I got a phone call today while I was at work from my ex-girlfriend.
We broke up during the summer of this year, but as of late, she has been doing everything humanely possible to get me back. Showing up at my house, calling me, texting me, reading old card messages, etc.
Yes, I do have some responsibility by picking up her phone calls and entertaining the idea, but I share this story to see how it relates and confirms RP-theory.
One of the main reasons of broke up with her was I overcommitted myself to her. I surrendered an entire day if I needed, to see her happy. And whenever I wasn't readily available, this then led to arguments about how I am not serious, etc.
My thought process behind seeing her happy meant I would be happy. So I lost myself in the entire process, and once I told her I felt like I was being "taken for granted," she ran. Went ghost for a couple of days, and that was it.
Fast forward to today, she starts off saying "I should have loved you better." And "I am sorry, and I want to do whatever it takes to fix this."
A lot of the cards she read to me over the phone were shocking to say the least. This was at least 5-6 years of me writing apology cards from Hallmark to get her validation; I said "every flower that ever bloomed had to go through dirt." I also said things like "I love you, and I want to push you around in your wheelchair when you get old."
Yes, nice, but her reading cards that were from my early twenties showed me she has been incapable of loving me the same way I loved her.
I did everything possible to keep this woman happy, and I was too much of a bitch to add any intrinsic value to my life. I said this in a previous post, but once I began adding something of actual substance to my life than a woman, my entire spectrum has grown.
Learning Salsa/Bachata has made me happy. I watched videos for 2-3 years, and never summoned enough courage to do it on my own, and ever since I grew a pair, I am happy.
She wants to rekindle what we had, but I am no longer the same person willing to sacrifice and drop everything to see her. She wants me back in her frame, but I can't go back. There is no going back to my blue-pill conditioning days.
TL;DR -- Ex-GF wants to rekindle our LTR of 7 years by reading old love cards from our early twenties.
EmannuelKent 5y ago
just dont dude. she doesnt appreciate you. fuck that bitch. if you can not get emotionally inolved, id say plate her. but it doesnt seem like thats a possibility. end it now. dont let her suck you in. she is using you to make herself feel better. she is probably getting no attention from other guys. AWALT. NEXTTTTTTTT
DavidEagle68 5y ago
She doesn't, and you're right about her getting no attention from other men. She's clinging onto me and has made an attempt to emotionally manipulate me. I blocked her, because she didn't take the breakup well, AT ALL...
EmannuelKent 5y ago
good. thats exactly what you should do.
max_peenor 5y ago
Why? Did some sky fairy set a bush on fire and threaten to turn you into a pillar of salt if you don't answer the phone?
MajIssuesCaptObvious 5y ago
Good story, and you're doing well by knowing that you shouldn't go back to her, but, yes, you really need to cut all comm with her. As long as you keep picking up the phone, she'll still think you're blue pilled and that she can manipulate you. Tell her to learn from her mistakes and be a better woman for the next sucker.
DavidEagle68 5y ago
I blocked her after she told me she was having "dark thoughts," feels "insecure," and needs to see a therapist. It was obviously a last attempt to try to win me over by me feeling bad.
MR3790 5y ago
Don't dig through the trash
bsutansalt 5y ago
Sounds to me like her bigger better deal fell through and she's feeling the imminent pressure of The Wall approaching.
BusterVadge 5y ago
Almost all of them try to come back at some point, especially when they see how great your life is now.
Like you suggest, the person you are now is most likely not compatible with the person she wants you to be. Not to mention the baggage from breaking up.
I bet $100 that the girls you're playing with now are at least 2 notches hotter and more interesting than she is. This is how it played out with my most recent ex. I'm plating girls of a higher caliber.
I will always have a soft spot in my heart for my ex, but that shit's in the past. We're both different people now and what worked for me then definitely doesn't work for me now.
L0neWolfAlpha 5y ago
"It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship." Rollo Tomassi
What was the point of this post? TRP going downhill after quarantine.
