was a video a while back of an Italian hitman who got caught on a surveillance camera. He stalked his prey to a convenience store. Then he walked into the convenience store, came within 1 foot of his target, emptied a magazine into the victim, walked out. The hit happened so quickly, that the bystanders didn't know what happened for close to 5 minutes.
Alphas hate lone wolves but they keep them around because they are useful. The alpha keeps control of his group by social pressure and protection. If a lone wolf drops by, the alpha will attempt to use social pressure to drive the lone wolf away. The lone wolf can start nailing the weaker members of the alpha's pack. This means the alpha can no longer protect his pack, usually the alpha then leaves the lone wolf alone, the lone wolf gets bored and wanders somewhere else.
Your batman nerd craves to be part of a group, the lone wolf laughs at groups. Regular people need external validation, the lone wolf can get this validation internally somehow.
The lonewolf's advantages come from
As OP said, lone wolves are never liked but they are kept around as long as they are useful. On the other hand, the alpha will placate the lone wolf, just because he doesn't want to risk the lone wolf nailing members of his group.
As OP said, the lone wolf isn't liked because of the fear of him.
Entropy-7 7y ago
Alphas actually like sigmas as wingmen and lieutenants. I don't mean the socially inept lone wolf types, the brooding sociopath or the complete loose cannon. A guy who has a bit of savvy with women but has no desire to be socially dominant is more than just useful.
The alpha can AMOG away without fear of competition on that front.
This sounds more like a classic introvert. I am an introvert and I have written a few posts about "energy management". Basically, introverts burn energy to be around other people and then recharge their batteries by being alone. Extroverts are the opposite.
Over the years I have built skills so I can extrovert at will, but it is draining.
[deleted] 7y ago
[--removed--]
sir_wankalot_here 7y ago
Not as much anymore, I am getting old. I have no idea how some of these younger guys can do nofap, they must have something wrong with their hormomes.
When I was thier age, had to pull one on a regular basis just so I could concentrate. Sometimes I would pull one before I would go to the bar, then some skank would pick me up, we would do our nasty deeds. Next day I would have to pull one again.
Seriously the younger generation must pack themselves full of junk food or something. Buddy of mine went like 14+ days without wanking. His balls started to hurt, he thought he had picked up something nasty from a skank he picked up a few weeks before. Sometimes the symptoms don't appear for several weeks.
Anyway the medical officer checked him out, made him do a pee test where they check for STD, he comes back clean. He MO then asked when he last wanked, he said a couple of weeks sir. The MO said that is why your balls hurt, go pull one, it fixed the problem.
[deleted] 7y ago
really? You used to fap everyday?
petrichordog 7y ago
Attempting to defy physics, hahaha love it
Conceited-Monkey 7y ago
Nice to see someone telling the truth, instead of simply advocating doing more and more cold approaches.
slay_it_forward 7y ago
Cold approach has merit. It's not all or nothing.
ShamwowTseDung 7y ago
You'd think otherwise if you were more foolish and reading these comments.
trppr 7y ago
Glad to see this post.
Girls, and especially hot girls, always have great networks and social circles.
Getting access to hot girls is simply about getting access to higher end social circles.
This is where the problem lies for most men, and why cold approaching is an attempt to circumvent that issue.
Getting into or even creating your own social circle that is large, optimally fluid, and of reasonable quality requires the following:
1) Effort to find and make friends in the circle 2) Some type of DHV (status, success, charisma, etc...)
So in essence being IN with a particular circle requires the same things that are required to be successful at cold approaching, yet social circles have network and others effects that cold approaching does not, making social circles vastly superior to cold approaching.
Despite this, I think it's easier to do cold approaching than getting into the right circle. I think that most men just don't naturally have what it takes (both skill and desire), to be in the right social circles and in general men have much smaller social circles than women.
With this in mind it's easier to be a dancing monkey for a few hours approaching, than it is to gain and interact within a social circle that is either not congruent with who you are or that requires social skills beyond a reasonable level to attain.
