Lesson: Don't change for anyone, even though you might lose someone, you won't lose yourself
Met this girl at the gym, nice tight booty and a head on her shoulders (at least that's what I thought).
Before I begin this little rant here's some background about myself:
- I'm 6' 195lb (90kg) of muscle. 11% bodyfat based on that shitty test that measures fat using current
- I'm 20, almost done Mech. Eng. currently on a 16 month placement at a respected automotive company. So when people hear that they think I have money.
- I'm good with the ladies if I think they're worth my time (I won't spent time "chasing" a woman just for her looks, there needs to be something I connect with deeper than that. Basically, I'll fuck a 7/10, if she challenges me)
- Developing my own business
- I am known in my social circles, so if you've met someone that knows me and you talk about something that I have a hand in, you'll hear about me. I've had people that I don't know come up to me saying they've heard about me.
Just a little demonstration of my value.
So, I started chasing this girl, took her out, we obviously connected so I decided to make her mine. I was totally infatuated as she took everything I said with a grain of salt, it wasn't a typical "whatever you say baby" response, I had to present logical and coherent arguments for her to agree with me (same goes to her). I was challenged and not bored.
We have been together for what seemed as forever even though it was maybe 3 months. I had what I wanted, a life partner that doesn't fucking bore me to death and a whore in bed. She appreciated having deep conversations as she felt respected that I see her as an equal and that no topic is off the table. Also, she loved getting pounded by me as quite often I heard "that was even better than last time" "you know how to give a good dicking".
I laid down my rules early:
- I do what I want
- I live my life as if I'm alone, but I'd like to have a companion with me
- I am busy so my time is limited and precious to me
- I shouldn't be the person you rely on for happiness
- I always tell the truth
Obviously, there were more things than that but she seemed to understand these at first. Going on our 4th month together, and shit started to go down hill like a snowball. She started saying "listen I come from a family that doesn't drink or do drugs, so you have to stop doing that". I'm Russian, my family and friends while drinking often (once a week) and a lot, balance our lives very well. It doesn't hurt us, although we know it's unhealthy we do it to relax after a hard week of hustling.
Anyways, that started coming up quite a bit. "I do not like drinking, and I hate being around you and your friends when you do that". "Baby, you know that drinking hurts your body, and I want you to be strong". "All this drinking will hurt your ability to produce healthy babies" (RED ALERT lol). So like the stubborn asshole I am, I said "listen, if you don't like it I'm A) not forcing you to go with me on these events and B) you can leave me any time you want, but as these are things that I do to relax, I'm not stopping." So, she kinda accepted it and respected that I stood my ground.
After some more time, she started outright breaking all these rules. It was basically:
- "You have to stop drinking because I hate it"
- "You don't spend time with me" (twice a week we had sleepovers, and a whole day and night is dedicated to us doing things together. Clearly she doesn't value my time)
- "Baby when you're not with me I feel sad, and when you're with me I feel happy"
- "you started commenting on my flaws, and it's bothering me"
- "we gotta live life together and keep it in mind when we are going about our days"
I was like "Nope", and she said that she's sorry but she will leave me if I don't change. Now I'm single :D
I'm obviously upset as I thought I had found a person that understands me and how I live my life. Guess not. I could have easily changed for her but she would have lost interest in me, and I would have broken my own rules which would make me a hypocrite.
Stay Alpha
DennisReynoldsAMA 7y ago
3-4-5? Which is it? And that took you a decade? Are you old or just weak? Probably both old man, which is why you think my gains are steroids engaged.
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Sibilant_Engorgement 7y ago
I swear you are my friend from a retail store in the middle of the USA. I have a Russian friend that sounds just like you and the story matches up.
RushJones 7y ago
I can't tell people how to live their life, but congrats for keeping frame. Chicks come and go
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SexistFlyingPig 7y ago
She'll be back when she realizes your value. If you had changed, she'd have left and never looked back, because you would have lost value.
[deleted] 7y ago
Thought for sure this was going to be a story of you changing for her and her losing respect for you because of it.
Left turn.
Props kid.
real-boethius 7y ago
This sounds, possibly, like a case where the guy failed to achieve a good alpha beta mix. Or to put it another way, not enough comfort.
Or she wanted to control you and left when she failed. So, you dodged a bullet.
felix9 7y ago
Yes I may have had the alpha beta mix, not mixed in so good. It is something to learn from for the future.
BlackHeart89 7y ago
Nothing to be upset over. You two had different priorities. I guess all that other shit she suddenly started bitching about was her looking for more excuses to break up other than the drinking/kids thing.
Good ok you for sticking to being you. Drinking is a big part of you, so you would have more than likely been pretty unhappy in the long run.
GC0W30 7y ago
Bro, a thousand props to you for maintaining alpha.