MrCongeniality1 5y ago
"I should have loved you better" means "right now while I am desperate, I am thinking I should have loved you better but once I reel you in and feel like I have some leverage, I will grind you down just like before."
You know that fat friend that lost all the weight but you still think of as the fat guy 5 years later? She will always smell 7 years of beta blood on you and will test you for leverage at every opportunity. There are so many ways I can think of communicating with her to plate her, but all scenarios seem like too much of a nuisance or put you at risk for being smeared as "using" her (edit: or getting her fucking pregnant as wise men have said below). Be nice to her, tell her that you are happy to stay friends. Having a girl that wants you back is gold for pursuing other women.
Andromeda-1 5y ago
What a good analogy. OP, you've been warned.
Trenned_out 5y ago
YES. Just put "right now I feel" in front of everything she says. And then when she feels differently (gets you back and gets comfortable) she will treat you differently.
I've watched this myself and it truly will hammer home how women are entirely governed by their moment to moment emotions. I even had an ex who after being literally perfect for months when I took her back, could (occasionally) objectively realize when she had begun to not treat me as good as she had when she was trying to earn me back.
She would admit this. Now did anything change? Nope. Maybe a little thing here or there, but nothing to reverse the slide back into toxic relationship land.
Thank fully I took control of my life and ended it the second time, but I should have much earlier. Trust me OP, if you let a girl you once had a strong bond with back in, those feels flare up. And it will be much harder to pull the plug when your neurotransmitters are screaming YOU LOVE HER at you, than now when you are removed and objective.
for the love of god don't do it man.
richpianoo 5y ago
Iwould avoid friendship all together only this that will do is 1 drive a wedge between op and any new relationship and two she might try sabotage gis future relationships
MrCongeniality1 5y ago
It has been my experience that the girls you hard next are the ones that talk shit. There's a recent TRPWomen post from a girl whose main problem is "how fast" they moved on. It really shakes a girl to feel dropped and replaced, but if she gets some lingering attention and you make her feel like you still think she's special, you have a better chance of avoiding psycho behavior. If he keeps her at a reasonable distance, she will look a little crazy if she reaches out to his new girls just to talk shit, and he has the messages of her trying to get him back.
1aranzant 5y ago
this. girls in love with you will do anything to sabotage any new relationship
Ramp_Up_Then_Dump 5y ago
But beta of many year husbajds can (not always) become alpha of the house once again.
If he thinks there is good future, he can try his chance by holding frame, dreading and acting "my way or highway".
nebder 5y ago
You’re not wrong. Only worth the effort if you’re stuck in a marriage. You could put much less effort into a new gal and get better results.
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TheStoicCrane 5y ago
OP a question. Roughly how old is the ex-girlfriend trying to get you back?
XxNerdKillerxX 5y ago
You know, just for the sake of giving a different opinion, I was going to say go for it. Cause I know these relationship threads even outside of TRP are always advising to dump the person. But, here's what got me:
She seemed directly manipulative, just using the situation and bending it to fit some made up narrative. That level of conduct doesn't seem right for a serious relationship, like she just saw you as an object or she see's everyone like that. Let's be real, "serious relationships" often means "kids." Could you work with someone like her in raising healthy kids? She doesn't seem capable of balancing a healthy discussion without being manipulative, how will she be able to represent a balanced viewpoint if she can't conduct herself as an honest adult?
Look at this less in a "how can I make her like me" problem/solution and think more longterm "can I work with this person as a partner for the task of raising children." Even if you push back and take up for yourself and make her more attractive, that isn't as easy as a problem to solve as getting her to be responsible enough to raise kids.
grewapair 5y ago
Story of my life. When I look back at my relationships, it was me running around to make a girl happy who wouldn't make one iota of effort to make me happy, other than once a week duty sex to keep me around. Acts made purportedly to make me happy were really to make HER happy: "For your birthday, I bought you a more expensive shirt you can wear to take me to more expensive places!"