Entropy-7 7y ago
The thing about hot chicks is that you have to catch them when they are in between boyfriends.
Basically, every hot girl out there from age 16 to 28 has a boyfriend. They break up and within a few weeks - at most - another punter takes over.
goldnhorde 7y ago
Women love criminals ... BUT THEY KEEP BITCHING ABOUT ALL THE RAPING!!!! WHAT'S THAT ABOUT!!!!
Ok, that was completely without taste or decorum ....
Cunt_Robber 7y ago
"Better be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie." -- Russiab proverb
Tell it like it is.
OP, this post is packed full of enlightening knowledge. THANK YOU.
skiy411 7y ago
I dunno bro. Sounds like a big rationalisation post not to act to me.
Obviously SMV and social circle gets you big results and we should all be pursuing it, but there's never a reason not to cold approach someone you see. Works all the time, and DHV's you through the roof if done correctly because hardly anyone does it properly with a bulletproof frame.
WingedScorpion 7y ago
Yeah I'm gonna have to disagree with this, well most of this.
I do exclusively cold approaches. I am average looking. Most of them work. I'd say I have about a 70% success rate but I can tell you I do not do the "numbers game" so maybe that's why I don't play the numbers.
You say you've done cold approach so you know what it's like. And after reading your list of things a man needs to have I'd say you're right. I never really thought about it that way but I can see the way it applies to me.
Looks - I don't have them. I've been rated from a 2(which I fucked later on and became fuckbuddies with) to an 8(from a chubby girl who I did not want at all). Honestly, I think I'm average. I'm perfectly forgettable. And I like that, I'm nothing special and if I wanna ghost out I can. I do keep my appearance by keeping my hair and face clean and wearing nice fitted clothing.
Gainz - I got some. I used to be skinny fat. I started going to the gym and the fat went away, and my traps/back/shoulders/arms blew up. My chest sucks, my legs suck. I am NOT big by any mean. I look "slightly athletic". I mostly wear t-shirts or henleys or v-necks that give off a "casual" look but they are fitted. My shoulders and back look big for someone my weight and this helps me look more "gainz" like.
Great game - You don't really go into this and I'm not sure why. I honestly feel like I can sell ice to an eskimo. I've worked in sales all my life since I could get a job and it's about the same thing. Of course they're going to be wary, you're a rando who just walked up to them. They KNOW what you want. You just have to play that. You're the outsider who decided to break the rules and speak to a girl you don't know for sex because you know what you want and you're going for it. There's always that nervous laughter when you make a joke, but the real key is to make her laugh hard. It's like the saying "waiting to exhale" or "comical relief". This will remove all of her fears and worries and doubts. Of course she will still think about them, but once she full on belly laughs, she won't feel them that much anymore. That's your beginning point and you have to leave her at a high point and get her number and bounce. Of course the game doesn't stop there, you have to get her to text back when you do text her. But the impression you made on her should have been so good she wants more. People like feeling good so when you can make them feel good and make it feel "easy and natural" they'll like it. And they'll stay with you just to keep feeling it. I've had girls get iffy and I'm pretty honest about me wanting more than just friends otherwise I'm out. More often than not, I'm given a chance because of this.
Numbers - I don't do it. There are two college towns near me and although they can be pretty big, I don't want anything following me. I succeed pretty well with the girls I do go after and I keep them for a good while so I don't need new ones. Think long-term "lovers" rather than fuckbuddies. At least that's how I word it to them and they're ok with that label.