Wish my family was awesome and Russian... my dad was alpha like Barney Fife.
thechaosz 7y ago
I know we are hardcore here guys but live a little. If ALL you do is throw some pops down occasionally but keep your shit tight then I see no problem.
felix9 7y ago
We drink because there's something to celebrate. And sometimes it is very often as my crew doesn't sit around waiting for things to happen to them, we take what we want.
readmegood 7y ago
To be honest seems like she was quite great overall, and might i say, wife material. Maybe you made a bad choice, but only time will tell
felix9 7y ago
Yes she was. Maybe I could have been more reasonable, and consider her side more. Like the other guys are saying
rofio 7y ago
Is drinking top excess alpha? I have been asking myself that recently and similarly rely on your mentality - i'm russian it's what we do. I deserve it I work hard. etc
I'm Irish/ Scottish / Australian but I don't really think working a full week constitutes a real challenge. Am I being a pussy saying I deserve to drink I beat the week.
felix9 7y ago
By hustling I mean that after I work, I work more on my business or more on myself. You shouldn't deserve credit on something you should already be doing (aka making money)
rofio 7y ago
Or building your empire or working on yourself? Just checking in, I've use alcohol as a crutch previously.
felix9 7y ago
I guess you're right. Those are things we should be doing, they are not extras.
no_face 7y ago
Lots of folks telling you how great you did losing the woman.
I will give you a slightly different opinion.
If you read 'The path of the superior man', you will see that woman's job is to protect your superior state. If she sees you falling apart, she will feel anxiety and express it.
Drinking to excess (if I understand the Russian program), severely limits your health in later years. She (rightly) understands that means higher chances of possible early death and disadvantage to her and any children.
Every woman I've been with has expressed this and is very normal to how women feel. They don't like being alone. They don't like being away from their lover. They'd rather be together and fighting/bored than be away.
You stood your ground and I commend you for it, but I'd have seen her anxieties as comfort tests and addressed accordingly.
"I am very aware of and care for my health"
"That just shows how much you love me baby. I'm glad to hear it"
Alright. I made this mistake and lost a plate or two. The best thing to do is specify precise changes she should make instead of pointing out flaws.
dashmar1414 7y ago
Almost done with that book and i love 95% of it
felix9 7y ago
Yes I see this as something I should improve on. Still learning. I appreciate advice more than a pat on the back. Thank you
no_face 7y ago
Also, the idea that you should oppose everything your woman says is not in line with Captain/First Mate dynamics.
Your woman's job is to support you. This means she will bring any good suggestions she can think of. Its your job to approve or disapprove. A suggestion to improve your health can easily be approved with: "Good idea, let me consider it" or just "Good idea"
In general, accepting good ideas and rejecting bad ideas is your job as leader. If you reject all ideas because they did not originate from you, you are a poor leader and people will jump ship.
plein_old 7y ago
I heard a story once about a guy trying to close a business deal with some Russians. The final step in the process involved some alcohol, and some sort of game called bear goes into the woods.
According to the story, first they put a shot of vodka into a glass and topped it up with beer. Down the hatch. So far so good.
After increasing the amount of vodka each time, glass after glass, pretty soon it was a solid glass of vodka, if this story is true. One of the Russians says, bear is now in the wood and wants to come home.
Then they went backwards.
Supposedly the guy woke up the next morning and asked if they got the contract. The answer was yes.
I don't know if that story is true but alcohol is definitely a great truth serum for some people.
iliketreeslikereally 7y ago
Ahaha that's a funny game.
As a sidenote, it's also for plebs who don't actually enjoy alcohol. Savor it, don't make yourself drink more & faster than you feel like through silly games.
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Beegsi_ 7y ago
She's trying to make you her beta. This nagging and telling you what to do is part of the beta-nization process. Read the book Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical Man by Joseph South.
Also search this post review of the book "The Beta-ization process: Stages of female manipulation and levels of attraction from "Practical Female Psychology"
Air4ce1 7y ago
This post seems a little hypocritical to me. Here you are saying that you want someone that "challenges you and doesn't bore you" but as soon as she brings up these points then she's all of the sudden wrong or a bad person or something.
Listen you can't be mad at a fish being a fish. OF COURSE, she's thinking about children. She's a fucking girl. Now if you never envision having children or a future with this girl then yeah, it's something that should prick your ears once you heard it.
Yeah that's true, but I think girls can sometimes see ways to make us better alphas. It's up to us to decide what is a good idea to change about ourselves and what's bad. Her asking you to stop drinking isn't a bad thing per se. It's just something you don't want to stop doing. Which is fine that's your prerogative and it seems like you have a career with advancements and everything all figured out.
AWALT. What I do is, if I feel like hanging out then I'll hang out with her. I don't regulate it to "only two days or week or anything". If I genuinely want to hang out with her for seven nights, then I do it. (That never happens)
All my comments are from a standpoint and assumption that you like LTRs and don't mind being in them. You're the captain of the ship, but you have to remember that you do have a first mate you have to look out for.
If you're just a guy on a paddleboat and want a companion from time to time and don't care who the hell is on the boat then so be it.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
There is absolutely nothing in there that was hypocritical. Stop placing square pegs into round holes, forcing pre-determined memes and labels onto people where they don't apply.
