Disclaimer: this is for guys who want to learn or improve cold approach. If you don't have to do that because you're banging girls on Tinder, god bless you brother go forth and slay. But understand that in many cities/dating markets, most guys will get shitty results on dating apps and therefore their best option is cold approach. Plus, it's a hell of a lot of fun and learning how to talk to random people in a way they find interesting and engaging is a fantastic skill that translates well to business and other avenues of life besides women.
First, I just want to point out that I never would have met this woman if it wasn't for cold approach. She wasn't on the market (as I later found out and have another story I'll post on how I almost fucked up and got oneitis for this girl), and she wouldn't have swiped on me if she was--here's how that went:
It was a Thursday and I should've been at work, but I'd been up late the night before with another woman so I said fuck it and used one of my vacation days. Slept in, went to the gym, then did some writing and worked on my websites.
After I went to a Thai restaurant to grab some food, and there she was: HB 8--Ukrainian or Eastern European to my eyes--sitting alone at the bar. As I came in she turned and I immediately made strong eye contact with her before sitting down a seat away, nodding, "hi," with a coy smile.
"Hello," came the reply.
Here's the thing for guys who worry about girls freaking out on cold approach: 1) if she didn't want to be approached, she wouldn't have looked at me, and 2) even if she did, simply not returning the greeting or turning away or any other sign of disinterest would have hinted that the door was closed or closing--anyway, if you pay attention to that kind of shit it's usually pretty obvious if a girl doesn't want to be approached.
At this point, the waiter came, brought the menu, and I ordered because I already knew what I wanted. Then I turned to her and said, "I love your earrings--they're very (pause)--unique." BTW, if she's wearing interesting earrings, this is a great canned opener. However, the overall point is to just notice something about her that is part of her ensemble or aura that's not overtly sexual (although there are times when, "I want to eat your ass" can work). Anyway, this gets you in the set.
She says, "thank you," and sort of blushes and turns away.
Here's where I could have lost her, but I followed up--remember if a girl is giving you solid IOIs (looked when I came in, made eye contact, replied to my hello, replied to my opener), keep going. She may like you but just not know what to say. You have to be the leader--that's what she wants you to prove eventually anyway. Besides, if you can't carry a conversation how are you going to fuck her good like she wants to be fucked?
Anyway, I follow up with: "were they a gift or did you buy them yourself?"
And she begins to tell the story of how they were from an ex, yada, yada, yada--at this point as a guy you just need to maintain eye contact, look interested and smile sometimes, and follow where the conversation leads. When appropriate, tell her she's attractive: "well you look lovely I must say."
Now she's hooked, i.e. invested in the conversation. Next make her qualify herself. Neg if necessary.
When the story came to a close, I joked, "so are you independently wealthy, or just like to chill in Thai bars at 2 on Thursday afternoons?"
"I work at a hair salon and it's my day off," she says petulantly. "You're here too," she says leaning toward me, "what do you do big shot?"
Perfect--this is building tension. Too many guys are afraid to piss a girl off, but you have to break rapport in order to establish sexual tension, and this is necessary because you have to show her you can walk away. She expects me to give her a straight answer.
"I'd really rather not get into that--everyone's always asking me what I do for a living," I say. "Besides, what if you're a thief who wants to rob me?" This with a big smile telling her I'm not serious, while leaning toward her--again, eye contact.
At first she didn't say anything, then she laughed, taking a drink and shaking her head.
"I'm Chase," I say. "Nice to meet you."
"I'm Marryn," she says, taking my hand.
From there it was simply a balance between comfort and pleasure.
Comfort: find things in common, shared experiences or interests, agreeing with what she says.
Value: disagreeing with what she says, teasing, negging ("is that nail chipped?" I grab her hand to look, "oh never mind." hint: no, but it throws her off), and being aloof, cocky, and unserious.
Once you've engaged a girl and you know she's hooked and you're having a good vibe, it's time for logistics:
"So where are you off to after this?"