Fake preselection - Ok I actually realized I do this also just a while ago. I do meet girls through friends of friends or that whole tribal bullshit you spoke of. Guess what? They don't want me. I'm the average guy in most of my groups and you're right, they don't want the average guy. I tend to dial myself down around social groups because I haven't had success dating in my friends of friends or the people I meet through others. I attribute it to my looks, and to my status. I'm not a rockstar or anything, I'm an average dude with an average job that makes ends meet and has enough to party on the side. However, when I do meet hot girls, I keep them as close friends. I let a little of myself out and I'm always invited to their parties. Literally my friends always tell me how I befriend the hot girls and not the guys. Most of them make social circles with the guys and bond. My best friend usually does this more and I get invited to the guys night out because of him. Of course I hit it off with the guys, but the hot girls are usually the ones that find me the most fun. Yes, think of friend zone. But actual friend, not lil-bitch zone. This can be tiring sometimes because sometimes the hot girls act like I'm the lil manlet friend vying for their attention. They're used to a "fun" guy like me just being their clown and getting nothing in return. I don't pay for drinks, I don't give free rides, I don't do free favors, and I don't carry purses or whatever they want. If they throw a hissy fit I throw it back in their face, yes I'm your friend and I'm not your lil manlet friend who wants to get in your pants so this is going to be a fair friendship. You buy me a drink, I'll buy you one back. This ain't the "friend zone" from movies, this is two adults being friends. I say this, and I sometimes ghost them too. Surprisingly, it works and they apologize and ask me to forgive them and they'll act better. I really genuinely think it's because of my game. They want to be around someone who is as charismatic as I am. I am not asking them for sex, but I am bringing this "fun" persona around them in return. Asking for equal friendship isn't that bad a thing for a girl to give up to get someone like me who can bring the party to life. Sometimes they do think it, "oh I'm hot and he wants to get in my pants he should just do everything I want", and it's one of the worst parts of being friends with these girls. But the photo opportunities and the things people say about me are worth it. I don't mind putting my foot down and putting them in their place for this benefit. Plus, going out with 5 hotass girls to clubs and getting free bottles is so great. I love to drink what can I say. I usually play it off that I'm the driver. These bitches get random men to pay for their bottle and table. I'm just there enjoying the attention, ambience, and preselection.
Bad boy - This kinda ties into the other stuff. If you can look bigger, you look more threatening. My neck has always been thick and my back and shoulders getting big has helped me achieve this. The girls people see on me, and on my social media has helped this. I genuinely run my mouth off around these girls. I call them bitches, and I tell them go suck a fuckboys dick because they're dumb bitches who are bad at making decisions. They laugh it off. I keep this "idgaf" persona around most people and everyone just plays it off as "oh this guy, he's such a card, he's the dick of the group". Of course I can't show this to girls I am cold approaching because I'm a random guy approaching them. But asking them to add me on social media helps when all they have is pictures and not stories to tell them what I'm actually doing.
Power - I'm cocky. That's about it. Think Iron Man cocky-funny. I come across as cocky but I am friendly to people around me(except the hot bitches I party with). People always tell me I look like an asshole before they met me. I tell them "I am, I just like you" and smirk. This makes them feel accepted by someone greater than them. "Oh I got the asshole who parties with hot bitches to say he liked me." Great victory there, bro.
continued below-vvvv
[deleted]
WingedScorpion 7y ago
So maybe you're right about this whole cold-approach list. Maybe I do "tick off all the boxes" in your checklist. Doesn't mean it's "not cold approach".
I do not agree with you saying that cold approach is not worth the effort. I'm still approaching women I do not know. It is still a "cold approach". It is worth it. Fuck this "oh no it's not cold approach" because you piqued her interest whens he saw. I piqued her interest in what I said and how I made her feel. I led the conversation to where she could open up and people love that, and I made her laugh and have a smile on her face the entire time. That's what piqued her interest, even though I'm not the best looking guy.
The girls I get are not party ho's, most of them are 8's and well adjusted girls who just wanted to "try it out" on having a physical relationship. I squash their shit tests with "you do this all the time" with "only the pretty ones" and other game I got.
I used to say "COLD APPROACH WORKS" but I guess after reading your very insightful post(it really was) I should say "Cold approach works for me and the little machine I've built." To anyone who says this is too much work, it really isn't. I don't have the looks or money. I lift which every man should be doing in this sub so I got some gainz. I say what I want and I don't give a fuck what people think and alot of people can actually benefit from this, it's actually relaxing as opposed to "work".
