The 6 Stages of Breaking Up: A Guide To Not Having Your Nuts Smashed in a Door by a LTR
Primer
If you've spent any amount of time on asktrp it's easy to notice similar questions emerge:
I’ve taken the pill but I still want a family... I think I have a unicorn… How do I get my ex back... My ex really fucked me over is this AWALT...
The first advice always given is that LTR’s are redpill on hard mode, so don’t start one if you don’t have a lot of RP knowledge. Secondly, the poster is always asked to read the sidebar. In addition to these quality answers I'd like to add a third suggestion: understand the breakup stages women go through.
**The Break Up Stages***
Did your unicorn break up/divorce you? Do you want her back? Tough shit. She’s gone. But you can learn from your mistakes. First lesson: you fucked up; not her.
Next time around don't lose her in the first place. How do you do that? You stay a step ahead by understanding the stages, counteracting, and hedging your bets.
Stage Zero: "Love"
What it looks like: this is the fun zone where girls are fucking you passionately and giving you what they have to offer. For most women this is just sex, affection and a bubbly feminine persona. Gone are the days where women offer tangible assets like cooking, household management acumen, useful skills, etc. Most women at this stage will want to spend all their time with you and will temporarily drop their party friends and male orbiters.
How to counteract it: Don't! This is a good place to be. If you are unhappy at this stage she’s probably not the right person for you and you’re just settling.
Chances of keeping the relationship in tact: 85%+
Hedge your bets: This is where you enjoy the sex but look carefully at the other things she's offering. You do not fall in "love." Real men see through this trope and plan ahead. Over the long term you can love from a distance, you can give affection, but you can never expect her to unconditionally love you back. She is not and never will be your mother no matter how much she imitates the role. If she's going above and beyond to coddle you, try new hobbies with you, do household duties that she's obviously never done before, then she is doing a ‘Pre-Wall Prance.’ She's worried she is losing her ability to attract high value men and she is trying to catch you; she’s decided you’re her last hope. These offerings are a ploy and most likely will go away. You hedge your bets by looking past the sex, affection and comfort food at who she really is. Observe closely, get to know her friends, family, and even talk with exs, gauge carefully her character and how deeply she's really connecting to you. Is this a women that has the ability to deeply bond? Only move the relationship towards LTR status with an honest, realistic picture of her.
Stage One: Subtle Shit testing
What it looks like: Nearly invisible. This is where you must act decisively. This is the easiest stage to reverse. You might be asking: "well how do I detect the shit test if it's nearly invisible JackGetsIt?" Answer: If you aren't picking up on subtle shitting testing you need to get more social experience with women in general. Men who grew up with lots of sisters slay in the SMP because they have this component down. Remember that women communicate covertly. If this is a weak area of yours study up on shit testing and get some more field time before going LTR. Besides financial burdens this is the biggest reason young relationships fail.
How to counteract it: Find the real reason it started. Fix it without her knowing. If you can't fix it soft next or plate her. subtle dread game can be helpful, with an emphasis on subtle. Do not try to use reason or negotiation, do not tell her you see her shit testing. Read, practice and develop good relationship skills. These include: not putting her on a pedestal but not negging her like a PUA, reward positive behavior act indifferent to negative behavior, amused mastery, sex god method, consistent sex etc etc. The core of most RP relationship advice is leading and holding frame. To paraphrase Redpill user abdada, Women have two brains: The Hypergamous hindmind: gyny tingles and gooey retard mode and the Irrational forebrain: the shit talking trickle truth mode. When you lead you keep her in the hindmind, when you placate she goes into the forebrain. This is true over 2 months or 50 years. You don’t buy unconditional love from women with dates and experiences; they are constantly evaluating your leadership, so you must at all costs keep her in the gooey tingly mindset.
Chances of keeping the the relationship intact: 70%+
Hedge your bets: Lift. Lifting is also great subtle dread. Women get a weird validation high when a guy they are dating gets fat and lazy but it wears off and turns into resent and low attraction. Have consistent 'fun' in your relationship, trickle out your beta love and affection on a slow drip, and never stop 'dating her' and keeping her emotionally charged. If you don't want to do these things then you might be happier with MGTOW or plating or dating someone way down the SMV scale from your position.
