TLDR; Despite reading this shit for over 2 years, I still allowed myself to be cucked after falling in love with a girl. This is my story
I first came across the TRP a few years ago as we do, looking for answers about how to win a girl back. Despite gaining immense pleasure by reading the posts on here and looking forward to my new life, I realized I still have a lot of work to do. This is definitely a rant describing my blue pill behavior, but I'd like to thank this sub for waking me the fuck up about how BP I've been throughout my life. I know many of you are going to cringe while reading this, but let this be an example for other guys in similar situations.
I was driving to NYC last night, crying my balls out over a girl who probably couldn't care less about me. We dated for a few months, we went through the honeymoon phase and everything was good. The goodnight texts, sleeping together a few times a week, regular sex, talking all day, kissing each other goodbye. The fairy tale came crashing down when she told me she fucked her emotionally abusive ex boyfriend (as described by her) in an empty classroom a few weeks earlier. That should have been enough, but I forgave her and continued to date her because I loved her, and thought we could put it behind us. She said she didn't feel 'wanted', and her crying made me feel she actually regretted it. I didn't realize how much of a beta cuck I still am despite the fact I've been trying to internalize the principles of this sub for over a year now. She is a few years younger than me, but showed pretty much every trait that's been described in past posts on here. The moment I gave her the slightest bit of trouble, she jumped the cock carousel to date a new guy she just met, and whom she'd already been talking to before breaking up with me.
The new guy ended up dumping her because of her selfish attitude, so she came back to me for solace. She ended up sleeping over at my house every week for the next few months, and allowed me to fuck her in return for favors. It was pretty much transactional sex, I drove her to and from the city, bought her food, and was basically her uber driver and provider. (We live in the suburbs and she doesn't own a car) The strangest thing was, she just used to get naked and lie next to me, and allow me to do as I please with her body, but I wasn't allowed to kiss her. This went on for a few months, till I recently freaked out on her about not giving a fuck about me unless she wanted a favor. I don't know why I expected otherwise? She had been fucking other guys, she ditched me for another guy, and had cheated on me when we dated, but I still allowed her to use me for months after. I knew I was being used, but kept rationalizing the fact that we were fucking at least once a week, so it was worth it. The moment she stopped giving me sex, I called her out on her behavior and basically made things sour between us. I was incredibly angry that the only times she spoke to me was when she wanted me to pick her up, or to ask me for assistance with something. If I ever reached out to her at other times, she responded with one word. When we were in person, things were alright because we were comfortable with each other. I still felt unhappy because I wouldn't hear from her unless we had a plan that involved me driving her someplace.
The key points here are, I willingly allowed myself to be mr betabux and expected her emotional support in return. I went out of my way to do things for her, and expected her to love me for it. I kept hoping for things to be as they were when we were dating, but it was pretty much an FWB deal that would end soon. She has a long string of exes, and has never really been single for more than a month at a time. Her exes all orbit around her, and she recently fucked another of her exes from over 2 years ago, after her and I had an argument. The more I think about it, the more I feel I should just be mad at myself, rather than act like I'm some kind of victim here. I had enough reasons to end the relationship, and despite being continually disrespected and used, I kept going ahead with it. I felt that things would get better, but I have no idea why I expected them to be so. And now that I told her how I really felt, of course she decided we should part ways. I kind of dug my own grave here, and I hope I can learn from this and move on. I have been reading the posts on here for a while, but never really was able to apply them in my own life. Thanks to you guys for the knowledge though, I have changed my opinions on many aspects of life based on what I've read on here.
dominikklis1 5y ago
Just move up after "waking yourself" becouse most content over here is looking like honey wagon with plate of food inside. Red pill should be igniter to people to start think by themselfs, not to "learn how to be man" from bullshiters. There is a lot of "mentors" which are merchants, they have some insidefull information, but dont give you truth. Get real health, deplete, be brave to challenge every idea in your life and connect things to each other. If not, someone will try to take everything you have in exchange of promise to be happy. I would say that to anyone new, to do not waste time here.