Once you stop doing all that stuff, you basically never keep a girl ever. There's always some beta simp willing to give up their life for the almighty V or a better looking guy who will also not lift a finger. As between you and that guy, that guy wins.
You were right not to take her back, because she didn't want you, she wants the simp you once were, and that guy is gone forever.
Here's your future: you'll try to date only to find it empty and meaningless. Everywhere you go will be women who will be doing nothing for you and trying to use you. Finally, you find more rewarding pursuits. Fortunately you realized all this before you entered into a contract to hand her half of everything you and only you, had worked for.
lookoutitscaleb 5y ago
I had a relationship like this. It led me to TRP.
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The only way to do this in my eyes is to plate her. Once she has fallen from grace she can never return to her previous status.
Meet up and bang, hang out, if she acts up leave and go fuck Jamie or Lindsey. Abundance my dude.
GL
ANGRY_ATHEIST 5y ago
This is a story as old as time, and us RP'ers know it all too well. For most of us it's what brought us here.
We get into a happy relationship.
We get complacent and don't realize we start failing shit tests left and right.
Woman leaves or becomes so miserable to be around that she makes you leave.
The "Act 2" of that story is:
We man up, dread, etc.
Woman (or at least other women) come back around.
I had a similar situation recently, and general consensus from reading past RP knowledge is that getting back with an ex is a bad idea. I've plated my ex for now, and I'm trying to remain optimistic, but dammit if TRP hasn't been right so many times in the past...
Ansec 5y ago
Here's what you do. Next time she calls tell her to come over. You fuck the shit out of her like you never have before. Be a man and lead the interaction. Then don't ever message her. Let her message you first and every time she does invite her over to fuck her brains out again. Never go past this. She needs to earn your love. In the mean time focus on yourself and do what you want to do. No more of that bullshit of writing cards or donating another min of your time for her.
Also see other women. Spin this girl as a FWB plate.
dariusjames 5y ago
Will this not backfire?
hawkeaglejesus 5y ago
Ansec 5y ago
That's why I say the only effort he should be putting into this is walking to the front door to let her in. There is no relationship beyond FWB.
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christophertracy92 5y ago
Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
raadim 5y ago
I also dance salsa/bachata/kizomba and I was in a relationship with a girl from our dance school for 1 year. I also over committed myself to her. She left me eventually for another guy from our dance school.
Unfortunately for her, he turned out to be far bigger beta than me. For short period of couple of weeks she was fucking both of us. When I've found out, I walked away and he stayed. He forgave her cheating/lying/disrespect and is now her bf. She's still with him but wants me back. Sends me messages, talks to my friends about her broken heart and blah blah.
I talked to her one evening and all was fine. A week later she tries to shit test me again. Nothing changed, she still sees me as beta and tries to test me as soon as she can. After 1st shit test, I immediately walked away again.
There's no point in getting back with your ex. Not even staying friends as she will sabotage your future relationships.
​
Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
KeffirLime 5y ago
Let it be a reminder, a woman will never love you in proportion to your efforts.
yomo86 5y ago
Women are like diesel engines just get it running and then stop investing. The engine will run without any interference necessary on your part as long as there is fuel.
xreichardx 5y ago
That should be a corollary in The Book of Pook.
SpectacularFox 5y ago
Yep. Sad but true. They don't appreciate that stuff.
fanfanye 5y ago
The only woman capable of loving you as much as you love her is your mother..
And sadly for some guys even that isn't possible
TheStoicCrane 5y ago
Straight sidebar material. Women in Love and Men in Love. Men are romanticists while women are opportunists despite society and women wanting men to believe otherwise.
kez88 5y ago
You could argue it's almost inversely proportional to your efforts.
Fulp_Piction 5y ago
After they're on the hook, yes
zyqkvx 5y ago
I'd say it's how much effort you put in yourself minus how much effort you put in to her without the effort being put in to her being 0.