Stage Two: Overt Shit Testing
What it looks like: At this stage she's made a decision to break up with you but she's not confident it's the right choice and she might not have any higher value prospects. She seeks an answer to that uncertainly through her most trusted tools: shit testing and sexuality. She will NOT come out and say she's thinking this. Stage two looks like "You're not a man" "Act more like a man" "You don't make enough money" "You need to change jobs/move up the career ladder" "You should get out more" “You spend too much time around the house/we hang out too much” “You spend too much time [insert hobby you love]” You will see inconsistent attention to health and beauty. You will see inconsistent sex drive. You will see gas lighting, fighting, and passive aggressiveness. She might want to travel with or without you. This may actually be a time period where she becomes open to kinks or totally shuts off sex; regardless it's very inconsistent.
How to counteract it: This is the make or break stage. If you don't do something drastic like heavy dread it’s over. Be prepared to leave if the heavy dread doesn’t work. Be clear to her you know what she's doing. Don't threaten to leave, don't make any threats at all at this stage; just actions. Systematically and succinctly explaining her own emotions to her as a father would lecture a child can be a successful strategy. You can also inadvertently remind her of your strengths. Put yourself in situations that you can demonstrate your strengths without showing off. Subtly and indirectly remind her why you started seeing each other in the first place.
Chances of keeping the relationship intact: 20-60%
Hedge your bets: Lift like your life depends on it, openly cultivate friendships, do masculine things, enjoy being a man. Strengthen current work, friend, and family relationships (you might need them soon). It will be difficult to apply this hedge because women are excellent at making their chosen mate comfortable and many men use this time to relax and ease off the daily fight for strength, money, and power.
Stage Three: Consensus Building
What it looks like: Friends get secretly stolen behind your back. This is where an enormous amount of lying and spinning comes in. Most posts about break ups are filled with the details of the aftermath of this stage. Women highly value social capital and she will do whatever it takes to walk away with as much of it as possible. She will do this very covertly so that when the break up comes she has plausible deniability, sympathy, and support, and you get blame and loneliness. She will be on social media, going out a lot, she will be reconnecting with people, she will be shopping. She will be spending an enormous amount of time with girlfriends and most likely party girl type girlfriends. She will be closely monitoring all your faults.
How to counteract it: Ghost. Do you live together? Move out and don't communicate with her until she sees you carrying the TV out to your truck. After you moved share only logistical details and only in writing and don't express a hint of anger or bitterness in those communications; keep them slightly upbeat. Do not initiate interaction with her outside of logistics. Show high value and abundance every time you interact with her. Be aloof and treat her like every other girl. Consistently be showering other women around her with attention. Demonstrate high value and parade female prospects to her friendship groups. Court a close friend of hers. If you're reading this guide and you're thinking to yourself, "I don't want to break up with her because (I love her, we’re still dating, she still fucks me) then you're not seeing the big picture the way she is. Always be a step ahead of her and that means ghosting if she hits the consensus building stage. You shouldn't have let it get this far in the first place.
Chances of keeping the relationship intact: 5-25%.
Hedge your bets: fight hard to keep all the friends even if it means swallowing your pride in certain situations or being uncomfortable because you have to be near her (this will be difficult for some). You will be asked by friends about the break up, be honest and vague. It will be tempting to fabricate a narrative the puts you in the positive, this is a feminine tactic and you are above it; lies will get back to your ex and she will use them against you. If she loses the majority of friendships she will often flip and apologize for shit testing and more. she will then try to renegotiate and you will be back in the drivers seat. Be weary about taking a LTR back at this stage. Only listen to the language of her actions.
Stage Four: Monkey Branching
What it looks like: Her actively looking for another guy and/or reuniting old relationships. Most men don't see women doing this. This can go on for weeks, months, or even years while you think the relationship is still active. Often times you're still having occasional sex and most men only think the relationship has had a 'rough spot'.
How to counteract: There's nothing you can do. You're already broken in her eyes. You will be tempted to ask her to 'explain' her actions. Don't. This opens the door for her to manipulate and spin. Say something to the effect of, "You're not in my league any more" and put all your focus on decoupling your life with her. Even a huge boost of your SMV rarely helps because she will have already painted a weak, castrated, inadequate picture of you in her mind.
Chances of keeping the relationship intact: 2-7%
Hedge your bets: Set lots of concrete plans to stay busy with both work and socializing. Set up vacations, events, and hangouts with friends and family (especially male friends) that you can attend so that when the break up hits the hardest you will have support and a place to blow off steam constructively. This also serves as a way to meet new women. Reconnect with old plates. Basically you’re mirroring her branch swinging behavior but you do it more directly and amplified.