SKRedPill 5y ago
Brother, a breakup isn't nearly the worst thing that can happen to you. Try looking at the homeless man on the road, the guy who's getting divorce raped and the guy who grew up in a very abusive environment or the guy who doesn't know where his next meal is.
It'll snap you out of it.
You might think it's the other person, but really all this emotional high is self generated by your own biochemistry the whole time. Your body needed a girl for it, so it starts thinking of her as the drug it needs (note that the body feels while the mind thinks). But really, it cooked up that whole cocktail on its own. No one really fiddles with your biochemistry. They just give it an opportunity.
As a man, only you are responsible for meeting your needs - others may be passengers to share the journey, but only you must be in the driver's seat. If you can move on from dependency to abundance, the very way you look at relationships will change. Virtually all relationships are just about squeezing something out of the other person, so they're all fucked up without abundance.
In today's BP society, we talk too much about the ecstasy without the strength to handle or keep yourself stable. Strength (physical, emotional and mental) should always come before any ecstasy because it is the foundation of life - it is the most important thing. The day someone else becomes responsible for your strength is when you're fucked up.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
Classic prostitute
maljo24 5y ago
Not easy to read without open eyes.
faustian_talos 5y ago
Damn you were like a slave to her.
exit_sandman 5y ago
And this, dear gentlesirs, is why you need abundance mentality - it's a lot easier to drop such a woman without looking back if you're able to get your fix elsewhere.
bakamoney 5y ago
This isnt a women support sub. So I am just gonna say it - You were 100% at fault here.
Damn man you fucked up.
Still dont see the part where you cut off contact though??
Platos_slow_brother 5y ago
Yup. A whole lot of simpering about second, third, fourth, tenth, fortieth chances. No consequences and finality.
[deleted] 5y ago
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ConservativelyRight 5y ago
Did this jump out at anyone else? If nothing else, this should have told you this girl is severely disturbed. If nothing else, this should have been the moment to kick her to the curb.
OP, if I may make a suggestion, make an attempt to get your sex drive under control. There's ways to do this. Research them. You'd be amazed at the world of difference it makes, especially as a young man, being indifferent to female sexual attention. Indifference to their emotional attention will follow.
exit_sandman 5y ago
Or simply follow the old PUA mantra "GFTOW"
Tjommas 5y ago
I can attest to this! I can recommend you try nofap for a while. Look at it this way: if you actually can't make it past a couple days, consiser you have a porn/sex addiction. It sounds extreme, but the literal definition of addiction is not being able to abstain from something. I assume a huge portion of the male population struggles with it.
Best case scenario you don't bust a nut for some time, your body will overflow with testosterone, and fuck someone a lot hotter than your psycho ex. And yes reading through that told me that she does indeed have some deep mental issues. She probably won't be able to sort them out, but that's not your problem.
Try to let your anger go. If anything feel sorry for her, she must have a terrible life if she is like that, but it's NOT your job to help her. Help yourself man, try some shit out. Nofap, quit smoking if you do, start lifting/running. Only good things will happen. And there is not much to lose. There is good pain and bad pain, remember that and go through some fucking good pain my guy!
bakamoney 5y ago
Sounds like regular starfish sex.
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motivatedstogs 5y ago
I got back with my ex toxic GF time and time again only to find out some shit she was lying about and withdrew from me every time. Same situation though, I got my fucking fix of good sex. She was freaky as fuck, and she would do whatever I said. But a terrible person. As much as I want to be mad at her for doing a plethora of shitty stuff, my rational side knows it’s my fault. I kept coming back like a sad puppy, I have no one to be mad at but myself. Thankfully, were separated and I won’t make this mistake ever again now that I’m aware of it.
BewareTheOldMan 5y ago
One thing I've noticed with these terrible male-female relationships is that most men come away with practical experience and great life-lessons regarding female behavior and their nature.