OP is selfish. There's nothing wrong with that. A separate issue entirely is that this girl doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. It's one thing to be convinced OP's drinking, while not currently out of control, would eventually BECOME out of control; that doesn't seem to be her concern. She just wanted to put her foot down about something, to control him, to make him give up something that is only marginally harmful - and she failed. She used shit arguments and 0 evidence, and she failed.
Again, that doesn't make OP a hypocrite - it makes her shit for using false pretenses to get her way.
felix9 7y ago
I am looking for a first mate, so you're right. I gotta be more flexible in the future.
I agree with you drinking is bad. But I really don't feel like I do it every week to the point that I black out. Drinking doesn't mean going out to a club and getting hammered. We usually just do a BBQ and take a bunch of shots until we start to sing Russian songs.
Air4ce1 7y ago
Let me be the first to say after a long hard week, a beer is well deserved. It's just that you have to sit there and take her suggestions and decide whether they're going to make you beta or not. The first mate offers the suggestion, you decide if it's the correct course of action then you execute...that's it. Now you're drinking might not have affect on your career or kids, but in a LTR you do have to take her feelings about it into consideration. That's the crappy part of being the leader. You aren't just thinking about you anymore.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
Drinking, in any amount, in and of itself, is not "bad". That's idiot logic. That's like the people who say "sugar is bad". No, sugar is a tool - you can mitigate its effects, and you can amplify its effects.
If you sip on Gatorade during your workout, you'll keep your blood sugar higher, you'll replenish glycogen, and your workout will be better - assuming you know what the fuck you're doing. If you're chugging Gatorade 3x/day, just because you feel like it, then obviously you're an idiot and have bigger issues in life.
Drinking is a treat - so to do it socially is entirely appropriate. If you're drinking 2-3 beers/night, alone, just because - then yeah, that's kind of stupid. If you're drinking 2-3 shots, with friends, once/week - while maintaining a lifting/cardio program, eating healthily, staying well hydrated, etc - then who gives a shit?
We're starting to get an influx of hard-liner, authoritarian types in here ("X, Y and Z are BAD! Stop doing them immediately, or you are a beta!"), and frankly it's starting to piss me off.
PantsonFire1234 7y ago
Well you honestly played it fucking well. The only reason your girl left you was because you turned out to be unbreakable and she wanted a provider cuck. She'll be back for some more good dicking in the future, enjoy the easy plate.
Remember that women have their needs and if hers aren't met (ludicrous as they are) she might look for them elsewhere. Even if they are impossible needs. She'll just cock carousel through life looking for that special man who doesn't exist.
Don't be surprised if she ends up with a guy just like you one day and this time she takes it and sticks around. Happened to me. You were new stuff to her and she wasn't experienced with a free soul. She'll be much more lenient to her next boyfriend.
Itscommonsensebro 7y ago
Lol she thought you were all talk no follow through till you stood your ground. Even through those first few months she felt like this. Congrats bud. You make being single seem better than not.
TheRedThrowAwayPill 7y ago
Life expectancy for men in Russia: 55-65
Ok
felix9 7y ago
haha we do it moderately and know when enough is enough. puking isn't my thing!
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mara5a 7y ago
I drink and smoke... moderately. When asked or confronted with the "smoking kills you and it's bad for you" spiel I always say the same thing. I'd rather live 10-20 years less and get the bang out of it than live to 80 on bread and water.
Though passing out every second day or so is a bit too much I'd say.
FinallyRed 7y ago
Such a fallacy to think like that. Bad behaviors (smoking every now and again isn't even likely a factor) don't just take time off your life but bring upon the shittiness of old age sooner. You will have fewer quality years as a result.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
Not really. As long as you are lifting and doing cardio, most of that shit will bounce right off you.
It's like comparing someone 'fit' who eats a pizza in one sitting, to the fat piece of shit video gamer who does it. Very different people, very different priorities. The fit person is eating healthy the other 6 days/week and exercising; the fat slob is downing that whole pizza (or other whole-family-sized feasts) 3-5 times/week.
The only fallacy here is the ceteris paribus fallacy. All people aren't' created equal. For the 'average' person, doing an 'average' amount of smoking/drinking will bring about 'average' repercussions. We are not average here, so our average smoking/drinking has negligible consequences.
FinallyRed 7y ago
I was mainly talking about smoking/drinking/drugs above a moderate level. If you're indulging in some activity to the extent that it will take years off your life, you're doing it to an extent that you will be dealing with shitty medical issues years early. All I'm saying is that it's wrong to assume you'll be living fast and awesome and then BOOM you're dead.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
And yet nothing you just said covered the importance of exercising regularly and eating healthy. You are talking about all of this shit in a vacuum - and it DOES NOT happen in a vacuum.
If you regularly skip exercise, eat like shit, and get trashed...YES, it'll catch up to you. But "It" isn't strictly one thing - it's the whole picture.
