There are three common ways to meet women: through your social circle, online dating, and cold approach.
Of these three methods, which is best way to meet women?
Well, there is no simple answer: it depends on your personal goals and life situation.
But it is important to understand the pros and cons of each strategy. If you don’t you can spend months (or even years) of your time and energy on a dating strategy that cannot get you the results they want.
In this article, you’re going to learn about the 3 best methods for meeting women, you to make them work for you, and how to choose which to focus on in your own life.
Until the advent of dating apps, the vast majority of couples met through their social circles. If a girl is in a class with you, she works with you, or you were introduced by a mutual friend – then she’s in your social circle.
There are several advantages to meeting women through your social circle:
When you meet girls through your social circle, they can trust that you’re probably not some antisocial weirdo. Conversely, girls you approach on the street might assume that you live in your mom’s basement.
2. Social Value
If you build a social circle with many beautiful women, you can leverage it to create opportunities. You could, for example, invite girls to a weekly party that you host. You’ll have a lot of social value in these parties, it’s equivalent to being the DJ at a club.
In psychology, there’s a concept called ‘preselection’ which means that women are more attracted to men who seem attractive to other women.
For example, if you’re hosting a party, a variety of beautiful women who are all giving you attention, any girls who see you getting this attention will become more attracted to you.
Furthermore, fewer women than men go to clubs which means that girls have more social value in that environment.
But if you throw an event, you get to choose who comes. You can turn the usual dynamic upside down, you can ensure the ratio of men to women is whatever you want it to be.
Why Social Circle Game Is Not The Best Way To Meet Girls
Meeting women through your social circle has one important disadvantage: lack of volume. Unless you work for Maxim, your social circle probably only has a few attractive women in it.
You might sit next to a cute girl in class, but if you ask her out and she rejects you, then what?
Meeting women through your social circle can easily lead to become overly invested in the few girls that you see in your day-to-day life.
When men rely too much on meeting women through their social circle, they often fall into a scarcity mindset.
Scarcity is a psychological principle that states: the rarer something is, the more value it has.
For example, gold doesn’t look any better than something gold painted, but real gold is extremely valuable simply because it’s rare.
In dating, we enter a scarcity mindset when we only interact with a small number of women in our day-to-day lives. If your dating options are scarce, each individual girl will have a tremendous amount of value to you – as a result you’ll become afraid of the possibility that she’ll reject you (if she rejects you, you have no other options).
The more you care about getting with a particular girl, the less likely you are to get her. She will feel that you want something from her, and that dating her is big deal for you. When someone needs something from us, we feel an inherent repulsion towards them: it’s like meeting a homeless person who starts asking for money.
Relying exclusively on your social circle is not the best way to meet women. When you’re only interacting with a few attractive girls, you’re not only likely to develop scarcity mindset, but it’s also unlikely that you’ll meet a girl who you’re extremely attracted to (both physically and psychologically).
Let’s say there are 5 attractive women in your social circle – what are the chances that one of those girls is really your dream girl, the kind of girl who you have amazing sexual and social chemistry with?
The larger your dating pool, the more likely it is you’ll meet a woman who truly has all the qualities you want.
Social Circle Game: The Verdict
Social circle is great as a supplement to other dating strategies.
Let’s say you approach women throughout the week and you get 20 girl’s numbers. You could invite all of those women to a party you’re throwing on the weekend. Maybe 5 of those girls show up, but that’s 5 girls who are all interested in meeting you who’ve shown up to your party – you can hang out with all of them and choose the one you like most.
You can also use social media to build your social circle. You can add any girls you meet from cold approach or online game to your Snapchat (you can follow me on Snapchat: (aghayden) for some examples of what Snapchat game looks like) or Instagram following. Then, you can post interesting daily stories that keep the girls following you engaged with you.
The best stories are either you doing something adventurous, you being playful with girls, or sharing things that will build a connection with your audience (you hanging out with your dog, cooking, playing board games with your family, etc.)
The women who follow you will see that you have an awesome life and this will both make you seem intriguing and trustworthy.
Social circle game is a powerful supplement when you’re already getting good results from either online game or cold approach -but it’s not an effective way to meet women by itself.
Dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, etc.) have a nearly limitless supply of members. There is no scarcity of women you can meet online. But online dating has a serious problem for men: the competition.
In 2016, 67.8% of Tinder users were male whereas only 32.2%4 were female. Even worse, women on Tinder get swiped right an average of 50% of the time whereas men only get swiped right by women 16% of the time.