And you say that "low SMV + social circles" has more turnover rate than cold approach game but I'm proof that it's not true(size sample of one, yes I know). I can count one hand how many girls I've fucked from my social circles and I have so many circles because I make friends easily. So these girls from my social circles who don't wanna fuck me because I am average and they are not, why not befriend them? You get an insight into the "hot girl" psyche and you really do get other benefits aside from pre-selection. I don't even drive my car or pay for drinks when I go out with them.
(Btw the hot girl psyche is fucked up. One girl is on and off with this guy who breaks into her house to watch her sleep. Another is with a tattood thug who beats the shit out of her and crashed her car, while he was beating the shit out of her. And this other girl is stuck on a guy who fucks her, nuts in her after 2 minutes, and doesn't get her off and she has to get her own Plan-B after he leaves. Girls are fucked up from the 1-10 scale. Not my problem, I don't listen to their problems because I'll flat out tell them "dumb cunt, stop fucking around with fuckboys". They usually go to their girlfriends who will support their idea of keeping a fuckboy around who isn't good for them.)
Either way, this has been so easy for me. Maybe I have game naturally, but it works and I genuinely recommend it. It falls into place if you're lifting, don't hold back, and use to your advantage what you can(girls who won't fuck you for preselection).
You do have to know your area though. I can't cold approach in bars or nightlife. I can't run my game there, and girls are looking for ONLY upper 10's. At least the bitches I hang with are. I swear a 9 can come up to these girls and they'll still say "hmmm wait for a better one! haha yeaaa". Colleges, parks, stores(not malls), plazas, out in the day you'll find better girls. Yes I'm aware this is something you said about playing to your target audience but I'm genuinely busy drinking at clubs, or working at work, to do any picking up there.
Oh yeah, and my friends and the bitches I hang with? They're constantly surprised at the girl I bring to them if the girl I'm fucking actually wants to meet them. I've made 3 of them my girlfriends from the ones I've picked up and "fuckzoned". If you want numbers for scope, I'd say about 14 that I've picked up and done this with. So my numbers aren't very high and I don't do "tons of casual sex with tons of people". It's more like "tons of casual sex with a few people". Whatever, sex is sex and getting it on the regular is a need by now that everyone should have fulfilled. And if the girl I'm with acts up, she knows that I picked her cold, she see's my preselection, and my confidence when it comes to knowing I can pick up another girl and she stops acting up. If she doesn't, she leaves by her own accord and I do it again.
Honestly I haven't been in need for sex in years. And my life is better than ever. Fit, relaxed, social, sexually satisfied.
disclaimer: a ton of typos
slay_it_forward 7y ago
As I was reading this a girl I cold approached in a mall sent me a video of her dancing around in her panties. Hot 25 year old Romanian...but fuck cold approach you batman nerd loser LOL
ShamwowTseDung 7y ago
Do you consider it a cold call if you're contacting someone who has shown interest in your product?
I also have a hard time believing you can say this
or in short:
and then claim this
How are you 'low SMV' if you've managed to get into a 'hot girls' social circle? Isn't it well-known that women are more attuned to status? If we assume that a low SMV individual has low status, at least socially, would it then be foolish to then assume such a female would not risk being associated, in public, with such an individual?
And yet here you are. Girls fawning over your left and right, welcoming you into their groups with delight. Yet once inside, no one else takes interest?
Circlelurker90 7y ago
Great post. I agree that social proof-based game is much more efficient than cold approach but this is only once you have the status, and developing a large social circle that confers social proof is extremely difficult. I believe most men (even those with RP knowledge) who do not have this type of social proof and try to develop it will never succeed. This is because large, high value social circles accept two forms of currency as price of admission: 1) status in a parallel group that serves as price of admission to the new group (he must bring outside social proof to his new prospective group) or 2) extremely strong "fundamentals" meaning personality, appearance, resources, etc but with a very heavy weight on extraversion. Therefore, since the vast majority of men who are not already in a high value social circle are unable to demonstrate prior status or an extreme level of extraversion, they will fail to join the group. Since the social proof conferred by a high value social circle is unattainable, they must use inefficient cold approach to have any shot at sex. Thoughts?