We're making two separate points. The point you're making is that "In a vacuum, smoking/drinking/drugs above a moderate level is bad". The point I'm making is that "When combined with regular exercise and a well-planned diet, the effects of moderate smoking/drinking/drugs is almost negligible".
Your position revolves around avoidance; my position revolves around mitigation. If you're an addict and a loser, your position is better; if you're a normal, well-adjusted person - you just suck with women - mine is better. Pick your poison.
FinallyRed 7y ago
Lol you're the one contributing your point to my already established point so diverging from what I was talking about is on you.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
"Lol" you never 'established' your point. You stated it - and now you refuse to defend it, because it is largely indefensible.
Your position isn't much different than AA's position on drinking - that even one sip is one sip too many, and will necessarily lead to a path to being blackout drunk daily, passed out in alleys, losing your job/family/life savings, and so on.
That's the cornerstone of the 'avoidance'/abstinence movements - wagging your finger at 5% of addicts and telling them "I told you you couldn't control yourself!", completely ignoring the 95% who do just fine moderating their behaviors.
Keep on spewing dogma, dude, and then refusing to defend your positions. It's real helpful. I like it when people like you are around to turn this place into another r-politics or another shitty sub, where people just punch and run because sticking around means getting roasted.
FinallyRed 7y ago
Lol dude go read my comments again.
yaardi 7y ago
And that guy is getting wasted every week. Not just drinking a few beers or something, but probably the whole Russian program with puking and passing out. Imagine what happens when he's 30 and then 40, especially if his life doesn't pan out like he imagined.
Drinking is a serious issue, guys. That girl was right about it.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
What's with you fucking people coming out of the woodwork? What is this shit? First with the Anti-Carbs shit. Then with the Anti-Jacking off shit. Now with this Anti-Alcohol shit.
TRP is NOT YOUR PERSONAL SOAPBOX to spout this stupid shit. We rely on FACTS and EVIDENCE here, not emotional appeals and "serious issue" weasel words statements.
There are tens of millions of us who know how to have a drink or two and call it quits, once a week or twice a month. Stop fucking blaming all your shit problems, shit personality, shit addiction issues and shit self-control on us.
yaardi 7y ago
You're getting too mad, guy. I'm talking about getting drunk to the point of passing out, not "have a drink or two and call it quits, once a week or twice a month".
DannyDemotta 7y ago
Nice. Cool. Another Blue Pill fucking poser who hasn't read the sidebar - you just roll in here yammering, picking and choosing which RP aspects to follow and disregarding what doesn't match up with your feelz.
Idiot. I'm mad because you morons can't follow the fucking rules, and are always preaching your bullshit that DOES NOT match up with TRP: the Bro Knighting, anti-drugs, anti-masturbation, anti-Social Media, "Fight Club" rule....just total bullshit that is NOWHERE in the sidebar but you roll around acting like its some kind of foundational RP knowledge. It's NOT.
This is a bitch-made statement. You're a snake and the kind of person I explicitly avoid having as a 'friend', because you're more than willing to stab me in the back over some emotional little girl shit. You don't know how to use logic and reason to come to conclusions, you only know shame and bullying.
DennisReynoldsAMA 7y ago
Carbs get you fat
Alcohol gets you sick, also has carbs
Jacking off a lot leads to lower sex drive and depression.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
Says the 18 year old? Heh. You don't know jack shit. Not all of us can be on GH and other garbage, then hamster "yo yo, I'm not on STEROIDS". Specifically. Yeah but is what you're on legal? Can I go buy it on Amazon right now? Didn't think so.
Once you go off to college, you'll learn how to use adverbs, and how to consider things as being on a spectrum. It's not all black/white. All this fatlogic/brologic - "Carbs get you fat" - where do you get this shit from? Total calories make you 'fat', unless you have God-like nutrient partitioning (or are on gear). Weight loss and Fat loss aren't the same, and for those trying to maintain/gain on a cut, or gain muscle on a recomp, Carbs are abso-fucking-lutely essential. Only DYEL PPL college bros can get away with 50 carbs/day, because they don't do cardio and don't work a labor job. Those of us who do BOTH, plus powerlift, need an ass-ton of carbs to avoid hemorrhaging muscle.
I'm going to write a post tonight, and post it up tomorrow, and you're welcome to comment. I'm going to be roasting all you fake ass Keto-Bros who don't know what tf you're talking about and just spit bullshit. When you're pumped up on all kinds of illegal shit, you're anabolic regardless; for the rest of us, we need our muscles to be loaded with glycogen or gains ain't happening.
DennisReynoldsAMA 7y ago
I Eat carbs all the time, it still gets you fat more than any other macros. I'm also not taking gear, if you think I am them you either have poor genetics and have made no natural gains, or you're out of shape and unmotivated.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
I'm at 3-4-5 plates for reps, champ. And it took a decade to get here. Not 11 months. Keep on telling yourself you're "not on gear" because you're not specifically taking test/anavar/etc - even if you are all pumped up with GH, anti-estrogens, DNP and who knows what else.