"I have to run some errands, etc..." OK so at this point I know the best I can do is number close.
"Well my dear there's a great wine bar just a bit from here--we should grab a drink there sometime," she doesn't object so I just continue, getting out my phone, "type in your number and I'll text you mine."
KEY POINT: give her a reason she's giving you her number. Bring up a cool hike you go on, or a trivia night, or a fun tap house, or whatever, it can even just mean saying, "let's do X, Y, Z"--but this will decrease your flakes big time, because she now has an idea of what you're going to do and she feels like she's already agreed to it. Plus it shows you have confidence that whatever that thing is, it's going to be fun and it's something you already do.
"OK," she nods. And that's it.
Last thing: don't just stop talking to her after the close. In my case my lunch hadn't even come yet, and if she had been eating lunch (she was getting takeout), then it becomes an instant mini date and I would have continued to chat her up, though it's usually best to number close when right before you have to leave or you can see that she does. In this instance her order came right before I got her number, so I knew she was leaving soon. I guess the point is that until one of you leave, you're still in the set, and if you act like a weirdo after you get her number, she's going to flake.
Steps:
1) Play the role walking in: be confident, dress well for your style (that might be a tank top if you're jacked and live somewhere warm--every guy has to figure that out), and anytime you see a hot girl, make strong eye contact if possible.
2) Move quickly and be social: I said "hi" immediately after I walked in, but even if it's not the girl, be friendly with everyone and anyone, joke, and show that you're a cool guy--without being try hard. Remember, your base attitude is DGAF. To steal a line I saw from a recent post: "Your toes are tappin' no matter what happens."
3) Open the set: I used the earrings opener--but it can be anything relevant to the girl. All you really need is a topic that she's interested in or something about her that makes her different/special. You can even open by telling her you think you know her, as goofy as that sounds. What really matters is your tonality, attitude, and eye contact.
4) Establish man to woman: "you look lovely."
5) Qualify and/or neg: what makes her so special? What about her is a little off? Remember, a neg is not insulting the girl, it's something that simply throws her off guard, shows her that you're not putting her on a pedestal.
6) Build tension, break rapport. This is simple: establish your frame--show her you're not some little beta lapdog waiting to be petted.
7) Balance value vs. comfort: see above.
8) Escalate and/or close: always try to do something with her right then (if you can)--but if not, kiss/number close is fine. This is obviously going to depend on the situation. The most I could do with this girl in the moment without looking weird is lean in a few times and the one time I took her hand. If it's a nightclub, you can (read: should) be much more aggressive in terms of kino escalation.
9) Play it cool until you leave or she does.
Idontgetitboyz 5y ago
Good structured FR and some pretty good info here.
dr_warlock 5y ago
Need more like this. Not some diary note posts I've been seeing.
lux_7 5y ago
Good story man and nice interaction. You didn't tell how the Thai food turned out though :D
DoneScannedIt 5y ago
I came here for the Post, but the Comments are also a, "great read".
jbpostv 5y ago
Excellent walkthrough post. For new guys or even intermediates feeling a little nervousness, it can be common for your face to freeze during set, which doesn’t look “calm and collected”. It demonstrates fear, catatonia and can be avoided with some go to facial body language defaults. Whenever qualifying a girl, which is great bang for your buck imo, I give this pensive/mildly disapproving eye brows furrowed glance that basically says “I’m not just gonna nod my head and smile pleasantly, I hope you impress me and wipe this look off my face.” If you look up “Tucker Carlson” he makes this face when his guests talk. During disqualification and rapport breaking think “how would I game an HB4-6.” Girls love being treated like this because it communicates she’s par for the course and you have options who are more alluring. Treating her like a no big whoop HB4-6 plays on her hypergamy to find a man out of her league. It’s not rude, it’s keeping her off a pedestal and treating girls like real people.
[deleted]
Justforthefire911 5y ago
What about other things i cant control, I dont usually freeze. But i blush. Im already red in the face for no reason. I cant even count how many times ive been called out, "why are you so red"?