Since you rightly highlight the greater power and efficiency of social proof, it would be interesting to discuss ways of building this social proof: how much of 1 vs 2 should be accumulated given limited time and resources and given your starting point? My thinking is based on the idea that 1 is a much more valuable currency (chain reaction social proof) but first requires sufficient level of 2 (fundamentals).
I think low SMV men should prioritize 2 to fix glaring shortcomings while average guys should emphasize leveraging 1 and see rapid growth in SMV. The hardest part is getting from low to average since you are trying to enter social circles without any 1 whatsoever. The big question is: what social circle will accept someone with strong 2 but no 1? Maybe a low value social circle, but isn't this hardly a success and possibly counterproductive?
[deleted] 7y ago
"And then the serpent said unto Eve, is it really so...?"
[deleted] 7y ago
Great post.
As expected, there's been some pushback from Sigma-types who are triggered by the truth.
The reality is that high-status makes every thing 10x easier. People who doubt this probably haven't been in a situation where they're able to offer other people a lot of value. Seriously, the whole game changes and you, to some extent, actually take control of the local social environment.
If you're the guy hosting the cool Christmas party, you have immediate social proof. Friends invite their friends, and introduce you to them. People appreciate the value you're adding to their lives and thus want to get on your good side. This means they reciprocate and invite you to their own events, introduce you to their girlfriend's roommates and so on.
muh_posts 7y ago
There's room for both strategies.
redestofthereds 7y ago
Have you tried cold approaching yourself?
Horus_Krishna_2 7y ago
" They (women) are clowns. Sh!t, they even wear makeup and drive little cars. "
lol
vengefully_yours 7y ago
You're right, if a man doesn't garner interest immediately, he gets nowhere. Being obviously big is a game changer, not fat but powerful looking. The numbers I have to approach to get a new plate without knowing anyone in a common social circle is very high, and I have the game, muscle, and apparently looks to pull it off.
Most of what I do is cold approach, because I rarely have had a large network with varied girls in it. I can get a hundred no's before I get a a yes. Having been unaffected by the no for a few decades now, I tend to forget that this is the hard way and I don't even consider the rejection anymore. If I met a girl through a friend it is vastly easier to get her naked than meeting her in public as a cold approach. If she shows interest at all and she met me through someone else, it's nearly a done deal, though it's not guaranteed by any means.
truthseeker201 7y ago
So I have a question..... I am very good at being social in person, but my social media is very "mysterious" and dry, as I post barely anything on it therefore if you were to look at my profile, you would think I'm a loner. My question: Would i be better off deleting it vs. keeping it the way it is?
dr_warlock 7y ago
Don't delete, remake.
-
The only thing social media should display is group fun, gainz, money, achievement, and preselection with da bitchez. No philosophy. No feel good quotes. No politics. No religion.
[deleted] 7y ago
When I was younger, I used to do telemarketing part-time. Part of my daily tasks included cold calling prospects. I got to be pretty good at it when I figured out that the purpose of cold calling was to fill the lead pipeline by qualifying prospects and setting the stage for follow-up. A lot of the people who washed out as telemarketers spent too much time trying to close sales on the initial cold-call, rather than using that call to establish rapport, qualify the prospect and confirm contact information and, if it made sense in the flow of the call, scheduling follow-up.
The companies I worked for used telemarketing as just one of their sales channels. If they solely relied on telemarketing to generate new sales, they would have gone out of business.
I completely agree that relying on cold approach as the only method for connecting with women will lead to inceldom. Cold approach can be, however, part of a multi-channel approach that includes digital, networking and other activities to maintain your prospect pipeline. The way I see it, if you’re out in public and there are attractive women around and you have mastered approaching so it won’t take an inordinate amount of your time, why not do it to add to your prospect list? The quality of the product (you) will, however, largely determine how many of those prospects are converted to sales.