The fact remains - you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Your lack of knowledge belies your gains. Your balls haven't dropped yet, and you don't understand the difference between "getting fat" in the colloquial sense, and gaining actual body fat. You're like a woman in that regard. I could gain or lose 10 pounds in the next week just by changing what foods I eat and what workouts I do, but my actual fat loss/gain would be less than 2 pounds in either direction.
Fat is not some magical macro that just passes through the body unprocessed. There's a lot of idiots on here who don't understand what insulin spikes do/don't mean. If you feed your body calories, it will use those calories for energy instead of your stored body fat.....period. End of story. Starvation mode is largely a myth. Paleo/Keto benefits are largely a myth. It's all a bunch of garbage, and you people who don't know any better eat it all up - either because it doesn't matter to you because you're on drugs, or because you're a DYEL/Fat Turd who isn't making significant gains anyway. Those of us who are actual nattys - who only take LEGAL, over-the-counter supplements; no prescriptions, no Chinese websites, no bullshit - need a constant influx of carbs to perform at a high level. End of discussion.
DennisReynoldsAMA 7y ago
3-4-5 plates took you a decade? You're either old or weak, or both. You're not mad at me old man you're just in the anger phase right now. Stop being like those guys who claim everyone is on gear, once you stop doing that you'll make progress. Maybe you should take some gear you know at your age your testosterone is probably too low. If you need some, just ask me cause apparently I take steroids to reach 6' 185lbs 12% bf (my stats atm/bulking btw).
DannyDemotta 7y ago
70lbs, 11 months. You do the math. Nobody believes you. And you still haven't denied taking illegal substances - you've just continued to shit talk anyone who accuses you.
I hit the 1000 club years ago - but working full time labor job, it took until a couple years ago to hit 1200, and another year/18 months to hit 1350, halfway to 1500. Once you get some real responsibilities maybe you'll understand.
I know your vocabulary is limited, young fella, but I'm not displaying jealousy - this is incredulity. You're legitimately a stupid asshole. You believe stupid shit - "carbs make you fat" - and you're an asshole because you don't listen.
DennisReynoldsAMA 7y ago
No illegal substances. why the fuck should I care about some old dick that thinks I take gear. I don't care that you think I take gear cause you're probably a fucking powerlifter with a gut. The amount of weight you supposedly can lift is irrelevant, I know a guy who lawnmowers 120Lbs and he looks like complete shit plus he's smaller than me and he's obsessed with carbs just like you. He even thinks I take gear cause me and him both started lifting together and he made shit progress compared to me. But he knows I don't take gear or whatever illegal substances you seem to be versed on. I'm taking about the attitude and the mentality of people who call others steroids users, you don't believe in yourself unlike me. I knew I could make all the gains I wanted to and I clearly did, naturally. But people who don't believe in their body don't make gains because they do not believe in their body to do that. At the end of the day I'm still making gains naturally, you however are clearly an angry kid (you're acting younger than me bro) whose butthurt about some issue that doesn't have anything to do with me. Keep telling yourself natural bodybuilders aren't natural and see where that takes you, keep lifting heavy weight to prove nothing to nobody, at the end of the day you're just mad that some college freshman looks a hundred times better than you as a natty, and you fucked up for not starting fitness at an early age like me.
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justlettinyouguyskno 7y ago
I bet you're fun at parties.
DennisReynoldsAMA 7y ago
Haven't heard that in reddit in about 20 seconds
overwatchtinder 7y ago
When you parrot reddit's common phrases you sound like...
well someone I wouldn't bother talking to
leo-skY 7y ago
jesus get a grip man, you sound like you think you're jesus incarnate.
felix9 7y ago
haha well she does call me her god. but please understand that this story sounds much different if I leave my value out. if you skip the part about what I have accomplished and am accomplishing, it puts in question my own value to her (aka mine or hers social circle)
AlphaDogTRP 7y ago
Bro, with an attitude like that, I don't think you belong in this sub
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ecosci 7y ago
You guys seem to think you have it all which sounds so arrogant female nature doesnt care about your rules or job and who you are what men have to have is options she should be well aware of this and she sensed you had none which turned off the tingles dont brag about being alpha because if you were you wouldnt be here posting so much info on a chick but the attidude you have will lead to more failed ltr because you think there is a blueprint or playbook against hypergamy and female nature,it insnt the only thing you can do is be ready and PREPARED to exit when she changes her mindset thats the reason you GOTTA have OPTIONS.
felix9 7y ago
I do not fully understand you. I do not boast about my status to people. I don't need to. They do it for me. I don't brag about this to her. She knows and tells me by herself that she has it good as most of the other guys she talked to don't walk the talk. It was for context, so that comments like "well maybe it's cuz youre fat, ugly, poor, and dumb and thats why she left you" wouldn't be an option as I'm trying to tell my story so that others may or may not learn from as this is what we're here for.