Stage Five: Cheating and Verbal Break Up
What it looks like: cheating and breaking up.
How to counteract: Absolutely nothing you can do. This is where many men wake up, they negotiate, they use anger, they shut down, they submit. It's all a waste of time. She has long since made her decision and any supplication from you fits into her new narrative that you are not a strong enough man for her and she made the right choice.
Chances of keeping the relationship intact: 1-4%
Hedge your bets: Cash in your previous hedges. Did you make them?
Stage Six: Extraction
What it looks like: At this point any interaction she has with you is purely a play for extraction of resources: temporary hot emotional sex, validation, friends, money, your time, your skills, career advancement, pleasure from seeing you hurt. You are now a pure beta provider in her eyes and any alpha traits you might develop in this time period are seen with extreme suspicion and dismissed. Most guys get really screwed at this stage because they are still emotionally invested. She has long ago emotionally divested and it comes as big kick in the nuts. Anything in your past that you did for her is completely forgotten or re-imagined to suit her new narrative. If you were living in the 9th century and a band of Vikings had raided your village, disemboweled you and raped her she would need to emotionally cope with that. She is now stage zero with her new viking man; he’s the alpha now. This hamstering mechanism still works today; she now sees you and treats you like every other low value guy out there. If she has sex with you at this stage it's purely for extraction. No you can't plate an ex. If she is post wall and aware of it she may even agree to marry you or have a relationship with you during the extraction stage! However, you will never be her captain and she will always be on the hunt to jump ship.
Chances of keeping a genuine relationship intact: 0-1%
Hedge your bets: Go into monk mode if applicable and learn from your mistakes as a hedge for the next relationship.
Take-aways
You’ll notice that the chances of salvaging a LTR are very low if not caught early. You'll also notice that women break up and mentally decouple from their partners long before they verbally acknowledge it to their partners. This generates an enormous amount of anger from men because it doesn't follow male rules of conduct. That anger is misplaced; don't blame women for being women; embrace that they have different sexual strategies based on evolutionary biology and move forward. LTR’s are about managing a women’s expectations and emotional state. This is easier said than done. Notice that as men we set ourselves up for success by maintaining independence, high physical health, and broad work and social networks outside of our sexual partners. You never allow her to dictate the relationship. You lead she follows and you never allow a deviation of this dynamic.
These stages will be more accurate if:
1) You're not dating an alpha widow, BPD, Dark Triad, or Single Mother. Yes, this eliminates an enormous amount of women but it's a big country. Use this video to help ID BPD types. These women don’t really follow predictable patterns as they normally start and end relationships at the extraction stage.
2) You have established a foundational male archetype for her to attach too while you courted her. You maintain it.
3) You have a modicum level of financial knowledge, and career stability in relation to hers.
4) You have a basic understanding of frame.
5) You have some social capital and you spend time away from her on your own missions and hobbies.
6) You actually want a LTR not a plate. Don't make the mistake of moving in or marrying a plate because she's 'comfortable'. Be honest with yourself.
7) Her notch count isn't astronomical and she still has the ability to bond strongly. (this is difficult to gauge and should be a high priority for you to find before a LTR starts).
8) You have long term goals and your highest priority is confidently working towards them. This is the elephant in the room and women will quickly move to overt shit testing and end the relationship if you are not advancing your career in some form or another.
9) You don't attempt to use RP language in discussions with women. You reduce your impulse to explain and fix women’s problems. Not everything she complains about is your fault or your problem to fix no matter how she frames it. Sometimes you just listen.
10) You can subtly keep her away from very high value males and party girls; she will want to keep herself away from those influences if you follow the guide and preceding points.
TLDR: Women go through 6 stages of breaking up: subtle shit testing, overt shit testing, consensus building, monkey branching, cheating, and extraction. If you want a LTR you need to hedge your bets and hold frame daily. The process is long because women are hypergamous; they are always looking for high value males with more resources, and protection. This long process allows them to garner those, build social capital, and reverse if need be; it's a flexible survival strategy that has evolved for eternity but it can be comprehended, predicted, and contained.
[deleted] 8y ago
Years ago my wife took our children and moved out to a motel room. She called a few days later and asked me if I had learned my lesson. I replied I didn't know I was being taught a lesson but I sure was enjoying the peace and solitude around the house. She showed up 20 minutes later and let me have it. After she was done (and I hadn't said a word while she went off), she asked me if I had anything to say. I told her that if she ever left again, she wouldn't have the option of coming back. She asked an incredulous "what". I repeated that if she ever left again that she would not have the option of coming back. I the asked her "is that clear". I received a meek "yes" and was never threatened with her leaving with the kids again.