In short - a very bad relationship Red Pills most men better than anything else. By the time they read a book, talk with other men, or discover TRP they're already tracking RP Principles and tenets.
Accepting an unfaithful woman, a liar, a crazy or toxic woman, etc. - at the end of the relationship most men aren't angry with the woman, they're angry with themselves because they ignored ALL the signs of a terrible woman based on Blue Pill/Social Conditioning. They usually accept their failure, acknowledge their mistakes, and become better men in the process...all the while learning valuable lessons that can be applied to future relationships.
The reverse is that most women will CONTINUE to date or even marry jerks and losers, all while rarely accepting responsibility for their life-choices.
You hear it with statements like "I always attract jerks," "I didn't know he was abusive," "he just left me and his kid(s) for no reason," or "all men are dogs" without EVER accepting the stupidity of their bad life and relationship decisions.
I caught a reality show where a woman said "everything was fine until her boyfriend got her pregnant" - as if she had no decision or culpability in the process!
That guys...is one of the MAIN differences between men and women.
Sure – there are exceptions to female nature, but most women refuse to learn those valuable relationship lessons during their very early 20s when they can adjust for better men while still in their prime years.
SuperCrazy07 5y ago
Definitely. Long before TRP, my first LTR cheated repeatedly and all that other stuff. Once I finally got over her and reflected on everything, I knew I'd never let that happen again.
Foobyx 5y ago
awkward to give sex without a kiss, your story sounds like a prostitution relation. Sorry for you though, but you experiment a lesson, it worth more than any text you can read here: if a girl cheat on you: byebye
FagHatLOL 5y ago
Do you guys think all women are like this?
WillyWonka321 5y ago
I think you are asking the wrong question. Rather be worried whether you are the type of man that inspires this behaviour.
kril89 5y ago
I consider AWALT not as an 100% absolute but women AWALT to varying degrees. Not all women are manipulative sluts like the one in OP's story but all women have it in them. All men have it in them to be a beta (or alpha). Some are born that way, and some learn it later in life.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
On the one hand AWALT, but on the other hand every woman is not a clone. I think most women have at least some of this in them, but she was basically acting like a prostitute in all but name, and most women will not actually go that far.
exit_sandman 5y ago
You have to translate the behavior of the woman in the OP with more generic behaviors: Stop seeing what she did as an exact blueprint for female behavior, and try to see it more as her reacting to a specific set of circumstances (as she probably perceived them).
Think of a married woman who feels stuck in her relationship, doesn't love her husband anymore, only has duty sex with him (and no displays of affection beyond that) because she assumes that completely deadbedrooming him would put the marriage in jeopardy, and for whatever reason she doesn't want to risk that. But she has an affair with another guy where she gets the emotional connection or at least the sex she actually wants. Ask yourself: how many women would do that if they found themselves in such a situation?
And this setup is fundamentally the same in nature as in OP's relationship, it's only different in degrees. The chick in the story was already using sex as payment because it convenienced her life (she could easily have had that elsewhere if she was willing to work for it), and her cheating was a lot more rampant, her treatment of OP a lot more callous. It was basically the above scenario on steroids, more extreme by several magnitudes because the girl most likely had some psych issues.
ex_addict_bro 5y ago
Women respond to men. They don’t create. They react.
Be a different man and suddenly you meet different women.
The moment you slip, she starts treating you as described.
It’s that simple.
GodOfDinosaurs 5y ago
No, regardless of the other responses on here. I’ve been with girls exactly like this and other girls who are exactly the opposite. The point is to keep the worst case scenario in the back of your mind so you’re prepared for anything.
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HumanSockPuppet 5y ago
AWALT. All women are wrought from the same evolutionary blueprint. What determines their actual behaviour is their environment, and that includes their access to disciplining by a strong male.
alcappucinoh 5y ago
Maybe not all, but most of my experiences with this girl have been accurately described in other posts on this sub
brownsdown 5y ago
Have you still learned nothing? AWALT!!!! Yes! All Women Are Like That. JC dude.....