[deleted]
destraht 5y ago
I like everything about Tucker Carlson after he returned. I was happy to see him go many years ago as I couldn't stand anything about him. He seemed to really have improved his personality, knowledge and world view during his years out of the limelight.
[edit] Holy shit Tucker is on fire. Even a little RP blurb in there about women not wanting to marry men poorer than themselves.
[deleted]
FloydRix 5y ago
Can anyone expand on "and follow where the conversation leads. When appropriate, tell her she's attractive: "well you look lovely I must say." Is it a good idea to give a girl a compliment or is this just free validation?
The_Lightskin_Wonder 5y ago
Since he mentioned the earrings he didn't change the topic he let it flow on through. I.e "so where did you get the earrings?"
trpboy123 5y ago
Great guide! I have a few questions though.
Compliments - how often do you do it in a convo? I always hear - don't compliment much because they hear it all the time.
How much do you invest vs how much she invests - do you speak a lot during the beginning and then gradually lower it or do you speak a lot of during the first meet up to build comfort and then on later dates make her invest more? (Sounds like a stupid question but I always have trouble with this. I make the women invest more during our first convo - she talks a lot and doesn't ask much about me( maybe she's not attracted) and basically I remain a stranger. )
warlordchad 5y ago
mikorkeza 5y ago
I could probably try and answer 1 and 2.
As the OP said, base DGAF, confidence. Keep it short, simple and sincere. Overthinking it won't help. Keep cool at all times. Your frame is your frame.
[deleted]
ZachMeadows 5y ago
And for number 3, RooshV has several Game books that may be solid based on his reputation and his posts here. I haven't bought them yet, but I'm planning to.
nebder 5y ago
Bang isn’t horrible. Worth picking up, pay roosh if you pirate it first. Haven’t read the others
Bang taught me: “Can I use your restroom?” and the esp game. Tell them to pick a number between 1-10, they usually pick 7. I said no fucking way when I read that. Lo & behold its a safe enough bet to pick 7. Humans are weird.
Idontgetitboyz 5y ago
Neil Strauss in his book "The Game" uses that too.
wbminister 5y ago
Loved the post! It was down the earth, felt natural and drew me in, whilst still hinting at theory and tricks, helping you close this Eastern babe.
Keep us updated.
magx01 5y ago
Nice fantasy role play diary post.
etrlgry 5y ago
Yeah this was a cringe and a half
AutoModerator 5y ago
Just a friendly reminder that as TRP has been quarantined, we have developed backup sites: https://www.trp.red and our full post archive (and future forums) https://www.forums.red/i/TheRedPill. Don't forget to register on TRP.RED and reserve your reddit name today. Forums.Red is currently locked but will be opened soon.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
[deleted]
DigitalDragonSlayer 5y ago
Really nice post op… Please continue to share.
Question about the entrance, how much have you fucked up if you don’t immediately act upon encountering someone when you walk into a venue?
nebder 5y ago
Overall its nitpicking. Look at the pareto here.
Related- for night game walk in with a half-smile or a smirk, something that shows you’re happy and fun.
If you obviously wanted to go for it and chickened out yes you just stepped on your dick.
I have locked eyes on a gal on entrance, did the shoulder pat thing to get past her for a drink & crowd working to later open her. Usually something simple like hey I saw you on my way in whats up. The delay builds up some excitement & mystery.
DigitalDragonSlayer 5y ago
Much appreciated. Going to apply this tonight mate.
destraht 5y ago
For the kinds of girls that I pickup a hello is always a good enough opener. There are a lot of women out there who will respond poorly to a hello from a non-target man and this gets some men thinking that they need to start off much more cleverly from the first word. The kind of women that I like will respond back decently to a normal man even if she doesn't want to fuck him. She can shy off from there as far as I'm concerned and if he doesn't get the hint then that is then his problem. This allows me to cut out a lot of mean bitches from the start. Its easy for a woman to be decent to a man she really wants to fuck. I don't like being with mean spirited women because if I fall from godhood in her eyes then she will be savage, because she is a mean nasty person. The art of basic hi is a non-issue in Latin America due to the general politeness and dancing culture but it is often lost in many places in the world.