KartagoPill 8y ago
you seem like good husband. Don't get shit on.
[deleted] 8y ago
We've been married for 35 years now. My 3 children have all graduated college debt free and are married to spouses from parents who have been married for over 30 years. I have 6 smart grandchildren, a boy and a girl from each couple. I leave the toilet seat up and do what the fuck I want. I sure wish the red pill would have been around for me in my college years. The Red Pill provides a public service for all males. Carry on.
[deleted] 8y ago
you should do a write up on your life, I´m sure lots of 20-somethings like myself or people in LTR who want kids could benefit from hearing how you arrived at that kind of life success. I have to say its quite rare for someone to remain calm and collected under a situation like that, even mature people with a healthy view on women could have freaked out and lashed out with a nuclear type action.
Forcetobereckonedwit 8y ago
I second that idea. Please do share more Nomore. We all get plenty of horror stories. It's good to hear how things can go well too.
[deleted] 8y ago
Didn't get married until I was 29. My house I built with my own hands, was paid for out of pocket (still live in it). Had a prenup signed before marriage. Was a LOT calmer at 29 than I was in my early twenties. An interesting side note, the wife always wanted me to add on with the arrival of children. I told her that if our house was in Mexico, there would be twenty families living in it. I did increase the size of her kitchen after all the kids graduated from college. I built a shop for my boat so it was the least I could do for her. Now that there are just the two of us, she is glad we didn't add on.
ChadThundercockII 8y ago
Please share your experience as a married man or a man in general. We could use some guidelines and inspiration.
[deleted] 8y ago
That gave me a red pill boner.
QruCiFiX 8y ago
Haha, same here. Even guys swoon for alpha behavior i guess
evileddy 8y ago
swooon HE'S SO MANLY!!!!! squeeeeeee
Theophagist 8y ago
Hands off he's going to be my best friend not urs.
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[deleted] 8y ago
Here's a couple more for you. The wife bought a fuzzy top for the toilet seat. It wouldn't stay up without holding it up. She was trying to train me to put the toilet seat down. She asked me why the top of the seat was wet. I told her it wouldn't stay up while I was pissing so it got pissed on when I peed. She took the fuzzy top off after I did it in front of her. Second example, sent me shopping after having our first child. Came back with green toilet paper. Never asked me to shop again.
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remyseven 8y ago
I pee sitting down. After living with my brother and my 13 year old son for a long time, it pays not to have to clean up pee on the floor. I clean up less pee now and I'm happier. My whole household is on board. Peeing standing up is overrated. There's a big difference going to a bachelor pad and seeing pee stains on the floor and not a single male willing to lift a finger to do anything about it.
Solution: Continue to not lift a finger by peeing sitting down.
Firespit 8y ago
Don't mind the "Alphas" here. I'm with you on this one. They would even claim to shit standing up, just to appear manly.
Louisie_steezy 8y ago
Quit missing the toilet and clean up after yourself you bum
[deleted] 8y ago
That would be hard for me as one of my favorite sayings was "what do you know, you squat to pee".
PS: I pee sitting down at night now that I'm a old man and a pissy old thing. Doesn't wake me up as much. I was in my sixties before I had to get up at night and pee (unless I had been drinking). God I miss the days of sleeping through the night. It was funny years ago when the wife would sit down and hit water when she first lived with me (she learned to check). Her scream and cussing me out always brought a smirk to face.
[deleted] 8y ago
Every time I remember that women falling into toilets is a thing it makes me giggle for some reason.
Forcetobereckonedwit 8y ago
I've been pissing sitting down for decades. Relaxing, no mess, done. My masculinity is not defined by what other dudes think of my pissing habits. The only drawback? I am blessed with a decent sized johson and when it's hangin' low I have to be careful it doesn't hit the water or the slope . No bueno.
Mildly_Sociopathic 8y ago
I don't suppose you're Swedish
Forcetobereckonedwit 8y ago
Nope. Been there, great people,but I'm a Murkin.
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aDrunkenWhaler 8y ago
Do you also wipe your vagina afterwards?
MelvinRedPill 8y ago
LOL this comment is gold.