Crowstarz 5y ago
Another tale of oneitis for a slut.
teeekuuu 5y ago
Reading this sub for a year and still "forgiving" his slut for cucking him...
I find this very hard to actually understand, it's so retarded this post should be deleted. If you allow this kind of behaviour after reading the sidebar once, you're a pathetic excuse of a man.
ImNotSue 5y ago
Isn't that a good reason for it to stay? Why erase stories of failure, instead of learning from them? If the sub is just an echo box of repeated mantras its all the more vapid for it.
Crowstarz 5y ago
I don't believe he read the sidebar.Most of these dudes who consolidate on this sub can easily identify such fellows.this post belongs to inceltears or niceguys.
teeekuuu 5y ago
Very true. I find this post very misplaced... I expect to see this cringeshit at askTRP maybe, but a post on here? ...
alcappucinoh 5y ago
I understand what you guys are saying. We're all in different phases of the journey, my point is that it takes more than being aware to implement these principles in your life.
SKRedPill 5y ago
More than intellectual awareness. It needs to get into your cells literally. Just remember this, your biochemical high or low is entirely self generated. The other person was just there to give it an opportunity.
teeekuuu 5y ago
Dude, this text is not worth a spot on this sub, that's my opinion. The overall quality is going down and I'm not liking it, since that usually comes with all other types of shit. More trash = more rules to avoid trash = too many rules
rationalthought314 5y ago
settle down there, edgelord. You make it sound like everyone who goes to AA and rehab never falls off the wagon. It's easy to say online what you would or wouldn't do in any given situation but when are actually there it's a different matter. Just like Rehab, it's not a one time fix-all but a continual reinforcement and awareness so stories like OP are important to him selves and others.
BrownGummyBear 5y ago
If you don’t like a post on this sub then just piss off and go read the ones that you like instead of whining about it, let the mods/community filter the posts. This post is mostly going to help blue pill guys who are having a pretty hard time leaving their oneitis behind, this post won’t help Chads and that’s fine (not all Chads were born alpha anyways, some beta bux that may read this may become alpha someday and this post would’ve helped on that process then). If this post helps ONE Billy Beta then that’s good enough.
izzyinjurious 5y ago
But how did it enddddd?!? Faaahhkkk. You just woke up one day and your like enough is enough? The ending is usually the best parts of stories like these.
Anyway, now that you realized it focus on the side bar. Go fix that abundance mentality quickly and you'll forget about her in no time. Then she becomes a who? Eventually she'll come back to you and you can tell her to go away and it feels so good to not care about someone as toxic as her. Good luck Brodie. You'll be fine now that you're awake.
alcappucinoh 5y ago
It ended when she started changing her clothes in the bathroom in stead of in front of me as it used to be, and just stopped talking to me unless she needed a ride. So I decided it wasn't worth all the effort I was making since she wasn't even my friend, the only real intimacy we had was sex, and we weren't doing that anymore. I told her I wanted to talk, and her response was to avoid the conversation till I just told her everything I'd been feeling for the past few months. Her solution was that we went our own ways.
Thanks for the advice brother. I'm working on lifting, expanding my social circle, and reading as much as I can. I've found a lot of peace in reading the experiences of other men on here.
traktor28 5y ago
I can empathize brother. I kept going back to my ex wife who cheated on me, knowing she was fucking other dudes, but still rationalized it because I was getting my fix. Literally was addicted to her psycho ass like heroin. Crazy that not only did she allow it, I did too. Lost all my dignity, confidence, and sunk myself into a pit of depression for years because of it. Was it her fault, nah. My dumbass allowed it.
In hindsight, I did not value myself. I "loved" her more than I loved myself. Which at the time I thought was a brave thing to do, but it was a terrible mistake. I learned a lot throughout the healing process. Keep learning, dont ever allow yourself to make those mistakes again. Don't forget. Walk away with your dignity if anything happens like that again. You are the prize. Always remember that.