[deleted] 7y ago
You handled it the way you should've. Some people simply aren't compatible in the long term and it sounds like you both handled it pretty well. (Maybe not though I wasn't there) You both wanted different things and you could not find a way to reconcile so you went your separate ways. As it should be.
[deleted] 7y ago
Basically women will never truly submit to you or be yours, no matter how high your SMV is. She's a whore and if she doesn't get what she wants she'll leave you.
[deleted] 7y ago
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DannyDemotta 7y ago
You have no idea what OP's health picture is like. You're taking shots in the dark. What you're doing now is doing the equivalent of comparing a millionaire buying a new Mercedes, to someone living on $70,000/year buying a new Mercedes. Some people can absorb a lot more punishment - physical, financial, emotional - than others can. Stay in your own lane.
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DannyDemotta 7y ago
"We" don't do that. We specifically talk about how important it is to temper your expectations.
"We" say to get a lower bodyfat (10-12%), but specifically mention that getting single-digit is often more trouble than its worth.
"We" say that to keep a woman around, to keep plates spinning, it's important to mix in some beta traits with your alpha traits.
"Maximization" is not a word used around here. We speak of potential, and being productive; but we also speak about not making the good be the enemy of the perfect. The Pareto Principle is in full effect around here. I'm sorry you haven't been around long enough to notice it.
RPmatrix 7y ago
In computer science and engineering control theory, such as for electromechanical energy converters, the Pareto principle can be applied to optimization efforts
For example, Microsoft noted that by fixing the top 20% of the most-reported bugs, 80% of the related errors and crashes in a given system would be eliminated
blasted_biscuits 7y ago
Way to maintain your frame. It sucks having to let your oxytocin dealer go but it is necessary to maintain the life you want to live.
Thizzlebot 7y ago
lol never thought of it like that
StyleandSpeed 7y ago
I read it as oxycontin dealer and thought that you used it as an example for what girls are, which is basically a drug so either way I read it, it makes sense.
polu85 7y ago
All her reasons are just bs she made up to give herself a reason. She probably got bored of you. You sound very straight forward, women don't always want straight forward when it comes to love. If you don't give her some drama she will create her own. She needs to feel a whole set of emotions, not just stability and happiness. You can't just act like a robot all the time. She already lost interest in you. This laying down the rules is silly. It's not a business partnership, you don't say "my time is precious", she should be able to deduce that on her own. Women are very intuitive, you don't need to say much. Saying "my time is precious" comes off as lame, like you need to say it for people to believe it. Do you think Elon Musk needs to say his time is precious? No everybody fuckin knows his time is precious.
chance01 7y ago
"If you don't give her some drama she will create her own. She needs to feel a whole set of emotions, not just stability and happiness." THIS right here, men. Women HAVE to have the ups and downs, pain and happiness to feel(key word - feel) alive. In the absence of drama, women will create it. Men are the ones who value and create stability and happiness. Women grow tired of stability and happiness without angst and drama, those two positive qualities do not and will never suit their volatile emotional states.
felix9 7y ago
I don't say that to her. You may be right tho. I don't associate myself with drama so she may have gotten bored. Notes taken
polu85 7y ago
And you shouldn't associate yourself with drama. But some created drama for her, like anxiety for example, is needed. Basically you can never stop gaming your girl. Either by disappearing sometimes (because you're busy), or being hot and cold, or making her jealous, etc. Just plant the seeds for her imagination to create drama, it doesn't take much for girls.
Having said that, there's nothing "wrong" with letting a girl go because she's not worth your time. I'm just saying the reasons she gave you are not the real reasons you guys broke up.
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favours_of_the_moon 7y ago
She doesn't care about drinking.
She found someone who (she thinks is) better.
[deleted] 7y ago
This is probably true. And if the new guy doesn't pan out, she'll be back.
favours_of_the_moon 7y ago
Agreed.
After the new guy pumps her and dumps her, you'll usually get another shot, so to speak.
audscias 7y ago
You might have a drinking problem to be fair.
felix9 7y ago
I will try to look at it less from a point of view of "I'm Russian" and more from "I gotta make sure it doesn't hurt me". Notes taken :D
thisornothing 7y ago
All Russian men have drinking problems. It's just normal within their culture, so they tend not to see it themselves.
iliketreeslikereally 7y ago
Once a week is not a problem. Every day is a problem.
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thechaosz 7y ago
If once a week is a drinking problem I'm in serious trouble. I balance out my workout routine, sex, and healthy eating with large doses of bourbon and grab ass
justlettinyouguyskno 7y ago
Thank you, these comments are absurd.
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[deleted] 7y ago
He is Russian so of course he has a drinking problem.
analest-analyst 7y ago
You lost me at your "show of value". Pfft.
DannyDemotta 7y ago
Why are you even commenting then? Did you forget this isn't r-wtf or r-adviceanimals or some other shit sub?