As far as basic first meeting closers to escalate the tension for the next time, I think that the cheek kiss a bit towards the neck is underrated. I like it because its not something that needs to be asked permission, it can be written off as friendly to not make an awkward situation and and its easy enough for them to adjust their head a bit without it being a total whiff. It says that they are friendly but a little bit this much more than friendly. There is also possibility with body positioning to have that turn into a few kisses.
How you described this woman when she responded to your first compliments does sound very Russian/Ukrainian. They are a bit shier/reserved at first and more about having the guy make the moves. A Latin American or or Southeast Asian woman would probably be challenging you to talk to them from an early moment. It definitely takes me a while to adjust my subtle approach to the Eastern Slavs because they often won't budge an inch before I do the starting. So if nobody starts then nothing happens and they almost never will. Personally I prefer women who say hello first or smile a lot and then I'll do all of the man stuff from there. That is probably 80% of the women I've been with but that is just me and I could probably change to go after women staring into their drinks if I wanted to.
Idontgetitboyz 5y ago
I agree here. Here in eastern europe "hi" followed by a comment and followed by "what's your name" which some ppl might say they are mistakes cause you show interest actually works pretty well 80% of the time.
destraht 5y ago
It seems that many things become more elaborate and sophisticated in larger liberal Western places. I see it as largely just dysfunction repurposed as game. So for future reference if you are in a place where a simple "hi" is too autistic to get a girl's attention so that she can start seeing about you then the whole scene is likely to be some level of dysfunctional. If you are only a 8/10 then you may have to learn more elaborate dating rituals to advance to the next round. My problem with it is that people start to believe that the elaborate concoctions are a thing in themselves and they don't see that they are parodying themselves. So a serious uninformed parody of honest functional behaviour. If you are new to these scenes and have a higher comprehension then you can do very well. I'm however extremely tired of it all to the point that I've checked out. Perhaps in a similar way to how many EE people darken on their environment and see the West as a salvation to all of their problems. I'm not so naive as the typical 19 year old EE girl who only dreams of Paris, London and New York. I just see it that I am able to interact with a level of general level of humanity that isn't present here [in California].
Idontgetitboyz 5y ago
I agree with the dysfunctional part.
destraht 5y ago
To clarify since I jumped around a lot, I'm from California and people are a bit odd here. People are just less weird in EE. Sure the old Soviet paranoia can be a bit much in some people but I always know where they stand. Its not an act, they just feel that way. Its not a flavour of the week from a magazine or like PUA types acting a certain way that they aren't.
Idontgetitboyz 5y ago
Oh thx for clarification. Yeah I assumed that is what you meant. Sucks that the scene is like that. However it makes it harder. Here in EE is a lot more opening, and it triggers me when incels say that women are hard to get. A bit of gamr and grooming already puts you ahead.
destraht 5y ago
There are subcultures here which operate better and many other places of the world like this, but the larger culture is definitely this way. For me women here can be easyish but it requires a certain level of projection of belief that this place isn't a piece of poorly socialized shit. That is too much for me.
Women either want to be taken to a better place or for a man to believe that they are already in that better place. If I don't believe that I'm in a good place then first of all why don't I leave and what does that say about me that I'm here? Second of all what good is man who doesn't like a place since he is likely to be leaving.
So this place is the best, even though its very much not. Someone very educated and with a huge job recently boldly claimed to told me that nothing important has been done in America, East of the mountains in a hundred years. Everything important was done on our coast, he claimed. So America is the best, our liberal coastal hive is the best. Where to go from there? With this level of general arrogance its essentially only to believe or to leave.
I don't give a shit which EE country you are from, I could throw a dart on a map. The women would be better looking, easier to greet, the average food would be much more sustaining, random people wouldn't be utter dumbasses.