[deleted] 7y ago
[deleted]
efrp 7y ago
Exactly echoes my experience and observations. The vast majority of my cold approach successes have been with foriegn women looking to meet locals, or when I was out with a group of friends. Very little success has resulted from cold approaching local women who already have solid social circles.
However, I've gotta say that things were noticeably different when I was traveling abroad - there, my status as an American was evidently enough to overcome any reservations women had about spending one on one time with me. So context matters a lot, too.
Hjalmbere 7y ago
If you speak the local language, cold approach works really well in 3rd world cities off the beaten tourist track. I would say context is everything.
J-baller 7y ago
If you're American then cold approach will serve you well in places like South America and Eastern Europe. Those women would love a green card and the "prestige" of dating an American will be too hard for them to resist. 2 of my Russian female friends are still basking in the glory of having American boyfriends. They boast about it to others every chance they get
efrp 7y ago
Yeah, almost the entirety of the PUA discussions over at Roosh are dedicated to picking up women abroad. I'd have to say they're on to something.
[deleted]
NaughtyFred 7y ago
Great post but as a recovering beta I'm undecided whether this is meant to make me more or less inclined to pursue women.
HumanSockPuppet 7y ago
An excellent guide, not to mentioned well-formatted. Great work, /u/dr_warlock.
As an older guy who is returning to college to complete supplemental education, I can confirm everything in this guide. Being surrounded by young, nubile, curious girls in college seems like prime ground for pick-up, but in reality you cannot overlook the evolutionary underpinnings of seduction.
Every day, I run game both as cold-approaches with girls on campus, and as gradual escalation with girls in my classes. Without a doubt, the girls in my classes respond much more positively to my approaches than rando-campus bitches, and it has everything to do with social context.
When I do cold approaches, it usually happens while I'm walking between classes, or from the school gym to the labs. Girls will sometimes respond positively with giggles and banter, and I'll occasionally get a phone number, but out of the sixty or so girls I've cold approached in the last two months, I've only laid two of them.
By contrast, the girls in my engineering courses fall over themselves to get near to me. Being a Red Pill-awakened man in a major full of nerds, I tend to command most conversations. Guys circle around me and talk enthusiastically, and the girls always linger on the edge of the conversations playing with their hair, flashing me smiles, hoping silently that I'll include them in the circle - and they always smile and go wide-eyed whenever I draw them in. Of the nine girls I interact with regularly in my engineering courses, I am presently laying four of them, and all of them are on the hook and eager to get in.
For quality compelling lays that bolster both your public image and your social influence, you are better-off cultivating your social connections with men and drawing women in from the periphery.
FrameWalker 7y ago
I want you to dream big. Engineering girls are fine, certainly pleasant conversation. Sorority girls for the best blowjobs (also most stds careful). If you are ripped gyms for best bodies. I am in a collegetown. I beg you dont waste your life.
let_terror_reign 7y ago
How much older? If you're 30+ in a class of 18-21 yo's, what image are you portraying?
Horus_Krishna_2 7y ago
I am kind of imaginging him being like a guy I knew in college who was 25 when I was around the age of 18 or 19 and that seemed really old to me at the time, and he was sort of red pillish and was late to college because he had been in the navy earlier and I was knew he was smashing the girls while I was fighting for my life tooth and nail.
Entropy-7 7y ago
On a technical point, men's looks are on a log-normal distribution rather than exponential.
Yepbro 7y ago
I really agree with a lot of this. Cold approach is merely a means to an end. It shouldn't be a substitute for having solid social connections. However, I disagree where you say "cold approach is inefficient". As far as time invested for results garnered, cold approach is incredibly time efficient. Going to have a look over at some of your other content. Good job.
[deleted] 7y ago
Its good since lots of people cannot do it. I would kinda say its like noob gains when lifting? The value it adds for dabbing into it and investing a decent effort is amazing but the return to effort ratio decreases the further you go along. But its not the end all. Once its at a certain point, it becomes more efficient to improve your social circle for instance.