Stop wasting fucking space with your bullshit comments.
felix9 7y ago
bonekeeper got it right. but if you're hating then I'm doing it right :D It's for context but you think what you think. It's a free world
PlanB_pedofile 7y ago
20, mechanical engineering, developing own business.
Should we include hanging out with elon musk and richard branson?
bonekeeper 7y ago
I understand that's for context - otherwise people might think "she dumped him because he's some fat dude in his mom's basement".
whythecynic 7y ago
You dodged a major bullet with that. That's the biggest lesson I took from TRP- you live your own life for yourself, and deign to take others along for the ride. Not like the conductor of a train takes on passengers, but like a mighty fucking Lord of Eagles showing the Ringbearer (heh, don't get engaged or married though, protip) the world.
If they bite you, shake them off. Don't value the relationship more than you value yourself. I'm happy for you that the relationship ended, but plain old stubbornness and waiting it out isn't the best way to end relationships, because that gives your partner all the time in the world to make your life miserable. With your experience, you now know to end future ones on your own initiative, and how to move on.
felix9 7y ago
Good advice but girls don't affect me like they used to. It's all about what value you attach to them. If you go with "she's a significant part of my life and I will be devastated if she left" that's bad. I'm more of a "she's cool and if she left then I'm on to the next one"
RPmatrix 7y ago
Good on you bro, your attitude is a good one, except for one thing, there is no 'one' girl for you, at least not yet, as you'll discover in the years to come .. you seem to have a strong tendency to oneitis, which should be reconsidered
Amyway, If one day you do meet a girl who you get on really well with, take your time, there's no rush
it's all about the journey, not the destination --- sounds to me OP like you're hoping to 'lock in' a girl, which is a mistake. You won't have to try when you meet the right girl/s.
Never forget Briffaults Law, and imho, Unless you're having kids together, she's not 'yours', it's just your turn. Play the game well and she'll stick around, play poorly and she wont. A lot of your success here depends on how well you understand 'the rules' ... get reading OP, keep on reinforcing your RP knowledge
felix9 7y ago
I like this response the best. You're right about the oneitis I guess. I'm more of a girlfriend guy. At least on that note, but I never see a girl as the one yet. I like your notes.
machimus 7y ago
To be fair, she had already decided to break up with you, the last parts were her inventing reasons to justify it. You didn't do anything wrong, you just had different fundamental values. Nothing wrong with that, it's all part of the ebb and flow of life.
We should discourage defining relationships as "failed" when they end. It's usually for the best.
[deleted] 7y ago
The 'Sunk Cost Fallacy' is most obvious in relationships.
Your zen way of looking at it is the best. People come and go. It's not a bad thing when they go - it's just time that they do.
drakesphere 7y ago
It can take a big leap to accept it. People come and people go. I did 3 years ago and it has been the most liberating truth I've ever learned.
Toverspreuk 7y ago
"A woman will try to turn you into what you are not and leave you for who you used to be."
It's good to see you kept rocking and cut your losses with her.
sd4c 7y ago
But in this case he stayed who he was... and she left
Jaymilineal 7y ago
So they would not have a lasting relationship.
[deleted] 7y ago
Different real fundamental values. They ain't robots. And this guy did it right.
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[deleted] 7y ago
If this isn't the truest statement I've ever read, I don't know what is. My ex-LTR of 2 years coming out of HS turned me into something I will never be again, and I'm a better man for it. I was in the best shape of my life before I dated her, and again I'm in the best shape of my life now, so there seems to be one constant factor.
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[deleted] 7y ago
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StyleandSpeed 7y ago
Lol fuck that. I'm Russian and I don't fuck with alcohol at all. Can't let my hard work at the gym go down the drain.
[deleted] 7y ago
She could see where was heading so she moved on. Most girls from respectable backgounds will do this.
dethbysexy 7y ago
Yep, and it works both ways. I was the guy who always tied one on every night and didn't see anything wrong with it despite having been a factor in every failed relationship ever. Until I dated an alcoholic. It was like someone holding a mirror up to me. All the issues that were brought up to me in the past I now saw in her and I was like "Holy shit, I don't blame them anymore."
[deleted] 7y ago
Drinking isn't bad as long as it is done in moderation. Heck, drinking a glass of wine has health benefits. Just don't over do it.
Although, it is better to not drink alcohol at all, but I love my IPA beers
UniversalFapture 7y ago
Sometimes we take this "Do whatever I want" shit a bit too far. By all means, drink. I don't knock people who because they can turn around and knock me for video games. But Jesus Christ, do that shit in moderation, and you'll live.
Weed and drugs and all that shit need to go completely.
[deleted] 7y ago
Yeah. I mean I do drink, but in moderation. I'm not that alcoholic getting drunk before work or something like that. I will say with weed though that I have a different opinion on it. I do it occasionally and I'm pretty healthy. It's actually not as bad for you as alcohol. It has never killed someone
UniversalFapture 7y ago
I see your point, I really do.