The economics of online dating are very much in the favor of women: pretty much any girl can get a limitless supply of matches on Tinder whereas the average guy gets maybe 1 per day (if that).
A particularly beautiful woman on a dating apps will receive dozens of messages every single day: standing out from all those men is no easy task.
It’s not all doom-and-gloom, though. Very few men are good at online dating: most guys use lazy pictures taken on their smartphone’s selfie camera and send messages that are either creepy or boring.
You can stand out from the majority of guys on dating apps by crafting learning how to message girls in a way that intrigues them and spending a couple hundred dollars on a professional photographer.
You could use online dating to meet a new girl every single day. However, it’s fairly rare to meet ‘9s’ and ‘10s’ from dating apps: there’s just too much competition for the most beautiful women.
You can use online dating to consistently get dates with fairly cute girls, but if you want women that are ‘stunning,’ online dating isn’t a good option.
(Also, if a girl looks like an ‘8’ on Tinder, she’s probably a ‘6.’ If she looks like a ‘6’, she’s probably a 4. Most people on Tinder choose the most flattering photos they’ve ever taken, these pictures tend to be misleading.)
Wrapping Up Online Dating
Dating apps can be a good way to get some experience under belt if you’re inexperienced with women (https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/12/09/bumble-game/). It’s much less anxiety provoking to message a woman online than to approach her in person. And if a girl from an app agrees to meet you, you can be confident that she’s open to the idea of dating you.
Relying too much on dating apps can become a crutch. If you start going on dates with girls you met online, but you can’t approach a girl in person, it’s easy to become reliant on the dating app.
If your long-term goal is to date ‘9s’ and ‘10s’ you shouldn’t use dating apps as your exclusive method for meeting women.
Meeting girls online can help get the ball rolling and help you build some confidence in yourself, but while you’re doing that, you should simultaneously work on your ability to approach and attract women in person – because that’s where you’ll meet the most beautiful women.
Cold Approach Pickup
In today's society, most men cannot approach a beautiful girl without the benefits of alcohol – it’s just too anxiety provoking.
Of course, if most people are unable to do something, the few people who do it have an unfair advantage.
If you can confidently approach a girl, you’ve already proven that you’re among the top 10% of guys.
When you’re out meeting women in person, you can approach literally anyone and get her undivided attention. (Compare this to online dating where the majority of women won’t even see your profile or read your message).
There’s also a virtually unlimited number of women you can approach. In your social circle there might be 5 beautiful women, in a city with a million people, there might be 50,000.
Disadvantages Of Cold Approach
Psychologically, cold approach is extremely difficult for most men. You will get rejected on a regular basis. Those rejection can easily fuel negative thought patterns (“I’m just not attractive enough”/”These women are bitches”/ etc.)
The harsh truth is that most men who try cold approach ultimately fail. Success stories aren’t the norm, frustration and disappointment are.
This is no different from say, fitness, where most people who start a new diet or buy a gym membership give up within a couple months.
If you eat fewer calories, you will lose weight. If you lift heavy weights, you will build muscle. However, few people who start these endeavors ultimately reach their goals – building healthy habits is psychologically challenging.
Similarly, you can attract beautiful women through cold approach, but it’s psychologically challenging to do so.
That’s why it’s important to focus not just on the techniques that attract women (https://redpilltheory.com/2018/02/08/make-girls-chase-art-hot-cold/), but on the process of learning game itself.
In bodybuilding, knowing a good workout regiment isn’t enough to build muscle. You also must know how to motivate yourself to go to the gym consistently, how to make sure you’re eating the right foods, and how to consistently lift heavier weights each week.
Likewise, knowing how to attract a woman isn’t enough, you must be patient and disciplined(very few guys get instant successes from game). You also must learn from your mistakes and set goals that will point you in the right direction.
Most guys who try to learn cold approach fail – not because something is inherently wrong with them or with pickup itself – but because their strategy doesn’t account for the biggest obstacle we face: our psychological resistance to change.
Of the three strategies for meeting women, cold approach has the most potential. One guy I went out with brought home 9 attractive women home in 9 days. Now, that may not be your goal, it’s not mine either, but there’s almost no limit to what’s possible.
To be fair, you can’t bring home a ‘perfect 10’ every night. But that’s because such women are genuinely rare. You can, however, go on a date with a solid ‘8’ every single day if you wanted to.