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TheScarletScholar 5y ago
I'd say it's more similar to work smart not hard
nebder 5y ago
comment of the week material
ScratchinCommander 5y ago
Men are idealistic lovers and women are opportunistic lovers. Read this in a Rolo book.
yomo86 5y ago
I argue that this is not always true. Both sexes are opportunistic, males will drop a 3 when a 9 shows serious interest using the exact same bullshit explanaition like women.
But most men are more prone to rationalize any shortcoming into 'love' due to the burden of performance instead of fixing their problems. Women will 'love' the abusive Chad or Tyrone like an incel worships his 6/10.
dudebrolmao3000 5y ago
So women are simple-minded materialistic parasites? Say it isnt so...
DVidojkovic 5y ago
Don't be blinded by the fact that women are materialistic and will use you whenever they can. Scum men can carry similar characteristics.
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Schwaggaccino 5y ago
There's an old Russian proverb my dad taught me loosely translated to "the less you love them, the more they love you back." My dad taught me this back in the 90s when we moved to America, way before TRP and way before this fourth wave feminism bullshit. Obviously my mom got pissed off when she heard him say it but it's hella true.
I went through the same bullshit with my ex girlfriend. We stopped talking last year after a 5 year relationship. I invested so much time, effort, and money into that relationship to make her happy any way possible. Met her family, helped her junkie brother out, etc, but she just moved on like it was nothing. I thought I was different because I was top 5% (tall, handsome, fit, great family, good income, etc) but it really didn't matter. Anyways few months later I find a new chick. She's much more submissive and easy going. As soon as the new bae started posting pictures of us on facebook, GUESS WHO TEXTS ME OUT OF THE BLUE. Yep. I've ignored most of her messages, a few "i'm well" and "k" texts but this just made her step her frequency up. Texting more and sending pictures to my phone, facetime calls, messaging me on facebook, etc.
I wanted more than anything to see that relationship work but fuck that. She can throw a million dollars on my lap and I'll turn it down. Don't sell yourself short brothers. Know your worth.
Memeandmesomemore 5y ago
We have a saying in the UK - "treat em mean, keep em keen".
Same principle and true.
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lonelystar82 5y ago
Congratulations on getting unplugged!
zyqkvx 5y ago
She's a huge pregnancy risk at this juncture. If you are tempted, start writing down all of the things she used to do that you hated in notes on your phone and look at them as needed. If she's coming back in that fashion she's looking out for only one person, #1 (herself). She's going to give you the honeymoon treatment just long enough to rope you in.
richpianoo 5y ago
Only reason she is messaging OP is because she went fucking around couldnt land anyone that would commit to her and realized OP was her best bet her beta in shinning armour stay away bro
throwawayhgsdoifu 5y ago
I went through something like this a couple of years ago. Ran into an ex from an old LTR -- she was in her own LTR, but she was giving crazy IOIs. I fucked her as soon as I could, with no resistance other than the typical guarantee from me that I would not slut-shame her. They broke up a month later.
Anyways, we were boning for like 4 months, and she started to get the idea that this was a relationship, and I was starting to get the idea that I wanted a relationship, but thankfully I rediscovered TRP. After learning more and more about this girl, and discovering more of what I actually valued and desired in myself and in a female, I decided to act irrationally, overly emotionally, and extra needy. If I had been more alpha or masculine I would have just ended things then and there, and cut ties. Oddly enough, I had enough self-awareness to realize that I wanted to rid myself of her, but ironically I decided to do it in a really manipulative way. Also, her sex-drive was legitimately insatiable, and I think I ran out of nut-juice which made me start thinking in all kinds of a fucked up manner. Sooo when I was feeling irrational, emotional, or needy I just blew up those feelings x10.
Sorry for the wall of text, I think I had to get this out more than anyone really needs to read it. Maybe there's a lesson in here? If you want to rid yourself of a semen demon that you've become attracted to and then perversely disgusted and intrigued by, you should consider acting like a needy cunt. She will do anything to get away from you ????
TheStoicCrane 5y ago
I'd be nice i OP reveals what her general age range is because she sound post-wall desperate tbh.
antariusz 5y ago
This reads to me like the most likely scenario.