To each their own with the weed thing, though. I don't care much for it. You just be careful with that shit.
[deleted] 7y ago
THe health benefits have nothing to do with the alcohol. Alcohol is always bad no matter in what quantity. It's carcinogenic neurotoxin
RedPillHorse 7y ago
It has neurotoxic properties, but it's more of an "all over" toxin. One of very few that tax almost everything.
[deleted] 7y ago
True say, in microbiology class we learned that the enzyme that breaks down protein in the stomach is made in the pancreas, but only activated once it's secreted in the digestive tract otherwise it would digest your own pancreas. And alcohol "activates" this protein inside the pancreas, making the pancreas digest itself.
Health benefits, they say... lol
[deleted] 7y ago
I couldnt imagine a life without a good beer. Ever tried St Bernardus Abt? Its like liquid heaven. APA, IPA are amazing as well. Now, shit like coors light or a carlsberg hof can fuck right off, they are engineered so that you can drink unlimited ammounts of them without actually tasting beer, whereas a quality beer will leave you satisfied with a just a few.
[deleted] 7y ago
I have not. Looked it up on Beer Advocate, which is a very reliable beer review site and it has like a 98 out of 100 score, so I definitely need to try that when I get a chance. My favorite IPA to get in 12 packs is the Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA. I'm drinking Stone IPA right now which is really good as well. I also like dogfish 60 minute and Lagunitas, as well as other ones. I also freaking hate the coors, bud light, keystone and other beers like that. I love quality beer. While I prefer ales, I do also like beers like Blue Moon, Harpoon UFO and Samuel Adams Boston Lager, as well as some stouts.
It's one of those things I like spending more money on. Like with groceries, I go to stop and shop and I'm fine with buying their store brand chicken breasts, sausage, pork or ground beef, instead of the more expensive stuff, because it tastes fine. There is definitely a more noticeable difference between cheap and more expensive beer.
[deleted] 7y ago
You guys need to try something called Zoigl Bier. It's from southeastern Bavaria and is the best beer I have ever had. It's not very well known, but everyone in Bavaria treats it like a gift from heaven.
When I was 14 I worked in a Bavarian brewery for a bit, making Zoigl Bier. I'm from the States, but I spent a few months with a German couple just for the experience.
If you have the time and money, I'd recommend you get over there and try some real beer. I remember hearing a story about the Pope requesting specifically Zoigl.
[deleted] 7y ago
I have always wanted to go to Germany, just because of their amazing beer. It's definitely a part of my 5 year plan. I'm turning 25 in a few weeks so I'm shooting to go to Germany and some other countries by the time I'm 30.
[deleted] 7y ago
Happy birthday man. Definitely hit me up when you make it to Europe. I'll be going to college in Milan, but I'm well connected in Bavaria and could show you the region (and beer).
RcskaSedd 7y ago
You guys should try making your own beer, its more fun and delicious.
el_superbeastooo 7y ago
Brewing your own beer is a great manly hobby. I do it with a group of close friends and its a great excuse to hang out all day and have some dude-only time. It's really not terribly hard and you can get some great results fairly quickly if you're patient and smart. Also makes a fun gift or something to bring to a party or the office on a Friday.
[deleted] 7y ago
A buddy of mine from college actually brewed his own beers a few times and it's definitely something I want to look into, if I have the right setup for it. It actually came out good when he did it.
[deleted] 7y ago
Look into the Brooklyn Brew Shop beer making kit. I did it when I was about 15, super easy and fun. I actually ended up with a respectable IPA.
el_superbeastooo 7y ago
Kits are really dumbing down the process for you though. I can see why you'd do it as a 15 year old, but most people should just go full mash. It's a more time consuming and pricey endeavour but you're going to get the actual full experience. Do a little research and talk to the store guy, they're a great resource and most love to help out newbies.
findyourinsanity 7y ago
Shit i spent everyday with my last gf and "we didn't spend enough time together"...smfh
[deleted] 7y ago
Haha. Like what the fuck? Did she expect you guys to be conjoined twins or something?
Gawernator 7y ago
Idk why some girls are SO clingy like that.
[deleted] 7y ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ZO1b3T6jo
JourneymanTRP 7y ago
Those are the girls you can live with and have the same work schedules and spend every other second together, then she gets so poor and lonely on her one day off that she sits down to cry and woops she accidentally sat on that guy's dick.
findyourinsanity 7y ago
Dead serious bro. I literally didn't know what to say to her. She had a shitload of baggage though....that's another story
[deleted] 7y ago
You stood your ground and didn't compromise on certain things that make you who you are, just to satisfy a woman. I guarantee if you budged on these things, she would have started criticizing how you dress, what you eat, how much you work out, etc. she would then lose respect for you. I don't know from personal experience, but I have read countless stories about things like this happening.
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thechaosz 7y ago
This all fucking day. Never again
50pluspiller 7y ago
I wish I had learned what you did,as young as you did!
30 years of misery you just saved yourself!
Be happy brother, you won!