For the record peeing sitting down is easier and I approve.
remyseven 8y ago
I'm certainly not wiping up anyone's pee. Have fun with the splash.
EvrythingISayIsRight 8y ago
Doesn't seem to be an issue for me. Have you figured out how to aim yet?
remyseven 8y ago
If you haven't noticed that even peeing into a urinal there is spray splashback, another thing I find disgusting. You're essentially washing your dick in everyone else's pee.
Imagine peeing into a bucket of water and having pee water splash out from the impact, because that's what a toilet is. Nevermind raising a 13 year old that doesn't give a shit and misses all the time. He sits his ass down now.
osbaldovargas 8y ago
Urinals suck but only pee sitting down if you have to take a shit. Or if your in the car with a big gulp bottle those are the only exceptions.
EvrythingISayIsRight 8y ago
I'm not sure what you're doing wrong, but it is possible to pee without splashing. It takes careful aim on toilets, but urinals are easy mode. If you can't pee in a urinal without making a mess maybe you should sit down
remyseven 8y ago
No, I think the issue is, is that I'm hyperaware of the small details. I imagine for you, that this a lot like being completely oblivious to something until someone draws your attention to it. Remember that flushing the toilet creates a fine particle mist through the vortex of the swirl. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening.
Seriously, I've been to bachelor pads and there tends to be a lot of pee on the floor around the toilet because they're fucking missing and don't give a shit. And no one wants to clean up another man's pee so it just sits there.
EvrythingISayIsRight 8y ago
Hahaha what are you even doing on TRP?
remyseven 8y ago
What does peeing down have to do with being on TRP? The little shit doesn't embarrass me. If it embarrasses you, maybe you should be asking yourself what you're doing here. Don't sweat the small stuff, like what's in your pants.
[deleted] 8y ago
Oh shit, someone just got told.
JustDoMeee 8y ago
I was taught from to pee sitting down, it's cultural/religious thing. I can't stand peeing whilst standing, I can feel mini droplets on my leg and it's just not for me. I think guys believe it to be feminine to pee sitting down, I guess they're still societies bitch in some ways.
EvrythingISayIsRight 8y ago
Dont pee right into the middle, that makes a big splash. Pee on the side of the bowl so the stream curves into the water.
Firespit 8y ago
Can you make a Howto video about it?
EvrythingISayIsRight 8y ago
Its basic shit, really. Maybe you can ask mommy to show you how.
Firespit 8y ago
Butt your mommy already left my place, after explaining all the ins and out of urine, and how to apply it correctly, she was kind of full and in a hurry to quickly go back to her little darling.
EvrythingISayIsRight 8y ago
That "I fucked your mom" schtick only works on 13 year olds because their moms are still fuckable.
If you saw my mom IRL you would be disgusted lol.
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[deleted] 8y ago
Fucking nice, brother. Saving this. This should be sidebar material. It perfectly fits all my breakups. If I had this to read then I might have prevented the last one. I can admit it was my own failure, but dating for most men is like trying to disarm a bomb blindfolded while someone shouts improper directions. Yes, it's your fault if you fail, but I don't blame the average guy for failing. It's what we've been trained to do.
[deleted] 8y ago
That's a great analogy. I might use that.
Thewelshpill 8y ago
best write up i've read in a while, bravo.
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ecosci 8y ago
Good post but a man with options and is ready to exit is the answer to hypergamy because everybody gets what they want, women need to understand its a mans instict to procreate with multiple women and men need to understand women will hop on the next best guys d*ck if the resources and situation is deemed better and nobody can set up a blueprint for how nature and attraction works out, there are too many variables.This is way too much info on someone who will never honor and doesnt have any value besides sex and child bearing, be selfish and demand respect is all you need.
JackGetsIt 8y ago
This is a good point. I think movies and media have convinced men that the right women will be their best friend, their partner in crime, their intellectual rival, and everything other ridiculous thing under the sun. So men become so absorbed by their partner that they lose themselves in the relationship. Which is of course a recipe for a women to take advantage.
unmeilleurmoi 8y ago
This is a lot of text for a post that should just say "let her go."
JackGetsIt 8y ago
LOL. Thanks for the candor. I'm just a person that likes the analytics of why men and women do what they do (and I think a lot of guys of red pill are here for that) and I couldn't help but spill out my personal observations. I also want fellow men to protect themselves, their assets and, if they want them, future families from the fickle nature of women. I think in a way I was definitely trying to say 'let her go' by using the percentages in my post. To many men try to salvage an already dead relationship and they get taken to the bank because of it. Redpill is about mitigating that.