She’s coming back to him only after several months (aka several failed pump and dumps) and she’s directly appealing to his beta tendencies.
OP stay away, she wants a simple loyal beta schlub emotional tampon.
BewareTheOldMan 5y ago
"...she went fucking around couldn't land anyone that would commit..."
"She’s coming back to him only after several months (aka several failed pump and dumps)"
This is the scenario. It didn't work out with Chad and she wants her Beta-Boy back in her life and under control. If he's smart and has any dignity, he'll avoid her like radioactive plutonium.
He's messing up just by taking her calls and reviewing her texts.
At least he's acknowledged that he can't go back to his formerly designated role...
u/richpianoo
leolanik14 5y ago
Rollo Tomassi iron rules. Read it again and again.
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freew33zy 5y ago
Good job not getting back with her. Definitely do what you're doing and don't plate her like some have suggested.
goblinboglin 5y ago
I hope you don't fall for the trap. You got lucky and got out of it.
Women will never love us like a man wants to love, we are romantics in our hearts, but the reality doesn't allow for it.
MattyAnon Admin 5y ago
Epiphany phase
tempolaca 5y ago
They always come back. 7 years of beta has nothing to do with it.
Me and my ex-gf were together for 2 years. I was already on TRP so I applied and over-applied (I was new) every trick. Dread, showed with other girls, aloofness, etc. At first she adored the dirt I stepped on. But over-applying of dread and a new chad (that turned out to be a super-beta) caused our separation. She was hitting the wall and wanted a "serious relationship" (beta). I was the bastard that fucked her in the ass and leaved in a motorcycle. She didn't wanted that. But she loved that. She actually adored me up until the day she left. Lightswitch effect, it's brutal.
I maintained no-contact for 6 months and she suddenly unblock me and start sending sexy pictures.
BTW I fucked up showing to her birthday unanounced (Yeh I 'm that stupid, don't do that) she freaked out and blocked me again, lol. Way to fuck it up.
The thing is, our relationship was totally the opposite of yours, 7 years of beta vs 2 years of too-alpha. Her behavior was similar. In fact, she was still resented me because I was a "bastard" that "treated her like shit" but she sent the pictures anyway.
SpectacularFox 5y ago
Just forget about her. She didn't respect you the first time. There are far better women out there that would.
kril89 5y ago
Don't need to know much but this woman is hitting the wall and wants to settle down. She's prob. looking to have your babies i'd just next her and block her because she is just bad news.
DavidEagle68 5y ago
Marriage, babies, buying a house, knowing my parents, you name it and she wants it.
BloodEagle56 5y ago
My ex of 9 years recently tried to reopen contact with me, it was my birthday so obviously this was her excuse. She wished me a happy birthday and then suggested we have a catch up to which i said why? She then said she forgot even sending me that message but a catch up would be nice if i wanted to. Sorry honey, im not playing your games anymore
vullnet123 5y ago
My ex broke up with me almost two weeks ago, and I'm still struggling and unfortunately would take her back at my current state. But, I'm hoping that if she does eventually try reaching out to me, I'm in a much better place where I can tell her to fuck off.
I found TRP a few days after the breakup, and it really opened my mind up.
p3n1x 5y ago
It takes 7-14 days for the "love" chemicals to filter from our brains. You don't love her, you love what she offered. A new girl will give you the same things with less effort and less pain.
knuglets 5y ago
Shit, I would cuff trigglypuff for a mil
letsbiohackslaves 5y ago
Depends, what do you expect from her? Sometimes TRP can be too hardcore and the advice here 90% of the time is “hard next”, but if you think shes marriage worthy then yeah, slowly test the waters and see for yourself. Dont care about who you are to her, but what she is to you. But be careful about becoming overcommitted again. If you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss will stare onto you.
furcryingoutloud 5y ago
Plate her. This will give you a chilling view into who you've turned into. I say the word chilling because it will show you how much you've changed. And who you were will really chill you to the bone.