Partially why I advocate improving everything to a decent level. You do not have to be the master of game, but having decent game vs no game is an amazing difference.
dr_warlock 7y ago
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
jackandjill22 7y ago
This is really bad news for some people. These sentiments keep cropping up everywhere. &; it's incredibly problematic.
I remember going to California & meeting some friends from Northern & Southern half. They used to say that "Southern girls valued you for your personality & Northern for your wallet or ostensibly what you could provide."
When I was a teenager I hoped that regardless of how women/culture turned out it was anything but that.
Life just doesn't go according to plan.
Woujo 7y ago
This is absolute nonsense.
Here is an important fact your analysis leaves out: most girls are not happy with the guys in their "tribe". Girls have an idea in their mind of who they want to be with and the guys they are with are NOT THAT. Hell, most girls are not happy with the guys they are in relationships with. They are looking for a way out, and most women are deathly afraid of rejection so you need to approach them. If you can stand out, and look good,cold approach can work wonders.
Of course, social circle game is easier. With cold approaches, I can get "something" going on around 25% to 33% of the time, whereas with social circle the number is closer to 100%.
The problem is that cold approach is incredibly hard so most people can't do it well. PUA books teach you to approach approach approach, but just approaching doesn't work. You have to be very attractive, very well dressed, in a great frame of mind, and you have to make the approach directly, with confidence, and without violating a shit ton of rules related to human nature. And from there you have to be able to immediately launch into a good conversation. Most people can't do it. Hell, I can't do it a lot of the time. But if you can do it, you can get huge results, and more importantly, huge results with girls you otherwise wouldn't get to know.
[deleted] 7y ago
He kinda does state that Cold approach works if you have the requirements in check (which were, like you said ,being attractive, good frame and decent game).
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
GuitarHero07 7y ago
If you're just trying to fuck and chuck girls, cold approach is the way to go. If you do this with girls in your social circle, you will likely face repurcissions. The wonderful thing about cold approach is that you probably have no overlap in social circles with the girl.
iamneptuno 7y ago
Thank you for a quality post. But since it's not "girls are not that hard, just take action" bullshit, it won't gather the appreciation it deserves.
[deleted] 7y ago
You seem to have forgotten that women fuck for quality sperm and string along betas for resources. This is central to their sexual strategy and has been ever since they had tits. This is genetic and predates all of your refrences above.
Men have been pulling women aside and slipping a fat dick between their legs away from prying eyes ever since they could get erections. These sexual encounters never gave a shit about social rules or birth control. The things women are viciously attracted to are the exact behaviors which indicate that you'll do exactly that.
Historically, some of these encounters were consentual and some were not. Sometimes she got pregnant and sometimes she didn't. Society puts a wide variety of strict rules and structures in place in an effort to stop the rape and pregnancy, but women still want the guy with a permanent boner.
Change the flair to Blue Pill Example and swallow the pill.
[deleted] 7y ago
More faggy bro-science from TRP. Sounds like an excuse to me pussy.
J-baller 7y ago
There are thousands of naive young men who dedicate countless hours towards cold approach pick up. This is time that could be spent developing their careers, making more money, improving their health etc. If a young man's soul purpose is to get laid then he should become high status and attain social proof. It's more efficient than cold approach. It would be wrong to blame young men for their lack of direction. They are subjected to sophisticated marketing by PUA gurus and companies
JulioNor 7y ago
Yeah, but cold approach teaches you a lot about yourself. It gets you out of your comfort zone, you become more and more of an alpha (with the background knowledge of the redpill). Also with this power you can basically start a new social circle, being people together and own that. It's not black and white. Just doing cold approaches with ignoring every other part won't bring you far.
Entropy-7 7y ago
I've read some things by Roosh and the way day game comes off is as if it is basically a part time job: putting in a couple hours a day, every day.
J-baller 7y ago
Don't get me wrong, cold approach can and does work occasionally but the juice isn't worth the squeeze. It's too sporadic. Here's a metaphor: If you want to make millions you can either win the lottery or start a business. There are people who have won the lottery but you will be better served actually building a business. That's why building a social circle is better than doing cold approach pick up