ChadThundercockII 8y ago
My go-to strategy since I joined the manosphere is going full beta after the first month or two. The girl starts to hate me and she goes by herself. It spares me a lot of stress and effort to keep the relationship going. I fuck it up and "branch swing".
joshbeoulve 8y ago
I got cheated on twice by two different long-term relationships and your description of each stage pretty much describe my experiences to a tee. The subtle put-downs, the constant shit testing, the never-ending compliance testing, the overt displays of disrespect, long hours spent on social media gathering validation from orbiters, the eventual hookup with one of their orbiters, all of it.
Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say. I was too naive and blind to recognize these warning signs for what they were. Never again.
Thanks a lot for this stuff brother. It's all completely eye-opening and puts a lot of my own experiences into perspective.
ex_addict_bro 8y ago
+1. Everything happened to me once, in this exact order. Yes, some phases last months up to years. Just like in this guide.
njohnson_nj2 8y ago
Wonderful post, thank you for writing it. Love the subtle point that even her being at the goey hopelessly in love with you phase "Stage zero" is a stage of the breakup. Every LTR is a breakup waiting to happen and the only thing that will slow it is a man's stewardship.
VIICHYVALOIS 8y ago
I've asked the question a few times before but I seriously wonder why any RP man enters into a LTR? Marriage has been beaten to death already, women aren't loyal, and plates fall and break all the time.
We know that a woman can only offer two things, in the purest TRP lens, to a man: sex and passive feminine energy.
So why bother? What's the utility of an LTR?
JackGetsIt 8y ago
Call me crazy but I believe women are capable of loyalty and faithfulness. They just aren't the least bit incentivized at all in our current culture. Following their base instincts are rewarded and lauded in the media. Slut walks, divorce hand outs, the stigma of calling a women capable of falsifying a rape or attack. These are all the norm. There was a women in Vermont in 2014 that was caught on video attempting to slice an officers throat. Acquitted with no charge. The societal narrative about women is so out of wack with reality it's scary. Devlin's epic thesis, Sexual Utopia in Power, lays the seeds all out right on the side bar. I'll excerpt a bit of it:
[deleted] 8y ago
Also want to note that the stages are not linear...so your LTR may actually skip around. For example I think Monkey Branching can always happen depending on factors such as SMV and what not.
yummyluckycharms 8y ago
I've said this before....
Relationships are like vases....once they've taken a tumble, they're broken for good. No matter how much you try and salvage it, the cracks will always be there. Better to just get a new one.
Women inherently know this and its part of their mating strategy.
Il128 8y ago
When she is branch swinging the amount of sex can go up. She's hedging her bets and is banging the shit out you and him.
PantsonFire1234 8y ago
None of these stages really matter if your praying to buddah on a daily basis for her to leave. I can guarantee you that no other method works better for a woman to stay with you- than wishing with every fiber of your being for her to leave.
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JediSange 8y ago
Why would you pray for something you can do yourself?
PantsonFire1234 8y ago
Breaking up is awkward, creates drama, makes you look like the bad guy and generally brings unwanted attention. If the girl breaks up with you things stay generally quiet and you escape with clean hands.
JediSange 8y ago
So the idea is that the bad reputation and personal "feelings" on the matter (e.g. awkward) outweighs in some way you being in the drivers seat? That whole mind set of caring what other people think of you is beta as fuck to me. "Oh I can't break up with her because I look like a bad guy". You should break up with someone that is no longer worth your time.
PantsonFire1234 8y ago
Your reading into things. It's not about caring what people think, it's reputation management. Breaking up yourself is a viable option if losing the girl becomes time consuming. The idea also doesn't appear over night. You will slowly lose interests.
Initially you might dial down hanging out with her and responding to her texts. You're thinking the relationship would become more bearable if it required less hands on time from your part. Maybe it becomes more fun like it was in the beginning. Eventually you made up your mind.
Usually takes about 2-4 months to break up or lose her. But lets not pretend we don't like fucking a girl we no longer care for from time to time. If that wasn't the case exes would never fuck each other post break up.
[deleted] 8y ago
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PantsonFire1234 8y ago
It works like a charm. Probably because your not at all concerned with her, so all focus is on you. That's one. You're swatting away every shit test because her opinion doesn't matter. That's two. Soft dread is automatically maintained because she'll wonder why you aren't into your own girlfriend. Strike three.