I would plate her.
Brandono99 5y ago
This would probably backfire chief,wouldn't recommend doing this unless you're approaching nirvana levels of self-awareness
KeffirLime 5y ago
He's not in a position to plate her after a beta 7yr LTR. It's time for OP to build from a clean slate.
furcryingoutloud 5y ago
This may be true, and probably is true. Me, I would plate her, but then again, I would not have been in that kind of a relationship. If I had, I would want that kind of payback. And the opportunity to prove to myself that I've gotten past it.
She's done no harm to him. I'd still take filthy pleasure in making her eat off the floor.
But that's just me, man. I've been plating exes most of my life, unless they have really done malicious damage.
319Skew 5y ago
Disagree. Don't plate an ex. There are times where I want to see if I can plate my ex of 11 years. We have a kid together and she's the best lay I've ever had. Hot even though she's just past the wall (kinda looks like Alicia Keys). I can't ghost or delete her from my life because of our child so she's stuck and each time I see her dressed up, I have moments where I want to lift her and ravage her and on ONE instance almost had given in and did just that.
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But what would that get me? After the sex, she's still the same person that took me through hell and tried to destroy me.
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Sure I can plate her but at that point, I'd be just stuck in the past and worse there's always a chance that she can guilt me into old beta behaviors.
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Once awake, as hard as it is, you got to move forward.
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Hate this lesson because it still such stark contrast to what I was conditioned but I'm learning that this chapter is over. My turn is over and someone else is going to ride that ride.
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OP just move forward and don't look back
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furcryingoutloud 5y ago
I specifically mentioned that an ex who made any attempt to destroy you is most definitely not plate material. It doesn't seem like this OP has had his ex make any attempts at destroying, hurting OP.
I am also not encouraging OP to plate this woman. I am simply stating what can be done if you have the proper frame and the willingness to exact revenge if that is your style.
All I am really saying is that many men dream of this happening, I would not be one to just skip this opportunity to recreate a failed relationship into something I can live with.
MOSFETBJT 5y ago
Bad idea. He should go NC and move on.
Too much drama.
furcryingoutloud 5y ago
Yeah, it may be too much for OP to handle now. He was very emotionally invested.
no_face 5y ago
I dunno, its too risky, guy may revert to full beta. That was a terrible time of his life. Just move the fuck on.
Always find new people, dont dig thru trash (ie what you have discarded)
ANGRY_ATHEIST 5y ago
In my experience this only works if you actually plate her. In other words, you need to be talking to and seeing other women. Don't rub it in her face, but she needs to know about it.
The sex an ex will give you in this situation is unbelievable.
p3n1x 5y ago
This is experienced level though. Not a good idea for OP
richpianoo 5y ago
Nice plate her falls pregnant accidently and congrats your stuck for 18 years and how she used to be will come right out again. The only reason she is messaging OP is because she went fucking around couldnt land anyone that would commit to her and realized OP was her beat bet. OP STAY AWAY DO NOT TOUCH THIS WOMAN
furcryingoutloud 5y ago
It's very likely true that she is looking for OP for those very reasons. And everyone advising OP to stay away is probably right.
Me, I'd plate her. No mercy. Just sex.
MrCongeniality1 5y ago
An "unplanned" pregnancy is a very real possibility. Be really smart about this if you mess around.
bakamoney 5y ago
Every girl could do that tbh
themaindish444 5y ago
optimal move would be plate, make sure she notices abundance, and if you really see something worth keeping around hope this experience leads to a LTR where the terms are entirely different than all the shit you put up with previously.
But I doubt it. Most likely you just plate her for a bit and then she gets upset for irrational reasons and then it's over for good. But hey, probably dodging a bullet there.
furcryingoutloud 5y ago
It takes lots, and I do mean lots of frame to plate an ex. And I totally agree this will never turn out well. But for one with a strong frame, it's child's play.
look_good 5y ago
nothing ab what she is doing is humane