If ya find a solid one and feel the same way you did with this girl, honeymoon phase and all. Don't forgot about what happened. Don't get lulled into a false sense of security. You can make the same mistakes again because you think the new one is "different". I did and although the new girl didn't cheat to my knowledge. I still lost my dignity chasing her when she decided to leave. Good luck on your future relationships.
bakamoney 5y ago
Anyone who finds cash everyday under a bridge is gonna allow it to happen. Even us.
Its our fault if you throw cash everyday in the first place.
caneyfan 5y ago
Isn’t it funny how bad our instincts are when we’re ignorant about female/human nature? I went through same shit with my ex-wife. That’s what spurred me to google “female psychology” a few years back, which led me to an article on Illimitable Men “Understanding Female Psychology” and was like “woah!” then proceeded to read every article. Eventually it led me here. The world finally made sense after spending decades bathing in ignorance.
Platos_slow_brother 5y ago
Not ignorance, rather you accepted the falsities of what the schools, media, colleges, churches, and government push to you.
The entirety of our society depends on young, productive men being idiots and continuing to buy into this bullshit, even as it is self-evidently not true.
traktor28 5y ago
Yeah if only I knew what I know now.....
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[deleted] 5y ago
Yes this, wise words. Put yourself first
[deleted] 5y ago
I sincerely feel bad when I read stories like these. IMO beta behavior is easily cured with some extra testosterone (when you know what you are doing). Then before you know it tables have turned brother
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BrownGummyBear 5y ago
You mind if I ask why you started taking T for? Was it due to medical reasons or did you just simply wanted to increase your levels?
[deleted] 5y ago
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BrownGummyBear 5y ago
Fair enough. Good to hear you’re doing better now bud :]
berenmsc 5y ago
Aside from lifting.. what else do you recommend to increase T levels?
fistinggirls4free 5y ago
There are lots of natural test boosters at your local supplement store. There are also lots of foods that reduce your test production as well as foods that increase it. When you lift do compound movements as opposed to isolation lifts. I find that the supplements work best. Best of luck!
[deleted] 5y ago
Injecting 250-300mg of testosterone every week for 10 weeks will probably do the trick
Nicolas0631 5y ago
What happen if you stop after... How the effect can be permanent ?
[deleted] 5y ago
The effects are never permanent with steroids but from my experience you can maintain a lot with good diet and lifting regularly. I was lifting for 12 years before I started my first cycle, I think having a good base is also important to maintain gains after the cycle besides PCT ofc. I finished my last cycle a year ago (my second one) and I am still satisfied with the results. The main difference is that I lost some volume and strength but being shredded and not look skinny is more important to me. Also people do not assume I am/was on steroids now.
I know I am sort of advocating to jump into a steroid cycle but please do not take it lightly and know everything about it before making a decision. On the other side, knowing you have a body you and most woman desire is a huge confidence boost. With the increase in SMV things will just come easier in life.
ConservativelyRight 5y ago
Careful with this. Increased test --> increased sex drive --> increased need for female attention.
There's a sweet spot, but I don't think maximizing test is necessarily the way to go.
[deleted] 5y ago
For me it felt like I was/am on top of the world and female attention went through the roof. Acting more alpha because you suddenly get to choose your woman and things just got rolling from there, although my test is in balance now I still learnt being confident opens so many doors in this life and I try to apply it everyday.
Atheist_Utopia 5y ago
Since when is more test bad lol
Auxfite 5y ago
Before trp I was 60% alpha 40% beta.. only reason why my beta was high was due to low testosterone. Started lifting now I only display beta traits so I’m not some redpill robot to these hoes. Giving women emotions requires some beta
alcappucinoh 5y ago
Thank you both. You're right, lifting and such activities definitely help to get rid of beta thoughts. I'm going to get back to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the only reason I'd stopped was because I was spending all my time off work with this girl.
BrownGummyBear 5y ago
Good thinking! Work on yourself bro, you’re the price always remember that. A lot of us have been in your shoes before, changing old habits can be hard but with enough hard work and consistency you can change your life.
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