You're also demonstrating lots of characteristics naturally that women are attracted to- indifference, unbreakable frame (by her at least), aloofness, stoicism, IDGAF, dominance and amused mastery.
Most importantly is that the more you get annoyed and disappointed by her presence the more push you're giving off. Forcing her to deploy pull to keep you close, which she will- because you've been demonstrating how high of a value male you are.
The worst part is that you're giving off zero passive aggressiveness and manipulation in your actions. Which women are tuned to trace (cause they do it themselves). This makes you appear authentic. Women love authentic unique guys that are different. Association with a man like that makes her feel special. Imagine that man being her very own boyfriend- it's pure heroine to her.
She's emotionally invested in you and the more you drift the worse it gets for her. She will remember the beginning and how fun you were (plate phase) and yearn for a taste of those times. At this point your the only man in the universe for her. Everything will revolve around keeping you happy, being with you, fucking you- she will be on her best behavior. Women and irony go well together.
Congratulations, you are no guaranteed for your girlfriend to chase you till the ends of time. Welcome to hell.
RPsage 8y ago
I'm in this situation right now and I completely, absolutely agree with you.
JackGetsIt 8y ago
This is actually really good. The only fault I see is that if you don't trickle out a little affection it will eventually break the girl down and she will lose that yearning. It's all about the balance.
PantsonFire1234 8y ago
That is indeed what you'd be thinking and it hold true in the beginning of dating. But that's exactly the point, you are giving away perceived affection at this point. You're actually enjoying yourself. It's only when the relationship starts and you lose interest that you start to exhibit behavior like this.
I do stand corrected, when I said she'll stay with you forever I wasn't correct. She won't because most women have their breaking point eventually. She'll leave an alpha widowed mess and her 'love' for you will remain.
What I rather meant was that it will feel as if it's forever because you are encumbered by her presence. I'd compare the experience to that of going to school. Doesn't matter if it's September, December or March. Summer always feels a lifetime away. When your in class and you're watching that clock. Every minute is a torture when you're bored.
That's what you'll experience when your in a relationship without interest. It will feel like forever until you finally shake the girl. That's the time when summer vacation starts and you get to have freedom again.
Forcetobereckonedwit 8y ago
Now that I think about it you are totally right. It's a bit like my personal pattern of banging a plate on the side asap, when settling into a LTR. I do that for my own pathetic beta sappy heartstrings because I know she will do it to me at some point. That was BTRP of course. It was a beta reaction to my lack of control over her. Lately I was quite surprised by the reaction of my gf on the way out, when I told her she wasn't acting like a girlfriend so she wasn't my gf, she wasn't treating me like a bf so I am not her bf. She flared up and said "Fine, let's break up then." I said "Fine, done". All of a sudden she's tearing up, and she started saying all kinds of "let's work it out" kind of crap. I maintained my cool, and she kept at it. I pushed, she flipped to pulling. Fucked up creatures they are. I wish I wasn't so attracted to them. Thanks for the succinct comment. I'll be using that one daily.
unicorn-carousel 8y ago
Heh... I fucking hated most of my last relationship. By the end I was fat and pathetic, and yea we went through these phases. As soon as I started pulling her (edit: during consensus/possibly branching), she was 180 and gone. Other comments have joked about using "I love you" as a way to make her run away, I think it'd work.
PantsonFire1234 8y ago
Just make sure you remember that you need to be okay with them going away. Or even wanting so. You've had history with plates so you know that there's candy awaiting on the other side.
Forcetobereckonedwit 8y ago
Yah, I'm ok with it. I get oneitus frequently but I've learned... There's always another one around the corner and if they're not treating you right it's your duty to yourself to move on.
PantsonFire1234 8y ago
Eventually you will get used to tossing trash away
Psiden 8y ago
I'll share with you what I told Jack earlier when he shared this with me. We may read this now and go, like everything else we read here, "ok this makes sense. I'll keep my head on a swivel and make sure to see these signs when they show up in my current/next relationship."
That is great and all, but it rarely goes down like that. I saw these signs from my previous relationship (go in my post history and see the train wreck). But I was naive and too foolishly in love to acknowledge these very problems. Looking back, I know I purposefully ignored the warning signs and failed to take action because I thought that if I didn't acknowledge these problems in the relationship, they didn't actually exist. I didn't want to believe that she was beginning to lose attraction to me and face that reality and change it. I could have countered each of these steps and possibly saved the relationship, but I was too afraid to face the reality. Like a child, I covered my eyes with my hand and pretended everything was ok.
So be honest with yourselves guys. If you see this happening in your relationship, act on it RIGHT AWAY. Don't hesitate, and let go of that ego that tells you that you're such a great guy that this couldn't actually be happening to you. Don't let a breakup happen to you to realize this as I did.
Best of luck for all you RPers that are in LTRs. It may be fun and easy now - but it never gets easier, you have to get better.
MrGoodStuff05 8y ago
Tell me if I'm wrong but I think to some degree it's not even about ignoring the warning sings so they don't actually exist. I think the biggest part is how counterproductive all this stuff seems. It's like... would doing this at this stage really strengthen the relationship? I think once we are in love and in the moment, we have this feeling like doing this stuff is actually gonna be bad towards the relationship, when in fact it's probably the only thing that could save it.
I think the most important part is to not be afraid to do what you need to do at each stage.
Psiden 8y ago
No I think you hit the nail on the head there and that's what is missing from my assessment because I couldn't find the words to describe that. I had those thoughts in my head throughout where it felt doing those things would do more harm than good. You've helped me clarify that in my mind. Thank you!
MrGoodStuff05 8y ago
I know exactly what you mean because it happened to me to exactly in that way. It's like, she's backing away, "oh better start pursuing harder to show her I care" when in reality if I had just backed away it would have created more attraction and made her come back on her own. But then, at the moment, it's like, I love her, I gotta go after her, I gotta show her.
Fuck man... all the fucking Hollywood movies fucked up my mating strategy.
Psiden 8y ago
We grew up on absent father figures and Disney romances. My logic and TRP tells me to move on because everything will be alright and this is just a part of life we have to accept; years of social conditioning is making my emotions think I've lost the love of my life. I fight it, but man... it's rough. Remembering the Serenity Prayer is getting me through the days.
MrGoodStuff05 8y ago
Agree on that shit. My dad wasn't absent but he was BETA AS FUCK with my mom and abusive towards me. I think the only reason my mom didn't leave him was because they're from different times. If my mom grew up in these times she would have left my dad AGES ago. And growing up under his conditioning, I grew up beta as shit. And his abuse only led me to be a Nice Guy™.... shit reading NMMNG really woke me up, and I'm only half way through it.
And fuck that shit, go to a music festival and pop some MDMA and you'll never think of that bitch again.
NietzscheExplosion 8y ago
In my experience the point of no return was always:
“You spend too much time [insert hobby you love]”
If they do that to you, dump immediately. Don't even fuck around.
[deleted] 8y ago
Even negs that you workout too much? I see that as a sign I'm doing the right thing and ignore her.
Snakysharky 8y ago
Exactly. When she says "You don't have to workout, you look/are fine the way you are" or some similar BS I just read "Your dread is working".
NietzscheExplosion 8y ago
Especially then, This is THE turning point, where she is revealing her plan to CHANGE you. Mold you into something she wants and then she's done and on to the next project/problem for her royal highness to solve.
Check her HARD "Hey, this is ME, you don't like ME, WE have a big problem".
ChadThundercockII 8y ago
A simple "yeah" would be enough
red_dread_redemption 8y ago
I'm getting a lot of this lately in my LTR, and it's infuriating. I still hold a lot of resentment from a prior marriage where I felt I was often ridiculed for being on the computer or working on music too much, all for very personally gratifying and productive projects.
[deleted] 8y ago
Tell her that if it is a problem, then she is free to leave.
This is win/win for you. Most likely, she will apologise and start behaving herself (Women don't want to leave on your terms). On the other hand she may take the bait and leave in which case, you have dodged a bullet anyway.
red_dread_redemption 8y ago
TRP gems like this give me chills because I've actually seen how this plays out first hand, I just often forget to set that ground and it slightly weakens my frame. Thanks for reminding me.
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[deleted] 8y ago
I like how you go in detail with numbers, 2%-6%.
Why not 2.036%-5.961%?
JackGetsIt 8y ago
70% of statistics are made up 43% of the time! In all seriousness I was just using the numbers as a way to communicate that relationship problems need to be fixed sooner rather than later.
Forcetobereckonedwit 8y ago
It's actually 2.041%- 5.973%. OP was rounding up and down.
foot_odor 8y ago
Depends if you take it from a frequentist or bayesian angle.